It's Bianney Again
The other day, Bianney was talking to me about how I should try to become more social again and make more friends.
She's pretty much referring to my sixth grade year, because in that year, I decided that I was going to find out what it was like to be popular and well, I did it. I became popular. I was friends with the popular girls, many people throughout the school knew me, even some who didn't know me personally, my Facebook statuses got quite a bit of notes, a lot of boys had feelings for me. Sure, I wasn't as popular as some of the other girls, but still.
It was fine at first, but then I began to grow tired of it. Having a lot of boys have feelings for you meant constantly having to deal with their shit. And sometimes, you would attract the wrong type of boys. The ones who are basically stalkers that try to manipulate you into accepting their obsession "love" by telling you that you're the only thing keeping them alive/sane/whatever, and I just had no pity for them. I never cared for their sob stories and just found myself getting annoyed. Actually, I was like that with all of my friends at the time. The popular girl especially would sometimes come to me with drama and whatnot, and I just did not care. So, I got tired of being popular and decided to tone myself down by the seventh grade. I lost all my "friends", the boys who crushed on me (well, not all of them), and just sort of became the quiet loser. And I was totally fine with this. I just surrounded myself with a few friends, and was content.
Anyway, Bianney wants me to do that again. She wants me to have a big group of friends (mostly girls), and get a boyfriend.
But I really don't want that. I don't want to date. At least, not for the typical reason. I don't form romantic attractions, no matter how close I am to someone. And she said that was okay "for now" since I'm young, but when I get older, it'll just make me look weird. I guess she doesn't believe in asexuality. Then again, she that doesn't surprise me. She also doesn't believe in introversion, as she just says that me being distant makes me look like a freak, even though my psychologist clearly told her that I have no desire to communicate. I also just don't want to make anymore friends. I'm fine with the ones I have now, but I really am trying to not make anymore.
I don't know what to say to her anymore. I've tried, my psychologist has tried, but she clearly does not care for what anyone has to say.
I know, I talk about this a lot. Too much, in fact. It's just...ugh. I try my best not to let her get to me. And most of the time, I succeed, but sometimes, she still manages to frustrate me. And she's done so much, I guess I just have a lot on my mind about her. I have Jarod and Boo Boo to go to when I want to vent, but I guess I also like letting it out on here, even though I feel like no one is really reading these or caring anymore. Probably getting tired of me bitching about Bianney.
...Speaking of which, even though I like using this to vent, I might just end up deleting this account. I feel like I'm just talking to myself at this point, and that I've lost connection with you guys. Oh well. I guess I am somewhat to blame, since I took long ass breaks from both Tumblr and here, and kind of lied about who I was. I'm still debating, but this account, as well as my Tumblr, might not be up much longer.
It was fun while it lasted.