Sad
I really have not been okay lately.
It's hard to explain everything and I don't have the energy to do it, but to put it bluntly, I have depression. I haven't felt this miserable, this worthless, this hopeless, since middle school. And I hate it, because I thought I beat depression once. But here it is again. I feel weak.
I haven't been having good thoughts lately. Most of what goes through my head now are how much of a horrible failure I am and how I want to die. I really did try to be optimistic, but I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm so tired.
I've been speaking to people about this. I first went to a teacher, and then he had me speak to a school councillor. They managed to get Bianney to schedule an appointment with my psychologist, which I went to today. We're going to talk about trying to help me.
I just feel so awful. I no longer have the motivation or energy to do anything. Even getting out of bed can be difficult. I find I've been sleeping a lot more than usual lately. And I've taken up a bad habit lately...
I'm on my phone right now, so I don't know if that picture came up, but if it didn't, it's the scars on my wrist right now. They're a couple days old.
I haven't cut myself since early ninth grade. I feel horrible for getting back into the habit, but I just feel so hopeless and don't know what else to do.
I'll try my best to heal. I recognized that I needed help and I sought after it. Me and my psychologist are gonna try to meet more so we can work on it.
I just want to be content with life. I'm sick of being miserable. I have been since elementary school. I want to believe things will get better, but I also have those times where I just feel like giving up on life. I'll try my best to get better though, especially now that I have more support.