(no subject)
I.
1 released of all shame and longing
2 eating three meals a day
3 reading books
4 independent thought
5 running down mountains
6 introversion
7 creativity
8 no despair
9 good memory
10 no attachment
11 religion
12 studying what interests
13 calm
14 a private nook
15 secrets
16 deep conversation
17 strong voice
18 well-balanced
19 politically informed
20 frequent use of metaphors in conversation
21 sure of convictions
22 a mantra
23 less image
24 smoking on the sidewalk or fire escape
25 battle against the world is inside of me
26 battle of good versus evil
27 bad spelling
28 importance of important people to be determined
29 unity
30 lots of drugs
31 in the moment
32 lost
33 humor
34 honesty
35 living inside of a tent
36 goals
37 not a game and no one wins or looses just happiness and misery
38 being angry instead of sad
39 spontaneous, instantaneous
40 interests
b
1 some of this is contradictory
2 so, be without reflection
3 impossible?
II.
This list was compiled last March of what I was and what I should be and was pretty much my plan of change, and in the months since I have, and I stuck to some of it, but a lot of it got away and my precious idealism was pushed down my legs by all this floating dark nihilism, but I can get back there with myself focused and these amazing people around me, I'll get good angry with Katie and I'll be a good person and a productive person with Natali and ohmygodthings get better but I get more and more bored and more and more conflicted and and I want my body covered with compasionate bird feathers, I want to understand things a little less, wanting things a lot less, getting rid of all this weighing tired, this sagging tired that pulls me down onto the chair I don't get up from. Waking up with a smiling yawn, stretching on my back, arms out and hands in balls, going "ahhhh," my face yawling, kicking my legs, ball hands palming my eye and removing the sleep, me saying "HELLO."
iii.
New Years Resolutions:
1 destruction of neurosis
2 aforementioned list
3 other places
4 bird feathers
5 colour
6 thought
7 screaming creativity
8 holding haaaands
9 being
10 pro,gress,ion
11 ...