I hate to say it, but I think your partner really took advantage of you and your inexperience. I'm no expert about the scene and poly relationships, but from what I know, they should be based on mutual respect and communication. He seemed to have offered none of that.
But it'd be a huge shame if you let him ruin your enjoyment of sex forever. One thing I struggled with when I was younger is the distinction between being desired and being loved. I hope you'll find another partner who really appreciate you for you. ::hug::
Earlier I wanted to post something but struggled with what to say. Angel's said it perfectly, and I really can't think of much to add.
However, I did want to say that this entry makes it seem that things with your partner were not always as consensual as you would have liked them to be. And if that's the case, that could be why your feelings toward sex as a whole have changed.
Also, I just wanted to add that you know I'm around if you ever need someone to chat with about shit. I'm not knowledgeable about kink, but I'd be happy to listen.
Love, I really don't think any of that stuff is something you should blame yourself for. Even if you "didn't care whether he respected [your] virginity," didn't he owe it to you as your dom and also as a human being to make sure things were consensual all the way through? You were restrained. You had made him aware you were a virgin. Apparently no consent to have sex was given beforehand. To ignore all of that was horrible of him.
But maybe my own lack of knowledge about the kink scene is blinding me. I would hate to be judge-y about something I know so little about.
It really makes me sad to see all of this go sour for you, because sex shouldn't be like how you experienced it. However, you really seem like such a strong and thoughtful person, I really hope all of these bad feelings pass and that you are able to move on and do more experimenting when you're ready. <3
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But it'd be a huge shame if you let him ruin your enjoyment of sex forever. One thing I struggled with when I was younger is the distinction between being desired and being loved. I hope you'll find another partner who really appreciate you for you. ::hug::
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However, I did want to say that this entry makes it seem that things with your partner were not always as consensual as you would have liked them to be. And if that's the case, that could be why your feelings toward sex as a whole have changed.
Also, I just wanted to add that you know I'm around if you ever need someone to chat with about shit. I'm not knowledgeable about kink, but I'd be happy to listen.
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But maybe my own lack of knowledge about the kink scene is blinding me. I would hate to be judge-y about something I know so little about.
It really makes me sad to see all of this go sour for you, because sex shouldn't be like how you experienced it. However, you really seem like such a strong and thoughtful person, I really hope all of these bad feelings pass and that you are able to move on and do more experimenting when you're ready. <3
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You're right. I feel like i gave consent, but he didn't look to get enthusiastic consent.
Thanks again. I really just made this post to be therapeutic, so I hope it does help me get past the bad feelings.
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