Turns out they were all just doubles.

[spiral_eyz]

So, this is what happened today:

I am asked a question at an inconvienent point in my day when I am extremely busy and I am preoccupied but I MUST make time for them, even when i really cannot or really don't want to speak with them right at this moment. I try to say I am busy, they demand the answer, I say I am not clearheaded right now, they say I

Comments

[mizaria]

You know, I actually DID witness this during my stay- it was one of the-hmm, what's the word- things I didn't like about your folks? Yikes, that's harsh

[spiral_eyz]

Thank you Cassandra, don't worry, I will not snap, and I do not ever intend to. Like I said, Life isn't all THAT hard for me. It was just an epiphany post as to WHY I act possibly the repetitive way I do with people in my family at times, and why I can be defensive and socially oblivious with outsiders at times. I intend to eventually seek a counselor's help someday, and see to that I can better learn to vent my personal frustrations to her so I don't vent them on others, and learn better communication through that. That way I can still be blunt and honest to others, but I don't get my emotions worked up into the matter and I can be a hopefully better listener as well, and also learn to not to try to defend myself so much even if I know Im right. Counseling would probably help me feel more relaxed about other silly bullshit and more comfortable with reaching out to new people as well

[spiral_eyz]

Haha, you're not being harsh. I just am sorry if my folks made you feel uncomfortable. I am utterly surprised as well too they didn't ask. Mom I expected to ask it, only in a neutral or curious light tone, as she acts positive around my guests , either sincerely or falsely even if she says she hates their guts behind my back. She wants desperately to be a good hostess more than anything. Dad I think just doesn't care one way or the other, so long as he knows what the hell is going on, which he didn't at the time, thanks to not listening to me (see above) and Eileen's usual accidentally twisting the facts. Eileen I think was too preoccupied with her/dad's trip to Florida, and according to dad the reason she had been past interogatting me and flipping the mighty fuck out about you was b/c all the times I bothered to encounter her in conversation the first place, apparantly she was DRUNK out of her skull. (Not that that excuses it, or that I would know the difference...) So perhaps she was too sheepish in light of that? I'll never know.

Another last thing-

[spiral_eyz]

-the reason for this post's initial emotional outburst and the title's significance was due to witnessing my dad casually throwing out a huge number of enormous very old photo albums into the driveway. I noticed a few landscape photos on the driveway pavement and figured he must be throwing out all the extraneous pictures he doesn't need but maybe there's some good reference image shots in there. I sifted through the garbage when i saw the wedding album with him and mom, and that hurt me, but I understood that completely, so i secretely took it just for future generation's sake alone. After I smuggled that away though, I noticed all the other albums still had loads of pictures in them: namely solely pictures of ME. As a baby, as an adolescent growing up with him and mom back in Coney Island, as a teenager, just nothing but albums with all the other images taken out of them except me. This terrified and angered me to no end, but i withheld saying anything about it for a long time. There was a very raw post on here about my reaction to