(no subject)
So the good news is I am home.
The doctors think it was a mixture of a really severe UTI mixed with Pelvic inflammatory disease caused by infected fallopian tubes. I have to make an appointment with my OBGYN.
Thank you guys for all your support. It really does help.
I should be thrilled to be home, and I am...but I just feel so absolutely alone and it doesn't help that my old piano professor deleted me from Facebook for what I can assume is disagreeing with me politically. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, it just stings. It also feels like I can no longer count on him for a reference now and all ties with that part of my life are gone and I just really, really can't shake the feeling that I will never be anything but Sick Little Girl.
I know I should be grateful that there's nothing seriously wrong, and I am.
It's just I can't help but feel that there's just...nothing for me. Nothing reinforces the Sick Little Girl thing more than than being stuck in a hospital room where I had more panic attacks than visitors.
So yeah...fighting off another panic attack now, but I finally ate today and actually pooped, so...yay? I heard the doctor's talking outside and they're under the impression that I'm addicted to being sick. If I wasn't trapped to an IV I would've stormed in there and told him to go to hell.
I also changed my meds the day I went into the hospital, but haven't started on them, so I'm hoping a new regime will help. I'm also hoping that when I visit my therapist we'll be able to work through some of this.
Because seriously, I don't know how to make it better, and that scares the shit out of me.
At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I just...really wish I wasn't so by myself all the time. I wish I wasn't so useless. I wish I had a reason to believe I deserve a job better than part-time retail work somewhere, but that's all I can get.
And I'm going to leave my moping at that...because nature calls again.
The doctors think it was a mixture of a really severe UTI mixed with Pelvic inflammatory disease caused by infected fallopian tubes. I have to make an appointment with my OBGYN.
Thank you guys for all your support. It really does help.
I should be thrilled to be home, and I am...but I just feel so absolutely alone and it doesn't help that my old piano professor deleted me from Facebook for what I can assume is disagreeing with me politically. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, it just stings. It also feels like I can no longer count on him for a reference now and all ties with that part of my life are gone and I just really, really can't shake the feeling that I will never be anything but Sick Little Girl.
I know I should be grateful that there's nothing seriously wrong, and I am.
It's just I can't help but feel that there's just...nothing for me. Nothing reinforces the Sick Little Girl thing more than than being stuck in a hospital room where I had more panic attacks than visitors.
So yeah...fighting off another panic attack now, but I finally ate today and actually pooped, so...yay? I heard the doctor's talking outside and they're under the impression that I'm addicted to being sick. If I wasn't trapped to an IV I would've stormed in there and told him to go to hell.
I also changed my meds the day I went into the hospital, but haven't started on them, so I'm hoping a new regime will help. I'm also hoping that when I visit my therapist we'll be able to work through some of this.
Because seriously, I don't know how to make it better, and that scares the shit out of me.
At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I just...really wish I wasn't so by myself all the time. I wish I wasn't so useless. I wish I had a reason to believe I deserve a job better than part-time retail work somewhere, but that's all I can get.
And I'm going to leave my moping at that...because nature calls again.