SPN: To Light and Guard
Title: To Light and Guard
Author: egoteprovoco
Rating: PG
Characters: OC
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money.
I would like to throw myself on the mercy of the court, for I know Your mercy is infinite. I have no excuse for my failure. I realize that the circumstances do not absolve me of guilt. Still, I would like to assure You that my mistakes were not born of malice or neglect. No one could ever love a boy more than I loved mine.
I was there when he was born. I saw him before his mother or his father, and I loved him at once. It was clear that his was a special soul - I know we all say that of our charges, but in this case it's the truth. For the first four years, my assignment was an easy one. He was such an easy child to guard. He listened to his parents...never tried to drink bleach or throw himself off a swing set or do any of the hundreds of other crazy things that boys will often try. Even when he was a toddler he was eager to please. When his mother tucked him in at night and told him that we were watching over him, he had perfect faith in her and in us.
Most children go through a rebellious phase when their siblings are born, but not him. If anything, he became even more responsible. It was as if, in Sam, he finally had the purpose he had been looking for. If I ever saw him straying from the straight and narrow, just a tiny whisper of "What about Sammy?" would bring him back around. It actually became my go-to question. Before Sam was born, I had invoked "Mommy" and "Daddy" with decent results...but Sam was always the boy's weak spot. He would do anything for his little brother, and I exploited that. I thought I was helping him...protecting him.
Instead, I had all but gift-wrapped him as a shiny present for the other side.
I didn't realize it in time, though. And when Sam died, it was already too late. I screamed at him, "Your father wouldn't want this! Your life is worth more than this!" But all he heard was that other little voice that said 'What about Sammy?"
My job was simple enough. I was supposed to guard one life and one soul, but I lost both. I failed You. Worse, I failed him. Words can not express how sorry I am.
Please.
I would do anything for a second chance.
Author: egoteprovoco
Rating: PG
Characters: OC
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money.
I would like to throw myself on the mercy of the court, for I know Your mercy is infinite. I have no excuse for my failure. I realize that the circumstances do not absolve me of guilt. Still, I would like to assure You that my mistakes were not born of malice or neglect. No one could ever love a boy more than I loved mine.
I was there when he was born. I saw him before his mother or his father, and I loved him at once. It was clear that his was a special soul - I know we all say that of our charges, but in this case it's the truth. For the first four years, my assignment was an easy one. He was such an easy child to guard. He listened to his parents...never tried to drink bleach or throw himself off a swing set or do any of the hundreds of other crazy things that boys will often try. Even when he was a toddler he was eager to please. When his mother tucked him in at night and told him that we were watching over him, he had perfect faith in her and in us.
Most children go through a rebellious phase when their siblings are born, but not him. If anything, he became even more responsible. It was as if, in Sam, he finally had the purpose he had been looking for. If I ever saw him straying from the straight and narrow, just a tiny whisper of "What about Sammy?" would bring him back around. It actually became my go-to question. Before Sam was born, I had invoked "Mommy" and "Daddy" with decent results...but Sam was always the boy's weak spot. He would do anything for his little brother, and I exploited that. I thought I was helping him...protecting him.
Instead, I had all but gift-wrapped him as a shiny present for the other side.
I didn't realize it in time, though. And when Sam died, it was already too late. I screamed at him, "Your father wouldn't want this! Your life is worth more than this!" But all he heard was that other little voice that said 'What about Sammy?"
My job was simple enough. I was supposed to guard one life and one soul, but I lost both. I failed You. Worse, I failed him. Words can not express how sorry I am.
Please.
I would do anything for a second chance.