bleh

[spit_venom]

I wish I had the guts to forsake all in wild abandonment for what my soul yearns for. I wish I had the guts to sell it all and take off for an artist community somewhere, living on meager means but doing what I love all day, writing, creating, loving, living.

I feel like I’m existing, not truly living my life to the fullest. Most days I mask

Comments

[yobachi2003]

So… what’s stopping me?

I would have thought it was the kids.

I feel like I’m existing, not truly living my life to the fullest. Most days I mask that feeling.

I feel the same way, but try not to think of it much because if I did then the sadness would and regret would smother me.

[spit_venom]

I sold my kids to the NRA - they're using them to polish bullets.

No seriously - my eldest - he just got his own place. He's going to be a father. He's working fulltime. I'm amazed. He reminds me of me when I was 17. I was bursting, mature and ready to get out there.

My youngest - he's starting private school this year in Washington - another reason why I'll be going back - not just for the pine trees and rain and beautiful, diverse, poetically pagan people -

I just miss it so much (see reply to mz golden below so i'm not repeating myself) -

[golden_lady]

This is exactly where my head's been lately. At the Poetry CD release party I went to Sunday night, the poet was a part of a company called Torchlight Entertainment. In addition to hearing LOVE's poetry, we also heard songs and poems from other people in Torchlight. And it seemed like every one of them had a "day job". Not just that, but it seemed like they were all cool with things that way - not that it would always have to be that way, but that's how it is. And they were so...accepting, and grateful even. Actually, a couple of the pieces we heard were about that - how you have to stay on your grind in the day-to-day, but you also have to stay on your grind as an artist, and how you have to find peace between the two parts, practical and passionate. Kinda set a light bulb off in my head, ya know?

[spit_venom]

You know, that is exactly what I'm missing. See, when I lived near Seattle, I was so surrounded by creativity. I worked my job during the day, but it didn't consume me - my artistic side consumed me - and it was wonderful.

I'm in Reno - we don't have that scene here. We have gamblers and crackheads. We have one poetry spot, and it's SO wack - girl, I won't even start on that.

I feel starved - completely starved. I need artist connection very badly.

live life to the fullest

[behrhuggs]

i have read your thoughts and feelings for a while. i know you think that you are living a safe life, but is it really... happiness is what you make of it. dont be afraid to take that risk, do what your heart leads you to do. have what ever life you want to have, cause baby you only get one chance to grab life by the horns and live it to the max. so its up to you to make your life the very best it can be! living loving writing, painting and loving life..... gurl i say why arent you already packed?

[triniredd]

Damn, sometimes I think you are my cosmic twin LOL

Why? Because we feed into that illusion of stability.

Right there with you, chica. I've already set my plans in motion. Planning on moving no later than next summer and moving on with my life.

Do it, Vennie. Life is too short. Don't ever look back and think "what if". Instead, look back and think "I did". Whether it works out or not you gave it a shot.

Know what I mean :-)