I want to call you but I'm afraid to, because frankly I have no idea what's going on, either with you or between us. I have been and am waiting for you-- call me when you feel like explaining.
i will call you. i need to explain why i disappeared, why i haven't contacted you, what's going on, and other things. it's all my fault, though. i'm so sorry. i didn't want to upset you, even though i knew deep down that disappearing would upset you even more. i've become afraid of myself. you're an extremely kind, patient, and strong person to have waited for so long, and i need to tell you that, i need to thank you and i really need to apologize, if not in person, at least over the phone. i'll say that miss you, and it's so true, but i know that the words mean very little because of my actions/lack of actions over the past month. i hope you can forgive me, i've relied on you so much already. i'm so afraid that i've hurt you in a very deep way, and i already know it's true. i don't want to hurt you for a moment longer, so i will call as soon as i can.. i can't call now because everyone's asleep. i have to take that initiative myself. i've been scared, but it's time.
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