Chapter 10 It's THAT kind of party!
Chapter 10
Title: It's THAT kind of party!
Rating: PG-13 (Just)
Word Count: 1,037.
Pairings. J2, Alaina/Jeff, almost Felicia/Jeff.
Summary: Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light!
Alaina's many things to many people, chief amongst them right hand woman to a Captain who's logged more man hours than any other human in the cosmos. How exactly she's going to keep his over sexed lower regions occupied for the rest of their natural lives, she has no idea.
Having said that, the amount of times he's dipped his wick they've probably both got some hideous venereal disease and the rest of their lives won't amount to a hill of beans.
Shaking her head she watches Felicia balance delicately on a stepladder as she hangs bright pink penis shaped streamers all over the room, "How do you feel about cock shaped ice cubes in the toast glasses?"
Throwing an enthusiastic thumbs up at the mini-redhead, Alaina thinks back over the exact manner in which she said yes to Jeff's oh so romantic proposal of marriage!
She's fairly sure it should be illegal to take a 'yes' to that kind of question when the answer is mumbled around eight inches of impressively girthed cock. Then again, Jeff's always thought with it, why shouldn't he finish proposing with it?
As she spins on the spot, trying to figure out where to place the giant ice sculpture of Chad being smacked by Danneel, Alaina sees Jensen huffing and puffing in the corner and feels slightly sorry for Jared who's going to have to pick up the pieces of his frazzled mate's ego.
Jensen's half way through trying to tie the laces on his Basque style bridesmaid's dress and swearing profusely at the lack of give in the fabric stretched tight over his ever increasing belly, "For fuck sake..Jared, gimme a hand would you?! Exactly how did I end up saying yes to being a bridesmaid when I can't even see my bloody feet!"
Jared chuckles, takes the lace ends in long fingers and gently places the toe of a boot into the small of Jensen's back, "Ready, it's gonna pinch? And HEAVE!"
"Haha, very fucking funny! I'm not a piece of granite you're hauling up a hill!"
Jared loops bows into the back of Jensen's dress and steps away before grinning and tilting his head, "Too pretty to be a piece of granite baby, maybe a shiny piece of marble..."
"YES"
"OUCH!"
Finally, Chad has a chance to actively participate in the beating up of some other poor fucker than himself and he's going to take great pride in the sting still radiating off his own palm, whilst backing away slowly from a growling Jared, "Hey man, you shouldn't be talking to Jensen like that, not while he's baking your bun."
Jensen's too busy trying to find his swollen feet to put them in his ridiculously high purple stilettos to take much notice of Jared repeatedly bouncing Chad's head off of the wall, "No blood on the wall hangings guys! I don't fancy having this baby shower slash wedding surrounded by the crusted over proof of Chad being a giant pussy!"
Jeff comes careening into the room, legs tangling around themselves as he tries unsuccessfully to grab the damned cat before it sits down on something that creates a wormhole in space and he ends up being a non sexy bastard without the libido of a stevedore, "Shit, grab the fur-ball, or we'll all end up someplace way more sensible!"
Danneel follows in at a far more sedate pace, running beautifully blood red tipped fingers along the walls to stop from falling elegant ass over fantastic tits as the boat lists to port, "Jeff, quick question, how exactly are you 'sposed to marry yourself?"
Chad; hiding underneath one of the silk covered tables, snorts and waves a disembodied hand at the room, "He's been loving on himself for years, why can't he marry himself!"
Nose squashed into plush carpeting, Jeff mumbles something as Alaina comes to stand over her intended, "She has a point Captain, how exactly are you going to officiate over your own nuptials? There's no way you're naming anyone else as Captain for the ceremony, too much of a control freak!"
"I'll do it!"
All eyes turn to Felicia, still leaning precariously on one leg, penis streamer clutched tightly, "What? I can be a captain!"
Jeff, finally on his feet and still frantically searching the room for the cat from hell, wafts his hands in a dismissive manner towards Felicia, "You willing to take the Captain Initiation, love?"
Alaina narrows her eyes and tutts, "I take it that would involve two buckets worth of jizz and a naked set of 'head shots'?"
"I volunteer as TRIBUTE!"
"CHAD! NO!"
Waggling his eyebrows, tongue sneaking out to lick at his bottom lip, Jeff gives Felicia a lascivious smile, "So little redheaded bird, you fancy taking on my Captaincy for the day?"
"If that's the criteria, doesn't that mean everyone on the ship could double as captain?"
"Every one but Chad!"
"Hey! NO need to mock the ball-less!"
Danneel slides up to Jared, pats him on the shoulder and grins sneakily, "How about you let the spunk master baby maker here do it, I mean he's clearly as rampant as you! Hello knocked up bloke in the hideous purple dress, and he's obviously already tasted of the fruit of Dean-Morgan..."
"My dress is not...Oh hell it is isn't it, why did none of you BASTARDS tell me?!?"
Felicia sags with relief and falls ass first off the step ladder, landing in a tangle of arms legs and pretty paper penises, "Thank fuck for that! I rescind my offer!"
So much for keeping Jeff's lower regions occupied for the rest of their lives! Alaina shakes her head and slips a hand underneath her soon to be husband's waistband, "I'm thinking we need to write a few 'Thou shall not fuck the crew unless I'm allowed to do exactly the same' clauses into this marriage contract!"
Jeff's eyes cross as Alaina's nails scrape dangerously close to his balls and he nods vigorously, anything to stop her withdrawing her hand, "Yes my love, my intended, my dainty flower!"
"Dainty flower, my ass!"
"So, it's gonna be that kind of party! I should've worn my latex body suit instead of this damned dress!"
Well that was the craziest shit I've ever written! Tagging tebtosca I'm so SO sorry bb! lol! ♥