HaeHyuk [Suju] - We are tangled veins and broken promises
this started out as HaeHyuk angst, AND IDEK WHAT IT HAS TURNED OUT TO BE.
ohmygod, my brain is so annoying.
Title: We are tangled veins and broken promises.
Genre: angst?
Pairing: broken!HaeHyuk. HyukMin.
Summary: Hyukjae decides to let go, but Donghae can't.
Warning: FAIL ANGST OHMYGOD. THIS IS SO MUCH FAIL IDEK ;___; i just needed to write these two before my brain exploded.
Hyukjae’s pushing air out of his lungs and sleeping side-turned with his eyes open. Hyukjae’s pulling open raw stitches and trying to seal the wound back together with saliva and salt. Hyukjae’s tucking his tongue between his teeth and biting so hard, he bleeds nerves and anguish and betrayal.
Hyukjae feels like he’s slowly climbing out of his mind.
--
Donghae’s pressing his lips to age-stained photographs and sharp-edged memories. When he draws away, his lips are cut and his throat is screaming silently. Donghae’s tracing music like smoke on the streets and soaring so high, he forgets to breathe sometimes. Donghae’s losing himself in the stark and rigid azure of the sky and feels himself choking on his twisted spine.
When Donghae feels like the sky’s only making him feel more trapped, he turns to Hyukjae, but Hyukjae’s not there anymore.
--
Hyukjae feels the insensitivity drip from his fingers, feels Donghae’s eyes on his back every time he walks into the room and watches his hands pull out chunks of Donghae’s heart as he leaves.
They watch as disappointment and fatigue roll off their bodies. What’s happened to us, one of them thinks languidly. Why am I doing this to him, the other muses.
--
Hankyung’s angry. Lawsuits and court cases fly all over their world like predatory crows and he watches Super Junior M come apart before his eyes.
Youngwoon’s repentant, completely out of character. There are days he doesn’t come out of his room and Ryeowook knocks lightly on his door, enters and silently places a plate of food on his bedside table. Before he leaves, he sneaks a look at Youngwoon and feels the tears crawling down his skin. He can’t bear seeing him like this.
Kibum and Heechul are busybusybusynotimetospendwithyou,darling.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Jongwoon is never around and is trying to get away, get away, get away. That doesn’t mean they don’t watch Jungsu hold his head in his hands and whisper “Would someone please stop this madness? I’m tired. I’m just so tired.”
That doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Hyukjae slumps against the sofa and holds his head. That doesn’t mean they don’t see the way Donghae shoots quick glances at Hyukjae’s general direction. That doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Sungmin’s mouth opens to say something, but he snaps it shut whenever expectant eyes land on him.
--
“Hey.”
It’s 2:47 am, no time to be exchanging greetings. (But do they ever have time anyway?)
Hyukjae looks up at the man at the foot of his bed. Donghae looks exactly the same as he did before he left for China. (Beautifulbeautifulbeautiful)
“Hi,” Hyukjae manages to croak out.
“Will you talk to me?”
Hyukjae thinks about that for a minute, closing his eyes. “Not today, Donghae, I can’t, it’s late-”
“Will you ever talk to me?”
Hyukjae stares at him, feeling his throat close up already.
“It’s been three months, Hyukjae,” Donghae says, his eyes unreadable. “Three months since I’ve returned from China and we haven’t talked properly.”
Hyukjae swallows the lump in his throat (the guilt) and motions for Donghae to lie down beside him. He’s sick. Not physically (like Shindong in the next room), but sick in the head. Like Jungsu.
Donghae slides in beside Hyukjae and the red-haired boy feels Donghae press his cold, gooseflesh arm against his body. When they’re facing each other, Hyukjae sneaks a hand up to Donghae’s face and pushes the tips of his fingers against Donghae’s cold cheek.
“Tell me what you need,” Donghae whispers, his eyes searching Hyukjae’s.
Hyukjae feels the insanity claw at his mind. His throat closes up again.
“We both know what’s happened. We both know we’ve drifted. It’s unlike us, but it’s happened, and I can’t think of any way to fix this, so it’s going to happen like this-”
Donghae brings a hand up to hold Hyukjae’s.
“-you’re going to tell me what’s wrong. You probably feel like I won’t be able to handle it, but I will try, I promise you.”
Donghae’s always been able to look right through Hyukjae. He pulls his hand away and presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes.
“We knew how to love, Hyukjae,” he says softly. “Hell, we were terrible at it, but at least there weren’t any gunshot wounds on our chests and we didn’t have to paint over our skin to hide from ourselves when we looked in the mirror.”
Donghae opens his eyes and looks at Hyukjae, right into his soul. Hyukjae’s lips are pressed into a line and his eyes wet.
“We didn’t have to string our lips up into a smile every single fucking day just to pretend that we were happy. It feels like drowning. Everyday just feels like we’re drowning.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Donghae.”
--
A year later, and Donghae pieces his heart back together. It’s difficult, and it’s gruesome, but he clicks the bloody chunks back together and tries to ignore the little bits that are missing from the whole.
Donghae watches as Super Junior grows into so much more than they could have ever dreamed.
One day, he watches as one by one, all of them recover, and thinks back to the days when all of them used to dream about swimming across the constellations.
One day, he watches Sungmin hold Hyukjae’s hand backstage, and feels the stitches in his heart come apart a little.
Dear Heart,
Be strong.
For when time erodes our memories, we’ll be beautiful.
The kerosene clouds will disappear and the fire in us will die, but we’ll be beautiful.
When we look at our reflections in the sky and find that everyone but us has changed, we’ll be beautiful.
You’ll fight and you’ll scream and you’ll beat so hard against my chest, that my ribs will snap, but I won’t let you fly.
Because it’s time to let go of him, dear Heart.
It’s time to let go.
Love,
Lee Donghae.
----------------------
/FIN.
A/N: if you sat through all that, hats off to you, man :|
i miss these guys. so much. <3
ohmygod, my brain is so annoying.
Title: We are tangled veins and broken promises.
Genre: angst?
Pairing: broken!HaeHyuk. HyukMin.
Summary: Hyukjae decides to let go, but Donghae can't.
Warning: FAIL ANGST OHMYGOD. THIS IS SO MUCH FAIL IDEK ;___; i just needed to write these two before my brain exploded.
Hyukjae’s pushing air out of his lungs and sleeping side-turned with his eyes open. Hyukjae’s pulling open raw stitches and trying to seal the wound back together with saliva and salt. Hyukjae’s tucking his tongue between his teeth and biting so hard, he bleeds nerves and anguish and betrayal.
Hyukjae feels like he’s slowly climbing out of his mind.
--
Donghae’s pressing his lips to age-stained photographs and sharp-edged memories. When he draws away, his lips are cut and his throat is screaming silently. Donghae’s tracing music like smoke on the streets and soaring so high, he forgets to breathe sometimes. Donghae’s losing himself in the stark and rigid azure of the sky and feels himself choking on his twisted spine.
When Donghae feels like the sky’s only making him feel more trapped, he turns to Hyukjae, but Hyukjae’s not there anymore.
--
Hyukjae feels the insensitivity drip from his fingers, feels Donghae’s eyes on his back every time he walks into the room and watches his hands pull out chunks of Donghae’s heart as he leaves.
They watch as disappointment and fatigue roll off their bodies. What’s happened to us, one of them thinks languidly. Why am I doing this to him, the other muses.
--
Hankyung’s angry. Lawsuits and court cases fly all over their world like predatory crows and he watches Super Junior M come apart before his eyes.
Youngwoon’s repentant, completely out of character. There are days he doesn’t come out of his room and Ryeowook knocks lightly on his door, enters and silently places a plate of food on his bedside table. Before he leaves, he sneaks a look at Youngwoon and feels the tears crawling down his skin. He can’t bear seeing him like this.
Kibum and Heechul are busybusybusynotimetospendwithyou,darling.
But that doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Jongwoon is never around and is trying to get away, get away, get away. That doesn’t mean they don’t watch Jungsu hold his head in his hands and whisper “Would someone please stop this madness? I’m tired. I’m just so tired.”
That doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Hyukjae slumps against the sofa and holds his head. That doesn’t mean they don’t see the way Donghae shoots quick glances at Hyukjae’s general direction. That doesn’t mean they don’t notice the way Sungmin’s mouth opens to say something, but he snaps it shut whenever expectant eyes land on him.
--
“Hey.”
It’s 2:47 am, no time to be exchanging greetings. (But do they ever have time anyway?)
Hyukjae looks up at the man at the foot of his bed. Donghae looks exactly the same as he did before he left for China. (Beautifulbeautifulbeautiful)
“Hi,” Hyukjae manages to croak out.
“Will you talk to me?”
Hyukjae thinks about that for a minute, closing his eyes. “Not today, Donghae, I can’t, it’s late-”
“Will you ever talk to me?”
Hyukjae stares at him, feeling his throat close up already.
“It’s been three months, Hyukjae,” Donghae says, his eyes unreadable. “Three months since I’ve returned from China and we haven’t talked properly.”
Hyukjae swallows the lump in his throat (the guilt) and motions for Donghae to lie down beside him. He’s sick. Not physically (like Shindong in the next room), but sick in the head. Like Jungsu.
Donghae slides in beside Hyukjae and the red-haired boy feels Donghae press his cold, gooseflesh arm against his body. When they’re facing each other, Hyukjae sneaks a hand up to Donghae’s face and pushes the tips of his fingers against Donghae’s cold cheek.
“Tell me what you need,” Donghae whispers, his eyes searching Hyukjae’s.
Hyukjae feels the insanity claw at his mind. His throat closes up again.
“We both know what’s happened. We both know we’ve drifted. It’s unlike us, but it’s happened, and I can’t think of any way to fix this, so it’s going to happen like this-”
Donghae brings a hand up to hold Hyukjae’s.
“-you’re going to tell me what’s wrong. You probably feel like I won’t be able to handle it, but I will try, I promise you.”
Donghae’s always been able to look right through Hyukjae. He pulls his hand away and presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes.
“We knew how to love, Hyukjae,” he says softly. “Hell, we were terrible at it, but at least there weren’t any gunshot wounds on our chests and we didn’t have to paint over our skin to hide from ourselves when we looked in the mirror.”
Donghae opens his eyes and looks at Hyukjae, right into his soul. Hyukjae’s lips are pressed into a line and his eyes wet.
“We didn’t have to string our lips up into a smile every single fucking day just to pretend that we were happy. It feels like drowning. Everyday just feels like we’re drowning.”
“I can’t do this anymore, Donghae.”
--
A year later, and Donghae pieces his heart back together. It’s difficult, and it’s gruesome, but he clicks the bloody chunks back together and tries to ignore the little bits that are missing from the whole.
Donghae watches as Super Junior grows into so much more than they could have ever dreamed.
One day, he watches as one by one, all of them recover, and thinks back to the days when all of them used to dream about swimming across the constellations.
One day, he watches Sungmin hold Hyukjae’s hand backstage, and feels the stitches in his heart come apart a little.
Dear Heart,
Be strong.
For when time erodes our memories, we’ll be beautiful.
The kerosene clouds will disappear and the fire in us will die, but we’ll be beautiful.
When we look at our reflections in the sky and find that everyone but us has changed, we’ll be beautiful.
You’ll fight and you’ll scream and you’ll beat so hard against my chest, that my ribs will snap, but I won’t let you fly.
Because it’s time to let go of him, dear Heart.
It’s time to let go.
Love,
Lee Donghae.
----------------------
/FIN.
A/N: if you sat through all that, hats off to you, man :|
i miss these guys. so much. <3