fic: in the early light (1/2)
Title: in the early light
Alternately: five times kris and adam asked themselves 'what if?' and one time they didn't have to.
Fandom: American Idol RPF
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Adam/Kris
Word Count: ~12,800
Summary: Kris's laugh hasn't changed at all since they were little - it's a comforting thought, but Adam can't quite explain why. (Beds and porches and UST, oh my. High school AU.)
A/N: Writing and editing the last installment had me thinking a lot of prequel-y thoughts, so I kind of wrote most of this by accident. As the word count shows, I kind of went overboard. Heh. When I first started all this, I didn't think I would ever write the getting-together part, but here it is. I had a great time thinking this up, I hope you enjoy. :)
For the kissbingo prompt face: cheeks.
Master post of previous installments: here
one
the summer before sophomore year
Kris has spent the last hour trying to pluck the intro to In My Life - his fingers hurt like crazy, and he's feeling a little bitter that all of his friends are over at the lake, having fun like every teenager is supposed to on the third week of summer vacation, while he's stuck in his room as he tries to lose his fingers one by one. Well. He actually chose to stay because he knew that he won't get anywhere if he doesn't push himself, so he indulges in a moment of frustration, and then keeps going.
He looks up at a sudden knock on his door. His mom is the only other person at home, and she never looks in on him this time of the day - Kris grins when he sees Adam peeking in, wearing a sheepish smile.
Kris scrambles off the bed, carefully sets his guitar down and pulls his bedroom door open. "Hey," he says, a little confused. Despite having lived barely two minutes away from each other for all of their lives, Adam hasn't been to his house since they were, like, eight years old. They're still good friends, but mostly they do group stuff now, usually at Dani or Alisan's house where they have rooms that can fit ten or twelve of them at a time.
Adam walks in, hands in his pockets, more than a little awkward. "Hey. Uh, your mom let me in. Is this okay?"
"Yeah, man," Kris says easily as he walks back to the bed, patting the space next to him.
Adam sits right at the edge and picks at his nails. "I didn't know you played guitar. Did you say something and I missed it?"
Kris thinks that if he pretends it isn't there, his blush will go away. He's pretty sure it doesn't work. It's not that the playing is anything to be ashamed of; he wasn't even actively keeping it a secret, it's just that he hasn't really brought it up to anyone that doesn't live with him and can hear him practicing all day and for most of the night. It's a summer project that he kind of wants to keep his for a while. "No, uh, I kind of just... didn't tell anyone?"
"Why not?"
"I dunno, I guess I wanted to learn stuff first. It sounds really stupid when I say it out loud," Kris says, ducking his head.
"No, I totally get it. It's awesome that you're learning. Is your dad teaching you?" Adam asks.
Kris blushes even harder and mumbles, "Um. I'm kind of teaching myself?"
Adam looks at him then, eyes wide. "What, seriously? Oh my god, Kris, that's amazing."
"Nah, it's - I can't even play much yet --"
"Shut up, it's totally awesome. You should - I mean. Once you're ready, I'd really love to hear you play," Adam says in that sweet, earnest way of his that Kris knows is completely genuine. Adam takes music as seriously as he does, maybe in a slightly different way, but it's something they've always had in common. Something they can talk about for hours. It means a lot that Adam's genuinely interested in the way Kris is expanding on what used to be just a hobby, just like how Kris has always been there for all of Adam's musicals and recitals. It makes Kris feel a little safer, and a little more excited to learn more, now that he knows someone that isn't his mom or dad would maybe want to hear him play. Kris feels kind of giddy that he shared his secret with someone and the world didn't end.
Kris can't think of anything to say to Adam, though, so he just smiles. The silence makes Adam reach for him, hand gripping his arm and shaking it a little. "I mean it, Kris. This is so exciting, I can't wait to hear you." Adam's insistence makes Kris smile, and Kris forgets to be shy.
"I know. Thank you. When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know. You'll be the first to hear."
Adam ducks his head and takes a long moment to just stare at Kris, expression stern. "Good." They kind of look at each other for a little bit, kind of smiling stupidly at each other, feeling a little co-conspiratorial because of this new secret that they share. Kris can feel every one of Adam's fingers on his skin, and he's struck by the urge to slide his hand a little bit upward, maybe hold Adam's hand for a little while.
Before he can even really register the thought, though, Adam jerks his hand away like he's burning, and the moment's over. Kris files all of it away to think about later - the strange ache that settles in his stomach when he realizes that Adam's out of reach, how he feels the imprint of Adam's hand and how he knows it'll be a while before the ghost of it will leave him. Adam's stubbornly looking away now, and Kris can see a blush creeping up his neck. Under the embarrassment, Kris can see a kind of exhaustion in the slump of Adam's shoulders and the stark paleness of his skin. He knows Adam didn't come here to talk about his guitar.
"Adam? You okay?"
Adam shifts on the bed, grabbing one of Kris's pillows as he settles against the headboard, bare feet curled under him. "I don't know," he sighs. "I want to be, but I don't think I am."
Kris crawls up the bed so they're sitting shoulder to shoulder. This is how it's always been between them - they have other people they call their best friends, but in their moments alone, they can be completely honest with one another. Kris knows pretty much the entire year has been difficult for Adam - his parents' separation was made official a month after his fourteenth birthday, and his dad's in the middle of moving out of their house. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Kris doesn't know what else to say, or how to make it better. He wishes so much that he has some secret well of knowledge that he can pull the right words from, that they could be taught this in school instead.
Adam sighs again. "I'm tired of talking. Mom keeps checking up on us, trying to make us talk about our feelings or whatever. I needed to get out of the house but I didn't want to be alone."
"Okay. I'm glad you came here, then."
Adam's sniffling now, and Kris has never been scared of tears, not like most other guys he knows. All he feels is a deep, simmering anger; all he wants is to find someone - anyone - he can yell at, and maybe punch for making his friend cry. "God, I'm such a downer," Adam tries to laugh through the tears, but he just sounds like he's choking, a little bit.
Kris grabs his box of tissues from the bedside table and holds it out. "No, you're not. I'm so sorry, Adam."
"I swear I didn't mean to, like, blubber all over you. It's just. I know it happens all the time, and I know it's better this way, I wouldn't want them to stay together just for me and Neil and spend years and years and years just bitter and unhappy and hating each other," Adam babbles and waves his arms around all crazy, like he does when he's ranting. "And I looked it up on the internet, psychologists say that kids from broken families don't usually go insane and it's good that it happened when we're kind of older and we understand what's going on, so that's good, I don't want to go crazy --"
Kris is almost knocked on the head by a flailing elbow, so he grabs Adam's hand - purely for self-preservation - tucking it around his elbow. Adam sniffles some more as he curls his arm around Kris's and tips his head on Kris's shoulder. Adam's hair smells like apples, and it's kind of nice. "You're not gonna go crazy," Kris says in what he hopes is a soothing voice.
"I'm fine with a little crazy," Adam says quietly. "And I know I'll get, like, damaged only if I let it happen to me. I'll be alright eventually."
"But?"
"But right now it just really, really hurts." Adam's crying harder now, real tears instead of just wet little sniffles, and Kris curls himself a little closer, lets Adam grip his arm in kind of a hug. Adam cries for a long time, sobs starting back up just as Kris thinks he's exhausted himself. He doesn't know how long they sit there, slumped together like that, but Kris just stays quiet, sometimes reaching his free hand out to rub circles on Adam's shoulder.
Adam's sobs die down and he sits up, shifting away from Kris. And again, Kris files some things away - how good it felt to have Adam close, how the hollow of his shoulder feels strangely light and empty without Adam's head there. Adam busies himself with wiping his face, and Kris watches.
"I'm such a mess," Adam croaks out.
Kris squeezes his arm. "You're not."
Adam rolls his eyes and stares out the window. Kris squeezes a little tighter and shakes Adam's arm a little. "You're really not. I promise. I'm gonna go get you some water, okay?"
Kris scrambles off the bed and out the door. He runs down the stairs, gets a glass of water from the kitchen, and stops by the first floor bathroom to grab an unopened box of tissues. Adam smiles at him when he comes back. "Thank you," Adam rasps before gulping down the entire glass.
"You want another?"
Adam shakes his head and opens the new box of tissues, wipes his face some more. "This is the first time I've cried all summer," he says quietly. "I can't cry at home because I don't want my mom to see."
Once again, Kris doesn't know what to say to that, he feels so frustratingly clueless. But maybe he doesn't have to know the right words. Maybe it can be enough that he's here for Adam to talk to. "You shouldn't hold it in like that, Adam. And I'm sure your mom wants to be there for you, too."
"I know. It's just - I don't think I can see her cry, either. Isn't that selfish? I just don't think I can take it."
Kris crawls back up the bed, smiling internally when Adam leans on his shoulder again. "I think you're allowed to be a little selfish."
"If I'm this upset, I can't even imagine how she must feel."
"Well, you know, your mom has been here a couple times to talk to my mom. So she's not alone," Kris says.
"Like mother like son, then," Adam giggles a little.
"Mama just gives her pie. Leila loves her pies."
"Your mama's pies can solve any problem," Adam says solemnly.
"Yeah, they really would."
"Your mama's pies plus ice cream can bring world peace."
Kris smiles at the upward lilt of Adam's voice, at Adam's little laugh, pleased that he'd helped Adam, even a little bit. "I know, right?" he says earnestly. "There's some downstairs, if you want."
Adam shakes his head. "Maybe later? I wanna stay here a little bit longer."
"Okay."
They stay like that for a long time, sometimes talking, sometimes not; they sit together until the sky outside gets dark and Kris's mom comes in to ask if Adam wants to stay for dinner. Adam's all genuine smiles and outrageous chatter at the dinner table, and mostly Kris just watches him, relieved that he's feeling better. Adam hugs him at the door before he leaves.
That night, Kris dreams of roller coasters and shooting stars, holding hands with someone under the rain. He wakes up with a smile on his face.
Adam: I GOTTA FEELING
Kris: ???
Adam: stuck in my head HELP
Kris: HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON LONDON BRIDGE LALALA
Adam: ...........that's even worse :|
Kris: :D you're welcome!
two
june, sophomore year
It's the end of another successful theater production, and Adam feels like he could fly.
Okay, that might be the three shots of tequila and the cute little sophomore he'd hooked up with half an hour ago, but Adam feels giddy, he really does, feels a kind of adrenaline pumping through his veins underneath a blanket of satisfaction that performing well can bring. The joy is magnified this time around because even though he didn't make lead (he would have if he wasn't a sophomore), he was named dance captain, and it felt good to go through twelve straight shows without fucking up. It felt fucking amazing to have Mr. D. seek him out at the end of the last show to gush all over the "great work" he's done.
The bass is pounding throughout the house, makes his entire body thrum, and all night there's been hugging and kissing among the cast and crew, crazy dancing and drinking and yelling themselves hoarse now that summer vacation's so, so close. Adam loves it, loves all of it, and the only thing better would be to have someone to share it with, someone to pull close and lose himself in, for just a little bit. The pretty sophomore boy was fun but didn't quite do the trick - he'd stammered "oh my god, my boyfriend's gonna be so jealous" and scurried away once they left the pantry - and when he thinks about it too much, Adam feels some of the joy drain out of him.
Danielle's tipsy and dancing like a maniac, but Adam can't quite match her when she tries to engage him. It's a relief when Alisan appears out of nowhere, arms flailing around, hair gone all crazy, and Adam pushes them together, satisfied that they won't even notice that he's gone.
Adam hates himself a little bit for harshing his own celebration time, but he just goes with it, lets himself dwell for a while. He's been thinking about it a lot lately, and no matter how hard he tries, it just doesn't go away; he knows he's down for the count, even in the middle of an insane party. He doesn't know the house well enough to try to find a quiet place inside, so he just grabs a beer from the cooler and makes his way to the back porch, hoping that no one's there hooking up or puking.
Someone's already sitting on the porch steps, and before Adam could decide if he's willing to sit with some stranger, the person turns around. It's Kris, and Adam smiles back automatically, plopping down next to him. "What are you doing here?" Adam asks, bumping his shoulder a little.
"I could ask you the same question," Kris drawls, bumping back.
Adam sighs. "Got a little too loud in there for me."
"Too loud? Who are you and what have you done with Adam Lambert?"
Adam elbows his side, and Kris punches him. "Ow. Violence is never the answer, Kristopher."
"You started it."
"Your mom started it."
Kris laughs at that, and it's a sweet sound, filling the night air. Kris's laugh hasn't changed at all since they were little - it's a comforting thought, but Adam can't quite explain why. "You're so lame."
"You're the one sitting here all alone while a kickass party's going on inside," Adam mocks. "That's pretty much the definition of lame, I'll have you know."
To Adam's surprise, Kris blushes at that. "Yeah, well. People in there were getting too... handsy. I needed some air."
Adam giggles. "Poor Kris, boys and girls groping him all night long."
"Shut up," Kris mumbles. "It's just - it's weird."
"What's weird? You're cute, people like you. That's as normal as can be."
Kris takes a pull of his beer and shrugs. "I guess."
"You should get used to it, you know," Adam nudges his shoulder again. "You have a really great ass, and I've noticed you're showing it off a little more, like, those new jeans are great. You're gonna get groped every single night, seriously, we just can't help it."
"Oh my God, Adam," Kris cries, adorably horrified. He covers his face with his hand and it's the cutest thing ever. "Don't say stuff like that, jeez."
Adam ruffles his hair fondly. "It's true. You done good, Kristopher."
"Please stop talking about my ass."
"But it's such a nice ass, very much worth talking about," Adam leers a little, delighted at the blush on Kris's cheeks. Adam lets his eyes travel down Kris's neck, and he wonders idly how far the blush goes.
Kris flails around and covers Adam's mouth with his hand. "Seriously, stop, oh my God."
Adam playfully bites at Kris's fingers and Kris jerks away. "Learn to take a compliment," Adam says, stern.
Kris wrinkles his nose at Adam, and god, seriously, he's like a cartoon sometimes. Adam's suddenly struck by an insanely clear memory of spending a really fun afternoon running around Kris's garden, the two of them using tattered pillowcases as capes, pretending that they're superheroes saving Daniel and Neil from evil monsters that eat little brothers. His mom has some of it on video somewhere, says she's keeping it for blackmail. It's kind of amazing how they've gone from that childish innocence to this, not quite adults yet, drinking beers and talking about Kris's ass.
"It's great that people like my ass so much," Kris says dryly. "I think I'm a little warped, though. That's just... not my thing."
"What, getting groped?"
Kris leans his head on the railing and peers at him. "Man, getting groped would be awesome," he says with a little sigh. Adam doesn't know what to make of it. "It's just so awkward. I mean, so you get your hand down someone's pants, and then see them in school then next day and act like nothing happened?"
Adam grins at him thoughtfully. "That's usually how it goes, yeah."
"Yeah, I couldn't look him in the eye for a whole month," Kris rolls his eyes at himself. "I kept wondering if I should text him, or whatever, try to get to know him? Be friends? But I guess it's just not done."
"You're not supposed to make it more complicated than it has to be," Adam says gently. They've all been getting to know each other in this context for about a year now; they've gone beyond watching each other giggle and blush at the mere mention of kissing, and are now catching each other in broom closets and school parking lots and hidden corners at parties - Adam will never forget finding Andrew of all people inside the empty orchestra room with a girl on his lap - and it's just another part of growing up that they're doing together. It's different from any other conversation he's had with Kris before, but it's not awkward at all.
"I know that. I really think that's just not my deal. One and done," Kris says, serious now, not blushing anymore. "I think my parents have ruined me for life, man," Kris continues, shaking his head. "I grew up watching them and wanting what they have, I can't make my brain want anything else. Even just for now."
Adam understands that perfectly, maybe more than anyone. "I get it," he answers. "Not the parent thing, obviously, but the wanting thing."
"I know."
"Yeah?"
Kris smiles. "I know you, Adam. You get that look on your face. I mean, I know you're having fun, but you're looking for more than you're getting," he says quietly.
"I'm definitely having fun," Adam says with a raised eyebrow, pleasure bursting in his chest when Kris blushes again. "And you know it took me a while to even get here."
"You've always wanted more."
"Yeah, I always have."
Kris's answering smile is kind and understanding. "I know. It's totally --"
Danielle and Tommy stumble onto the patio right at that moment, yelling incoherently about dancing and manhandling Adam back into the house. Kris never gets to finish his thought, but their conversation is all Adam can think about for a long time after that.
Kris: Hi
Adam: ..........Kris. We're standing in the same room
Kris: So?
Adam: You weirdo
Kris: You're too far away
Adam: Better?
Kris: Who's the weirdo now?
Adam: But i switched seats for you! :(
Kris: I know :) stop texting and tell me if i'm singing this song right
Adam: k <3
three
january, junior year
Kris is just about to get up for a snack when suddenly his phone rings.
Adam
He's seriously in trouble if just seeing Adam's name on the call display brings butterflies to his stomach. Serious, serious trouble.
"I need your help" is the first thing Kris hears when he answers his phone.
"Adam? What's up?"
"It's an emergency. Can you come over?" Adam asks, voice high and kind of panicky. "It's Allison."
Kris jolts upright. "What happened? Is she alright?"
"No, Kris - God, I'm sorry - no, she's not, like, injured or anything. Sorry, sorry," Adam says quickly. "It's just - ugh. Nick dumped her this afternoon and she's kind of freaking."
Kris sighs in relief. "Jeez, Adam. Try not to make it sound like it's life or death next time."
"Sorry!" Adam cries, and it seriously sounds like he's coming unhinged. "I just - I'm seriously freaking. Megan's on her way over, but no one else can get here right now, and I don't know how to deal with Alli when she's crying, oh my God. Alli never cries!"
"Okay, okay," Kris says, walking to his closet and getting dressed. "Your house?"
"Yeah. She's in my room. Bring pie." Then he hangs up.
Kris just stares at his phone for a long moment, alarmed. Allison has had a crush on Nick - her neighbor, childhood friend, classmate, etc etc - since she was in the sixth grade, and she freaked like nothing else when he finally asked her to the winter formal two months ago. She was on cloud nine for weeks, all giddy and starry-eyed, and Kris found it incredibly sweet. He was happy that she was happy, and he kept his wariness to himself - she's not a kid anymore ("I'm a sophomore, you dork," he can so clearly hear her say), she can take care of herself, and she needs to make her own mistakes. Besides, he's always been a sucker for her smile.
Now that it's all gone to hell, though, all he wants to do is march to that sucker's house and punch him in the face.
Instead, Kris pulls on a heavy wool sweater and his warmest, heaviest jacket, hoping it'll be enough to ward the bitter January chill outside. He goes to the kitchen to put two slices of leftover pie in a Tupperware container, kisses his mom on the cheek, and pulls on his boots by the door. He walks briskly down the street and jogs from the street corner all the way to Adam's doorstep. He lets himself in and waves hello to Leila in the living room, then runs into Megan in the kitchen. Megan's standing over a bowl of what looks like a mixture of three different flavors of ice cream, chocolate and strawberry syrup, M&Ms, Oreos, and chocolate chip cookies.
"Wow," Kris says. "That's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen."
Megan huffs as she continues mixing. "Excuse you, this is a foolproof cheerer-upper. It's a family recipe passed down from generation to generation. Mind your own beeswax."
Kris pulls out a plate and two forks from a drawer, then fills a tall glass with water. "Okay, okay. Meg, is it really bad?"
Megan sighs. "She's really upset. Nick dropped her here, like, fifteen minutes ago, and I don't think she's stopped crying yet. Poor kid."
The last time Allison cried was when she fell of the jungle gym and broke her arm in two places. She was nine. "I have no idea what I'm doing, but. Okay. Here goes," Kris says, mostly to himself as he piles all his stuff on a tray. "You done?"
"Go ahead, I'll be up in a few."
Kris makes his way up the stairs, knocking softly on Adam's door before letting himself in. Adam and Allison are curled together on the bed, Allison's face hidden in Adam's shoulder. Adam smiles at him in greeting and tilts his head, beckoning him to come closer. Kris freezes in place for a moment, his stomach swooping. Because of Adam's grin? The head-tilt? The bed? Probably all three. Kris is definitely in trouble.
"Hey, Alli," Kris murmurs as he puts the tray on Adam's dresser and sits on Allison's other side.
"Kris?" Allison half-says, half-sobs before throwing her arm around his waist and sobbing into his shirt.
Kris gapes at her in shock, and it's a few seconds before he can get his bearings and pull his feet off the floor and on the bed, shifting a little to make Allison more comfortable. It's extremely disconcerting to see and hear her like this, so he glances above her head to catch Adam's eye.
Adam's staring down at her too, rubbing circles on her back. Kris reaches over and catches Adam's elbow with his free hand, raising both eyebrows when Adam looks at him. Adam just shrugs and frowns.
"Kris?" Allison asks again.
Kris wraps his arm more tightly around Allison and uses his other hand to rub her back too, occasionally catching Adam's fingers with his. "I'm here, Alli. Do you want some water?"
Allison lifts her head and says "yes please" in the softest, saddest voice he's ever heard.
Kris reaches for the glass of water, watches Allison gulp it all down in one go. Her face is all wet and splotchy and red, her breaths hitching. Adam scoots closer and pushes a box of tissues on her lap.
Allison's blowing her nose for the third time when Megan bursts in like some magical gypsy, all long, blonde hair and long skirt and bracelets, carrying a huge bowl and carefully walking to the bed. "Scoot," she says, slapping Adam's leg.
Adam huffs, but he rolls away and stands. Megan settles in Adam's vacated spot and puts the bowl of ice cream on Allison's lap. She wraps an arm around Allison's shoulder and says, "This is the best heartache healer around, honey. Eat."
Allison takes a few seconds to just look at the bowl speculatively, swirling the spoon, investigating the ingredients. Then she starts to dig in, sighing in happiness after the first few bites.
After some time, Adam comes over to Kris's side of the bed and they both sit cross-legged, just watching Allison eat, occasionally taking bites when Allison insists on feeding them. Adam's bed wasn't exactly built for four people, and Kris almost overbalances backward a couple times, with only Adam's arm half-curled around him saving him from a probable concussion. Adam's leaning closely, and Kris catches a whiff of Adam's perfume, and the smell makes his mouth dry up. He's never noticed Adam wearing it before - maybe it's new? - but once he smells it, it's all he can pay attention to.
And suddenly, like some super-sense in him is switched on, he's hyper-aware of Adam's arm, strong and steady against his back. Kris only has to turn his head a couple inches to look at Adam's face in profile - his gorgeous nose is seriously one of his best features. If Kris sits still long enough, he can almost feel Adam's breaths puffing on his cheek. It's sensory overload, almost, being surrounded by Adam like this, and he's suddenly aching to know what it could be like to be surrounded by Adam for real --
His dangerous train of thought (Crap, crap, crap. So much trouble.) is interrupted by Allison pushing the bowl away and her starting to sniffle again. She blindly reaches for Kris's hand and pulls him toward her until they're both lying on the bed.
Kris just follows, shifting on his side to pull her closer and stroke her hair. "You're going to be okay, baby girl. You'll see," he whispers into the top of her head.
"It hurts so bad, Kris," she whimpers, hand fisting his shirt. "I really thought he liked me."
"You'll find someone better," Adam chimes from somewhere behind Kris. When Allison whimpers some more, Kris feels the bed shift, feels the length of Adam's thigh pressed all along his back, Adam's left arm thrown across his waist so Adam can rub Allison's back, too.
It's like Kris is trapped in the best way possible, and it goes on for a while, until Allison eventually falls asleep. It aches, a little bit, when Adam steps away from the bed.
Adam goes downstairs to put away the pie and the dirty bowl, and presumably to refill the glass of water, and even when he's gone, Kris feels the heat of him still, lingering on Kris's skin. It's half proximity-high, and half something more than that; something Kris can't name; something that Kris thinks started that night they talked about wanting something more than hooking up; something that's slowly been growing and growing with every private moment they share. Something maybe a little terrifying. This is Adam. Kris knows he has to be sure before... before anything.
When Adam comes back, Kris's entire right arm has cramped up and his hip is aching. Allison's breathing heavily into his neck, more peaceful now, and Kris doesn't want to disturb her.
All of Kris's discomfort disappears when Adam sits behind him again, his hip digging into Kris's lower back. A crazy, dizzying kind of warmth radiates from that spot and makes Kris warm all over, breathless from it. He can't help but slump into it a little, rest his weight all along Adam's thigh, push himself into the heat until it sears his skin.
Adam doesn't say anything, just continues to rub Allison's back and make soothing noises. Kris can see hints of a blush running down his neck, though, and it makes Kris smile. Makes him really excited for the days to come, and all the possibilities they bring.
Kris: Orchestra's weird without you guys
Adam: Awww you miss us!
Kris: Mostly you
---
Adam: Look! http://yfrog.com/5nplaidhj
Kris: !!!
Adam: Thought so
Kris: You getting one?
Adam: Idk might not look good on me
Kris: Impossible
Adam: :) :) :)
four
march, junior year
It's 3am and this party is showing no signs of slowing down. Will Braden definitely knows how to throw one - this one is probably up there with Alisan's masquerade and Brad's 16th in Adam's maybe-top-five or so - but he was in rehearsal all afternoon and not even flirting with the cutest freshman in the room can get him in any kind of partying mood this late in the night. Morning. Whatever.
Adam finds himself nursing a glass of water in the huge, messy kitchen, and he just has this weird, itchy feeling that he's missing something. Or someone, his internal monologue not-so-helpfully supplies, and shit. Adam tries to push the thought away and scrolls through his phone to distract himself, but that turns out to be the worst idea ever because half of the saved messages in his inbox are from Kris.
My baby cousin's watching Hercules and the unicorn reminds me of you :)
I tried pistachio ice cream TY FOR CHANGING MY LIFE
Donatello is the best ninja turtle. Period. No contest
You looked sad at lunch. You doing ok?
send me spinning closer
Shit, shit, shit.
It's just - it's kind of been happening for a couple months now, sitting with Kris at lunch and whenever the group goes out to dinner, chatting on AIM while doing homework, texting for hours at night. Adam's stomach flutters just thinking about it, and dammit, he didn't know his stomach could even do that.
Adam isn't even doing anything he hasn't done with Kris before - they've always texted and sat together during movies and even walked each other home occasionally over the years, and he can't count the sheer number of meals they've shared. But suddenly it's all new, tinged with something different and exhilarating and fucking terrifying.
So... yeah. It's three in the morning and Adam is all jittery and weird because he hasn't seen Kris in a few hours. It feels strange to be the person who looks for one particular boy at night - in the middle of a badass party, no less - but there it is. He's in a party and he feels weird because Kris isn't there. Adam can't tell if admitting that to himself is a sign of defeat or relief.
The huge house feels stifling, all of a sudden, so he weaves past drunk acquaintances and makes a wrong turn twice before finding himself standing at the porch.
And just like that night almost a year ago now, it's a delightful surprise to find Kris Allen sitting on the steps, nursing a beer, and wearing a hoodie just this side of too tight. Adam watches Kris's shoulder blades ripple under the fabric, and he remembers the afternoon he practically spooned with Kris on his bed, Jesus, and his mouth dries up.
"Nice outfit, Kristopher," Adam says as lightly as he can, hoping that the sudden buzz of nerves under his skin doesn't show in his voice.
Kris turns around, and his face blooms into a huge, unguarded grin that almost brings Adam to his knees. "Allison gave it to me. She said it'll help my wimpy body keep warm," Kris says wryly, glancing down at the pink and purple stripes. "Not my style?"
Adam sinks down and stretches his legs on the steps. He doesn't miss the few seconds Kris takes to stare - these jeans were a damn good investment, and Adam pats himself on the back. "You look cute in almost anything, but not so much the purple." And that's new, too - not the flirting, but how it makes Kris blush so nicely and how the lines catch at Adam's throat right before he says them. He means it, he's always meant it, but this is more, now.
"Well, it does the job. And it's not like anyone in there will even remember seeing me wear it," Kris snorts.
"Yeah, it's kind of unbelievable how they can keep going," Adam sighs as he leans on the railing.
"I very clearly remember a few nights where you're in the middle of all of it," Kris says, teasing, reaching out to nudge Adam's foot with a sneaker-clad toe. "Thought you'd be in there with them, too."
Yeah, but you weren't in there, and I needed to see you, Adam thinks but doesn't dare say. "It's fun, yeah. But I wanted a little bit of air."
Kris just smiles as Adam yawns.
"And I was wondering where you'd gone," Adam blurts out. He blames that on the two huge bowls of margaritas that Danielle poured down his throat earlier.
"Oh." Kris is blushing again, but he keeps his gaze on Adam, smile bright and beautiful. "Yeah, I dunno, I ate? Hung around with Andrew - there are video games in the basement. I didn't think I'd get to talk to you tonight, so."
Adam knows he's blushing now, too, and this is probably the most ridiculous Movie Moment he's ever had in his life. He kind of loves it. "Well, here we are."
"Here is good."
They keep talking, about Kris's horrific orchestra rehearsal earlier that day ("Bridget left the room crying, it was the worst"), the new froyo place that opened ("They have cheesecake toppings, Kris, oh my God. It's heaven. I'll take you there on Wednesday" - neither of them mention the fact that Adam knows Kris's schedule, not to mention how they kind of fell into a date just then), Allison's new guy ("He's cute!" "I'll punch him in the face if he breaks her heart"), and the next thing Adam knows, Kris is tipping over sideways with laughter, and the entire length of their sides are touching.
Adam didn't know it could be like this with anyone - comfortable and silly, unselfconsciousness alongside the headiness and the kind of giddy that comes with hanging out with someone he likes. It's only ever been one or the other with all other guys he knows, and God, of course it's Kris, sneaking up on him, this thing between them years in the making. He wonders if Kris is cold, imagines wrapping his arms around his little body, tucking him into his side, warming him up. Adam has been imagining lots of things lately, many of them not quite as innocent as cuddling in the cold spring night.
Before Adam's thoughts can wander past PG-13 territory, though, Kris clears his throat and says "So Dani told me that - um. That there was a guy?"
"What guy?"
Kris's eyes fly down to his lap, where his fingers are fidgeting. Adam thinks sonnets should be written about the fan of Kris's eyelashes on his cheek. (Adam seriously didn't know his internal monologue could be this lame.)
"Some freshman?" Kris says quietly, still fidgeting. "She said a lot of stuff really fast, something about Alli's new guy and Brad's camera, and you... I think she said you were... that you were putting on some moves or whatever."
Kris says all of it really quickly, not even looking at Adam, the most adorable flush staining his cheeks.
"Oh --"
"Not like - I'm sorry, it's none of my business, forget I even said anything," Kris blurts out, and even his feet are fidgeting now.
It looks very much like Kris is about to bolt, so Adam lays his hand on Kris's knee. "Hey. It's fine. And that was - God, that was barely anything. We were just talking."
Kris's shoulders loosen at that, and Adam doesn't miss his little sigh of relief. "That was out of line. I had no right to ask. But okay."
Adam smiles, and he can't help but rub his thumb on Kris's knee, make him relax a little bit more. "You kind of - um. It was nothing, seriously."
"Okay," Kris says again with a little grin.
"You know me," Adam says.
Kris narrows his eyes at him, like he's searching his face for something. Adam hopes he can find it. "Yeah, I do," Kris answers solemnly.
The air is heavy, charged, and Adam acutely feels the weight of Kris's knee against his, feels pinpricks of heat where Kris's elbow is grazing his arm. It's strange and new and yet neither of those things, and it makes him feel a little lightheaded. Adam has to clear his throat twice before he can get the words out. "And besides, I'm... waiting."
Kris's leg inches a little closer until their thighs and ankles are touching too. "I've been waiting too," Kris says quietly.
Kris's eyes are dark underneath the dim light from the lamp just down the street, and Adam's head dips lower, searching, an exhilarating buzz starting under his skin. When Adam opens his mouth to speak, Kris's eyes dart down to it and he licks his lips, and fuck. All of a sudden it's like they're walking toward the edge of a cliff, getting ready to jump.
Their heads slowly move closer together, and Adam playfully rubs his nose with Kris's when they're close enough to touch. They both laugh a little, and Kris's hand comes up to grip Adam's jacket. Adam tilts his head a little to drop a soft kiss on Kris's cheek, his stomach bottoming out when Kris screws his eyes shut; a thrill shooting through him when Kris's tongue darts out to wet his lips.
A couple of drag racers zoom down the street in a streak of loud noise and laughter and Adam and Kris both start in surprise, jerking apart with matching gasps. All at once, Adam's disappointed and mortified and pissed and nervous as all hell, but above all of that, he wants, with a ferocity that surprises him. He wants this, wants Kris, wants to know what Kris tastes like, wants to find out what Kris's lips will feel like against his, wants to bite on that insane bottom lip, wishes more than anything that they could erase the last minute and go back to when Kris grabbed Adam's jacket like he needed something to hold on to or else he'll float away.
They're not touching anymore, and Adam feels a yawning gap in the inch of space between them. Kris is blushing hard, and he knows he is too, and Adam wishes he knew what to say. Adam doesn't know what to do with his hands - and, what, when did he put his beer down? Where did it go?
"Um," Kris says, and it interrupts Adam's frantic thoughts.
Seriously, Adam's skin is buzzing, what the fuck, so he does the absolute last thing he wants to do - he laughs and laughs and laughs. Kris's eyes widen in horror and somehow that's the most hilarious thing Adam has ever seen so he laughs instead of saying anything; Kris starts looking at him like he's crazy, and that's even funnier. He's totally gone off the deep end, and god, Kris won't want to kiss him after this. "Kris - don't - I --" Adam gasps out as his arm flails around as if independent from his body. "I can't --"
Kris just shakes his head and bites down a smile, hand coming up to grab his. "I'm glad you think this is so funny," he says with a catch in his voice.
Adam immediately sobers at that, hand squeezing Kris's, hard. "No, I don't - God, no. I'm just." He takes a deep breath. "Kristopher, I think you broke my brain."
"Well good," Kris says, eyes darting down to the ground. "I think my brain's broken too."
Adam's heart skitters in his chest when Kris tangles their fingers together. It should probably feel strange, but it doesn't. It feels like something... more. Something big. "So... this is new."
Kris laughs a little, tilting closer to Adam's side. "That's one word for it."
"Tell me another one," Adam says.
"Scary?" Kris asks, nose crinkling.
Adam nods thoughtfully. "Yeah. Good scary, though... right?"
Kris grins. "Definitely."
Adam wants so, so badly to pull Kris's mouth to his, to kiss him breathless, pull Kris onto his lap and drown in him; find out tonight, find out right now everything they can be together, what it would be like to cross that line. But then Kris's fingers tighten in his, and Kris curls into his side, forehead pressing against his neck. This thing between them feels tenuous and fragile, like any sudden movement will break it, and Adam wants to tuck it into his chest where no one but them can touch it.
They stay quiet for a few moments, all wrapped up in each other, just holding hands. Kris shivers violently when a quick breeze rolls by, and Adam lets go of Kris's hand to wrap his arms around him, hands rubbing Kris's back, pulling Kris even closer. When that doesn't quite work, Adam pulls them both up to the top step, arranging them so Kris's back is flush against his front, arms and legs shielding Kris from the wind.
Kris sighs and tangles their hands together. "This is nice."
Adam muffles a semi-hysterical laugh into Kris's shoulder. "I think this is really fucking fantastic." It's a heady feeling, being wrapped around Kris, protecting him, sitting as close as humanly possible. And when Kris's laugh rumbles against his chest, Adam feels like he can take on the world and win.
Kris tilts his head back until his nose is grazing Adam's neck. Kris's warm breaths against his cheek make Adam's heart stutter. When Kris's lips close on his jaw, Adam shuts his eyes, every thought flying from his brain.
"Adam," Kris whispers achingly, lips hot and wet and perfect against Adam's skin.
Adam can barely think of any words, let alone make himself remember how to say any of them. "Mmm?"
Kris somehow presses himself closer to Adam, the heat between their bodies driving Adam crazy, and Kris's fingers clench against his. "I really want to kiss you," Kris half-groans, and it's perfect, God, this is the most beautiful, most perfect moment of Adam's life, and of fucking course it's the same moment his phone decides to ring, Gaga's tinny voice echoing loudly in the night air.
Adam curses into Kris's shoulder - fuck his life, fucking seriously, Jesus fuck - and Kris lets out a strangled laugh, pulling Adam's left hand up for a kiss.
Adam angrily pulls out his phone and grates out a sharp "What?!" into the receiver.
"Dude, chill. Just the messenger. Dani's looking for you, it's time to go," Neil says, chipper as ever. Adam cannot be trusted not to commit homicide in his mother's house tonight.
"Meet you out front in five," Adam growls and hangs up.
Adam's overwhelmed, shaking, with anger and breathless joy and nerves and that unique sensation of being cockblocked by his own fucking brother, God, what shitty luck. He just wraps his arms around Kris's waist and holds on tight, breathing into Kris's neck, listening to Kris breathe, trying to burn every moment of this night into his brain so he won't ever forget.
Kris just let him do all these things, just sits and rubs Adam's arms until Adam calms down.
"You have to go," Kris whispers into his hair.
"I don't want to," Adam answers, stubbornly locking his arms and legs to keep Kris in place.
Kris's hand comes up to cup his cheek. "I don't want you to go either. But you have to. Up."
Adam keeps grumbling as he reluctantly stands up, pouts the whole time as Kris fusses over him, straightening his shirt and messing with his hair. He can't help but pull Kris into a hug, hold him close and feel Kris's body against his, every moment of contact making this impossible night feel all the more real. Kris's hands are sure and strong against his back, his voice insistent. "This won't go away. I promise."
Adam just nods wordlessly when he pulls away, momentarily forgetting his frustration when he looks at Kris under the moonlight, wrapped in a ridiculous hoodie, his hair a mess, eyes shining. I get to have this, Adam thinks, and the moment is heavy, makes his chest constrict. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think to want this before. Never, ever thought for one moment that he'll get to have this.
Kris tips up on his toes and presses a sweet kiss on Adam's cheek, whispers a soft "next time" into Adam's ear before grabbing his hand and pulling him back into the house, pushing his fingers in between Adam's as they make their way through the party and to the front door.
Danielle, Neil, Ryland and Andrew are leaning against Danielle's brother's car, eyes flying to the two of them as they walk down the driveway. None of them say anything as they pile into the car one by one.
Kris gives Adam another long, tight hug, pressing a quick, hidden kiss on Adam's neck and basically making Adam lose his fucking mind right there in front of their friends. Adam gingerly squeezes into the backseat and looks out the window, mouthing a sad "bye" as they drive away.
The car is barely twenty feet from Will's house when Adam's phone buzzes.
You owe me a kiss. I'm taking you up on that asap, just so you know
When he gets home, Adam distractedly pulls on his pajamas and crawls on his bed, clutches his pillow to his chest and relives every fantastic Kris-moment in his head over and over and over.
Adam wakes up with a smile on his face and an unread message on his phone.
The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you
[continued here]
Alternately: five times kris and adam asked themselves 'what if?' and one time they didn't have to.
Fandom: American Idol RPF
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Adam/Kris
Word Count: ~12,800
Summary: Kris's laugh hasn't changed at all since they were little - it's a comforting thought, but Adam can't quite explain why. (Beds and porches and UST, oh my. High school AU.)
A/N: Writing and editing the last installment had me thinking a lot of prequel-y thoughts, so I kind of wrote most of this by accident. As the word count shows, I kind of went overboard. Heh. When I first started all this, I didn't think I would ever write the getting-together part, but here it is. I had a great time thinking this up, I hope you enjoy. :)
For the kissbingo prompt face: cheeks.
Master post of previous installments: here
one
the summer before sophomore year
Kris has spent the last hour trying to pluck the intro to In My Life - his fingers hurt like crazy, and he's feeling a little bitter that all of his friends are over at the lake, having fun like every teenager is supposed to on the third week of summer vacation, while he's stuck in his room as he tries to lose his fingers one by one. Well. He actually chose to stay because he knew that he won't get anywhere if he doesn't push himself, so he indulges in a moment of frustration, and then keeps going.
He looks up at a sudden knock on his door. His mom is the only other person at home, and she never looks in on him this time of the day - Kris grins when he sees Adam peeking in, wearing a sheepish smile.
Kris scrambles off the bed, carefully sets his guitar down and pulls his bedroom door open. "Hey," he says, a little confused. Despite having lived barely two minutes away from each other for all of their lives, Adam hasn't been to his house since they were, like, eight years old. They're still good friends, but mostly they do group stuff now, usually at Dani or Alisan's house where they have rooms that can fit ten or twelve of them at a time.
Adam walks in, hands in his pockets, more than a little awkward. "Hey. Uh, your mom let me in. Is this okay?"
"Yeah, man," Kris says easily as he walks back to the bed, patting the space next to him.
Adam sits right at the edge and picks at his nails. "I didn't know you played guitar. Did you say something and I missed it?"
Kris thinks that if he pretends it isn't there, his blush will go away. He's pretty sure it doesn't work. It's not that the playing is anything to be ashamed of; he wasn't even actively keeping it a secret, it's just that he hasn't really brought it up to anyone that doesn't live with him and can hear him practicing all day and for most of the night. It's a summer project that he kind of wants to keep his for a while. "No, uh, I kind of just... didn't tell anyone?"
"Why not?"
"I dunno, I guess I wanted to learn stuff first. It sounds really stupid when I say it out loud," Kris says, ducking his head.
"No, I totally get it. It's awesome that you're learning. Is your dad teaching you?" Adam asks.
Kris blushes even harder and mumbles, "Um. I'm kind of teaching myself?"
Adam looks at him then, eyes wide. "What, seriously? Oh my god, Kris, that's amazing."
"Nah, it's - I can't even play much yet --"
"Shut up, it's totally awesome. You should - I mean. Once you're ready, I'd really love to hear you play," Adam says in that sweet, earnest way of his that Kris knows is completely genuine. Adam takes music as seriously as he does, maybe in a slightly different way, but it's something they've always had in common. Something they can talk about for hours. It means a lot that Adam's genuinely interested in the way Kris is expanding on what used to be just a hobby, just like how Kris has always been there for all of Adam's musicals and recitals. It makes Kris feel a little safer, and a little more excited to learn more, now that he knows someone that isn't his mom or dad would maybe want to hear him play. Kris feels kind of giddy that he shared his secret with someone and the world didn't end.
Kris can't think of anything to say to Adam, though, so he just smiles. The silence makes Adam reach for him, hand gripping his arm and shaking it a little. "I mean it, Kris. This is so exciting, I can't wait to hear you." Adam's insistence makes Kris smile, and Kris forgets to be shy.
"I know. Thank you. When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know. You'll be the first to hear."
Adam ducks his head and takes a long moment to just stare at Kris, expression stern. "Good." They kind of look at each other for a little bit, kind of smiling stupidly at each other, feeling a little co-conspiratorial because of this new secret that they share. Kris can feel every one of Adam's fingers on his skin, and he's struck by the urge to slide his hand a little bit upward, maybe hold Adam's hand for a little while.
Before he can even really register the thought, though, Adam jerks his hand away like he's burning, and the moment's over. Kris files all of it away to think about later - the strange ache that settles in his stomach when he realizes that Adam's out of reach, how he feels the imprint of Adam's hand and how he knows it'll be a while before the ghost of it will leave him. Adam's stubbornly looking away now, and Kris can see a blush creeping up his neck. Under the embarrassment, Kris can see a kind of exhaustion in the slump of Adam's shoulders and the stark paleness of his skin. He knows Adam didn't come here to talk about his guitar.
"Adam? You okay?"
Adam shifts on the bed, grabbing one of Kris's pillows as he settles against the headboard, bare feet curled under him. "I don't know," he sighs. "I want to be, but I don't think I am."
Kris crawls up the bed so they're sitting shoulder to shoulder. This is how it's always been between them - they have other people they call their best friends, but in their moments alone, they can be completely honest with one another. Kris knows pretty much the entire year has been difficult for Adam - his parents' separation was made official a month after his fourteenth birthday, and his dad's in the middle of moving out of their house. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Kris doesn't know what else to say, or how to make it better. He wishes so much that he has some secret well of knowledge that he can pull the right words from, that they could be taught this in school instead.
Adam sighs again. "I'm tired of talking. Mom keeps checking up on us, trying to make us talk about our feelings or whatever. I needed to get out of the house but I didn't want to be alone."
"Okay. I'm glad you came here, then."
Adam's sniffling now, and Kris has never been scared of tears, not like most other guys he knows. All he feels is a deep, simmering anger; all he wants is to find someone - anyone - he can yell at, and maybe punch for making his friend cry. "God, I'm such a downer," Adam tries to laugh through the tears, but he just sounds like he's choking, a little bit.
Kris grabs his box of tissues from the bedside table and holds it out. "No, you're not. I'm so sorry, Adam."
"I swear I didn't mean to, like, blubber all over you. It's just. I know it happens all the time, and I know it's better this way, I wouldn't want them to stay together just for me and Neil and spend years and years and years just bitter and unhappy and hating each other," Adam babbles and waves his arms around all crazy, like he does when he's ranting. "And I looked it up on the internet, psychologists say that kids from broken families don't usually go insane and it's good that it happened when we're kind of older and we understand what's going on, so that's good, I don't want to go crazy --"
Kris is almost knocked on the head by a flailing elbow, so he grabs Adam's hand - purely for self-preservation - tucking it around his elbow. Adam sniffles some more as he curls his arm around Kris's and tips his head on Kris's shoulder. Adam's hair smells like apples, and it's kind of nice. "You're not gonna go crazy," Kris says in what he hopes is a soothing voice.
"I'm fine with a little crazy," Adam says quietly. "And I know I'll get, like, damaged only if I let it happen to me. I'll be alright eventually."
"But?"
"But right now it just really, really hurts." Adam's crying harder now, real tears instead of just wet little sniffles, and Kris curls himself a little closer, lets Adam grip his arm in kind of a hug. Adam cries for a long time, sobs starting back up just as Kris thinks he's exhausted himself. He doesn't know how long they sit there, slumped together like that, but Kris just stays quiet, sometimes reaching his free hand out to rub circles on Adam's shoulder.
Adam's sobs die down and he sits up, shifting away from Kris. And again, Kris files some things away - how good it felt to have Adam close, how the hollow of his shoulder feels strangely light and empty without Adam's head there. Adam busies himself with wiping his face, and Kris watches.
"I'm such a mess," Adam croaks out.
Kris squeezes his arm. "You're not."
Adam rolls his eyes and stares out the window. Kris squeezes a little tighter and shakes Adam's arm a little. "You're really not. I promise. I'm gonna go get you some water, okay?"
Kris scrambles off the bed and out the door. He runs down the stairs, gets a glass of water from the kitchen, and stops by the first floor bathroom to grab an unopened box of tissues. Adam smiles at him when he comes back. "Thank you," Adam rasps before gulping down the entire glass.
"You want another?"
Adam shakes his head and opens the new box of tissues, wipes his face some more. "This is the first time I've cried all summer," he says quietly. "I can't cry at home because I don't want my mom to see."
Once again, Kris doesn't know what to say to that, he feels so frustratingly clueless. But maybe he doesn't have to know the right words. Maybe it can be enough that he's here for Adam to talk to. "You shouldn't hold it in like that, Adam. And I'm sure your mom wants to be there for you, too."
"I know. It's just - I don't think I can see her cry, either. Isn't that selfish? I just don't think I can take it."
Kris crawls back up the bed, smiling internally when Adam leans on his shoulder again. "I think you're allowed to be a little selfish."
"If I'm this upset, I can't even imagine how she must feel."
"Well, you know, your mom has been here a couple times to talk to my mom. So she's not alone," Kris says.
"Like mother like son, then," Adam giggles a little.
"Mama just gives her pie. Leila loves her pies."
"Your mama's pies can solve any problem," Adam says solemnly.
"Yeah, they really would."
"Your mama's pies plus ice cream can bring world peace."
Kris smiles at the upward lilt of Adam's voice, at Adam's little laugh, pleased that he'd helped Adam, even a little bit. "I know, right?" he says earnestly. "There's some downstairs, if you want."
Adam shakes his head. "Maybe later? I wanna stay here a little bit longer."
"Okay."
They stay like that for a long time, sometimes talking, sometimes not; they sit together until the sky outside gets dark and Kris's mom comes in to ask if Adam wants to stay for dinner. Adam's all genuine smiles and outrageous chatter at the dinner table, and mostly Kris just watches him, relieved that he's feeling better. Adam hugs him at the door before he leaves.
That night, Kris dreams of roller coasters and shooting stars, holding hands with someone under the rain. He wakes up with a smile on his face.
Adam: I GOTTA FEELING
Kris: ???
Adam: stuck in my head HELP
Kris: HOW COME EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND MY LONDON LONDON BRIDGE LALALA
Adam: ...........that's even worse :|
Kris: :D you're welcome!
two
june, sophomore year
It's the end of another successful theater production, and Adam feels like he could fly.
Okay, that might be the three shots of tequila and the cute little sophomore he'd hooked up with half an hour ago, but Adam feels giddy, he really does, feels a kind of adrenaline pumping through his veins underneath a blanket of satisfaction that performing well can bring. The joy is magnified this time around because even though he didn't make lead (he would have if he wasn't a sophomore), he was named dance captain, and it felt good to go through twelve straight shows without fucking up. It felt fucking amazing to have Mr. D. seek him out at the end of the last show to gush all over the "great work" he's done.
The bass is pounding throughout the house, makes his entire body thrum, and all night there's been hugging and kissing among the cast and crew, crazy dancing and drinking and yelling themselves hoarse now that summer vacation's so, so close. Adam loves it, loves all of it, and the only thing better would be to have someone to share it with, someone to pull close and lose himself in, for just a little bit. The pretty sophomore boy was fun but didn't quite do the trick - he'd stammered "oh my god, my boyfriend's gonna be so jealous" and scurried away once they left the pantry - and when he thinks about it too much, Adam feels some of the joy drain out of him.
Danielle's tipsy and dancing like a maniac, but Adam can't quite match her when she tries to engage him. It's a relief when Alisan appears out of nowhere, arms flailing around, hair gone all crazy, and Adam pushes them together, satisfied that they won't even notice that he's gone.
Adam hates himself a little bit for harshing his own celebration time, but he just goes with it, lets himself dwell for a while. He's been thinking about it a lot lately, and no matter how hard he tries, it just doesn't go away; he knows he's down for the count, even in the middle of an insane party. He doesn't know the house well enough to try to find a quiet place inside, so he just grabs a beer from the cooler and makes his way to the back porch, hoping that no one's there hooking up or puking.
Someone's already sitting on the porch steps, and before Adam could decide if he's willing to sit with some stranger, the person turns around. It's Kris, and Adam smiles back automatically, plopping down next to him. "What are you doing here?" Adam asks, bumping his shoulder a little.
"I could ask you the same question," Kris drawls, bumping back.
Adam sighs. "Got a little too loud in there for me."
"Too loud? Who are you and what have you done with Adam Lambert?"
Adam elbows his side, and Kris punches him. "Ow. Violence is never the answer, Kristopher."
"You started it."
"Your mom started it."
Kris laughs at that, and it's a sweet sound, filling the night air. Kris's laugh hasn't changed at all since they were little - it's a comforting thought, but Adam can't quite explain why. "You're so lame."
"You're the one sitting here all alone while a kickass party's going on inside," Adam mocks. "That's pretty much the definition of lame, I'll have you know."
To Adam's surprise, Kris blushes at that. "Yeah, well. People in there were getting too... handsy. I needed some air."
Adam giggles. "Poor Kris, boys and girls groping him all night long."
"Shut up," Kris mumbles. "It's just - it's weird."
"What's weird? You're cute, people like you. That's as normal as can be."
Kris takes a pull of his beer and shrugs. "I guess."
"You should get used to it, you know," Adam nudges his shoulder again. "You have a really great ass, and I've noticed you're showing it off a little more, like, those new jeans are great. You're gonna get groped every single night, seriously, we just can't help it."
"Oh my God, Adam," Kris cries, adorably horrified. He covers his face with his hand and it's the cutest thing ever. "Don't say stuff like that, jeez."
Adam ruffles his hair fondly. "It's true. You done good, Kristopher."
"Please stop talking about my ass."
"But it's such a nice ass, very much worth talking about," Adam leers a little, delighted at the blush on Kris's cheeks. Adam lets his eyes travel down Kris's neck, and he wonders idly how far the blush goes.
Kris flails around and covers Adam's mouth with his hand. "Seriously, stop, oh my God."
Adam playfully bites at Kris's fingers and Kris jerks away. "Learn to take a compliment," Adam says, stern.
Kris wrinkles his nose at Adam, and god, seriously, he's like a cartoon sometimes. Adam's suddenly struck by an insanely clear memory of spending a really fun afternoon running around Kris's garden, the two of them using tattered pillowcases as capes, pretending that they're superheroes saving Daniel and Neil from evil monsters that eat little brothers. His mom has some of it on video somewhere, says she's keeping it for blackmail. It's kind of amazing how they've gone from that childish innocence to this, not quite adults yet, drinking beers and talking about Kris's ass.
"It's great that people like my ass so much," Kris says dryly. "I think I'm a little warped, though. That's just... not my thing."
"What, getting groped?"
Kris leans his head on the railing and peers at him. "Man, getting groped would be awesome," he says with a little sigh. Adam doesn't know what to make of it. "It's just so awkward. I mean, so you get your hand down someone's pants, and then see them in school then next day and act like nothing happened?"
Adam grins at him thoughtfully. "That's usually how it goes, yeah."
"Yeah, I couldn't look him in the eye for a whole month," Kris rolls his eyes at himself. "I kept wondering if I should text him, or whatever, try to get to know him? Be friends? But I guess it's just not done."
"You're not supposed to make it more complicated than it has to be," Adam says gently. They've all been getting to know each other in this context for about a year now; they've gone beyond watching each other giggle and blush at the mere mention of kissing, and are now catching each other in broom closets and school parking lots and hidden corners at parties - Adam will never forget finding Andrew of all people inside the empty orchestra room with a girl on his lap - and it's just another part of growing up that they're doing together. It's different from any other conversation he's had with Kris before, but it's not awkward at all.
"I know that. I really think that's just not my deal. One and done," Kris says, serious now, not blushing anymore. "I think my parents have ruined me for life, man," Kris continues, shaking his head. "I grew up watching them and wanting what they have, I can't make my brain want anything else. Even just for now."
Adam understands that perfectly, maybe more than anyone. "I get it," he answers. "Not the parent thing, obviously, but the wanting thing."
"I know."
"Yeah?"
Kris smiles. "I know you, Adam. You get that look on your face. I mean, I know you're having fun, but you're looking for more than you're getting," he says quietly.
"I'm definitely having fun," Adam says with a raised eyebrow, pleasure bursting in his chest when Kris blushes again. "And you know it took me a while to even get here."
"You've always wanted more."
"Yeah, I always have."
Kris's answering smile is kind and understanding. "I know. It's totally --"
Danielle and Tommy stumble onto the patio right at that moment, yelling incoherently about dancing and manhandling Adam back into the house. Kris never gets to finish his thought, but their conversation is all Adam can think about for a long time after that.
Kris: Hi
Adam: ..........Kris. We're standing in the same room
Kris: So?
Adam: You weirdo
Kris: You're too far away
Adam: Better?
Kris: Who's the weirdo now?
Adam: But i switched seats for you! :(
Kris: I know :) stop texting and tell me if i'm singing this song right
Adam: k <3
three
january, junior year
Kris is just about to get up for a snack when suddenly his phone rings.
Adam
He's seriously in trouble if just seeing Adam's name on the call display brings butterflies to his stomach. Serious, serious trouble.
"I need your help" is the first thing Kris hears when he answers his phone.
"Adam? What's up?"
"It's an emergency. Can you come over?" Adam asks, voice high and kind of panicky. "It's Allison."
Kris jolts upright. "What happened? Is she alright?"
"No, Kris - God, I'm sorry - no, she's not, like, injured or anything. Sorry, sorry," Adam says quickly. "It's just - ugh. Nick dumped her this afternoon and she's kind of freaking."
Kris sighs in relief. "Jeez, Adam. Try not to make it sound like it's life or death next time."
"Sorry!" Adam cries, and it seriously sounds like he's coming unhinged. "I just - I'm seriously freaking. Megan's on her way over, but no one else can get here right now, and I don't know how to deal with Alli when she's crying, oh my God. Alli never cries!"
"Okay, okay," Kris says, walking to his closet and getting dressed. "Your house?"
"Yeah. She's in my room. Bring pie." Then he hangs up.
Kris just stares at his phone for a long moment, alarmed. Allison has had a crush on Nick - her neighbor, childhood friend, classmate, etc etc - since she was in the sixth grade, and she freaked like nothing else when he finally asked her to the winter formal two months ago. She was on cloud nine for weeks, all giddy and starry-eyed, and Kris found it incredibly sweet. He was happy that she was happy, and he kept his wariness to himself - she's not a kid anymore ("I'm a sophomore, you dork," he can so clearly hear her say), she can take care of herself, and she needs to make her own mistakes. Besides, he's always been a sucker for her smile.
Now that it's all gone to hell, though, all he wants to do is march to that sucker's house and punch him in the face.
Instead, Kris pulls on a heavy wool sweater and his warmest, heaviest jacket, hoping it'll be enough to ward the bitter January chill outside. He goes to the kitchen to put two slices of leftover pie in a Tupperware container, kisses his mom on the cheek, and pulls on his boots by the door. He walks briskly down the street and jogs from the street corner all the way to Adam's doorstep. He lets himself in and waves hello to Leila in the living room, then runs into Megan in the kitchen. Megan's standing over a bowl of what looks like a mixture of three different flavors of ice cream, chocolate and strawberry syrup, M&Ms, Oreos, and chocolate chip cookies.
"Wow," Kris says. "That's the most disgusting thing I have ever seen."
Megan huffs as she continues mixing. "Excuse you, this is a foolproof cheerer-upper. It's a family recipe passed down from generation to generation. Mind your own beeswax."
Kris pulls out a plate and two forks from a drawer, then fills a tall glass with water. "Okay, okay. Meg, is it really bad?"
Megan sighs. "She's really upset. Nick dropped her here, like, fifteen minutes ago, and I don't think she's stopped crying yet. Poor kid."
The last time Allison cried was when she fell of the jungle gym and broke her arm in two places. She was nine. "I have no idea what I'm doing, but. Okay. Here goes," Kris says, mostly to himself as he piles all his stuff on a tray. "You done?"
"Go ahead, I'll be up in a few."
Kris makes his way up the stairs, knocking softly on Adam's door before letting himself in. Adam and Allison are curled together on the bed, Allison's face hidden in Adam's shoulder. Adam smiles at him in greeting and tilts his head, beckoning him to come closer. Kris freezes in place for a moment, his stomach swooping. Because of Adam's grin? The head-tilt? The bed? Probably all three. Kris is definitely in trouble.
"Hey, Alli," Kris murmurs as he puts the tray on Adam's dresser and sits on Allison's other side.
"Kris?" Allison half-says, half-sobs before throwing her arm around his waist and sobbing into his shirt.
Kris gapes at her in shock, and it's a few seconds before he can get his bearings and pull his feet off the floor and on the bed, shifting a little to make Allison more comfortable. It's extremely disconcerting to see and hear her like this, so he glances above her head to catch Adam's eye.
Adam's staring down at her too, rubbing circles on her back. Kris reaches over and catches Adam's elbow with his free hand, raising both eyebrows when Adam looks at him. Adam just shrugs and frowns.
"Kris?" Allison asks again.
Kris wraps his arm more tightly around Allison and uses his other hand to rub her back too, occasionally catching Adam's fingers with his. "I'm here, Alli. Do you want some water?"
Allison lifts her head and says "yes please" in the softest, saddest voice he's ever heard.
Kris reaches for the glass of water, watches Allison gulp it all down in one go. Her face is all wet and splotchy and red, her breaths hitching. Adam scoots closer and pushes a box of tissues on her lap.
Allison's blowing her nose for the third time when Megan bursts in like some magical gypsy, all long, blonde hair and long skirt and bracelets, carrying a huge bowl and carefully walking to the bed. "Scoot," she says, slapping Adam's leg.
Adam huffs, but he rolls away and stands. Megan settles in Adam's vacated spot and puts the bowl of ice cream on Allison's lap. She wraps an arm around Allison's shoulder and says, "This is the best heartache healer around, honey. Eat."
Allison takes a few seconds to just look at the bowl speculatively, swirling the spoon, investigating the ingredients. Then she starts to dig in, sighing in happiness after the first few bites.
After some time, Adam comes over to Kris's side of the bed and they both sit cross-legged, just watching Allison eat, occasionally taking bites when Allison insists on feeding them. Adam's bed wasn't exactly built for four people, and Kris almost overbalances backward a couple times, with only Adam's arm half-curled around him saving him from a probable concussion. Adam's leaning closely, and Kris catches a whiff of Adam's perfume, and the smell makes his mouth dry up. He's never noticed Adam wearing it before - maybe it's new? - but once he smells it, it's all he can pay attention to.
And suddenly, like some super-sense in him is switched on, he's hyper-aware of Adam's arm, strong and steady against his back. Kris only has to turn his head a couple inches to look at Adam's face in profile - his gorgeous nose is seriously one of his best features. If Kris sits still long enough, he can almost feel Adam's breaths puffing on his cheek. It's sensory overload, almost, being surrounded by Adam like this, and he's suddenly aching to know what it could be like to be surrounded by Adam for real --
His dangerous train of thought (Crap, crap, crap. So much trouble.) is interrupted by Allison pushing the bowl away and her starting to sniffle again. She blindly reaches for Kris's hand and pulls him toward her until they're both lying on the bed.
Kris just follows, shifting on his side to pull her closer and stroke her hair. "You're going to be okay, baby girl. You'll see," he whispers into the top of her head.
"It hurts so bad, Kris," she whimpers, hand fisting his shirt. "I really thought he liked me."
"You'll find someone better," Adam chimes from somewhere behind Kris. When Allison whimpers some more, Kris feels the bed shift, feels the length of Adam's thigh pressed all along his back, Adam's left arm thrown across his waist so Adam can rub Allison's back, too.
It's like Kris is trapped in the best way possible, and it goes on for a while, until Allison eventually falls asleep. It aches, a little bit, when Adam steps away from the bed.
Adam goes downstairs to put away the pie and the dirty bowl, and presumably to refill the glass of water, and even when he's gone, Kris feels the heat of him still, lingering on Kris's skin. It's half proximity-high, and half something more than that; something Kris can't name; something that Kris thinks started that night they talked about wanting something more than hooking up; something that's slowly been growing and growing with every private moment they share. Something maybe a little terrifying. This is Adam. Kris knows he has to be sure before... before anything.
When Adam comes back, Kris's entire right arm has cramped up and his hip is aching. Allison's breathing heavily into his neck, more peaceful now, and Kris doesn't want to disturb her.
All of Kris's discomfort disappears when Adam sits behind him again, his hip digging into Kris's lower back. A crazy, dizzying kind of warmth radiates from that spot and makes Kris warm all over, breathless from it. He can't help but slump into it a little, rest his weight all along Adam's thigh, push himself into the heat until it sears his skin.
Adam doesn't say anything, just continues to rub Allison's back and make soothing noises. Kris can see hints of a blush running down his neck, though, and it makes Kris smile. Makes him really excited for the days to come, and all the possibilities they bring.
Kris: Orchestra's weird without you guys
Adam: Awww you miss us!
Kris: Mostly you
---
Adam: Look! http://yfrog.com/5nplaidhj
Kris: !!!
Adam: Thought so
Kris: You getting one?
Adam: Idk might not look good on me
Kris: Impossible
Adam: :) :) :)
four
march, junior year
It's 3am and this party is showing no signs of slowing down. Will Braden definitely knows how to throw one - this one is probably up there with Alisan's masquerade and Brad's 16th in Adam's maybe-top-five or so - but he was in rehearsal all afternoon and not even flirting with the cutest freshman in the room can get him in any kind of partying mood this late in the night. Morning. Whatever.
Adam finds himself nursing a glass of water in the huge, messy kitchen, and he just has this weird, itchy feeling that he's missing something. Or someone, his internal monologue not-so-helpfully supplies, and shit. Adam tries to push the thought away and scrolls through his phone to distract himself, but that turns out to be the worst idea ever because half of the saved messages in his inbox are from Kris.
My baby cousin's watching Hercules and the unicorn reminds me of you :)
I tried pistachio ice cream TY FOR CHANGING MY LIFE
Donatello is the best ninja turtle. Period. No contest
You looked sad at lunch. You doing ok?
send me spinning closer
Shit, shit, shit.
It's just - it's kind of been happening for a couple months now, sitting with Kris at lunch and whenever the group goes out to dinner, chatting on AIM while doing homework, texting for hours at night. Adam's stomach flutters just thinking about it, and dammit, he didn't know his stomach could even do that.
Adam isn't even doing anything he hasn't done with Kris before - they've always texted and sat together during movies and even walked each other home occasionally over the years, and he can't count the sheer number of meals they've shared. But suddenly it's all new, tinged with something different and exhilarating and fucking terrifying.
So... yeah. It's three in the morning and Adam is all jittery and weird because he hasn't seen Kris in a few hours. It feels strange to be the person who looks for one particular boy at night - in the middle of a badass party, no less - but there it is. He's in a party and he feels weird because Kris isn't there. Adam can't tell if admitting that to himself is a sign of defeat or relief.
The huge house feels stifling, all of a sudden, so he weaves past drunk acquaintances and makes a wrong turn twice before finding himself standing at the porch.
And just like that night almost a year ago now, it's a delightful surprise to find Kris Allen sitting on the steps, nursing a beer, and wearing a hoodie just this side of too tight. Adam watches Kris's shoulder blades ripple under the fabric, and he remembers the afternoon he practically spooned with Kris on his bed, Jesus, and his mouth dries up.
"Nice outfit, Kristopher," Adam says as lightly as he can, hoping that the sudden buzz of nerves under his skin doesn't show in his voice.
Kris turns around, and his face blooms into a huge, unguarded grin that almost brings Adam to his knees. "Allison gave it to me. She said it'll help my wimpy body keep warm," Kris says wryly, glancing down at the pink and purple stripes. "Not my style?"
Adam sinks down and stretches his legs on the steps. He doesn't miss the few seconds Kris takes to stare - these jeans were a damn good investment, and Adam pats himself on the back. "You look cute in almost anything, but not so much the purple." And that's new, too - not the flirting, but how it makes Kris blush so nicely and how the lines catch at Adam's throat right before he says them. He means it, he's always meant it, but this is more, now.
"Well, it does the job. And it's not like anyone in there will even remember seeing me wear it," Kris snorts.
"Yeah, it's kind of unbelievable how they can keep going," Adam sighs as he leans on the railing.
"I very clearly remember a few nights where you're in the middle of all of it," Kris says, teasing, reaching out to nudge Adam's foot with a sneaker-clad toe. "Thought you'd be in there with them, too."
Yeah, but you weren't in there, and I needed to see you, Adam thinks but doesn't dare say. "It's fun, yeah. But I wanted a little bit of air."
Kris just smiles as Adam yawns.
"And I was wondering where you'd gone," Adam blurts out. He blames that on the two huge bowls of margaritas that Danielle poured down his throat earlier.
"Oh." Kris is blushing again, but he keeps his gaze on Adam, smile bright and beautiful. "Yeah, I dunno, I ate? Hung around with Andrew - there are video games in the basement. I didn't think I'd get to talk to you tonight, so."
Adam knows he's blushing now, too, and this is probably the most ridiculous Movie Moment he's ever had in his life. He kind of loves it. "Well, here we are."
"Here is good."
They keep talking, about Kris's horrific orchestra rehearsal earlier that day ("Bridget left the room crying, it was the worst"), the new froyo place that opened ("They have cheesecake toppings, Kris, oh my God. It's heaven. I'll take you there on Wednesday" - neither of them mention the fact that Adam knows Kris's schedule, not to mention how they kind of fell into a date just then), Allison's new guy ("He's cute!" "I'll punch him in the face if he breaks her heart"), and the next thing Adam knows, Kris is tipping over sideways with laughter, and the entire length of their sides are touching.
Adam didn't know it could be like this with anyone - comfortable and silly, unselfconsciousness alongside the headiness and the kind of giddy that comes with hanging out with someone he likes. It's only ever been one or the other with all other guys he knows, and God, of course it's Kris, sneaking up on him, this thing between them years in the making. He wonders if Kris is cold, imagines wrapping his arms around his little body, tucking him into his side, warming him up. Adam has been imagining lots of things lately, many of them not quite as innocent as cuddling in the cold spring night.
Before Adam's thoughts can wander past PG-13 territory, though, Kris clears his throat and says "So Dani told me that - um. That there was a guy?"
"What guy?"
Kris's eyes fly down to his lap, where his fingers are fidgeting. Adam thinks sonnets should be written about the fan of Kris's eyelashes on his cheek. (Adam seriously didn't know his internal monologue could be this lame.)
"Some freshman?" Kris says quietly, still fidgeting. "She said a lot of stuff really fast, something about Alli's new guy and Brad's camera, and you... I think she said you were... that you were putting on some moves or whatever."
Kris says all of it really quickly, not even looking at Adam, the most adorable flush staining his cheeks.
"Oh --"
"Not like - I'm sorry, it's none of my business, forget I even said anything," Kris blurts out, and even his feet are fidgeting now.
It looks very much like Kris is about to bolt, so Adam lays his hand on Kris's knee. "Hey. It's fine. And that was - God, that was barely anything. We were just talking."
Kris's shoulders loosen at that, and Adam doesn't miss his little sigh of relief. "That was out of line. I had no right to ask. But okay."
Adam smiles, and he can't help but rub his thumb on Kris's knee, make him relax a little bit more. "You kind of - um. It was nothing, seriously."
"Okay," Kris says again with a little grin.
"You know me," Adam says.
Kris narrows his eyes at him, like he's searching his face for something. Adam hopes he can find it. "Yeah, I do," Kris answers solemnly.
The air is heavy, charged, and Adam acutely feels the weight of Kris's knee against his, feels pinpricks of heat where Kris's elbow is grazing his arm. It's strange and new and yet neither of those things, and it makes him feel a little lightheaded. Adam has to clear his throat twice before he can get the words out. "And besides, I'm... waiting."
Kris's leg inches a little closer until their thighs and ankles are touching too. "I've been waiting too," Kris says quietly.
Kris's eyes are dark underneath the dim light from the lamp just down the street, and Adam's head dips lower, searching, an exhilarating buzz starting under his skin. When Adam opens his mouth to speak, Kris's eyes dart down to it and he licks his lips, and fuck. All of a sudden it's like they're walking toward the edge of a cliff, getting ready to jump.
Their heads slowly move closer together, and Adam playfully rubs his nose with Kris's when they're close enough to touch. They both laugh a little, and Kris's hand comes up to grip Adam's jacket. Adam tilts his head a little to drop a soft kiss on Kris's cheek, his stomach bottoming out when Kris screws his eyes shut; a thrill shooting through him when Kris's tongue darts out to wet his lips.
A couple of drag racers zoom down the street in a streak of loud noise and laughter and Adam and Kris both start in surprise, jerking apart with matching gasps. All at once, Adam's disappointed and mortified and pissed and nervous as all hell, but above all of that, he wants, with a ferocity that surprises him. He wants this, wants Kris, wants to know what Kris tastes like, wants to find out what Kris's lips will feel like against his, wants to bite on that insane bottom lip, wishes more than anything that they could erase the last minute and go back to when Kris grabbed Adam's jacket like he needed something to hold on to or else he'll float away.
They're not touching anymore, and Adam feels a yawning gap in the inch of space between them. Kris is blushing hard, and he knows he is too, and Adam wishes he knew what to say. Adam doesn't know what to do with his hands - and, what, when did he put his beer down? Where did it go?
"Um," Kris says, and it interrupts Adam's frantic thoughts.
Seriously, Adam's skin is buzzing, what the fuck, so he does the absolute last thing he wants to do - he laughs and laughs and laughs. Kris's eyes widen in horror and somehow that's the most hilarious thing Adam has ever seen so he laughs instead of saying anything; Kris starts looking at him like he's crazy, and that's even funnier. He's totally gone off the deep end, and god, Kris won't want to kiss him after this. "Kris - don't - I --" Adam gasps out as his arm flails around as if independent from his body. "I can't --"
Kris just shakes his head and bites down a smile, hand coming up to grab his. "I'm glad you think this is so funny," he says with a catch in his voice.
Adam immediately sobers at that, hand squeezing Kris's, hard. "No, I don't - God, no. I'm just." He takes a deep breath. "Kristopher, I think you broke my brain."
"Well good," Kris says, eyes darting down to the ground. "I think my brain's broken too."
Adam's heart skitters in his chest when Kris tangles their fingers together. It should probably feel strange, but it doesn't. It feels like something... more. Something big. "So... this is new."
Kris laughs a little, tilting closer to Adam's side. "That's one word for it."
"Tell me another one," Adam says.
"Scary?" Kris asks, nose crinkling.
Adam nods thoughtfully. "Yeah. Good scary, though... right?"
Kris grins. "Definitely."
Adam wants so, so badly to pull Kris's mouth to his, to kiss him breathless, pull Kris onto his lap and drown in him; find out tonight, find out right now everything they can be together, what it would be like to cross that line. But then Kris's fingers tighten in his, and Kris curls into his side, forehead pressing against his neck. This thing between them feels tenuous and fragile, like any sudden movement will break it, and Adam wants to tuck it into his chest where no one but them can touch it.
They stay quiet for a few moments, all wrapped up in each other, just holding hands. Kris shivers violently when a quick breeze rolls by, and Adam lets go of Kris's hand to wrap his arms around him, hands rubbing Kris's back, pulling Kris even closer. When that doesn't quite work, Adam pulls them both up to the top step, arranging them so Kris's back is flush against his front, arms and legs shielding Kris from the wind.
Kris sighs and tangles their hands together. "This is nice."
Adam muffles a semi-hysterical laugh into Kris's shoulder. "I think this is really fucking fantastic." It's a heady feeling, being wrapped around Kris, protecting him, sitting as close as humanly possible. And when Kris's laugh rumbles against his chest, Adam feels like he can take on the world and win.
Kris tilts his head back until his nose is grazing Adam's neck. Kris's warm breaths against his cheek make Adam's heart stutter. When Kris's lips close on his jaw, Adam shuts his eyes, every thought flying from his brain.
"Adam," Kris whispers achingly, lips hot and wet and perfect against Adam's skin.
Adam can barely think of any words, let alone make himself remember how to say any of them. "Mmm?"
Kris somehow presses himself closer to Adam, the heat between their bodies driving Adam crazy, and Kris's fingers clench against his. "I really want to kiss you," Kris half-groans, and it's perfect, God, this is the most beautiful, most perfect moment of Adam's life, and of fucking course it's the same moment his phone decides to ring, Gaga's tinny voice echoing loudly in the night air.
Adam curses into Kris's shoulder - fuck his life, fucking seriously, Jesus fuck - and Kris lets out a strangled laugh, pulling Adam's left hand up for a kiss.
Adam angrily pulls out his phone and grates out a sharp "What?!" into the receiver.
"Dude, chill. Just the messenger. Dani's looking for you, it's time to go," Neil says, chipper as ever. Adam cannot be trusted not to commit homicide in his mother's house tonight.
"Meet you out front in five," Adam growls and hangs up.
Adam's overwhelmed, shaking, with anger and breathless joy and nerves and that unique sensation of being cockblocked by his own fucking brother, God, what shitty luck. He just wraps his arms around Kris's waist and holds on tight, breathing into Kris's neck, listening to Kris breathe, trying to burn every moment of this night into his brain so he won't ever forget.
Kris just let him do all these things, just sits and rubs Adam's arms until Adam calms down.
"You have to go," Kris whispers into his hair.
"I don't want to," Adam answers, stubbornly locking his arms and legs to keep Kris in place.
Kris's hand comes up to cup his cheek. "I don't want you to go either. But you have to. Up."
Adam keeps grumbling as he reluctantly stands up, pouts the whole time as Kris fusses over him, straightening his shirt and messing with his hair. He can't help but pull Kris into a hug, hold him close and feel Kris's body against his, every moment of contact making this impossible night feel all the more real. Kris's hands are sure and strong against his back, his voice insistent. "This won't go away. I promise."
Adam just nods wordlessly when he pulls away, momentarily forgetting his frustration when he looks at Kris under the moonlight, wrapped in a ridiculous hoodie, his hair a mess, eyes shining. I get to have this, Adam thinks, and the moment is heavy, makes his chest constrict. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think to want this before. Never, ever thought for one moment that he'll get to have this.
Kris tips up on his toes and presses a sweet kiss on Adam's cheek, whispers a soft "next time" into Adam's ear before grabbing his hand and pulling him back into the house, pushing his fingers in between Adam's as they make their way through the party and to the front door.
Danielle, Neil, Ryland and Andrew are leaning against Danielle's brother's car, eyes flying to the two of them as they walk down the driveway. None of them say anything as they pile into the car one by one.
Kris gives Adam another long, tight hug, pressing a quick, hidden kiss on Adam's neck and basically making Adam lose his fucking mind right there in front of their friends. Adam gingerly squeezes into the backseat and looks out the window, mouthing a sad "bye" as they drive away.
The car is barely twenty feet from Will's house when Adam's phone buzzes.
You owe me a kiss. I'm taking you up on that asap, just so you know
When he gets home, Adam distractedly pulls on his pajamas and crawls on his bed, clutches his pillow to his chest and relives every fantastic Kris-moment in his head over and over and over.
Adam wakes up with a smile on his face and an unread message on his phone.
The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you
[continued here]