Lavanya [2/3]
A light breeze comes through the window, gently ruffling the curtains covering it. A flicker of sunlight slips into the room, dancing across the walls in nonsensical patterns before the four walls are swallowed once again by the shadows.
Chanyeol brings food and water in during what Baekhyun assumes are meal times, but otherwise he respects the older’s wishes for solitude and doesn’t disturb him. Through the door most of the day, Baekhyun can hear the television playing cartoons, but he doesn’t know if Chanyeol is actually watching them or not.
The real Chanyeol used to like kid shows though, so Baekhyun supposed it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch for this one to like them either.
He doesn’t leave the bed except when he needs to go to the bathroom. He remains wrapped up, the covers pulled over his face, leaving only a small tuft of his brown hair visible for when the other occupant of the house stops in on rare occasions. The air is suffocating under the comforter, but Baekhyun doesn’t surface for fresh air. He doesn’t surface for anything.
Time isn’t a constraint in his life anymore. Baekhyun doesn’t know if it’s been a few hours or days he spent curled up on the mattress. He couldn’t care less, really. His entire world crashed down on him. Or, perhaps, that isn’t it: Baekhyun’s world has been replaced.
Everything.
Replaced.
Baekhyun doesn’t know this home. Not the clothes he is wearing. Not the man sitting in the room beyond the door. Even his own body is foreign.
A dense fog surrounds him, blocking his thoughts and making his senses useless. The haze doesn’t end, and it pulls him deeper and deeper; a black hole, dragging him into darkness. Baekhyun is not one to fall into these traps, the dark places that scratch and claw at someone’s insides, their mind and body. Baekhyun was the loud and fun member, he was the one that kept people from falling into this darkness. On occasion, when the stress became too much and the anxiety from living a life broadcasted to the entire world begins to take over, one of the other members would always be there to support him, but it was never this bad.
And, now, he has no one here when he needs them.
“H-Hyung?”
Chanyeol is probably standing at the door - it’s more than likely been pushed just slightly open enough for the tall man to peek inside, he never has the courage to actually enter the room anytime he wanders around to check on the bed ridden male. Baekhyun doesn’t bother to lift the blankets to check if his suspicions are correct.
“Bae- Hyung, it’s been a while... since you’ve eaten,” Chanyeol says, his voice low and clearly nervous. Baekhyun lays perfectly still, wanting the other to leave as quickly as possible. “Do you want to come out and get something?”
It’s a good thirty seconds of no reply before Chanyeol speaks again. “Or maybe, I should bring something in?”
“I’m not hungry,” Baekhyun says, his voice cold, lacking any sort of emotion.
“Oh, okay.” The way Chanyeol breath hitches pulls at Baekhyun’s chest. Right now, when he isn’t looking, when the only thing connecting him to Chanyeol is the other’s voice, he can almost be fooled into believing that this is Chanyeol. And because of that, it hurts to know that Baekhyun’s harsh tone pains the other. But reality hit Baekhyun too hard for him to play into a game of pretend. “I’ll-”
“Just go!” Baekhyun snaps, rolling over until his face is buried into the pillows.
Chanyeol must have quietly obeyed, because it’s only a few moments of stretched silence before the wind gently ruffles the curtains again and Baekhyun understands how “alone” truly feels.
₰₰₰₰
Staring at the ceiling used to bring comfort to Baekhyun. It was a constant in his life; it was what he looked at as he thought, dreamed, and longed for something that would never be his.
It was the object he always forced his gaze on so his gaze wouldn’t flicker towards Chanyeol when sleep almost consumed him.
Society didn’t look fondly on homosexuals and his feelings would never be accepted, no matter how much fans adored the fanservice. It wasn’t natural to look at your best friend and want his tongue down your throat, especially when his entire life is broadcasted to the world. Baekhyun would be eaten alive if he ever acted on those urges inside him.
The walls above him were what kept him grounded at night.
He can’t bear to look outside the blankets shielding him. The foreign walls of this unknown apartment suffocate him almost as much as Chanyeol does. It doesn’t keep him grounded, but rather crushes him with the weight he doesn’t want to accept.
So instead, Baekhyun digs deeper into himself.
₰₰₰₰
Baekhyun isn’t prepared for his sanctuary of blankets to be ripped away, or the sudden light that hits him, making him let out something akin to a squeal, shrinking further into the mattress. However, when he notices the giant standing in front of him, holding the hoard of blankets in his hands, any discomfort Baekhyun is experiencing vanishes, replaced with anger.
“What are you doing?” He seethes, reaching out for the blankets stolen from him. Chanyeol throws the blankets somewhere behind him, effectively removing them from Baekhyun’s reach on the bed. “What the hell?”
Chanyeol stands firm beside the bed, his face blank, but resolve clear in his eyes. Baekhyun sits up on the bed, anger boiling in his veins. Until now, Chanyeol barely made contact with him, scurrying around without any direct contact like Baekhyun was a time fuse ready to explode. “Get the fuck out,” Baekhyun growls, pointing his hand toward the door. Chanyeol shakes his head, stepping forward until his knees brush against the bed. That little movement is too much. They are too close and Baekhyun reacts like a frightened animal about to lash out. “Get out!”
He throws the pillow closest to him at Chanyeol with all his force, feeling satisfaction when it slams into the other’s face.
It vanishes when a large body barrels into him, attempting to pin him to the bed. Baekhyun immediately fights back, kicking and flailing in attempts to keep the other from gaining the upper hand. His body is not as fit as Baekhyun is used to, and it sets off his coordination. It is ultimately his downfall. Chanyeol’s long limbs give him an advantage, ultimately leaving Baekhyun pinned underneath him, his arms and legs useless under Chanyeol’s arms and knees.
“Get off!” Baekhyun shrieks, in a frenzy trying to throw the other’s weight off him without actually making eye contact. “Get off me!”
“Please.”
The crushed noise that comes out of Chanyeol’s throat causes Baekhyun to freeze. Even though he knows he shouldn't, his eyes still lift up, staring into the eyes of a broken man. Baekhyun’s gut clenches tightly, all of his fight leaves his body.
“Please just come out and eat something,” Chanyeol says, biting his bottom lip. Baekhyun’s eyes flash with the movement. They are too close. “Please…”
Baekhyun can smell the aftershave on the other’s face.
“Baekhyun…”
He nods, just wanting to create a distance between him and Chanyeol.
The sudden relief on Chanyeol’s face clenches at something deeper inside him.
₰₰₰₰
“Can you show me where everything goes?”
Chanyeol snaps his head up and is almost on his feet the moment Baekhyun speaks, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Baekhyun would have laughed if these were different circumstances.
“Yeah, of course.”
Chanyeol stumbles toward where Baekhyun is standing in the kitchen and the shorter male shrinks away slightly when Chanyeol gets too close. He seems to take the hint though, because as Chanyeol makes an effort to show where all the dishes are stored he maintains a steady distance from Baekhyun.
“Do you want me to show you the bathroom too?” Chanyeol asks, closing the last of the kitchen cabinets.
Baekhyun suddenly realizes he hasn’t bathed in a couple days, nor brushed his teeth, or shaved if the stubble beginning to form along his jaw is any indication. He would rather not ask for any more help from Chanyeol, trying to keep their contact to a minimum, but Baekhyun realizes that he has no understanding of this apartment and it’ll be faster to just suck it up and spend a few minutes with Chanyeol pointing things out. So Baekhyun nods his head once in agreement.
Chanyeol grins, leading the way across the living room. “This is the only bathroom; the apartment is pretty small if you haven’t noticed already. But it’s cozy and in a pretty good neighborhood. You really liked it when we first ca-” Chanyeol stops talking after the slip, staring wide eyed at Baekhyun like he had committed a murder or worse yet, kicked a puppy and was just now feeling the guilt over it. “I mean,” Chanyeol stumbles, biting his lip, “I really liked it when I first visited. It’s got a nice air to it…”
Baekhyun nods, following the taller into the bathroom and trying his best to not give any direct reaction to this stranger.
“So, um…” Chanyeol opens one of the drawers to the cabinet. “You can use the stuff in here or really you can use anything you like. I don’t mind if you use my stuff either. Just whatever you want feel free to take or whatever. Same goes for the stuff in the shower, I really don’t mind if you use my stuff or anything-”
“Okay,” Baekhyun says, breaking off Chanyeol’s rambling. Chanyeol mouth hangs open and he looks around nervously. Perhaps Baekhyun isn’t the only one uncomfortable with the closeness between them.
“Uh, do you want to use the bathroom now or?” He asks, awkwardly leaning against the wall. Baekhyun nods and Chanyeol scurries to exit the bathroom. He only stops when Baekhyun speaks up again.
“Thanks… Chanyeol.”
“You’re welcome, Baek- Hyung…”
₰₰₰₰
Baekhyun begins to acquaint himself with the apartment he’s been living in the past few days. Like Chanyeol told him before, it’s pretty small with a main entrance area, a connected kitchen and living room and the main bedroom and bathroom. He peaks around through drawers and looks at the artwork and framed pictures around the house of Chanyeol’s family and his own. He does his best to avoid the frames holding any pictures of Chanyeol and himself in it together.
Chanyeol seems both pleased and terrified that Baekhyun has stopped caging himself alone in the bedroom. He continuously switches from being overbearing in trying to meet Baekhyun’s wishes and giving him as much space as possible.
The night before they sat and watched a drama that Baekhyun knew nothing about for a little bit before they parted ways for the night again.
It has only been five days since Baekhyun ended up here, but it feels like an eternity to him. Although he has more freedom and space since he left his seldom bed, he feels more trapped by the tiny apartment each moment he spends in it.
That is why he ends up standing near the kitchen and awkwardly watching as Chanyeol washed dishes.
“I want to go out,” he says eventually, voice tight in his throat.
Chanyeol looks up with his usual wide eyes, letting the plate he is holding slip from between his fingers and splash back into the sink filled with soapy water.
“You do?”
“Yeah…” Baekhyun says slowly. “I haven’t been outside in a few days.” He keeps the and so have you to himself. Chanyeol nods eagerly, stepping away from the sink and shedding the gloves he had been wearing to protect his hands. If this was the Chanyeol he knew, Baekhyun would have made fun of him for acting like a housewife.
“Let me just- clean up real quick and I’ll take you out around the neighborhood,” Chanyeol says, stepping away from the sink after reaching down to pull the plug and drain the water. Baekhyun’s expression hardens momentarily, because he had never said anything about wanting the other to take him out. He almost snaps back at the way Chanyeol just invites himself along, but holds his tongue in the end, because he really doesn’t know what to expect when he goes outside. Everything appears normal in their small apartment and from what Baekhyun can see out the window, but truthfully anything could be different from what he is used to and he is slightly intimidated about what he might run into. So he shuts up and lets Chanyeol do what he pleases.
When they have their shoes on and are ready to leave, Chanyeol opens the front door and Baekhyun eases out into the outside hallway. Chanyeol locks the door behind him and smiles reassuringly once he turns back around. Baekhyun snaps his head away quickly.
They head down the hall, passing a few similar closed doors of the neighbors until they reach the stairwell. Chanyeol goes down first and Baekhyun keeps a few steps behind him just to be safe they don’t accidently touch.
“Ah, hello Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun hears the woman before he sees her. She’s wearing normal clothes by his standards and carrying a bundle of groceries. Chanyeol smiles and bows and Baekhyun awkwardly stumbles to repeat his actions, suddenly concerned about their appearance together. Did others think that this Baekhyun and Chanyeol were roommates just trying to cheapen the cost of rent by living together? He didn’t even know how he was supposed to act around people, let alone just what to say to them to keep what had once been a relationship a secret.
“Hello, ajumma,” Chanyeol says, a small smile adorning his face.
“Chanyeol-ah! How many times have I told you to call me noona? I’m not that old yet!” She playfully responds, turning her head and noticing Baekhyun for the first time. Apprehension takes over, but before he has to worry about speaking to a stranger that knows this body another voice interrupts.
“Oppa!”
Baekhyun feels a slight tug on his pant leg and he looks down to see a little girl, black hair pulled into pigtails and dressed in a flowy blue, spring skirt. He stares blankly at her, unsure of what to say besides oh, you’re so cute.
“Oppa, Oppa remember what you promised me?” No, not at all.
The woman-Baekhyun is certain she is the mother of the little girl tugging on his sleeve-sighs, shuffling her bags slightly. “Minhee-ah, let your Oppa be.” Chanyeol is watching him nervously, switching his gaze between the little girl named Minhee and Baekhyun constantly.
The small girl immediately pouts and finishes off her routine by stomping her foot cutely. “But me and Oppa have busness!”
The woman laughs, but Chanyeol looks more nervous than ever, his mouth opening and closing as if trying to figure out the words to say to get Baekhyun out of this awkward situation.
“Alright sweetie, but come up stairs right after, alright?”
Minhee nods as her mother continues up the steps after a quick goodbye to the two men, before she snaps her attention back up to Baekhyun. “I want your promise now!”
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow and he looks up at Chanyeol. “Promise?”
Chanyeol shakes his head, stepping closer to the pair. “Minhee-ah, your Oppa-”
Minhee doesn’t wait for Chanyeol to finish speaking. “You promised next time I saw you, you would give me a big kiss like the ones you give Chanyeol-Oppa.” Baekhyun gapes, his body freezing up as a sense of dread creeps up his spine.
“M-Minhee-ah,” Chanyeol gasps, capturing her attention from Baekhyun’s shell shocked form. “Minhee, your Oppa is not feeling well, you don’t want to get sick by having him give you a kiss, do you?”
Minhee’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head wildly. “No, I don’t want that!”
“Then go back to your mommy so she doesn’t get worried, neh?”
“Okay!” Minhee drops her hold on Baekhyun’s pant leg, rushing up the stairs the best she can with her little legs. Her chubby hand waves back at the top of the stairs. “Feel better soon, Oppa! And next time I want my kiss!”
Neither of them move once she disappears and Chanyeol fumbles around with his hands, unsure of what to say or do. “H-Hyung let’s-”
“I want to go back to the apartment,” Baekhyun says.
“Wha, but we just-”
“I don’t care, I’m going back.” Baekhyun turns around and heads back up the stairs, feeling nauseous and sick to his stomach. He doesn’t want to look at Chanyeol right now, doesn’t want to be outside or anywhere, because those two had let a little girl find out about their relationship.
“Okay, okay. Hold on, I have to unlock the door,” Chanyeol shouts, running after him and opening the door to the apartment for Baekhyun. Baekhyun practically runs in, anger beginning to replace his earlier shock.
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol whispers as Baekhyun toes off his shoes.
Baekhyun snaps up straight, surprising Chanyeol who stumbles backwards. “No, you aren’t,” he snaps, the bite and raw anger clearly distinctive in his tone.
Chanyeol looks confused, shocked.
“You're not sorry at all.”
₰₰₰₰
They return to staying in separate rooms and, although Baekhyun stopped hoping that when he wakes up this will all some fucked up dream, he doesn’t openly accept what was thrust upon him either.
Baekhyun refuses to stay cooped up in the bedroom again though and it leads to some messed up game of cat and mouse where whenever Baekhyun enters a room, Chanyeol scurries out of it like a terrified rodent. It doesn’t bother him because Baekhyun welcomes the distance between them.
He can’t help but notice how some picture frames have been overturned around the apartment and Baekhyun curiously notes that they are all of the ones where Baekhyun and Chanyeol posed in them together. Either Chanyeol is doing it for his sake, knowing how uncomfortable he is with the past relationship between the two or Chanyeol just can’t bear to look at the past and a man who is no longer with him.
Something unsettles in the pit of Baekhyun’s stomach, and makes him tense and angry at random times. He doesn’t want to place effort in trying to fix whatever this relationship was with the man he shares this apartment.
Baekhyun should have realized that Chanyeol would not be the same.
When he hears the front door opening, he is surprised. He didn’t even realize Chanyeol left the apartment in the first place. Baekhyun gets up from the couch, not wanting to have to greet Chanyeol when he makes his way into the living room.
“W-Wait!”
Baekhyun stops. Chanyeol sounds strangely happy and it sparks something down his spine. There is a ruffling sound. When he turns around, he sees Chanyeol pull out a boxed package from inside a grocery bag.
“I bought popsicles,” he grins, flashing the variety of different colored desserts for Baekhyun. “You… like popsicles right?”
Yes. He did. He liked them a lot, actually.
During the hot summer months, Baekhyun and the other members would occasionally purchase a pack of popsicles to split and break into fights over the flavors. With twelve members, it was usually hard to end up with your favorite flavor. Chanyeol had the height advantage, and he would always end up in the front and grab the green apple flavor. Baekhyun was never lucky, but somehow Chanyeol always managed to brave the hoard to snag a purple one for Baekhyun as well.
Those were some of his fondest memories of the twelve spending time together. So, of course, Baekhyun really likes them.
Chanyeol rips open the package and yanks out a few of the individual wrapped sticks, holding them up to the light, trying to see what flavor is in each. Baekhyun unintentionally inches forward.
“Ah, here!” Chanyeol holds his hand eagerly, grinning like he thinks this is going to suddenly fix everything. “It’s the purple one.”
Baekhyun freezes, realizing the body he inhabits isn’t much different from his real one after all. For some reason, it scares him to know how similar they are, as if they really are the same person.
“I like the red ones,” Baekhyun ends up saying, the lie crisp on his tongue.
Chanyeol frowns, lowering his hand slowly. “Oh, um,” He tosses the popsicle back in and shifts through it again, pulling out a strawberry flavored one instead. His grin comes back, not as wide as before, but still genuine. “Here you go then,” Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun closes the distance between them after a slight hesitation, taking the popsicle from Chanyeol’s hand. A shiver runs down his spine unrelated to the cold and even the slightest contact of the tips of his fingers against Chanyeol’s bare skin sends a chill along his own skin.
“Sit,” Chanyeol urges. Albeit, a little reluctantly, Baekhyun does, unwrapping his popsicle and taking the first hesitate taste. Not nearly as good as the grape flavor.
Chanyeol sits across from him, pulling out the green popsicle and immediately sticking it into his mouth to suck on. The sight could be incredibly sexual if it wasn’t for the stupid look on the other’s face and the half smile on his lips. When he catches Baekhyun looking at him, he grins through the green treat his lips are wrapped around, a bit of the juice running down his chin already.
Baekhyun snorts, a small smile forming on his mouth.
“Good?” Chanyeol asks when he slides the popsicle out to speak, with a bright smile stained with green and it brings back all those memories of summer days crowded with EXO in a too-small-dorm.
Baekhyun thinks there is more than one meaning behind his question. Although the red popsicle isn’t the best, Baekhyun nods because he can feel the way Chanyeol cracks his walls down so easily, just like the Chanyeol he knew.
₰₰₰₰
They try the “going-out-thing” again, and, this time, they don’t have a run-in with any neighbors. Chanyeol leads him to the park nearby, and Baekhyun appreciates the fresh air. He may be used to spending long hours indoors to practice their new dances and vocals, but at least there he is stretching out his limbs and being interactive. While in that little apartment he did neither.
“It’s nice, right?” Chanyeol asks, hands in his pockets as they stroll through the park with a little less distance between them than usual. Baekhyun is beginning to become more comfortable around him, and Chanyeol is no longer afraid to be in the same room.
It’s still so much different than the relationship he once had with his best friend, but Baekhyun is getting used to it. He spends a lot of his time picking out little habits that remind him of the Chanyeol he knows. It’s a bit of a double edged sword because it both comforts him and makes him miserable. He’s longing to be back with EXO and with the fans and with everything he knows, and he wants to be back with his Chanyeol.
And yet, now as he slowly lowers his own walls around the other, he is beginning to long for something else here as well.
He can feel it when his chest tightens, and when his legs shake ever so slightly when Chanyeol comes too close.
It scares him. The feelings he developed before are still there, and they are aching, needing. Every time he sees Chanyeol, a part of him longs for something all over again. And even though he knows this, he still watches, he still looks and he still inches forward closer and closer, removing that gap of distance between them.
Baekhyun doesn’t really know what he is supposed to do anymore.
“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asks, turning his head. He probably didn’t even notice the slip from the carefully worded ‘hyung’ he tried and addressed Baekhyun with.
“Yeah, it’s nice,” Baekhyun finally agrees, his eyes meeting Chanyeol’s and something grips tightly in his chest.
₰₰₰₰
“Don’t you have school or work or something?” Baekhyun plops down onto the couch beside Chanyeol, stretching his arms behind his head.
For a few days now, Baekhyun wondered about it, since there was no EXO here, and Chanyeol never seemed to leave the apartment except when he went to the store or the park with Baekhyun.
“Not right now,” Chanyeol replies casually, flipping through the channels with the remote.
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, but he nods, sitting in silence beside the other until curiosity gets the best of him. “Why not?”
“I told them that you had an accident and were sick and needed someone’s help,” Chanyeol says, mouth opening in a yawn and completely unaware of his ‘you’ slip and just how much of an impact his words had on Baekhyun.
“Is that what you think this is?” Baekhyun asks, his voice a little shrill as he stares at Chanyeol incredulously. “You think I’m fucking sick?”
Chanyeol turns his head slowly from the screen, looking generally surprised when he sees the angry look being sent his way.
“No, I don-”
Baekhyun interrupts him before he can finish, a haze of anger clouding his thoughts. “What, do you think I’m some crazy person or something!?”
“No-” Chanyeol tries again.
“This isn’t some fucking game I’m playing on you! I’m not some sick maniac on the loose. I’m a fully grown man that doesn’t need to be looked after like some stupid kid!” Baekhyun gets to his feet, hands balling into fists at his sides.
“Listen to-” Chanyeol says, his voice gruffer than normal as he stands to his feet.
“I’m a different person, not some messed up version of your fucking boyfriend!”
“Shut up!”
Baekhyun isn’t prepared for Chanyeol to shout at him and it causes his words to fumble as his mouth snaps closed.
“I know that! I know you aren’t Baekhyun, I can fucking tell you aren’t him!” Chanyeol growls, throwing his arms up, eyes flashing with rage. “Do you think this is all about you?! Do you? ‘Cause it’s not! I’m the one that has a stranger in Baekhyun’s body.”
Chanyeol’s tone suddenly does a one-eighty. He looks miserable. “I lost Baekhyun... I lost him.”
Something inside Baekhyun aches. He can see something in Chanyeol’s eyes, something he only saw slivers of before. He saw only a fraction of what he sees now when he looked into Chanyeol’s eyes back in the dorms.
But here, he can see how much Chanyeol loved Baekhyun. It’s not some emotion that he’s too afraid to put a label on. Not blossoming feelings. It was real love.
And Chanyeol’s lost everything and ended up with him.
Baekhyun knows everything is a lie.
Chanyeol doesn’t want to be friends, he doesn’t want to be kind; he resents Baekhyun’s very existence because he took the man he loved away.
“You are not the only person affected, not the only one hurt. Don’t you get that?” Chanyeol cries out, and his eyes turned misty with forming tears. Baekhyun had no words to say. Chanyeol turned towards the front entrance, throwing on his shoes, wiping his hoodie’s sleeve across his face before he opened the door, not even looking back at where Baekhyun was still standing in the living room.
This time it’s Chanyeol that slams the door.
₰₰₰₰
Staying in a place where you are despised is miserable. And there is no way Baekhyun would remain in that tiny apartment, not after what he found out what Chanyeol really thought of him.
He remains in the apartment a while after Chanyeol leaves, standing on the same cheap carpeted floor until he is sure he left the imprint of his feet there. But Chanyeol doesn’t come back and Baekhyun realizes that he is fucking waiting for him.
Baekhyun has too much pride to wait for anyone who doesn’t even want anything to do with him. He doesn’t think; he just moves to the door and exits much of the same way that Chanyeol did and begins to wander around the part of the city their apartment complex is located in. It was already dusk when he went out and, after a few hours, the street lights and buildings become the main light to his path.
When he sees the flashing neon sign, it’s almost a relief. He doesn’t want to be coherent enough to think about what he’s going through or what world he’s in. Drinking himself into a pit of drunkenness wouldn’t be so bad.
It’s dark and musky, loud music blasting until his eardrums buzzed and the bright colored lights flashing all around distorted his vision.
Baekhyun doesn’t even notice the hoard of people dancing in the mosh pit, but heads straight for the bar, sitting on one of the stools and waiting until the bartender gives his attention to him.
“What can I get you?” The man asks, cleaning one of the mugs behind the counter.
“I don’t care, just something really strong,” Baekhyun says, running his hand through his hair.
“I got just the thing for you for 10000 Won and an ID.”
Baekhyun nods, patting at his back pocket before he realizes he has no wallet, no money, and no identification on him. The bartender must be used to reading a customer’s expressions. “No money, no drink.” He wanders off towards some people slumped against the bar further down and Baekhyun sighs, clutching at the wood tightly before he drops his head down on top of it.
“Hey there.”
Baekhyun lifts his head only when a twinkling voice speaks over his shoulder. A pretty girl dressed in a purple dress that clings to all the right places stands behind him with a warm smile and warmer eyes.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
₰₰₰₰
It’s disgusting really.
How easily he could get off to thoughts about Chanyeol.
Back in the dorms there were limited amounts of personal time for the members to relieve themselves. The only options they really ended up with were fapping in the shower or in your room if you ever got a second alone. Baekhyun tried to stay away from the bedroom, because Chanyeol was notorious for bursting into places without warning. So in the middle of a shower where you were rushed to clean and not use all the hot water because eleven other guys have to use it too, Baekhyun discovered the fastest way to get himself off was thinking about Chanyeol’s voice, his hands, his body. Any little thought towards him could get Baekhyun off quicker than thinking of boobs and short skirts.
It horrified him then and it terrifies him now.
The motion of the taxi is making him sick as Baekhyun leans against the back window, his head pounding and his gut twisting from the amount of alcohol he consumed throughout the night. He can faintly see the sun rising in the distance.
“The apartment is down this road, right?” The driver asks, looking through his rearview mirror at Baekhyun’s slumped form. Baekhyun makes some sort of grunting noise, although he isn’t quite sure which road they are on right now.
The pretty girl in the purple dress was the one that called the taxi for him, not wanting him to walk around by himself in the drunk out of his mind condition he is in. She had been so sweet, so nice throughout the whole night. The perfect girl that any normal man would die to have.
And yet when they had gone back to her place, Baekhyun hadn’t been able to get it up. Kissing her felt stale. There was no passion, no need pulsing under his skin. It was just two mouths and tongues pressing against each other.
It didn’t matter that she was pretty or had a mature, voluptuous body that looked great in the little black bra and panties she had on.
Nothing mattered, because Baekhyun felt nothing.
She had been so sweet about it all, and that killed something inside Baekhyun. Because he couldn’t even get his cock hard when a hot, half-naked girl was right in front of him, and just thinking of Chanyeol used to get him off in record time.
It was terrifying.
“This is your stop.”
Baekhyun looks up, eyebrows furrowing slightly because this is definitely not the dorms SM has them in, although the complex does look familiar enough. He ends up nodding anyways, handing some money that the pretty girl had lent him for the fair and stumbling over himself to get out of the cab.
The taxi is gone in the blink of eye and Baekhyun stands awkwardly at the corner for a while, before he heads toward the apartment, fumbling over his steps every once and awhile, groaning when he reaches the stairs. He’s still not completely sure where he is going, but his body seems to know and he keeps getting faint recollections of Chanyeol and him going up the stairs.
Then if Chanyeol is staying here with him, it shouldn’t be so bad.
He makes it down a hallway filled with similar looking doors and it confuses him and he ends up pacing up and down the floor for a while, grunting until he finally decides that the “4812” seems to be familiar enough.
He slams his palm down on the little buzzer, leaning against the door to keep his balance.
No response.
He slams his hand on the door this time, wrinkling his nose and about to shout out for his best friend when the door is yanked open. “Baekhyun?!”
Baekhyun stumbles forward, not prepared for the removal of his leaning post and falls forward until he lands against a much softer one that sends little tingles down his spine.
“Where the fuck have you been!?”
Chanyeol’s voice is frantic, booming and Baekhyun groans against what he guesses is Chanyeol’s chest. He forms a grip on the other’s shirt and buries his face deeper into the soft fabric.
“I went around everywhere looking for you! You don’t even know how to get around here, what were you thinking-” Chanyeol breaks from his rant and Baekhyun is forever thankful, groaning against his chest, just wanting to collapse on the bed and sleep for the rest of the night. “Have you been drinking?”
The questions comes out as more of an accusation than anything, but Baekhyun isn’t sober enough to notice that, so he lifts his head up and grins, his words slurred slightly. “Yup, I was!”
Chanyeol’s face contorts into a slightly disgusted one as Baekhyun’s breath lands across his face. “Shit, you’re wasted.”
Baekhyun pouts, but the next moment Chanyeol is lifting him off the ground and he lets out a short wail, before wrapping his arms tightly around Chanyeol’s neck. He doesn’t like when Chanyeol lifts him up, it makes him feel miniature, but he’s having a bit of trouble staying up straight, so he welcomes the help this time. The closeness sends little zings of electric pulses across his skin though.
“Hey, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, breathing right against the side of Chanyeol’s face.
“What?”
“I got free drinks all night!” Baekhyun exclaims happily, leaning his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“Really?” Chanyeol fakes interest, dodging the furniture in the room and heading towards the bedroom.
“Yup, a pretty girl bought them all for me,” Baekhyun sighs, licking his lips.
“O-Oh?” Baekhyun misses the strain in Chanyeol’s voice as the other walks into the bathroom and heads toward the bed. He’s about to put Baekhyun on the comforter when he speaks again.
“And then we went back to her place.”
Chanyeol freezes, his hold on Baekhyun tightening. Baekhyun whines a little bit at the tight squeeze, but Chanyeol doesn’t respond, doesn’t move; just seems to be stuck where he is. “Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, squirming in the tall man’s hold.
He finds himself on the bed suddenly, a little ‘oof’ leaving him when he hits the mattress.
“Get some sleep, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol whispers tensely, turning around with the intention of leaving the room.
But Baekhyun doesn’t want him to go and grabs onto his wrist to stop him from leaving. “Don’t go,” he pleads, tugging on Chanyeol’s wrist lightly.
Chanyeol looks back at him. “I have to go, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol yanks his wrist away a little roughly, but this just upsets Baekhyun and he reaches back and yanks hard. Chanyeol ends up in a lump on top of him.
“Is there something wrong with me, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks, staring at the other.
“Why are you asking me that?” Chanyeol lifts himself onto his elbows, shifting on the bed to try and get off Baekhyun.
“Because I couldn’t get hard with that girl,” Baekhyun says simply, the alcohol obstructing his ability to be embarrassed about such a blunt statement.
Chanyeol’s head snaps his head up, his face shifting between surprise and some sort of gleeful look before finally settling on anger. “Maybe you were too drunk,” he ends up snapping as he leans back onto his heels, shaking his head.
“I don’t-” Baekhyun says, licking his lips and shifting a little on the bed, blinking in surprise when his crotch rubs against Chanyeol’s knee unintentionally, creating a soft friction that sends a jolt through him. Baekhyun suddenly realizes how close Chanyeol is right now and about how good all those fantasies about him were. Blood rushes south.
“No,” Baekhyun says with more confidence. “No, it’s not.”
“Then what do you think, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol snaps again, using the last strand of calmness he has left to keep himself from blowing up at the intoxicated man under him.
Baekhyun rolls his hips up, rubbing his quickly hardening dick against Chanyeol’s clothed knee again, this time with more pressure and more obviously. Chanyeol looks down and Baekhyun grins. “‘Cause I want you...”
Baekhyun continues to roll his hips, throwing his head back at the pleasure and wishing that there were no clothes between them. Chanyeol seems to be in a state of shock. When he recovers he slides his knee back and away from Baekhyun’s rolling hips. “Stop,” he whispers, throat tight.
“But I want you,” Baekhyun whines, his hips stuttering against air.
“N-No, stop Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun realizes that Chanyeol is trying to leave again and sits up quickly, using the surprise to tug Chanyeol forward and flip him onto his back so that Baekhyun is on top. He falls against Chanyeol’s chest briefly when he loses his balance.
It doesn’t take him long to get back up, and his hips land against Chanyeol’s thigh and Baekhyun immediately starts rutting against him, groaning and looking up at Chanyeol with wide eyes.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol half-shrieks, lifting one of his arms to push Baekhyun off. Baekhyun pins both arms to the bed with his own.
“I wanna fuck you,” Baekhyun moans, staring down at flushed cheeks and a lean frame that he has craved for far too long.
“No you don’t,” Chanyeol struggles weakly, looking more confused and unsure than anything.
“I wanna fuck you so bad,” Baekhyun thrusts his hips a little rougher, hissing at the tightness of his pants and wanting them off now. Chanyeol throws his head back, looking away from Baekhyun with a gaping mouth and Baekhyun can’t help but lean down to run his tongue along the skin of his neck.
Chanyeol shakes his head, his face contorting into some mix of arousal and confusion.
“I’m not your Chanyeol!”
Baekhyun looks up, a bit confused at the statement, but the hardness hanging between his legs and the alcohol in his system are too much for him to stop now. “I don’t care,” he groans out, thrusting against Chanyeol’s thigh again. “I want you, I need you.”
Chanyeol goes silent under him and Baekhyun uses the opportunity to drag his shirt above his head while attempting to keep the rhythm of his hips. He’s practically panting at the pleasure now, Chanyeol’s name slipping from between his lips. “I need you Chanyeol…”
When large hands land on his hips, Baekhyun is afraid Chanyeol is going to push him away, but instead he just shifts Baekhyun’s aim slightly and then Baekhyun is no longer rutting against pliant, soft thighs, but something equally as hard as his own pulsing cock.
“Fuck me, then.”
And Baekhyun does.
It’s rushed and sloppy, and Baekhyun really has no idea what he is doing since he has never had sex with a man before. Chanyeol does his best to guide him, which Baekhyun thinks is quite laughable because he is certain the younger has never had sex with a man either, only sharing encounters with female trainees whenever they ended up talking about those types of things.
There isn’t enough lube on his fingers when he stretches Chanyeol out, and when he switches from two to three fingers too quickly, Chanyeol’s nose scrunch up at the burn. Baekhyun doesn’t have time to think about condoms or if the other is stretched enough, because all he can think about is his cock in the tight heat before him.
When he is finally there and Chanyeol’s hole is sucking him in deeper, walls clenching around his cock, it is everything he imagined and more. Baekhyun’s thrusts are hard and overeager and Chanyeol has hands on the headboard to steady himself as grunts and half-moans escape his throat one after the other.
Baekhyun chants Chanyeol’s name like a mantra through it all, but Chanyeol stays surprising quiet despite the noises forced out of his throat.
Baekhyun’s thrusts turn frantic and Chanyeol is crying out under him louder, releasing one of his hands from the headboard and using it to stroke his cock and its all too much that Baekhyun comes embarrassingly fast, slumping down on top of Chanyeol’s chest with a deep whine as he releases inside Chanyeol’s walls.
Chanyeol continues to stroke himself, seeking his own release until Baekhyun notices and slaps his hands away, curiously running his hand along Chanyeol’s length and eyeing the way it curls slightly towards the left and is flushed such a deep red, to the point it almost appears purple in some places.
“F-fuck, please!” Chanyeol cries out and Baekhyun begins to stroke him similarly to the way he touches himself. It only takes a minute of well paced squeezes and fast movements before Chanyeol’s back arches and he comes all over Baekhyun’s hand and his own stomach.
Baekhyun releases the now flaccid cock in hand. He realizes a bit delayed that he is still inside the other and pulls out a little too quickly, causing Chanyeol to half-grunt, half-moan in response to the hasty movements.
Baekhyun slumps down on the bed, completely spent and wanting to do nothing but sleep for the next hundred years. Chanyeol stays still beside him.
Baekhyun swears he hears a sniffle as he drifts off and instinctively he presses against Chanyeol’s side, wrapping his arm around a surprisingly slender waist.
“C-Chanyeol…”
₰₰₰₰
When Baekhyun wakes-light too bright from where he is lying-his head is pounding and there is a naked chest in front of him.
His memories are still there, but fuzzy and it only takes a few short seconds before he remembers just who is lying next to him. The alcohol is no longer keeping him buzzed and unaware and just the fact they are lying on a queen sized bed instead of the standard twins in the dorm is enough for him to know that he fucked not-Chanyeol last night.
He should be panicking out of his mind, but he isn’t. There is no anxiety chewing at his insides with the knowledge he slept with a man.
Instead, he feels rather calm as he focuses his gaze on Chanyeol’s sleeping face and the way his mouth opens and closes as he breaths. Baekhyun is resting his head on one of Chanyeol’s outstretched arms and they are practically cuddling with the way they have their legs wrapped around each other and arms draped lazily over waists.
It doesn’t scare Baekhyun and he doesn’t try to move or leave. He shields his eyes from the light coming through the window and tunes his breathing to Chanyeol’s until he drifts back to sleep.
₰₰₰₰
He’s alone the next time his eyes open and this time his head is really throbbing.
Baekhyun groans and rolls onto his stomach, pressing his palm against his forehead, as if it would relieve the pain of his hangover. It takes him a few minutes before he is able to get up off the bed, and he is surprised to find that he appears mostly cleaned up, a little rag thrown on the ground of the bedroom seemingly the culprit. His chest squeezes tightly and he takes a deep breath, both for the pain in his head and for the inevitable confrontation ahead of him. He pulls on a pair of boxers from the drawer full of his-sized clothes and grabs onto the doorknob.
Baekhyun wouldn’t be a coward.
He doesn’t have to look far to find him.
Chanyeol is leaning against the kitchen counter, wearing only a loose pair of sweatpants and eating one of the green apple popsicles again. Baekhyun claws at his boxers to keep his mind away from thoughts of what else Chanyeol could suck on.
Chanyeol notices him before he can speak up and stands up straight, eyeing Baekhyun apprehensively. Baekhyun awkwardly shifts on his feet. Neither speaks.
“Um, can I have one?” It’s probably the stupidest way to begin a conversation with someone you just had sex with, but Chanyeol gives a timid smile and nods, and begins to limp over toward the freezer.
Guilt slams into Baekhyun like a freight train at the way Chanyeol hobbles the few inches for the popsicles. He cleaned up afterwards. Chanyeol was hurt and he cleaned Baekhyun and himself with a rag despite the way Baekhyun half-forced himself on him the night before.
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whimpers. Chanyeol freezes, his hand clasped around the freezer handle. Their gazes meet for a moment, and Baekhyun refuses to look away, not after everything he had done, it would be an insult to the taller.
“It’s alright. I’m just a little sore-it’s happened before.” Chanyeol pulls open the freezer and opens the assorted packaged, sifting through the contents.
“No, I mean, what I said last night too-I’m sorry I said those things,” Baekhyun continues, not wanting this apology to be blown off when it means something much more.
Chanyeol pauses again, but this time for a shorter of a time. He looks at Baekhyun with a wider of a smile. “I’m sorry too.”
It doesn’t change anything that happened between them or that they are not Chanyeol or Baekhyun. But it’s enough for now.
Baekhyun smiles back and walks forward as Chanyeol pulls out an individual package and hands it to him. “Red, right?”
Baekhyun shakes his head in response.
“Purple.”
₰₰₰₰
It’s still awkward around the apartment. It would be in most cases for people who live together and had sex, but don’t have any immediate plans on doing it again.
The tension is mostly gone now.
There is an unspoken acceptance that it doesn’t seem like anything is going to change. Chanyeol asks Baekhyun during dinner if he would be alright with the taller starting up work again and Baekhyun nods his agreement. It’s been over two weeks since he arrived here and Chanyeol’s spent all that time with him.
Baekhyun starts cleaning up around the house in the meantime, trying not to think about how “housewifey” the actions scream.
He’s getting more comfortable here and it’s made easier by the fact that nothing seems to be different from where he came from. Baekhyun hasn’t noticed any major differences besides some popular actors and actresses he’s never seen and songs on the tv and radio he’s never heard before.
Chanyeol comes back from work after having gone back for three days with carryout in his hands. They eat at the dinner table, Chanyeol flicking a bit of food at Baekhyun’s face and laughing while slapping his thighs when the doorbell rings.
They both turn towards the front door, Baekhyun very confused that they have a visitor and Chanyeol not looking much better off.
“Um…” Chanyeol trails off, getting to his feet. “Let me get that.”
Baekhyun nods slowly, staying in his seat and trying to see into the entryway.
He hears the door open, rather than sees it, Chanyeol’s tall form blocking his way.
“Umma!” Chanyeol exclaims, deep voice booming around the apartment. Baekhyun freezes, swallowing thickly and clutching at the table in front of him. Chanyeol’s mother is here. She’s visiting and Baekhyun’s here too and shit. What if she suspects something between them? What if she realizes that her son is gay and is in-or was in-a relationship with Baekhyun?
He wants to get out of here now. Being seen with Chanyeol by people who know them is nerve-wracking enough, but Chanyeol’s parents? Baekhyun scrambles to stand up, not sure where to go, but thinking the bathroom is a pretty good place to start.
“W-Wait, Umma. Baekhyun isn’t feeling well right now…” Chanyeol says from the doorway, footsteps stepping inside and Baekhyun freezes but it isn’t Chanyeol’s mom visiting them after all.
“Baekkie!”
It’s his mother.
“U-Umma…” Baekhyun gasps out just before he is pulled into a tight hug that feels just like the ones he had grown up with.
“How is my Baekkie doing?” She asks, releasing Baekhyun from her hold to get a good look at him. Chanyeol is back in the living room now and he has that nervous look on his face again that ends up making Baekhyun even more nervous than he already is.
He can’t let his mother know about them. Imaging her look of horror, of disgust when she finds out what her son really does with his supposed ‘roommate’ make his insides curl in horror. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t the mother he was raised with, seeing her face in response to knowing her son was in a gay relationship would crush Baekhyun.
“I-I’m fine, Umma.”
“Yeollie said you weren’t feeling well, though.”
“How about we all sit down?” Chanyeol urges them towards the living room and Baekhyun is truly thankful, because if he stood up for much longer, his legs would probably give out underneath him. The relief fades when his mother takes the single chair, which forces Chanyeol and Baekhyun to share the couch.
Baekhyun tries to maintain enough distance between them, not to seem overly close, but also not too much to make it seem as if they are fighting or something.
His mother smiles widely though, leaping into a barrage of questions without really observing anything and Baekhyun is thankful.
“So how is your internship going dear?”
Baekhyun clams up, never having heard a word spoken about an internship before. Chanyeol speaks up for him though. “He’s taking a leave right now, since he hasn’t been feeling well.”
Baekhyun is not even upset that he is being labeled as a sick person again if it means he can escape questions he does not have an answer to.
“Oh, that’s awful. Last time I visited you were so excited for it too.”
Baekhyun nods.
“Yeollie has been taking good care of you though, right?”
The question takes Baekhyun a bit off guard. “Yeah…” Baekhyun glances over at Chanyeol next to him and tells her the honest truth. “He has.”
“Oh, that’s good.” His mother smiles, smoothing out her skirt quickly before smiling a bit wickedly. “You know you two, my friend’s son just got married recently.”
Oh god, she was going to bring up girls and whether or not they had a girlfriend and he had no idea what to say or how to respond and-
“So when are you going to tie the knot?”
Baekhyun gapes, eyes wide and unable to actually tell if she just asked-
“It’s too soon for that kind of talk, Umma.” Chanyeol speaks up, his smile polite and warm, but his voice just a tad too tense.
“It’s never too soon. I think we should definitely have a meeting in the near future to meet with your parents, Yeollie,” she continues on, not picking up on Baekhyun’s shock or Chanyeol’s tenseness.
“Perhaps, but we haven’t even been dating for two years yet.”
“Officially,” his mother scoffs.
Chanyeol chuckles nervously, and wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder.
In a normal situation he would have shoved Chanyeol’s arm off him, embarrassed and angered that the other would dare touch him for any purpose when his mother was sitting in front of him. But now is not normal, because his mother knows that Baekhyun and Chanyeol were dating and she is not horrified and not upset and looks happy. Happy that her son is dating Chanyeol. She even wants Baekhyun to marry him.
Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder in comfort and Baekhyun welcomes it, because it the only thing keeping him grounded right now.
₰₰₰₰
“Are you alright?”
Chanyeol nudges Baekhyun curled up form on the bed. Baekhyun just groans in response.
“I didn’t know she was coming,” Chanyeol says. “If I did I would have gotten you out of the house or something.”
“It’s fine,” Baekhyun says, flipping over onto his back so he can actually see Chanyeol.
“I know that talking about my relationship with Baekhyun makes you uncomfortable, I know you don’t feel that wa-”
Baekhyun sits up suddenly and interrupts before he can finish. “Is what you and Baekhyun have considered normal here?”
Chanyeol looks generally confused by his question. “Uh, y-yes?”
“So two men can just get married if they wanted to?” Baekhyun asks incredulously, not quite believing it. “In Korea?”
“Why wouldn’t they be able to?”
Baekhyun shakes his head, turning away.
“Is it… different where you come from?” Chanyeol leans closer and Baekhyun wraps his arms around his knees.
“Yeah...”
“In what way?” Chanyeol asks, clearly interested in knowing more about where Baekhyun came from since the other doesn’t often devolve information about it.
“People… from where I come from…” Baekhyun starts, trying to find the right words to explain. “They don’t believe in what you and Baekhyun have. It’s not allowed and frowned upon by most.”
Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun like he just hung a puppy by its neck right in front of him.
“You mean they don’t believe in love?”
₰₰₰₰
Next
Chanyeol brings food and water in during what Baekhyun assumes are meal times, but otherwise he respects the older’s wishes for solitude and doesn’t disturb him. Through the door most of the day, Baekhyun can hear the television playing cartoons, but he doesn’t know if Chanyeol is actually watching them or not.
The real Chanyeol used to like kid shows though, so Baekhyun supposed it wouldn’t be that much of a stretch for this one to like them either.
He doesn’t leave the bed except when he needs to go to the bathroom. He remains wrapped up, the covers pulled over his face, leaving only a small tuft of his brown hair visible for when the other occupant of the house stops in on rare occasions. The air is suffocating under the comforter, but Baekhyun doesn’t surface for fresh air. He doesn’t surface for anything.
Time isn’t a constraint in his life anymore. Baekhyun doesn’t know if it’s been a few hours or days he spent curled up on the mattress. He couldn’t care less, really. His entire world crashed down on him. Or, perhaps, that isn’t it: Baekhyun’s world has been replaced.
Everything.
Replaced.
Baekhyun doesn’t know this home. Not the clothes he is wearing. Not the man sitting in the room beyond the door. Even his own body is foreign.
A dense fog surrounds him, blocking his thoughts and making his senses useless. The haze doesn’t end, and it pulls him deeper and deeper; a black hole, dragging him into darkness. Baekhyun is not one to fall into these traps, the dark places that scratch and claw at someone’s insides, their mind and body. Baekhyun was the loud and fun member, he was the one that kept people from falling into this darkness. On occasion, when the stress became too much and the anxiety from living a life broadcasted to the entire world begins to take over, one of the other members would always be there to support him, but it was never this bad.
And, now, he has no one here when he needs them.
“H-Hyung?”
Chanyeol is probably standing at the door - it’s more than likely been pushed just slightly open enough for the tall man to peek inside, he never has the courage to actually enter the room anytime he wanders around to check on the bed ridden male. Baekhyun doesn’t bother to lift the blankets to check if his suspicions are correct.
“Bae- Hyung, it’s been a while... since you’ve eaten,” Chanyeol says, his voice low and clearly nervous. Baekhyun lays perfectly still, wanting the other to leave as quickly as possible. “Do you want to come out and get something?”
It’s a good thirty seconds of no reply before Chanyeol speaks again. “Or maybe, I should bring something in?”
“I’m not hungry,” Baekhyun says, his voice cold, lacking any sort of emotion.
“Oh, okay.” The way Chanyeol breath hitches pulls at Baekhyun’s chest. Right now, when he isn’t looking, when the only thing connecting him to Chanyeol is the other’s voice, he can almost be fooled into believing that this is Chanyeol. And because of that, it hurts to know that Baekhyun’s harsh tone pains the other. But reality hit Baekhyun too hard for him to play into a game of pretend. “I’ll-”
“Just go!” Baekhyun snaps, rolling over until his face is buried into the pillows.
Chanyeol must have quietly obeyed, because it’s only a few moments of stretched silence before the wind gently ruffles the curtains again and Baekhyun understands how “alone” truly feels.
₰₰₰₰
Staring at the ceiling used to bring comfort to Baekhyun. It was a constant in his life; it was what he looked at as he thought, dreamed, and longed for something that would never be his.
It was the object he always forced his gaze on so his gaze wouldn’t flicker towards Chanyeol when sleep almost consumed him.
Society didn’t look fondly on homosexuals and his feelings would never be accepted, no matter how much fans adored the fanservice. It wasn’t natural to look at your best friend and want his tongue down your throat, especially when his entire life is broadcasted to the world. Baekhyun would be eaten alive if he ever acted on those urges inside him.
The walls above him were what kept him grounded at night.
He can’t bear to look outside the blankets shielding him. The foreign walls of this unknown apartment suffocate him almost as much as Chanyeol does. It doesn’t keep him grounded, but rather crushes him with the weight he doesn’t want to accept.
So instead, Baekhyun digs deeper into himself.
₰₰₰₰
Baekhyun isn’t prepared for his sanctuary of blankets to be ripped away, or the sudden light that hits him, making him let out something akin to a squeal, shrinking further into the mattress. However, when he notices the giant standing in front of him, holding the hoard of blankets in his hands, any discomfort Baekhyun is experiencing vanishes, replaced with anger.
“What are you doing?” He seethes, reaching out for the blankets stolen from him. Chanyeol throws the blankets somewhere behind him, effectively removing them from Baekhyun’s reach on the bed. “What the hell?”
Chanyeol stands firm beside the bed, his face blank, but resolve clear in his eyes. Baekhyun sits up on the bed, anger boiling in his veins. Until now, Chanyeol barely made contact with him, scurrying around without any direct contact like Baekhyun was a time fuse ready to explode. “Get the fuck out,” Baekhyun growls, pointing his hand toward the door. Chanyeol shakes his head, stepping forward until his knees brush against the bed. That little movement is too much. They are too close and Baekhyun reacts like a frightened animal about to lash out. “Get out!”
He throws the pillow closest to him at Chanyeol with all his force, feeling satisfaction when it slams into the other’s face.
It vanishes when a large body barrels into him, attempting to pin him to the bed. Baekhyun immediately fights back, kicking and flailing in attempts to keep the other from gaining the upper hand. His body is not as fit as Baekhyun is used to, and it sets off his coordination. It is ultimately his downfall. Chanyeol’s long limbs give him an advantage, ultimately leaving Baekhyun pinned underneath him, his arms and legs useless under Chanyeol’s arms and knees.
“Get off!” Baekhyun shrieks, in a frenzy trying to throw the other’s weight off him without actually making eye contact. “Get off me!”
“Please.”
The crushed noise that comes out of Chanyeol’s throat causes Baekhyun to freeze. Even though he knows he shouldn't, his eyes still lift up, staring into the eyes of a broken man. Baekhyun’s gut clenches tightly, all of his fight leaves his body.
“Please just come out and eat something,” Chanyeol says, biting his bottom lip. Baekhyun’s eyes flash with the movement. They are too close. “Please…”
Baekhyun can smell the aftershave on the other’s face.
“Baekhyun…”
He nods, just wanting to create a distance between him and Chanyeol.
The sudden relief on Chanyeol’s face clenches at something deeper inside him.
₰₰₰₰
“Can you show me where everything goes?”
Chanyeol snaps his head up and is almost on his feet the moment Baekhyun speaks, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Baekhyun would have laughed if these were different circumstances.
“Yeah, of course.”
Chanyeol stumbles toward where Baekhyun is standing in the kitchen and the shorter male shrinks away slightly when Chanyeol gets too close. He seems to take the hint though, because as Chanyeol makes an effort to show where all the dishes are stored he maintains a steady distance from Baekhyun.
“Do you want me to show you the bathroom too?” Chanyeol asks, closing the last of the kitchen cabinets.
Baekhyun suddenly realizes he hasn’t bathed in a couple days, nor brushed his teeth, or shaved if the stubble beginning to form along his jaw is any indication. He would rather not ask for any more help from Chanyeol, trying to keep their contact to a minimum, but Baekhyun realizes that he has no understanding of this apartment and it’ll be faster to just suck it up and spend a few minutes with Chanyeol pointing things out. So Baekhyun nods his head once in agreement.
Chanyeol grins, leading the way across the living room. “This is the only bathroom; the apartment is pretty small if you haven’t noticed already. But it’s cozy and in a pretty good neighborhood. You really liked it when we first ca-” Chanyeol stops talking after the slip, staring wide eyed at Baekhyun like he had committed a murder or worse yet, kicked a puppy and was just now feeling the guilt over it. “I mean,” Chanyeol stumbles, biting his lip, “I really liked it when I first visited. It’s got a nice air to it…”
Baekhyun nods, following the taller into the bathroom and trying his best to not give any direct reaction to this stranger.
“So, um…” Chanyeol opens one of the drawers to the cabinet. “You can use the stuff in here or really you can use anything you like. I don’t mind if you use my stuff either. Just whatever you want feel free to take or whatever. Same goes for the stuff in the shower, I really don’t mind if you use my stuff or anything-”
“Okay,” Baekhyun says, breaking off Chanyeol’s rambling. Chanyeol mouth hangs open and he looks around nervously. Perhaps Baekhyun isn’t the only one uncomfortable with the closeness between them.
“Uh, do you want to use the bathroom now or?” He asks, awkwardly leaning against the wall. Baekhyun nods and Chanyeol scurries to exit the bathroom. He only stops when Baekhyun speaks up again.
“Thanks… Chanyeol.”
“You’re welcome, Baek- Hyung…”
₰₰₰₰
Baekhyun begins to acquaint himself with the apartment he’s been living in the past few days. Like Chanyeol told him before, it’s pretty small with a main entrance area, a connected kitchen and living room and the main bedroom and bathroom. He peaks around through drawers and looks at the artwork and framed pictures around the house of Chanyeol’s family and his own. He does his best to avoid the frames holding any pictures of Chanyeol and himself in it together.
Chanyeol seems both pleased and terrified that Baekhyun has stopped caging himself alone in the bedroom. He continuously switches from being overbearing in trying to meet Baekhyun’s wishes and giving him as much space as possible.
The night before they sat and watched a drama that Baekhyun knew nothing about for a little bit before they parted ways for the night again.
It has only been five days since Baekhyun ended up here, but it feels like an eternity to him. Although he has more freedom and space since he left his seldom bed, he feels more trapped by the tiny apartment each moment he spends in it.
That is why he ends up standing near the kitchen and awkwardly watching as Chanyeol washed dishes.
“I want to go out,” he says eventually, voice tight in his throat.
Chanyeol looks up with his usual wide eyes, letting the plate he is holding slip from between his fingers and splash back into the sink filled with soapy water.
“You do?”
“Yeah…” Baekhyun says slowly. “I haven’t been outside in a few days.” He keeps the and so have you to himself. Chanyeol nods eagerly, stepping away from the sink and shedding the gloves he had been wearing to protect his hands. If this was the Chanyeol he knew, Baekhyun would have made fun of him for acting like a housewife.
“Let me just- clean up real quick and I’ll take you out around the neighborhood,” Chanyeol says, stepping away from the sink after reaching down to pull the plug and drain the water. Baekhyun’s expression hardens momentarily, because he had never said anything about wanting the other to take him out. He almost snaps back at the way Chanyeol just invites himself along, but holds his tongue in the end, because he really doesn’t know what to expect when he goes outside. Everything appears normal in their small apartment and from what Baekhyun can see out the window, but truthfully anything could be different from what he is used to and he is slightly intimidated about what he might run into. So he shuts up and lets Chanyeol do what he pleases.
When they have their shoes on and are ready to leave, Chanyeol opens the front door and Baekhyun eases out into the outside hallway. Chanyeol locks the door behind him and smiles reassuringly once he turns back around. Baekhyun snaps his head away quickly.
They head down the hall, passing a few similar closed doors of the neighbors until they reach the stairwell. Chanyeol goes down first and Baekhyun keeps a few steps behind him just to be safe they don’t accidently touch.
“Ah, hello Chanyeol-ah.” Baekhyun hears the woman before he sees her. She’s wearing normal clothes by his standards and carrying a bundle of groceries. Chanyeol smiles and bows and Baekhyun awkwardly stumbles to repeat his actions, suddenly concerned about their appearance together. Did others think that this Baekhyun and Chanyeol were roommates just trying to cheapen the cost of rent by living together? He didn’t even know how he was supposed to act around people, let alone just what to say to them to keep what had once been a relationship a secret.
“Hello, ajumma,” Chanyeol says, a small smile adorning his face.
“Chanyeol-ah! How many times have I told you to call me noona? I’m not that old yet!” She playfully responds, turning her head and noticing Baekhyun for the first time. Apprehension takes over, but before he has to worry about speaking to a stranger that knows this body another voice interrupts.
“Oppa!”
Baekhyun feels a slight tug on his pant leg and he looks down to see a little girl, black hair pulled into pigtails and dressed in a flowy blue, spring skirt. He stares blankly at her, unsure of what to say besides oh, you’re so cute.
“Oppa, Oppa remember what you promised me?” No, not at all.
The woman-Baekhyun is certain she is the mother of the little girl tugging on his sleeve-sighs, shuffling her bags slightly. “Minhee-ah, let your Oppa be.” Chanyeol is watching him nervously, switching his gaze between the little girl named Minhee and Baekhyun constantly.
The small girl immediately pouts and finishes off her routine by stomping her foot cutely. “But me and Oppa have busness!”
The woman laughs, but Chanyeol looks more nervous than ever, his mouth opening and closing as if trying to figure out the words to say to get Baekhyun out of this awkward situation.
“Alright sweetie, but come up stairs right after, alright?”
Minhee nods as her mother continues up the steps after a quick goodbye to the two men, before she snaps her attention back up to Baekhyun. “I want your promise now!”
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow and he looks up at Chanyeol. “Promise?”
Chanyeol shakes his head, stepping closer to the pair. “Minhee-ah, your Oppa-”
Minhee doesn’t wait for Chanyeol to finish speaking. “You promised next time I saw you, you would give me a big kiss like the ones you give Chanyeol-Oppa.” Baekhyun gapes, his body freezing up as a sense of dread creeps up his spine.
“M-Minhee-ah,” Chanyeol gasps, capturing her attention from Baekhyun’s shell shocked form. “Minhee, your Oppa is not feeling well, you don’t want to get sick by having him give you a kiss, do you?”
Minhee’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head wildly. “No, I don’t want that!”
“Then go back to your mommy so she doesn’t get worried, neh?”
“Okay!” Minhee drops her hold on Baekhyun’s pant leg, rushing up the stairs the best she can with her little legs. Her chubby hand waves back at the top of the stairs. “Feel better soon, Oppa! And next time I want my kiss!”
Neither of them move once she disappears and Chanyeol fumbles around with his hands, unsure of what to say or do. “H-Hyung let’s-”
“I want to go back to the apartment,” Baekhyun says.
“Wha, but we just-”
“I don’t care, I’m going back.” Baekhyun turns around and heads back up the stairs, feeling nauseous and sick to his stomach. He doesn’t want to look at Chanyeol right now, doesn’t want to be outside or anywhere, because those two had let a little girl find out about their relationship.
“Okay, okay. Hold on, I have to unlock the door,” Chanyeol shouts, running after him and opening the door to the apartment for Baekhyun. Baekhyun practically runs in, anger beginning to replace his earlier shock.
“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol whispers as Baekhyun toes off his shoes.
Baekhyun snaps up straight, surprising Chanyeol who stumbles backwards. “No, you aren’t,” he snaps, the bite and raw anger clearly distinctive in his tone.
Chanyeol looks confused, shocked.
“You're not sorry at all.”
₰₰₰₰
They return to staying in separate rooms and, although Baekhyun stopped hoping that when he wakes up this will all some fucked up dream, he doesn’t openly accept what was thrust upon him either.
Baekhyun refuses to stay cooped up in the bedroom again though and it leads to some messed up game of cat and mouse where whenever Baekhyun enters a room, Chanyeol scurries out of it like a terrified rodent. It doesn’t bother him because Baekhyun welcomes the distance between them.
He can’t help but notice how some picture frames have been overturned around the apartment and Baekhyun curiously notes that they are all of the ones where Baekhyun and Chanyeol posed in them together. Either Chanyeol is doing it for his sake, knowing how uncomfortable he is with the past relationship between the two or Chanyeol just can’t bear to look at the past and a man who is no longer with him.
Something unsettles in the pit of Baekhyun’s stomach, and makes him tense and angry at random times. He doesn’t want to place effort in trying to fix whatever this relationship was with the man he shares this apartment.
Baekhyun should have realized that Chanyeol would not be the same.
When he hears the front door opening, he is surprised. He didn’t even realize Chanyeol left the apartment in the first place. Baekhyun gets up from the couch, not wanting to have to greet Chanyeol when he makes his way into the living room.
“W-Wait!”
Baekhyun stops. Chanyeol sounds strangely happy and it sparks something down his spine. There is a ruffling sound. When he turns around, he sees Chanyeol pull out a boxed package from inside a grocery bag.
“I bought popsicles,” he grins, flashing the variety of different colored desserts for Baekhyun. “You… like popsicles right?”
Yes. He did. He liked them a lot, actually.
During the hot summer months, Baekhyun and the other members would occasionally purchase a pack of popsicles to split and break into fights over the flavors. With twelve members, it was usually hard to end up with your favorite flavor. Chanyeol had the height advantage, and he would always end up in the front and grab the green apple flavor. Baekhyun was never lucky, but somehow Chanyeol always managed to brave the hoard to snag a purple one for Baekhyun as well.
Those were some of his fondest memories of the twelve spending time together. So, of course, Baekhyun really likes them.
Chanyeol rips open the package and yanks out a few of the individual wrapped sticks, holding them up to the light, trying to see what flavor is in each. Baekhyun unintentionally inches forward.
“Ah, here!” Chanyeol holds his hand eagerly, grinning like he thinks this is going to suddenly fix everything. “It’s the purple one.”
Baekhyun freezes, realizing the body he inhabits isn’t much different from his real one after all. For some reason, it scares him to know how similar they are, as if they really are the same person.
“I like the red ones,” Baekhyun ends up saying, the lie crisp on his tongue.
Chanyeol frowns, lowering his hand slowly. “Oh, um,” He tosses the popsicle back in and shifts through it again, pulling out a strawberry flavored one instead. His grin comes back, not as wide as before, but still genuine. “Here you go then,” Chanyeol says.
Baekhyun closes the distance between them after a slight hesitation, taking the popsicle from Chanyeol’s hand. A shiver runs down his spine unrelated to the cold and even the slightest contact of the tips of his fingers against Chanyeol’s bare skin sends a chill along his own skin.
“Sit,” Chanyeol urges. Albeit, a little reluctantly, Baekhyun does, unwrapping his popsicle and taking the first hesitate taste. Not nearly as good as the grape flavor.
Chanyeol sits across from him, pulling out the green popsicle and immediately sticking it into his mouth to suck on. The sight could be incredibly sexual if it wasn’t for the stupid look on the other’s face and the half smile on his lips. When he catches Baekhyun looking at him, he grins through the green treat his lips are wrapped around, a bit of the juice running down his chin already.
Baekhyun snorts, a small smile forming on his mouth.
“Good?” Chanyeol asks when he slides the popsicle out to speak, with a bright smile stained with green and it brings back all those memories of summer days crowded with EXO in a too-small-dorm.
Baekhyun thinks there is more than one meaning behind his question. Although the red popsicle isn’t the best, Baekhyun nods because he can feel the way Chanyeol cracks his walls down so easily, just like the Chanyeol he knew.
₰₰₰₰
They try the “going-out-thing” again, and, this time, they don’t have a run-in with any neighbors. Chanyeol leads him to the park nearby, and Baekhyun appreciates the fresh air. He may be used to spending long hours indoors to practice their new dances and vocals, but at least there he is stretching out his limbs and being interactive. While in that little apartment he did neither.
“It’s nice, right?” Chanyeol asks, hands in his pockets as they stroll through the park with a little less distance between them than usual. Baekhyun is beginning to become more comfortable around him, and Chanyeol is no longer afraid to be in the same room.
It’s still so much different than the relationship he once had with his best friend, but Baekhyun is getting used to it. He spends a lot of his time picking out little habits that remind him of the Chanyeol he knows. It’s a bit of a double edged sword because it both comforts him and makes him miserable. He’s longing to be back with EXO and with the fans and with everything he knows, and he wants to be back with his Chanyeol.
And yet, now as he slowly lowers his own walls around the other, he is beginning to long for something else here as well.
He can feel it when his chest tightens, and when his legs shake ever so slightly when Chanyeol comes too close.
It scares him. The feelings he developed before are still there, and they are aching, needing. Every time he sees Chanyeol, a part of him longs for something all over again. And even though he knows this, he still watches, he still looks and he still inches forward closer and closer, removing that gap of distance between them.
Baekhyun doesn’t really know what he is supposed to do anymore.
“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asks, turning his head. He probably didn’t even notice the slip from the carefully worded ‘hyung’ he tried and addressed Baekhyun with.
“Yeah, it’s nice,” Baekhyun finally agrees, his eyes meeting Chanyeol’s and something grips tightly in his chest.
₰₰₰₰
“Don’t you have school or work or something?” Baekhyun plops down onto the couch beside Chanyeol, stretching his arms behind his head.
For a few days now, Baekhyun wondered about it, since there was no EXO here, and Chanyeol never seemed to leave the apartment except when he went to the store or the park with Baekhyun.
“Not right now,” Chanyeol replies casually, flipping through the channels with the remote.
Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow, but he nods, sitting in silence beside the other until curiosity gets the best of him. “Why not?”
“I told them that you had an accident and were sick and needed someone’s help,” Chanyeol says, mouth opening in a yawn and completely unaware of his ‘you’ slip and just how much of an impact his words had on Baekhyun.
“Is that what you think this is?” Baekhyun asks, his voice a little shrill as he stares at Chanyeol incredulously. “You think I’m fucking sick?”
Chanyeol turns his head slowly from the screen, looking generally surprised when he sees the angry look being sent his way.
“No, I don-”
Baekhyun interrupts him before he can finish, a haze of anger clouding his thoughts. “What, do you think I’m some crazy person or something!?”
“No-” Chanyeol tries again.
“This isn’t some fucking game I’m playing on you! I’m not some sick maniac on the loose. I’m a fully grown man that doesn’t need to be looked after like some stupid kid!” Baekhyun gets to his feet, hands balling into fists at his sides.
“Listen to-” Chanyeol says, his voice gruffer than normal as he stands to his feet.
“I’m a different person, not some messed up version of your fucking boyfriend!”
“Shut up!”
Baekhyun isn’t prepared for Chanyeol to shout at him and it causes his words to fumble as his mouth snaps closed.
“I know that! I know you aren’t Baekhyun, I can fucking tell you aren’t him!” Chanyeol growls, throwing his arms up, eyes flashing with rage. “Do you think this is all about you?! Do you? ‘Cause it’s not! I’m the one that has a stranger in Baekhyun’s body.”
Chanyeol’s tone suddenly does a one-eighty. He looks miserable. “I lost Baekhyun... I lost him.”
Something inside Baekhyun aches. He can see something in Chanyeol’s eyes, something he only saw slivers of before. He saw only a fraction of what he sees now when he looked into Chanyeol’s eyes back in the dorms.
But here, he can see how much Chanyeol loved Baekhyun. It’s not some emotion that he’s too afraid to put a label on. Not blossoming feelings. It was real love.
And Chanyeol’s lost everything and ended up with him.
Baekhyun knows everything is a lie.
Chanyeol doesn’t want to be friends, he doesn’t want to be kind; he resents Baekhyun’s very existence because he took the man he loved away.
“You are not the only person affected, not the only one hurt. Don’t you get that?” Chanyeol cries out, and his eyes turned misty with forming tears. Baekhyun had no words to say. Chanyeol turned towards the front entrance, throwing on his shoes, wiping his hoodie’s sleeve across his face before he opened the door, not even looking back at where Baekhyun was still standing in the living room.
This time it’s Chanyeol that slams the door.
₰₰₰₰
Staying in a place where you are despised is miserable. And there is no way Baekhyun would remain in that tiny apartment, not after what he found out what Chanyeol really thought of him.
He remains in the apartment a while after Chanyeol leaves, standing on the same cheap carpeted floor until he is sure he left the imprint of his feet there. But Chanyeol doesn’t come back and Baekhyun realizes that he is fucking waiting for him.
Baekhyun has too much pride to wait for anyone who doesn’t even want anything to do with him. He doesn’t think; he just moves to the door and exits much of the same way that Chanyeol did and begins to wander around the part of the city their apartment complex is located in. It was already dusk when he went out and, after a few hours, the street lights and buildings become the main light to his path.
When he sees the flashing neon sign, it’s almost a relief. He doesn’t want to be coherent enough to think about what he’s going through or what world he’s in. Drinking himself into a pit of drunkenness wouldn’t be so bad.
It’s dark and musky, loud music blasting until his eardrums buzzed and the bright colored lights flashing all around distorted his vision.
Baekhyun doesn’t even notice the hoard of people dancing in the mosh pit, but heads straight for the bar, sitting on one of the stools and waiting until the bartender gives his attention to him.
“What can I get you?” The man asks, cleaning one of the mugs behind the counter.
“I don’t care, just something really strong,” Baekhyun says, running his hand through his hair.
“I got just the thing for you for 10000 Won and an ID.”
Baekhyun nods, patting at his back pocket before he realizes he has no wallet, no money, and no identification on him. The bartender must be used to reading a customer’s expressions. “No money, no drink.” He wanders off towards some people slumped against the bar further down and Baekhyun sighs, clutching at the wood tightly before he drops his head down on top of it.
“Hey there.”
Baekhyun lifts his head only when a twinkling voice speaks over his shoulder. A pretty girl dressed in a purple dress that clings to all the right places stands behind him with a warm smile and warmer eyes.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
₰₰₰₰
It’s disgusting really.
How easily he could get off to thoughts about Chanyeol.
Back in the dorms there were limited amounts of personal time for the members to relieve themselves. The only options they really ended up with were fapping in the shower or in your room if you ever got a second alone. Baekhyun tried to stay away from the bedroom, because Chanyeol was notorious for bursting into places without warning. So in the middle of a shower where you were rushed to clean and not use all the hot water because eleven other guys have to use it too, Baekhyun discovered the fastest way to get himself off was thinking about Chanyeol’s voice, his hands, his body. Any little thought towards him could get Baekhyun off quicker than thinking of boobs and short skirts.
It horrified him then and it terrifies him now.
The motion of the taxi is making him sick as Baekhyun leans against the back window, his head pounding and his gut twisting from the amount of alcohol he consumed throughout the night. He can faintly see the sun rising in the distance.
“The apartment is down this road, right?” The driver asks, looking through his rearview mirror at Baekhyun’s slumped form. Baekhyun makes some sort of grunting noise, although he isn’t quite sure which road they are on right now.
The pretty girl in the purple dress was the one that called the taxi for him, not wanting him to walk around by himself in the drunk out of his mind condition he is in. She had been so sweet, so nice throughout the whole night. The perfect girl that any normal man would die to have.
And yet when they had gone back to her place, Baekhyun hadn’t been able to get it up. Kissing her felt stale. There was no passion, no need pulsing under his skin. It was just two mouths and tongues pressing against each other.
It didn’t matter that she was pretty or had a mature, voluptuous body that looked great in the little black bra and panties she had on.
Nothing mattered, because Baekhyun felt nothing.
She had been so sweet about it all, and that killed something inside Baekhyun. Because he couldn’t even get his cock hard when a hot, half-naked girl was right in front of him, and just thinking of Chanyeol used to get him off in record time.
It was terrifying.
“This is your stop.”
Baekhyun looks up, eyebrows furrowing slightly because this is definitely not the dorms SM has them in, although the complex does look familiar enough. He ends up nodding anyways, handing some money that the pretty girl had lent him for the fair and stumbling over himself to get out of the cab.
The taxi is gone in the blink of eye and Baekhyun stands awkwardly at the corner for a while, before he heads toward the apartment, fumbling over his steps every once and awhile, groaning when he reaches the stairs. He’s still not completely sure where he is going, but his body seems to know and he keeps getting faint recollections of Chanyeol and him going up the stairs.
Then if Chanyeol is staying here with him, it shouldn’t be so bad.
He makes it down a hallway filled with similar looking doors and it confuses him and he ends up pacing up and down the floor for a while, grunting until he finally decides that the “4812” seems to be familiar enough.
He slams his palm down on the little buzzer, leaning against the door to keep his balance.
No response.
He slams his hand on the door this time, wrinkling his nose and about to shout out for his best friend when the door is yanked open. “Baekhyun?!”
Baekhyun stumbles forward, not prepared for the removal of his leaning post and falls forward until he lands against a much softer one that sends little tingles down his spine.
“Where the fuck have you been!?”
Chanyeol’s voice is frantic, booming and Baekhyun groans against what he guesses is Chanyeol’s chest. He forms a grip on the other’s shirt and buries his face deeper into the soft fabric.
“I went around everywhere looking for you! You don’t even know how to get around here, what were you thinking-” Chanyeol breaks from his rant and Baekhyun is forever thankful, groaning against his chest, just wanting to collapse on the bed and sleep for the rest of the night. “Have you been drinking?”
The questions comes out as more of an accusation than anything, but Baekhyun isn’t sober enough to notice that, so he lifts his head up and grins, his words slurred slightly. “Yup, I was!”
Chanyeol’s face contorts into a slightly disgusted one as Baekhyun’s breath lands across his face. “Shit, you’re wasted.”
Baekhyun pouts, but the next moment Chanyeol is lifting him off the ground and he lets out a short wail, before wrapping his arms tightly around Chanyeol’s neck. He doesn’t like when Chanyeol lifts him up, it makes him feel miniature, but he’s having a bit of trouble staying up straight, so he welcomes the help this time. The closeness sends little zings of electric pulses across his skin though.
“Hey, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, breathing right against the side of Chanyeol’s face.
“What?”
“I got free drinks all night!” Baekhyun exclaims happily, leaning his head against Chanyeol’s shoulder.
“Really?” Chanyeol fakes interest, dodging the furniture in the room and heading towards the bedroom.
“Yup, a pretty girl bought them all for me,” Baekhyun sighs, licking his lips.
“O-Oh?” Baekhyun misses the strain in Chanyeol’s voice as the other walks into the bathroom and heads toward the bed. He’s about to put Baekhyun on the comforter when he speaks again.
“And then we went back to her place.”
Chanyeol freezes, his hold on Baekhyun tightening. Baekhyun whines a little bit at the tight squeeze, but Chanyeol doesn’t respond, doesn’t move; just seems to be stuck where he is. “Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, squirming in the tall man’s hold.
He finds himself on the bed suddenly, a little ‘oof’ leaving him when he hits the mattress.
“Get some sleep, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol whispers tensely, turning around with the intention of leaving the room.
But Baekhyun doesn’t want him to go and grabs onto his wrist to stop him from leaving. “Don’t go,” he pleads, tugging on Chanyeol’s wrist lightly.
Chanyeol looks back at him. “I have to go, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol yanks his wrist away a little roughly, but this just upsets Baekhyun and he reaches back and yanks hard. Chanyeol ends up in a lump on top of him.
“Is there something wrong with me, Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asks, staring at the other.
“Why are you asking me that?” Chanyeol lifts himself onto his elbows, shifting on the bed to try and get off Baekhyun.
“Because I couldn’t get hard with that girl,” Baekhyun says simply, the alcohol obstructing his ability to be embarrassed about such a blunt statement.
Chanyeol’s head snaps his head up, his face shifting between surprise and some sort of gleeful look before finally settling on anger. “Maybe you were too drunk,” he ends up snapping as he leans back onto his heels, shaking his head.
“I don’t-” Baekhyun says, licking his lips and shifting a little on the bed, blinking in surprise when his crotch rubs against Chanyeol’s knee unintentionally, creating a soft friction that sends a jolt through him. Baekhyun suddenly realizes how close Chanyeol is right now and about how good all those fantasies about him were. Blood rushes south.
“No,” Baekhyun says with more confidence. “No, it’s not.”
“Then what do you think, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol snaps again, using the last strand of calmness he has left to keep himself from blowing up at the intoxicated man under him.
Baekhyun rolls his hips up, rubbing his quickly hardening dick against Chanyeol’s clothed knee again, this time with more pressure and more obviously. Chanyeol looks down and Baekhyun grins. “‘Cause I want you...”
Baekhyun continues to roll his hips, throwing his head back at the pleasure and wishing that there were no clothes between them. Chanyeol seems to be in a state of shock. When he recovers he slides his knee back and away from Baekhyun’s rolling hips. “Stop,” he whispers, throat tight.
“But I want you,” Baekhyun whines, his hips stuttering against air.
“N-No, stop Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun realizes that Chanyeol is trying to leave again and sits up quickly, using the surprise to tug Chanyeol forward and flip him onto his back so that Baekhyun is on top. He falls against Chanyeol’s chest briefly when he loses his balance.
It doesn’t take him long to get back up, and his hips land against Chanyeol’s thigh and Baekhyun immediately starts rutting against him, groaning and looking up at Chanyeol with wide eyes.
“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol half-shrieks, lifting one of his arms to push Baekhyun off. Baekhyun pins both arms to the bed with his own.
“I wanna fuck you,” Baekhyun moans, staring down at flushed cheeks and a lean frame that he has craved for far too long.
“No you don’t,” Chanyeol struggles weakly, looking more confused and unsure than anything.
“I wanna fuck you so bad,” Baekhyun thrusts his hips a little rougher, hissing at the tightness of his pants and wanting them off now. Chanyeol throws his head back, looking away from Baekhyun with a gaping mouth and Baekhyun can’t help but lean down to run his tongue along the skin of his neck.
Chanyeol shakes his head, his face contorting into some mix of arousal and confusion.
“I’m not your Chanyeol!”
Baekhyun looks up, a bit confused at the statement, but the hardness hanging between his legs and the alcohol in his system are too much for him to stop now. “I don’t care,” he groans out, thrusting against Chanyeol’s thigh again. “I want you, I need you.”
Chanyeol goes silent under him and Baekhyun uses the opportunity to drag his shirt above his head while attempting to keep the rhythm of his hips. He’s practically panting at the pleasure now, Chanyeol’s name slipping from between his lips. “I need you Chanyeol…”
When large hands land on his hips, Baekhyun is afraid Chanyeol is going to push him away, but instead he just shifts Baekhyun’s aim slightly and then Baekhyun is no longer rutting against pliant, soft thighs, but something equally as hard as his own pulsing cock.
“Fuck me, then.”
And Baekhyun does.
It’s rushed and sloppy, and Baekhyun really has no idea what he is doing since he has never had sex with a man before. Chanyeol does his best to guide him, which Baekhyun thinks is quite laughable because he is certain the younger has never had sex with a man either, only sharing encounters with female trainees whenever they ended up talking about those types of things.
There isn’t enough lube on his fingers when he stretches Chanyeol out, and when he switches from two to three fingers too quickly, Chanyeol’s nose scrunch up at the burn. Baekhyun doesn’t have time to think about condoms or if the other is stretched enough, because all he can think about is his cock in the tight heat before him.
When he is finally there and Chanyeol’s hole is sucking him in deeper, walls clenching around his cock, it is everything he imagined and more. Baekhyun’s thrusts are hard and overeager and Chanyeol has hands on the headboard to steady himself as grunts and half-moans escape his throat one after the other.
Baekhyun chants Chanyeol’s name like a mantra through it all, but Chanyeol stays surprising quiet despite the noises forced out of his throat.
Baekhyun’s thrusts turn frantic and Chanyeol is crying out under him louder, releasing one of his hands from the headboard and using it to stroke his cock and its all too much that Baekhyun comes embarrassingly fast, slumping down on top of Chanyeol’s chest with a deep whine as he releases inside Chanyeol’s walls.
Chanyeol continues to stroke himself, seeking his own release until Baekhyun notices and slaps his hands away, curiously running his hand along Chanyeol’s length and eyeing the way it curls slightly towards the left and is flushed such a deep red, to the point it almost appears purple in some places.
“F-fuck, please!” Chanyeol cries out and Baekhyun begins to stroke him similarly to the way he touches himself. It only takes a minute of well paced squeezes and fast movements before Chanyeol’s back arches and he comes all over Baekhyun’s hand and his own stomach.
Baekhyun releases the now flaccid cock in hand. He realizes a bit delayed that he is still inside the other and pulls out a little too quickly, causing Chanyeol to half-grunt, half-moan in response to the hasty movements.
Baekhyun slumps down on the bed, completely spent and wanting to do nothing but sleep for the next hundred years. Chanyeol stays still beside him.
Baekhyun swears he hears a sniffle as he drifts off and instinctively he presses against Chanyeol’s side, wrapping his arm around a surprisingly slender waist.
“C-Chanyeol…”
₰₰₰₰
When Baekhyun wakes-light too bright from where he is lying-his head is pounding and there is a naked chest in front of him.
His memories are still there, but fuzzy and it only takes a few short seconds before he remembers just who is lying next to him. The alcohol is no longer keeping him buzzed and unaware and just the fact they are lying on a queen sized bed instead of the standard twins in the dorm is enough for him to know that he fucked not-Chanyeol last night.
He should be panicking out of his mind, but he isn’t. There is no anxiety chewing at his insides with the knowledge he slept with a man.
Instead, he feels rather calm as he focuses his gaze on Chanyeol’s sleeping face and the way his mouth opens and closes as he breaths. Baekhyun is resting his head on one of Chanyeol’s outstretched arms and they are practically cuddling with the way they have their legs wrapped around each other and arms draped lazily over waists.
It doesn’t scare Baekhyun and he doesn’t try to move or leave. He shields his eyes from the light coming through the window and tunes his breathing to Chanyeol’s until he drifts back to sleep.
₰₰₰₰
He’s alone the next time his eyes open and this time his head is really throbbing.
Baekhyun groans and rolls onto his stomach, pressing his palm against his forehead, as if it would relieve the pain of his hangover. It takes him a few minutes before he is able to get up off the bed, and he is surprised to find that he appears mostly cleaned up, a little rag thrown on the ground of the bedroom seemingly the culprit. His chest squeezes tightly and he takes a deep breath, both for the pain in his head and for the inevitable confrontation ahead of him. He pulls on a pair of boxers from the drawer full of his-sized clothes and grabs onto the doorknob.
Baekhyun wouldn’t be a coward.
He doesn’t have to look far to find him.
Chanyeol is leaning against the kitchen counter, wearing only a loose pair of sweatpants and eating one of the green apple popsicles again. Baekhyun claws at his boxers to keep his mind away from thoughts of what else Chanyeol could suck on.
Chanyeol notices him before he can speak up and stands up straight, eyeing Baekhyun apprehensively. Baekhyun awkwardly shifts on his feet. Neither speaks.
“Um, can I have one?” It’s probably the stupidest way to begin a conversation with someone you just had sex with, but Chanyeol gives a timid smile and nods, and begins to limp over toward the freezer.
Guilt slams into Baekhyun like a freight train at the way Chanyeol hobbles the few inches for the popsicles. He cleaned up afterwards. Chanyeol was hurt and he cleaned Baekhyun and himself with a rag despite the way Baekhyun half-forced himself on him the night before.
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whimpers. Chanyeol freezes, his hand clasped around the freezer handle. Their gazes meet for a moment, and Baekhyun refuses to look away, not after everything he had done, it would be an insult to the taller.
“It’s alright. I’m just a little sore-it’s happened before.” Chanyeol pulls open the freezer and opens the assorted packaged, sifting through the contents.
“No, I mean, what I said last night too-I’m sorry I said those things,” Baekhyun continues, not wanting this apology to be blown off when it means something much more.
Chanyeol pauses again, but this time for a shorter of a time. He looks at Baekhyun with a wider of a smile. “I’m sorry too.”
It doesn’t change anything that happened between them or that they are not Chanyeol or Baekhyun. But it’s enough for now.
Baekhyun smiles back and walks forward as Chanyeol pulls out an individual package and hands it to him. “Red, right?”
Baekhyun shakes his head in response.
“Purple.”
₰₰₰₰
It’s still awkward around the apartment. It would be in most cases for people who live together and had sex, but don’t have any immediate plans on doing it again.
The tension is mostly gone now.
There is an unspoken acceptance that it doesn’t seem like anything is going to change. Chanyeol asks Baekhyun during dinner if he would be alright with the taller starting up work again and Baekhyun nods his agreement. It’s been over two weeks since he arrived here and Chanyeol’s spent all that time with him.
Baekhyun starts cleaning up around the house in the meantime, trying not to think about how “housewifey” the actions scream.
He’s getting more comfortable here and it’s made easier by the fact that nothing seems to be different from where he came from. Baekhyun hasn’t noticed any major differences besides some popular actors and actresses he’s never seen and songs on the tv and radio he’s never heard before.
Chanyeol comes back from work after having gone back for three days with carryout in his hands. They eat at the dinner table, Chanyeol flicking a bit of food at Baekhyun’s face and laughing while slapping his thighs when the doorbell rings.
They both turn towards the front door, Baekhyun very confused that they have a visitor and Chanyeol not looking much better off.
“Um…” Chanyeol trails off, getting to his feet. “Let me get that.”
Baekhyun nods slowly, staying in his seat and trying to see into the entryway.
He hears the door open, rather than sees it, Chanyeol’s tall form blocking his way.
“Umma!” Chanyeol exclaims, deep voice booming around the apartment. Baekhyun freezes, swallowing thickly and clutching at the table in front of him. Chanyeol’s mother is here. She’s visiting and Baekhyun’s here too and shit. What if she suspects something between them? What if she realizes that her son is gay and is in-or was in-a relationship with Baekhyun?
He wants to get out of here now. Being seen with Chanyeol by people who know them is nerve-wracking enough, but Chanyeol’s parents? Baekhyun scrambles to stand up, not sure where to go, but thinking the bathroom is a pretty good place to start.
“W-Wait, Umma. Baekhyun isn’t feeling well right now…” Chanyeol says from the doorway, footsteps stepping inside and Baekhyun freezes but it isn’t Chanyeol’s mom visiting them after all.
“Baekkie!”
It’s his mother.
“U-Umma…” Baekhyun gasps out just before he is pulled into a tight hug that feels just like the ones he had grown up with.
“How is my Baekkie doing?” She asks, releasing Baekhyun from her hold to get a good look at him. Chanyeol is back in the living room now and he has that nervous look on his face again that ends up making Baekhyun even more nervous than he already is.
He can’t let his mother know about them. Imaging her look of horror, of disgust when she finds out what her son really does with his supposed ‘roommate’ make his insides curl in horror. It doesn’t matter that she isn’t the mother he was raised with, seeing her face in response to knowing her son was in a gay relationship would crush Baekhyun.
“I-I’m fine, Umma.”
“Yeollie said you weren’t feeling well, though.”
“How about we all sit down?” Chanyeol urges them towards the living room and Baekhyun is truly thankful, because if he stood up for much longer, his legs would probably give out underneath him. The relief fades when his mother takes the single chair, which forces Chanyeol and Baekhyun to share the couch.
Baekhyun tries to maintain enough distance between them, not to seem overly close, but also not too much to make it seem as if they are fighting or something.
His mother smiles widely though, leaping into a barrage of questions without really observing anything and Baekhyun is thankful.
“So how is your internship going dear?”
Baekhyun clams up, never having heard a word spoken about an internship before. Chanyeol speaks up for him though. “He’s taking a leave right now, since he hasn’t been feeling well.”
Baekhyun is not even upset that he is being labeled as a sick person again if it means he can escape questions he does not have an answer to.
“Oh, that’s awful. Last time I visited you were so excited for it too.”
Baekhyun nods.
“Yeollie has been taking good care of you though, right?”
The question takes Baekhyun a bit off guard. “Yeah…” Baekhyun glances over at Chanyeol next to him and tells her the honest truth. “He has.”
“Oh, that’s good.” His mother smiles, smoothing out her skirt quickly before smiling a bit wickedly. “You know you two, my friend’s son just got married recently.”
Oh god, she was going to bring up girls and whether or not they had a girlfriend and he had no idea what to say or how to respond and-
“So when are you going to tie the knot?”
Baekhyun gapes, eyes wide and unable to actually tell if she just asked-
“It’s too soon for that kind of talk, Umma.” Chanyeol speaks up, his smile polite and warm, but his voice just a tad too tense.
“It’s never too soon. I think we should definitely have a meeting in the near future to meet with your parents, Yeollie,” she continues on, not picking up on Baekhyun’s shock or Chanyeol’s tenseness.
“Perhaps, but we haven’t even been dating for two years yet.”
“Officially,” his mother scoffs.
Chanyeol chuckles nervously, and wraps his arm around Baekhyun’s shoulder.
In a normal situation he would have shoved Chanyeol’s arm off him, embarrassed and angered that the other would dare touch him for any purpose when his mother was sitting in front of him. But now is not normal, because his mother knows that Baekhyun and Chanyeol were dating and she is not horrified and not upset and looks happy. Happy that her son is dating Chanyeol. She even wants Baekhyun to marry him.
Chanyeol squeezes his shoulder in comfort and Baekhyun welcomes it, because it the only thing keeping him grounded right now.
₰₰₰₰
“Are you alright?”
Chanyeol nudges Baekhyun curled up form on the bed. Baekhyun just groans in response.
“I didn’t know she was coming,” Chanyeol says. “If I did I would have gotten you out of the house or something.”
“It’s fine,” Baekhyun says, flipping over onto his back so he can actually see Chanyeol.
“I know that talking about my relationship with Baekhyun makes you uncomfortable, I know you don’t feel that wa-”
Baekhyun sits up suddenly and interrupts before he can finish. “Is what you and Baekhyun have considered normal here?”
Chanyeol looks generally confused by his question. “Uh, y-yes?”
“So two men can just get married if they wanted to?” Baekhyun asks incredulously, not quite believing it. “In Korea?”
“Why wouldn’t they be able to?”
Baekhyun shakes his head, turning away.
“Is it… different where you come from?” Chanyeol leans closer and Baekhyun wraps his arms around his knees.
“Yeah...”
“In what way?” Chanyeol asks, clearly interested in knowing more about where Baekhyun came from since the other doesn’t often devolve information about it.
“People… from where I come from…” Baekhyun starts, trying to find the right words to explain. “They don’t believe in what you and Baekhyun have. It’s not allowed and frowned upon by most.”
Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun like he just hung a puppy by its neck right in front of him.
“You mean they don’t believe in love?”
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