Damage and armor
I had a conversation that made me realize how many people carry their damage around with them.
Even if by defense the people forget what the damage was, they still carry it and it haunts them.
I think back on the negative events of my life and on how far something really terrible can reach.
I've been so lucky to be so far away from the root of some really serious shit that has happened to many people I've known.
Despite my distance I've incurred plenty of damage and unfortunately caused is due mostly to my own fear and previous damage.
I wish in my early youth I had more perspective on events my friends had experienced. I think by perspective I mean distance, because the damage wore off in ways I only realize now.
A lot of social paranoia has resulted from my early youth experiences.
When I was young my defense would cascade people into other forms of damage, my aggression was wrought through other people's hands. I built an empire out of emotions a 10 year old can build with, but wound up hurting people I barely knew. I've come to know the beautiful people I had vicariously hurt with the hands of others who's own damage I had no idea the depths.
They're all wonderful people at the core.
Shit happens when you're a kid, but my mom took me away from the dangers of the negative social peer groups of public school. I think I was lucky in that.
I'm amazed at how far those experiences stick deep down.
I've found a lot of grace in the last 6 years thanks to my friends.
I need to find a way to break through my mental blocks and grow into myself properly this time.
I've got the tools, and my armor is much stronger then forgetting, all I need to do is break habit and let my armor flourish and be focused.
Can you guess what my armor is?
Even if by defense the people forget what the damage was, they still carry it and it haunts them.
I think back on the negative events of my life and on how far something really terrible can reach.
I've been so lucky to be so far away from the root of some really serious shit that has happened to many people I've known.
Despite my distance I've incurred plenty of damage and unfortunately caused is due mostly to my own fear and previous damage.
I wish in my early youth I had more perspective on events my friends had experienced. I think by perspective I mean distance, because the damage wore off in ways I only realize now.
A lot of social paranoia has resulted from my early youth experiences.
When I was young my defense would cascade people into other forms of damage, my aggression was wrought through other people's hands. I built an empire out of emotions a 10 year old can build with, but wound up hurting people I barely knew. I've come to know the beautiful people I had vicariously hurt with the hands of others who's own damage I had no idea the depths.
They're all wonderful people at the core.
Shit happens when you're a kid, but my mom took me away from the dangers of the negative social peer groups of public school. I think I was lucky in that.
I'm amazed at how far those experiences stick deep down.
I've found a lot of grace in the last 6 years thanks to my friends.
I need to find a way to break through my mental blocks and grow into myself properly this time.
I've got the tools, and my armor is much stronger then forgetting, all I need to do is break habit and let my armor flourish and be focused.
Can you guess what my armor is?