If You Die Before I Wake (or How Do You Howl "I Love You"?) 6/?
Title: If You Die Before I Wake (or How Do You Howl "I Love You"?) 6/?
Sequel to I Will Love You 'til My Muzzle Turns Grey Master Post
Author: spnkinkfan
Pairing: J2
Word Count: 2516
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Warnings: Blood, mentions of torture, swearing
Disclaimer: I own neither of the boys (have never even met them). I wish though - I would take very good care.
A/N: Unbeta'd - it's the holidays and I think my lovely beta is a busy little beaver, so rather than hold onto this any longer I'm just going to post it. That means any mistakes are all on me.
v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v
Jeff stood, naked and human, the rest of his rescue party ranged around him still in their furry forms when Jensen burst into the small clearing. As he slid to a stop in front of his second-in-command, Jensen was already shifting into his own human form.
He knew, at some point, so many changes in one day would catch up to him. Adrenaline, fear and anger were effectively keeping the exhaustion and pain at bay for the moment. Jeff, wisely, did not wait to speak.
"We caught the trail in the trees, like you thought we would. They appeared to be headed for the nearest border, but I didn't want to take any chances, so we followed the scent. If we hadn't all been straining our senses trying so hard to catch any sign of them, I may have missed the border signal."
"What?" Jensen snapped, his mind racing. "Please don't tell me we have a border violation on top of this!"
Jeff was shaking his head, "No, the howls were faint, we were still a long way from the border, but the alarm was clearly three intruders trying to cross back out of the territory."
Jensen didn't know whether to be relieved or even more worried that the group trying to leave his territory did not have Jared with them.
At least if he had been with them, he would be safe now.
"I didn't want to take the time to go ask," Jeff continued, "and I didn't think howling questions while we still had more on the loose was a smart move. If Jared were with them, I'm sure they would have reported a "friendly" back to the rest of the border guards."
Jensen nodded, "The biggest question now is whether Xander was with them." He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, lost in thought. If the rogue Alpha was in that group, Jensen desperately hoped the guards had sufficient numbers to bring him down without serious injury if he fought back.
The weary Alpha's traitorous mind kept returning to images of the blood-spattered walls of his home, the torn bodies of two of his pack-mates.
Xander was dangerous enough just by virtue of being an alpha. If he had truly slipped his grip on sanity, that added level of unpredictability would be staggering.
Jensen looked around to his men. "If Xander is in there - " Chris and Christian growled in unison, the rest stared at Jensen expectantly. The corner of his mouth twitched up in a wry smirk - he'd known that was coming. "Alright then. Jeff and I will hit the door first. Shorty, Chris, Christian - you follow. Oscar, Aldis - you two cover the rear and be ready to back us up."
The ones who weren't already shifted quickly took their combat forms. As they made their way to the cabin, Jensen spared a thought for Sam, Chad and the rest of the mates waiting for their return. He silently vowed to do whatever it took to get them all out of this safely.
They cautiously approached the door, braced for an ambush that never came. There was a collective sigh of relief once they reached the porch, but the worst was far from over.
Jeff gripped the doorknob, which appeared tiny by comparison. His gigantic claw-tipped hand proving how dextrous they could really be. At Jensen's nod, Jeff spun the knob and shoved the door open.
Jensen dove inside, low to the ground, and rolled to the side. He moved as his eyes adjusted to the dimness inside. He felt the others pass into the room on his heels. Everyone was ready for whatever was waiting.
None of them expected what they found.
The room was empty.
Cautiously they moved through the rooms on the first floor, then crept their way up the stairs. Despite the hugeness of their forms, they moved silent as shadows. The second floor was empty too.
That only left the basement - fortified like a bomb shelter. Jensen tried to shrug off the sick sense of dread in his gut. If they got to the basement door and it was locked, the Alpha wasn't sure what he would do.
Their combined strength would be phenomenal, but these safe-houses were designed with the possibility of attack in mind. If the cabin were attacked, the wounded and anyone else unable to fight would be locked in, safe from harm.
Or as safe as a non-military basement bunker could be.
Moving as one, the five headed back down to the thick steel door that led to the basement. It was built into the wall under the steps to the second floor. The stairs up and the stairs down occupied the same area of the inside wall, further protection from outside attacks.
Jensen glanced at Jeff from the corner of his eye as they moved. The older wolf's muzzle, just beginning to show the spattering of grey, was pulled back in a silent snarl. Jeff was undoubtedly thinking along the same lines as his pack leader.
The Alpha turned his head a little farther, until he could see his other friend in his peripheral vision. Christian's wolf-like face was clear of emotion, but the look in his pale blue eyes made Jensen's blood run cold. There was no humanity there, only the promise of death.
Jeff moved to grab the doorknob, giving a small nod when it turned slightly in his grasp. Jensen twitched his muzzle and Jeff opened the door wide. The darkened stairwell demanded their visual focus, but the overwhelming scent of blood very nearly short-circuited their sensitive noses.
Human blood.
Jensen growled and charged down the stairs, caution and tactics thrown to the wind in the face of imminent loss. So much blood, he could smell nothing else. The rational part of his brain screaming you'd know if he were dead was smothered by his instinctive need to find his mate, see for himself that Jared still lived.
Jensen's claws grated over the concrete floor as he slid to a stop on all fours. He stood frozen, unable to breathe, choking on his heart hammering in his throat.
The room was empty, except for the metal frame of a box-spring. Through one of the springs a bloodied knife was stood, the flat of the blade turned so that it caught what little light there was in the room and made it plainly visible from the stairs. Blood pooled on the floor underneath the frame, spread like some nightmarish Rorschach test.
The others made note of all these things, but not Jensen. His eyes were glued to the unmoving form tied to the frame. Years passed in his mind as he watched, waited, begged for the chest to move - pleaseohpleasejustashallowbreathanythingplease.
A gentle hand on Jensen's arm snapped him free of his paralysis. He shifted to human again as he moved toward the too-still form. Someone switched on the fluorescent lights and he was nearly blinded for a moment, wished he had been so he could no longer see all the bloody gashes that covered nearly every inch of Jared's body.
Jensen's knees buckled, dropping him into the cold liquid (no, not "liquid", Jared's lifeblood) on the hard concrete that bit into his own skin. He reached out with his hand, shaking so bad it took four tries to find the big pulse-point in Jared's neck.
A heartbeat! Thready, so very weak, but a heartbeat!
A painful sob wrenched its way free from Jensen's chest, taking what was left of his self-control with it. He wanted to curl his body around Jared's, let his warmth leech into Jared's cold skin, but that wouldn't be enough to save him.
Jared was dying, and Jensen couldn't save him.
Maybe he could just lay there with him until the life left his body too. He couldn't live without Jared. Even if he could survive Jared's death, he didn't want to. There was nothing without Jared.
Except revenge.
No. He couldn't die here with Jared. Xander had to pay for what he had done. Jensen had to make sure he never visited pain like this on anyone else. Xander would suffer for the pain he had caused.
For what he had done to Jared.
Jensen wasn't sure when he had actually gathered Jared up in his arms, clinging him gently to his own bare chest. He had no recollection of untying Jared's limbs, or if he had even done it himself. He blinked the tears from his eyes and realized one of the others had found a blanket somewhere and had spread it over Jared's lower half. Jensen was guilty and grateful, he should have done that himself but he was so thankful he had such amazing people in his pack.
To the werewolves, being naked is as natural as breathing. Clothing doesn't survive changing forms anyway, so Weres learn early on to be comfortable naked. But Jared was human and they all knew he would be mortified by the thought of being so exposed.
And they all had connected the dots that it had been part of his torture. Jensen could feel the rage and sorrow from the others, it nearly matched his own. He looked around to see them all ranged around the edges of the room, eyes downcast, protecting their alpha pair.
Shorty was on the stairs, his dark skin glistening with sweat. He was in his human form and that realization snapped Jensen back into focus. Shorty spoke, his soft voice seemed loud in the silence of the room, "I called Doc Misha, he's on his way."
Jensen's voice was strained, rough with emotion, "Thank you."
He knew Misha would never make it in time. He knew Shorty, and everyone else in the room, was aware of that too.
But Shorty had still called. And Misha was still coming.
Jensen let his gratitude shine clear in his eyes for them all to see before turning his attention back to the limp form in his arms. He was only peripherally aware when the others moved silently from the room.
His fingers gently traced the familiar angles of Jared's face. The pale, cold flesh felt somehow alien, so devoid of the life and laughter it usually held. So much blood, it didn't seem like even Jared's gigantic frame would be able to hold that much. His wounds had slowed to a sluggish ooze.
The knife, still stuck in the spring, caught Jensen's eye, reigniting his fury. He grabbed it, intending to launch it across the room and away from Jared. He cocked his arm back and froze as a thought wormed its way through the emotional maelstrom in his head.
There might be a way to save his mate.
The instant he thought it, self-loathing burned everything else away. Was he really that desperate? Was he willing to pass that point of no return to save his love?
Jensen ground his teeth together until his jaw creaked in protest.
His love.
Jared would never forgive him if he survived. He would save Jared, maybe, but still lose him forever.
Could he live with that?
Could he live with the guilt? If Jared were alive, even if he hated Jensen, yes - he could live with that. Jared couldn't hate him nearly as much as he would hate himself if he did it.
Pack laws forbade it. Jared had refused. Jensen would be a criminal, his Alpha status would be forfeit. He would be giving up his pack and his lover all in one move.
Jensen couldn't remember if he had ever been so selfish in his entire life - yet here he was contemplating such a self-serving act it boggled his brain. He had lived nearly every day for others, shouldn't he be forgiven for doing just one thing entirely for himself?
No. He shouldn't. And he wouldn't be forgiven for it. He was sure of that. Not by himself or anyone else.
But he would never forgive himself for the alternative either. He could not let Jared die. Not like this. Not if he could save him. If there was even the slightest chance...
Jensen laid Jared back down gently, wishing he could somehow be laying him on something more comfortable than exposed metal. He leaned over, placed a soft kiss on Jared's slack lips and whispered, "I'm so sorry Jared. I love you."
Blinking back tears, Jensen dragged the silver blade across his palm and then pressed his hand against the wounds over Jared's heart. He sat for a long moment, trying to find a way to say goodbye. Jensen wished he could say he was surprised he lacked the strength, but the proof of his weakness and cowardice was irrefutable.
Jensen pulled the blanket up, trying to make his mate as comfortable as he could. He gently swiped a stray lock of hair off of Jared's forehead before rising and stalking up the stairs without a backward glance.
The others were gathered on the porch, keeping watch. Jensen nodded to Jeff on his way by, leading him a short distance away from the others before turning to speak.
"I'm going after him," he growled.
Jeff quickly took his human form again, adding another hash-mark to Jensen's guilt column - they would all pay the price for so many changes in one day. "You know the law, what the Council will do if you kill him." Jeff pleaded for his Alpha to see reason, though he knew in his heart it was futile.
"He took my mate, tortured him, left him to die, and he did it in my own territory! Fuck the Council! Christian and Chad are to care for Jared." Jensen held out his still-bleeding hand. "I infected him. I don't know if it will be enough, but I had to try. I've burned my bridges with the Council and Jared, too. The only thing I have left is to make sure that bastard never gets the chance to do this to anyone else before I face my punishment. You can lead this pack, now, better than I ever could."
Shock and outrage twisted Jeff's features. "Better?!" he spat in disbelief.
"I fucked up, people are dead, pack territory has been invaded and my mate taken from my own home."
Jeff's fists were clenched at his sides as he took a step forward, invading the hell out of his Alpha's personal space, "And what if he kills you? What happens to Jared then?"
Jensen shook his head, his misery so plain on his face it broke Jeff's heart to see his friend in so much pain. "It will take awhile for him to fully change if he survives. Maybe he won't feel the bond since it was formed before he was turned. Misha will know what to do."
Jensen turned and dove into the underbrush before Jeff could say another word, shifting as he went and clearing his head of everything but the hunt.
He would make Xander pay, or die trying.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5
Sequel to I Will Love You 'til My Muzzle Turns Grey Master Post
Author: spnkinkfan
Pairing: J2
Word Count: 2516
Rating: NC-17 eventually
Warnings: Blood, mentions of torture, swearing
Disclaimer: I own neither of the boys (have never even met them). I wish though - I would take very good care.
A/N: Unbeta'd - it's the holidays and I think my lovely beta is a busy little beaver, so rather than hold onto this any longer I'm just going to post it. That means any mistakes are all on me.
v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v
Jeff stood, naked and human, the rest of his rescue party ranged around him still in their furry forms when Jensen burst into the small clearing. As he slid to a stop in front of his second-in-command, Jensen was already shifting into his own human form.
He knew, at some point, so many changes in one day would catch up to him. Adrenaline, fear and anger were effectively keeping the exhaustion and pain at bay for the moment. Jeff, wisely, did not wait to speak.
"We caught the trail in the trees, like you thought we would. They appeared to be headed for the nearest border, but I didn't want to take any chances, so we followed the scent. If we hadn't all been straining our senses trying so hard to catch any sign of them, I may have missed the border signal."
"What?" Jensen snapped, his mind racing. "Please don't tell me we have a border violation on top of this!"
Jeff was shaking his head, "No, the howls were faint, we were still a long way from the border, but the alarm was clearly three intruders trying to cross back out of the territory."
Jensen didn't know whether to be relieved or even more worried that the group trying to leave his territory did not have Jared with them.
At least if he had been with them, he would be safe now.
"I didn't want to take the time to go ask," Jeff continued, "and I didn't think howling questions while we still had more on the loose was a smart move. If Jared were with them, I'm sure they would have reported a "friendly" back to the rest of the border guards."
Jensen nodded, "The biggest question now is whether Xander was with them." He chewed his bottom lip for a moment, lost in thought. If the rogue Alpha was in that group, Jensen desperately hoped the guards had sufficient numbers to bring him down without serious injury if he fought back.
The weary Alpha's traitorous mind kept returning to images of the blood-spattered walls of his home, the torn bodies of two of his pack-mates.
Xander was dangerous enough just by virtue of being an alpha. If he had truly slipped his grip on sanity, that added level of unpredictability would be staggering.
Jensen looked around to his men. "If Xander is in there - " Chris and Christian growled in unison, the rest stared at Jensen expectantly. The corner of his mouth twitched up in a wry smirk - he'd known that was coming. "Alright then. Jeff and I will hit the door first. Shorty, Chris, Christian - you follow. Oscar, Aldis - you two cover the rear and be ready to back us up."
The ones who weren't already shifted quickly took their combat forms. As they made their way to the cabin, Jensen spared a thought for Sam, Chad and the rest of the mates waiting for their return. He silently vowed to do whatever it took to get them all out of this safely.
They cautiously approached the door, braced for an ambush that never came. There was a collective sigh of relief once they reached the porch, but the worst was far from over.
Jeff gripped the doorknob, which appeared tiny by comparison. His gigantic claw-tipped hand proving how dextrous they could really be. At Jensen's nod, Jeff spun the knob and shoved the door open.
Jensen dove inside, low to the ground, and rolled to the side. He moved as his eyes adjusted to the dimness inside. He felt the others pass into the room on his heels. Everyone was ready for whatever was waiting.
None of them expected what they found.
The room was empty.
Cautiously they moved through the rooms on the first floor, then crept their way up the stairs. Despite the hugeness of their forms, they moved silent as shadows. The second floor was empty too.
That only left the basement - fortified like a bomb shelter. Jensen tried to shrug off the sick sense of dread in his gut. If they got to the basement door and it was locked, the Alpha wasn't sure what he would do.
Their combined strength would be phenomenal, but these safe-houses were designed with the possibility of attack in mind. If the cabin were attacked, the wounded and anyone else unable to fight would be locked in, safe from harm.
Or as safe as a non-military basement bunker could be.
Moving as one, the five headed back down to the thick steel door that led to the basement. It was built into the wall under the steps to the second floor. The stairs up and the stairs down occupied the same area of the inside wall, further protection from outside attacks.
Jensen glanced at Jeff from the corner of his eye as they moved. The older wolf's muzzle, just beginning to show the spattering of grey, was pulled back in a silent snarl. Jeff was undoubtedly thinking along the same lines as his pack leader.
The Alpha turned his head a little farther, until he could see his other friend in his peripheral vision. Christian's wolf-like face was clear of emotion, but the look in his pale blue eyes made Jensen's blood run cold. There was no humanity there, only the promise of death.
Jeff moved to grab the doorknob, giving a small nod when it turned slightly in his grasp. Jensen twitched his muzzle and Jeff opened the door wide. The darkened stairwell demanded their visual focus, but the overwhelming scent of blood very nearly short-circuited their sensitive noses.
Human blood.
Jensen growled and charged down the stairs, caution and tactics thrown to the wind in the face of imminent loss. So much blood, he could smell nothing else. The rational part of his brain screaming you'd know if he were dead was smothered by his instinctive need to find his mate, see for himself that Jared still lived.
Jensen's claws grated over the concrete floor as he slid to a stop on all fours. He stood frozen, unable to breathe, choking on his heart hammering in his throat.
The room was empty, except for the metal frame of a box-spring. Through one of the springs a bloodied knife was stood, the flat of the blade turned so that it caught what little light there was in the room and made it plainly visible from the stairs. Blood pooled on the floor underneath the frame, spread like some nightmarish Rorschach test.
The others made note of all these things, but not Jensen. His eyes were glued to the unmoving form tied to the frame. Years passed in his mind as he watched, waited, begged for the chest to move - pleaseohpleasejustashallowbreathanythingplease.
A gentle hand on Jensen's arm snapped him free of his paralysis. He shifted to human again as he moved toward the too-still form. Someone switched on the fluorescent lights and he was nearly blinded for a moment, wished he had been so he could no longer see all the bloody gashes that covered nearly every inch of Jared's body.
Jensen's knees buckled, dropping him into the cold liquid (no, not "liquid", Jared's lifeblood) on the hard concrete that bit into his own skin. He reached out with his hand, shaking so bad it took four tries to find the big pulse-point in Jared's neck.
A heartbeat! Thready, so very weak, but a heartbeat!
A painful sob wrenched its way free from Jensen's chest, taking what was left of his self-control with it. He wanted to curl his body around Jared's, let his warmth leech into Jared's cold skin, but that wouldn't be enough to save him.
Jared was dying, and Jensen couldn't save him.
Maybe he could just lay there with him until the life left his body too. He couldn't live without Jared. Even if he could survive Jared's death, he didn't want to. There was nothing without Jared.
Except revenge.
No. He couldn't die here with Jared. Xander had to pay for what he had done. Jensen had to make sure he never visited pain like this on anyone else. Xander would suffer for the pain he had caused.
For what he had done to Jared.
Jensen wasn't sure when he had actually gathered Jared up in his arms, clinging him gently to his own bare chest. He had no recollection of untying Jared's limbs, or if he had even done it himself. He blinked the tears from his eyes and realized one of the others had found a blanket somewhere and had spread it over Jared's lower half. Jensen was guilty and grateful, he should have done that himself but he was so thankful he had such amazing people in his pack.
To the werewolves, being naked is as natural as breathing. Clothing doesn't survive changing forms anyway, so Weres learn early on to be comfortable naked. But Jared was human and they all knew he would be mortified by the thought of being so exposed.
And they all had connected the dots that it had been part of his torture. Jensen could feel the rage and sorrow from the others, it nearly matched his own. He looked around to see them all ranged around the edges of the room, eyes downcast, protecting their alpha pair.
Shorty was on the stairs, his dark skin glistening with sweat. He was in his human form and that realization snapped Jensen back into focus. Shorty spoke, his soft voice seemed loud in the silence of the room, "I called Doc Misha, he's on his way."
Jensen's voice was strained, rough with emotion, "Thank you."
He knew Misha would never make it in time. He knew Shorty, and everyone else in the room, was aware of that too.
But Shorty had still called. And Misha was still coming.
Jensen let his gratitude shine clear in his eyes for them all to see before turning his attention back to the limp form in his arms. He was only peripherally aware when the others moved silently from the room.
His fingers gently traced the familiar angles of Jared's face. The pale, cold flesh felt somehow alien, so devoid of the life and laughter it usually held. So much blood, it didn't seem like even Jared's gigantic frame would be able to hold that much. His wounds had slowed to a sluggish ooze.
The knife, still stuck in the spring, caught Jensen's eye, reigniting his fury. He grabbed it, intending to launch it across the room and away from Jared. He cocked his arm back and froze as a thought wormed its way through the emotional maelstrom in his head.
There might be a way to save his mate.
The instant he thought it, self-loathing burned everything else away. Was he really that desperate? Was he willing to pass that point of no return to save his love?
Jensen ground his teeth together until his jaw creaked in protest.
His love.
Jared would never forgive him if he survived. He would save Jared, maybe, but still lose him forever.
Could he live with that?
Could he live with the guilt? If Jared were alive, even if he hated Jensen, yes - he could live with that. Jared couldn't hate him nearly as much as he would hate himself if he did it.
Pack laws forbade it. Jared had refused. Jensen would be a criminal, his Alpha status would be forfeit. He would be giving up his pack and his lover all in one move.
Jensen couldn't remember if he had ever been so selfish in his entire life - yet here he was contemplating such a self-serving act it boggled his brain. He had lived nearly every day for others, shouldn't he be forgiven for doing just one thing entirely for himself?
No. He shouldn't. And he wouldn't be forgiven for it. He was sure of that. Not by himself or anyone else.
But he would never forgive himself for the alternative either. He could not let Jared die. Not like this. Not if he could save him. If there was even the slightest chance...
Jensen laid Jared back down gently, wishing he could somehow be laying him on something more comfortable than exposed metal. He leaned over, placed a soft kiss on Jared's slack lips and whispered, "I'm so sorry Jared. I love you."
Blinking back tears, Jensen dragged the silver blade across his palm and then pressed his hand against the wounds over Jared's heart. He sat for a long moment, trying to find a way to say goodbye. Jensen wished he could say he was surprised he lacked the strength, but the proof of his weakness and cowardice was irrefutable.
Jensen pulled the blanket up, trying to make his mate as comfortable as he could. He gently swiped a stray lock of hair off of Jared's forehead before rising and stalking up the stairs without a backward glance.
The others were gathered on the porch, keeping watch. Jensen nodded to Jeff on his way by, leading him a short distance away from the others before turning to speak.
"I'm going after him," he growled.
Jeff quickly took his human form again, adding another hash-mark to Jensen's guilt column - they would all pay the price for so many changes in one day. "You know the law, what the Council will do if you kill him." Jeff pleaded for his Alpha to see reason, though he knew in his heart it was futile.
"He took my mate, tortured him, left him to die, and he did it in my own territory! Fuck the Council! Christian and Chad are to care for Jared." Jensen held out his still-bleeding hand. "I infected him. I don't know if it will be enough, but I had to try. I've burned my bridges with the Council and Jared, too. The only thing I have left is to make sure that bastard never gets the chance to do this to anyone else before I face my punishment. You can lead this pack, now, better than I ever could."
Shock and outrage twisted Jeff's features. "Better?!" he spat in disbelief.
"I fucked up, people are dead, pack territory has been invaded and my mate taken from my own home."
Jeff's fists were clenched at his sides as he took a step forward, invading the hell out of his Alpha's personal space, "And what if he kills you? What happens to Jared then?"
Jensen shook his head, his misery so plain on his face it broke Jeff's heart to see his friend in so much pain. "It will take awhile for him to fully change if he survives. Maybe he won't feel the bond since it was formed before he was turned. Misha will know what to do."
Jensen turned and dove into the underbrush before Jeff could say another word, shifting as he went and clearing his head of everything but the hunt.
He would make Xander pay, or die trying.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5