And again.
Title: And Again.
Pairing: Balthazar/Castiel
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Angsting, mentions of death
Word Count: 676
Summary: In moments of peril, Balthazar has always been there, death wouldn't change that. Just a little moment in time, inspired by too many feels. Balthazar's perspective. Cas's perspective found here.
He appears because he has to. Because the monster had two sisters that none of them, himself included, had planned on. And because the ape has his hands full with the other two and can’t follow as Cas walks right into the trap. And if Cassy is going to walk into a trap, he’ll be damned if he’s not going to save him. What good is it, being dead, if he can’t even save Cas?
He appears, He appears because his disregard for the rules didn’t end with life. And yes, Fate has her panties in a bunch, warns, and threatens, and shakes her devilishly taloned fingers at him. But what can she do, fate is for the living, and he,fortunately, has had no such label on him for quite some time. What will she do? Kill him? That would be a trick.
And it’s just in time too that he manifests, seconds, he’s never cut it quite this close, it’s clumsy, it means he doesn’t have time to disappear, or to find some handy trick of light to hide behind. Cassy is human now, and that means his vision isn’t quite what it used to be, so it’s easy to tuck himself away behind some distraction and slip away unnoticed. He’d like to fancy the other always knows…but he’s fancied quite a few things in his time, and he knows just about how far that’ll get you.
And as he stands there, as he drives it away, makes it vanish into some plane that he chooses at random, he hears Cas whisper his name, and it’s … it’s almost too much. He’s tried to pride himself…no… no…to pretend to himself, that it’s all alright, that watching Cas…watching Cas live, without him, hasn’t….that watching them doesn’t….
But of course he turns, because he knows, likely, likely this will never happen again, not for years, not for ages, and he can’t quite, quite, bear to let it slip away. They ask him mockingly sometimes, why he doesn’t just stay, if he’s going to interfere, if he’s going to go through all the trouble. But whatever you believe about him, he knows where the lines are, the important ones, the ones that you don’t cross, because the results are no longer what you wanted, but something else altogether. And to be like this, here and not here, another echo of a distant, painful past, he won’t do that to Cas. He won’t haunt him. He’s selfish, unbearably, unspeakably selfish, but he’s not selfish enough for that.
Selfish enough though, to turn, to turn, even though he should leave, and seeing him, seeing him see him. The blue eyes on him once more, like he never thought he’d….He wants to speak, he wants to cry, but those are alive things, and he can only imagine them, so instead he smiles, motion the only thing he can do in this existence.
He smiles, and moves forward, and he touches, and he can’t, can’t seem to stop himself, dangerous, it’s dangerous how much he suddenly wants, wants nothing more than Cassy, wants everything that was torn away, wants everything that they should have had, but couldn’t. God, he loves him. Even now, even like this, he loves him. He’d forgotten how much greater the pull was with the other in front of him, looking at him, wonder, longing.
And then.
And then.
And then it happens as it always does, no, always did, as it always did.
“Cas,” A distant voice, one that he despises but can’t really despise, hard as he tries. “Cas.”
And then Cas isn’t looking at him anymore, and knows that’s the moment, there won’t be another one. He won’t be able to leave if the other is looking at him, he won’t. He can’t do that, he knows himself well enough to know that much.
I love you.
He thinks again.
He disappears.
He disappears, because that’s how it is.
Pairing: Balthazar/Castiel
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Angsting, mentions of death
Word Count: 676
Summary: In moments of peril, Balthazar has always been there, death wouldn't change that. Just a little moment in time, inspired by too many feels. Balthazar's perspective. Cas's perspective found here.
He appears because he has to. Because the monster had two sisters that none of them, himself included, had planned on. And because the ape has his hands full with the other two and can’t follow as Cas walks right into the trap. And if Cassy is going to walk into a trap, he’ll be damned if he’s not going to save him. What good is it, being dead, if he can’t even save Cas?
He appears, He appears because his disregard for the rules didn’t end with life. And yes, Fate has her panties in a bunch, warns, and threatens, and shakes her devilishly taloned fingers at him. But what can she do, fate is for the living, and he,fortunately, has had no such label on him for quite some time. What will she do? Kill him? That would be a trick.
And it’s just in time too that he manifests, seconds, he’s never cut it quite this close, it’s clumsy, it means he doesn’t have time to disappear, or to find some handy trick of light to hide behind. Cassy is human now, and that means his vision isn’t quite what it used to be, so it’s easy to tuck himself away behind some distraction and slip away unnoticed. He’d like to fancy the other always knows…but he’s fancied quite a few things in his time, and he knows just about how far that’ll get you.
And as he stands there, as he drives it away, makes it vanish into some plane that he chooses at random, he hears Cas whisper his name, and it’s … it’s almost too much. He’s tried to pride himself…no… no…to pretend to himself, that it’s all alright, that watching Cas…watching Cas live, without him, hasn’t….that watching them doesn’t….
But of course he turns, because he knows, likely, likely this will never happen again, not for years, not for ages, and he can’t quite, quite, bear to let it slip away. They ask him mockingly sometimes, why he doesn’t just stay, if he’s going to interfere, if he’s going to go through all the trouble. But whatever you believe about him, he knows where the lines are, the important ones, the ones that you don’t cross, because the results are no longer what you wanted, but something else altogether. And to be like this, here and not here, another echo of a distant, painful past, he won’t do that to Cas. He won’t haunt him. He’s selfish, unbearably, unspeakably selfish, but he’s not selfish enough for that.
Selfish enough though, to turn, to turn, even though he should leave, and seeing him, seeing him see him. The blue eyes on him once more, like he never thought he’d….He wants to speak, he wants to cry, but those are alive things, and he can only imagine them, so instead he smiles, motion the only thing he can do in this existence.
He smiles, and moves forward, and he touches, and he can’t, can’t seem to stop himself, dangerous, it’s dangerous how much he suddenly wants, wants nothing more than Cassy, wants everything that was torn away, wants everything that they should have had, but couldn’t. God, he loves him. Even now, even like this, he loves him. He’d forgotten how much greater the pull was with the other in front of him, looking at him, wonder, longing.
And then.
And then.
And then it happens as it always does, no, always did, as it always did.
“Cas,” A distant voice, one that he despises but can’t really despise, hard as he tries. “Cas.”
And then Cas isn’t looking at him anymore, and knows that’s the moment, there won’t be another one. He won’t be able to leave if the other is looking at him, he won’t. He can’t do that, he knows himself well enough to know that much.
I love you.
He thinks again.
He disappears.
He disappears, because that’s how it is.