Chapter 4: Chad's Rocking Sausage Fest Adventure
Chapter 4: Chad's Rocking Sausage Fest Adventure
Writer: morrezela
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: JDM/Jensen/Jared, Chad Voyeuring on JDM/Jensen/Jared, Chad/Bush, mentioned Chad/Building, Timothy Omundson flirting with JDM, Blatant Amanda Tapping worship (non-sexual)
Words: 1,750
Summary: The Chad is awesome. But he gets caught by some dude, which is a bummer.
Chad grunts as Jeff is lead away with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb who are so clearly on steroids it hurts. Never let it be said that The Chad is stupid. The Chad is brilliant, and nobody on any ship has ever realized it, least of all Jeff and his collection of hot redheads.
Chad absently scratches the smooth area behind his dick. He’d been gently humping a nearby bush just from the sexual energy that Jeff and the wonder twins had been putting off earlier. Chad is thankful he doesn’t have his balls, otherwise that scene would’ve had him getting his rocks off against that particularly fetching building.
Once he is certain that both abductees and abductors are gone, Chad pats his bush and says his farewells. Sneaking into the now abandoned building, Chad makes his way to the lit up tech that Tall and Taller hadn’t bothered to cover up with anything but some curtains on a wire. It doesn’t take Chad long to figure out the password. “Boat House” isn’t the surprising given how close the village is to the water.
Chad is so, so sure that he is about to uncover a conspiracy that he is disappointed to find that the console has been turned into some sort of replicator that is extremely efficient in producing nothing but lube, diapers and gummy bears.
Shrugging, Chad shovels the gummy bears into his handy travel sack so he has a snack for later. Sneaking around is hungry work. He is squinting out into the night, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting when a hand wraps around his mouth, and he is pulled back into Hands-y Man’s love hut.
“Make noise, and I will end your pathetic life,” a man whispers into Chad’s ear.
Chad snorts and twists out of his assailant’s hold. “Like I haven’t heard that from everybody ever,” he sneers.
The dim lighting in the Man Cave of Butt Sex makes it hard to see, but Chad can make out a flowing mane of curly silvered hair that is somehow even more impressive than that of that Jay-rod fellow.
“What are you doing here?” the man demands.
“Me? What are you doing here?” Chad retorts in a belligerent manner.
The other man doesn’t fall for his antics, crossing his arms and glaring at Chad instead of engaging in what would no doubt have been satisfying, witty repartee. At least, Chad thinks the other guy is glaring. He can’t actually make out that much of the dude’s face thanks to the lack of natural lighting in the place.
“I’m here to help his, uh, Lordship out,” Chad finally says. He can’t stand silence.
“Doubtful,” the man says as if he doubts Chad’s honesty.
“Look, which of us showed up with him, huh? So I should be the one suspicious of you,” Chad points out smugly.
An irritated sigh is the response he receives. “I’m not sure you have the intelligence to be deceptive,” the man grudgingly admits.
Chad’s chest puffs up with pride at the compliment. “Cool. So, what are you doing here again?”
“Misha is trying to cover up his tracks. He has been embezzling money and wishes to retain his power by eliminating all threats. Removing Jared, Jensen and King Jeffrey would ensure that he remained in charge,” the man explains.
Chad nods. “Wait, why does he want to get rid of Porn Lips and Big Dick?” he asks.
The other man sighs again. Chad would be insulted, but he gets that response from Felicia alone at least twenty times per day.
“Because they’re the heirs of her Royal Magnificence Queen Amanda Tapping,” the man answers as if Chad should have read the entirety of the local history books before venturing out onto the streets. Joke is on him - Chad never read his grade school history books, let alone anything that was actually optional.
“Oh. The chick that crashed the ship?” Chad asks. The cold silence that follows tells Chad that he maybe insulted the other guy.
“Anyhoo,” Chad says in an attempt to direct attention away from his insult, “what’s your name again?”
“I am Timothy of Omundson, Official Keeper of the Night,” the man introduces himself with a shallow bow that Chad has only seen in old movies.
“So you like a knight? Where’s your armor?” Chad asks as he tries to inconspicuously eye up his surroundings for a makeshift weapon of some sort.
“Not ‘knight,’ night,” Timmy explains.
“Night, night!” Chad exclaims as he swings a large pipe at the man. He is certain that he will knock Timmy out, but the old dude’s reflexes are faster than Chad thought, and he grabs the pipe in midair. The pipe breaks when it comes into contact with Timmy’s hand, and the smell of pepperoni fills the room.
“Quit calling me Timmy,” is what the annoying man says as he throws the pepperoni remnants to the floor, and Chad wonders if he should actually go to the optometrist and get his prescription checked. Then again, seeing an eye doctor would require not being on a backwater planet where the locals are stupid enough to think that an old space goat like Jeffrey Dean Morgan is some sort of deity.
“Look, Timmy,” Chad begins.
“I told you to quit calling me that,” Knight Night interrupts.
“Yeah, and I was only calling you that in my head, so you’re freaky,” Chad points out. “But if you want to help, Jeff the Glorious, you can’t do it here. He was kidnapped by the Keebler Elf and her minions Snapz, Kracklez and Pops. She was all, ‘Yewr mah prisonehrs now,’ but I’m not sure that’s supposed to be a bad thing seems how Misha is after them as well?” Chad’s brow wrinkles in confusion at having to think.
“And you did not think to tell me this earlier?” Timothy bellows.
“No. Dude. Obviously not,” Chad scoffs.
“We must apprehend Ruthie and her henchmen. Jared will have no doubt left us a trail of broken belongings and sweat to follow!” Timothy shouts as he grabs Chad’s arm and starts pulling him towards the entrance of the Love Shack.
“Hey! I was busy,” Chad complains.
Timothy arches one magnificent, silver eyebrow at him. “You are too ‘busy’ to rescue your liege from the hands of morally corrupt people?”
“You make that sound like a bad thing,” Chad grumbles as he pulls his arm free of Timothy’s hold. “Fine. Let’s go rescue Jeff.”
Timothy gives him a dirty look. Chad congratulates himself on still having ‘the touch.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“And so, as her mortal form began to perish from the brutal requirements of the land, Her Magnificence declared that there would always be a Heart and Hands to our settlement,” Timothy says as he forces Chad to keep walking through the wilderness. Chad isn’t sure why Timothy felt the need to narrate his people’s history, but Chad isn’t about to interrupt him. That would take energy, and Chad is expending all he has to keep up the pace.
“Right, so, why does the replica… I mean, the magical giving device only create lube, gummies and diapers?” Chad gasps out around his overtaxed lungs when it becomes apparent that Timothy wants him to say something.
“Ah. It was commanded by Our Great Lady Tapping that the Heart and Hands must always be the strongest and best looking in all the land. Lube and diapers are a natural consequence of this decree.”
“And the gummies?” Chad asks.
“Jared and Jensen descend from a long line of Hands and Hearts due to the excessive copulating that happens between them. All have had a fancy for the Her Ladyship’s Royal Treats. She commanded the royal treat box to dispense this ambrosia to future generations.”
“Oh. But wait, does that mean that those two are related? Are they engaging in WINcest?” Chad inquires with a wiggle of his eyebrows. (The action does not make his eyes look any bigger.)
“What? I believe you mean, incest,” Timothy corrects, “and they are not. Royal Empress of the Sixteen Seas Amanda had many consorts, as no doubt His Mighty Magnificence Morgan will have. They are only vaguely related. There is no need for concern.”
“Bummer,” Chad opines just before her trips over a rock and crashes down a hill. On the bad side, he is very dirty and bruised when he lands in the hidden pool at the end of his trek. On the plus side, he is treated to the shocked face of Jeffrey whose dick is still in Jensen’s mouth. If Chad isn’t mistaken, Jared had been in the process of jerking off, but Jared has had the presence of mind to remove his hand from his still erect dick.
A slight rustling of branches is all that heralds the arrival of Timothy’s more sedate entrance to the scene. “Thank The Lady’s Grace that you are unharmed,” he cries out, reaching for Chad before he notices the other men in the copse. His eyes noticeably drift to Jeff’s wet dick that has been exposed by the retreat of Jensen’s plush mouth.
Jeff notices, smirks, winks and even flexes his muscles a bit in response to the obvious leering of, well, everybody except for Chad.
“Okay, okay. I did not come here to watch dirty old guy flirting,” Chad gripes as he rights himself and trudges out of the pool.
“I’m not old!” Jeff protests.
“Okay, I did not come here to watch a sexual sausage fest period,” Chad amends. “Now we need to get out of here so we can stop that Misha dude from stealing our spare parts… I mean your glorious throne and monument.”
Jeff shakes his head. “It isn’t that simple. We can’t climb out, and the entrance is heavily guarded.”
“Well crap,” Chad opines.
Jeff crosses his arms over his naked chest and glares at Chad, “I told you to stay put.”
Chad snorts and gets three sets of eyes glaring at him for his impudence. “Gummies?” he offers, holding out his now soggy bag of treats. The distraction is instantaneous as he is quickly surrounded by two really naked dudes with half hard dicks. Timothy seems to be taking the opportunity to stare lustfully and Jeff’s ass.
Jeff is the only one still glaring at Chad, but that is normal. Chad gives him a jaunty salute, firm in the knowledge that The Chad’s ideas are always the best.
Now I'm tagging cherie_morte so she can some fun times with The Chadster writing and naked dicks.
Writer: morrezela
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: JDM/Jensen/Jared, Chad Voyeuring on JDM/Jensen/Jared, Chad/Bush, mentioned Chad/Building, Timothy Omundson flirting with JDM, Blatant Amanda Tapping worship (non-sexual)
Words: 1,750
Summary: The Chad is awesome. But he gets caught by some dude, which is a bummer.
Chad grunts as Jeff is lead away with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb who are so clearly on steroids it hurts. Never let it be said that The Chad is stupid. The Chad is brilliant, and nobody on any ship has ever realized it, least of all Jeff and his collection of hot redheads.
Chad absently scratches the smooth area behind his dick. He’d been gently humping a nearby bush just from the sexual energy that Jeff and the wonder twins had been putting off earlier. Chad is thankful he doesn’t have his balls, otherwise that scene would’ve had him getting his rocks off against that particularly fetching building.
Once he is certain that both abductees and abductors are gone, Chad pats his bush and says his farewells. Sneaking into the now abandoned building, Chad makes his way to the lit up tech that Tall and Taller hadn’t bothered to cover up with anything but some curtains on a wire. It doesn’t take Chad long to figure out the password. “Boat House” isn’t the surprising given how close the village is to the water.
Chad is so, so sure that he is about to uncover a conspiracy that he is disappointed to find that the console has been turned into some sort of replicator that is extremely efficient in producing nothing but lube, diapers and gummy bears.
Shrugging, Chad shovels the gummy bears into his handy travel sack so he has a snack for later. Sneaking around is hungry work. He is squinting out into the night, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting when a hand wraps around his mouth, and he is pulled back into Hands-y Man’s love hut.
“Make noise, and I will end your pathetic life,” a man whispers into Chad’s ear.
Chad snorts and twists out of his assailant’s hold. “Like I haven’t heard that from everybody ever,” he sneers.
The dim lighting in the Man Cave of Butt Sex makes it hard to see, but Chad can make out a flowing mane of curly silvered hair that is somehow even more impressive than that of that Jay-rod fellow.
“What are you doing here?” the man demands.
“Me? What are you doing here?” Chad retorts in a belligerent manner.
The other man doesn’t fall for his antics, crossing his arms and glaring at Chad instead of engaging in what would no doubt have been satisfying, witty repartee. At least, Chad thinks the other guy is glaring. He can’t actually make out that much of the dude’s face thanks to the lack of natural lighting in the place.
“I’m here to help his, uh, Lordship out,” Chad finally says. He can’t stand silence.
“Doubtful,” the man says as if he doubts Chad’s honesty.
“Look, which of us showed up with him, huh? So I should be the one suspicious of you,” Chad points out smugly.
An irritated sigh is the response he receives. “I’m not sure you have the intelligence to be deceptive,” the man grudgingly admits.
Chad’s chest puffs up with pride at the compliment. “Cool. So, what are you doing here again?”
“Misha is trying to cover up his tracks. He has been embezzling money and wishes to retain his power by eliminating all threats. Removing Jared, Jensen and King Jeffrey would ensure that he remained in charge,” the man explains.
Chad nods. “Wait, why does he want to get rid of Porn Lips and Big Dick?” he asks.
The other man sighs again. Chad would be insulted, but he gets that response from Felicia alone at least twenty times per day.
“Because they’re the heirs of her Royal Magnificence Queen Amanda Tapping,” the man answers as if Chad should have read the entirety of the local history books before venturing out onto the streets. Joke is on him - Chad never read his grade school history books, let alone anything that was actually optional.
“Oh. The chick that crashed the ship?” Chad asks. The cold silence that follows tells Chad that he maybe insulted the other guy.
“Anyhoo,” Chad says in an attempt to direct attention away from his insult, “what’s your name again?”
“I am Timothy of Omundson, Official Keeper of the Night,” the man introduces himself with a shallow bow that Chad has only seen in old movies.
“So you like a knight? Where’s your armor?” Chad asks as he tries to inconspicuously eye up his surroundings for a makeshift weapon of some sort.
“Not ‘knight,’ night,” Timmy explains.
“Night, night!” Chad exclaims as he swings a large pipe at the man. He is certain that he will knock Timmy out, but the old dude’s reflexes are faster than Chad thought, and he grabs the pipe in midair. The pipe breaks when it comes into contact with Timmy’s hand, and the smell of pepperoni fills the room.
“Quit calling me Timmy,” is what the annoying man says as he throws the pepperoni remnants to the floor, and Chad wonders if he should actually go to the optometrist and get his prescription checked. Then again, seeing an eye doctor would require not being on a backwater planet where the locals are stupid enough to think that an old space goat like Jeffrey Dean Morgan is some sort of deity.
“Look, Timmy,” Chad begins.
“I told you to quit calling me that,” Knight Night interrupts.
“Yeah, and I was only calling you that in my head, so you’re freaky,” Chad points out. “But if you want to help, Jeff the Glorious, you can’t do it here. He was kidnapped by the Keebler Elf and her minions Snapz, Kracklez and Pops. She was all, ‘Yewr mah prisonehrs now,’ but I’m not sure that’s supposed to be a bad thing seems how Misha is after them as well?” Chad’s brow wrinkles in confusion at having to think.
“And you did not think to tell me this earlier?” Timothy bellows.
“No. Dude. Obviously not,” Chad scoffs.
“We must apprehend Ruthie and her henchmen. Jared will have no doubt left us a trail of broken belongings and sweat to follow!” Timothy shouts as he grabs Chad’s arm and starts pulling him towards the entrance of the Love Shack.
“Hey! I was busy,” Chad complains.
Timothy arches one magnificent, silver eyebrow at him. “You are too ‘busy’ to rescue your liege from the hands of morally corrupt people?”
“You make that sound like a bad thing,” Chad grumbles as he pulls his arm free of Timothy’s hold. “Fine. Let’s go rescue Jeff.”
Timothy gives him a dirty look. Chad congratulates himself on still having ‘the touch.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“And so, as her mortal form began to perish from the brutal requirements of the land, Her Magnificence declared that there would always be a Heart and Hands to our settlement,” Timothy says as he forces Chad to keep walking through the wilderness. Chad isn’t sure why Timothy felt the need to narrate his people’s history, but Chad isn’t about to interrupt him. That would take energy, and Chad is expending all he has to keep up the pace.
“Right, so, why does the replica… I mean, the magical giving device only create lube, gummies and diapers?” Chad gasps out around his overtaxed lungs when it becomes apparent that Timothy wants him to say something.
“Ah. It was commanded by Our Great Lady Tapping that the Heart and Hands must always be the strongest and best looking in all the land. Lube and diapers are a natural consequence of this decree.”
“And the gummies?” Chad asks.
“Jared and Jensen descend from a long line of Hands and Hearts due to the excessive copulating that happens between them. All have had a fancy for the Her Ladyship’s Royal Treats. She commanded the royal treat box to dispense this ambrosia to future generations.”
“Oh. But wait, does that mean that those two are related? Are they engaging in WINcest?” Chad inquires with a wiggle of his eyebrows. (The action does not make his eyes look any bigger.)
“What? I believe you mean, incest,” Timothy corrects, “and they are not. Royal Empress of the Sixteen Seas Amanda had many consorts, as no doubt His Mighty Magnificence Morgan will have. They are only vaguely related. There is no need for concern.”
“Bummer,” Chad opines just before her trips over a rock and crashes down a hill. On the bad side, he is very dirty and bruised when he lands in the hidden pool at the end of his trek. On the plus side, he is treated to the shocked face of Jeffrey whose dick is still in Jensen’s mouth. If Chad isn’t mistaken, Jared had been in the process of jerking off, but Jared has had the presence of mind to remove his hand from his still erect dick.
A slight rustling of branches is all that heralds the arrival of Timothy’s more sedate entrance to the scene. “Thank The Lady’s Grace that you are unharmed,” he cries out, reaching for Chad before he notices the other men in the copse. His eyes noticeably drift to Jeff’s wet dick that has been exposed by the retreat of Jensen’s plush mouth.
Jeff notices, smirks, winks and even flexes his muscles a bit in response to the obvious leering of, well, everybody except for Chad.
“Okay, okay. I did not come here to watch dirty old guy flirting,” Chad gripes as he rights himself and trudges out of the pool.
“I’m not old!” Jeff protests.
“Okay, I did not come here to watch a sexual sausage fest period,” Chad amends. “Now we need to get out of here so we can stop that Misha dude from stealing our spare parts… I mean your glorious throne and monument.”
Jeff shakes his head. “It isn’t that simple. We can’t climb out, and the entrance is heavily guarded.”
“Well crap,” Chad opines.
Jeff crosses his arms over his naked chest and glares at Chad, “I told you to stay put.”
Chad snorts and gets three sets of eyes glaring at him for his impudence. “Gummies?” he offers, holding out his now soggy bag of treats. The distraction is instantaneous as he is quickly surrounded by two really naked dudes with half hard dicks. Timothy seems to be taking the opportunity to stare lustfully and Jeff’s ass.
Jeff is the only one still glaring at Chad, but that is normal. Chad gives him a jaunty salute, firm in the knowledge that The Chad’s ideas are always the best.
Now I'm tagging cherie_morte so she can some fun times with The Chadster writing and naked dicks.