Remember and Keep It
Remember and Keep It
Length: 938 words
Pairing: Luhan/Jaehyo, Luhan/Xiumin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Fluffy
Summary: Sometimes, memories buried in the back of our mind flash in front of us and it almost feels like we are reliving them.
Do you know those moments when you look at someone and all that goes through your mind is a flood of memories and you see a movie made of them going just before your eyes? Maybe you don't, but Luhan does.
He knows that pretty well when he is at Kris' wedding and he sees someone he hadn't seen in a while. The man looks more mature but still carries the air of youth around him. He still looks the same, detailed and pretty face and the same smile on his lips. Smile that once was directed to Luhan, he starts to remember.
For a moment, Luhan feels like breathing and moving is forgotten. It's not that Luhan's still in love with the man he is watching in the distance. Maybe he still is a bit in love, but it's just a lingering feeling of what he had but learned how to slowly detach himself from.
"Jaehyo." Luhan whispers and experiments the name on his lips. It sounds oddly familiar, he said it so many times in the past, but now that another name falls from his lips more often, Jaehyo is a name that seems a bit weird to say.
Then, in the blink of an eye, Luhan's staring into eyes that pulled him deeper into the flood of memories. He remembers when those eyes stared into his and he could read there promises of staying by his side for as long as he lived. He rememebers how those eyes made him stood still and he just wanted to fall deeper and deeper into them.
It's then that Luhan drowns into it all.
Luhan used to have those eyes only for him. Luhan used to have those lips against his and whispering endless promises of love and how much he will always want Luhan to be with him. He used to have those arms around him, hugging him and holding him together when everything else seemed to fall apart. Jaehyo's heart used to be Luhan's, it beat for him.
That all used to be in Luhan's life, but not anymore.
It's nostalgic but, at the same time, seeing Jaehyo again carries a heavy feeling. It is followed by guilty for lacking trust and belief in how much they were willing to do for each other. He remembers of cold and dim nights when he sat alone on their bed and cried his heart out because Jaehyo was falling out of love with him and it was all his fault. Fault for not knowing how to express himself to the other, fault for slowly falling out of love himself, fault for not being what Jaehyo thought he was.
Jealousy has always been a poison for when two people are together, slowly burning to ashes trust and the feelings that once they believe would never go away. Time has always had its trick to make plot twists and sometimes, they were bad. Luhan felt and still feels a bit of a tug in his chest when he remembers that they could have go on if Luhan wasn't so scared of being left behing when all Jaehyo wanted was to stay. Also, a person won't want to stay forever when someone else is slowly pushing them away, that person will get tired and eventually the wish of leaving and looking for better days will come and get bigger.
So Jaehyo left.
It hurt, Luhan still remembers the days he didn't want to go out of his room, didn't want to live, he thought he couldn't go on. There was no life when what you have cherished the most for a long time goes away from you. Luhan was broken and empty for a long time.
Then, Luhan goes back to reality when an arm goes around his waist and a comfortable warmth gets close to him. He turns and sees a smile that he grew fond of and a person whose name is encraved deep on his brain and heart.
And Luhan remembers being dragged by friends out of his room and of "This is Minseok." and how, afer a long time mopping and tossing and turning, he had a good day and was able to enjoy the sunshine once again. He reminds of Minseok and his warmth that grew closer and closer to him and how much Luhan started to feel comfortable around it. Of fingers slowly lacing with his own and of soft lips that he leared how to love. He remember of slowly forgetting old sorrows and slowly creating new happinesses. Of someone taking over his heart and making his presence needed.
"Come on, we have to wish the best to Kris and Junmyeon or else they will be upset with us." Minseok giggles and smiles at Luhan.
"Yeah, we should go." Luhan smiles back and lets Minseok drag him towards the newly wed couple.
When Luhan looks back, he sees Jaehyo smiling at him and giving a slight nod towards his direction. He understands. And Luhan understands too. He might regret his past actions and all the harm and mistakes he made, but that's what changed him. Now, Luhan knows and won't let his beloved one slowly slip through between his fingers. He will keep him as long as Luhan breathes and his heart beats.
"Thanks, Jaehyo." Luhan says and he turns towards a new future and a new love and he will never forget Jaehyo and what they lived, he would never be able to. But now, Luhan has to make room for the memories he has been creating with Minseok and Luhan knows he will need a bigger place in his heart to place all the things Minseok makes him feel.
Length: 938 words
Pairing: Luhan/Jaehyo, Luhan/Xiumin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Fluffy
Summary: Sometimes, memories buried in the back of our mind flash in front of us and it almost feels like we are reliving them.
Do you know those moments when you look at someone and all that goes through your mind is a flood of memories and you see a movie made of them going just before your eyes? Maybe you don't, but Luhan does.
He knows that pretty well when he is at Kris' wedding and he sees someone he hadn't seen in a while. The man looks more mature but still carries the air of youth around him. He still looks the same, detailed and pretty face and the same smile on his lips. Smile that once was directed to Luhan, he starts to remember.
For a moment, Luhan feels like breathing and moving is forgotten. It's not that Luhan's still in love with the man he is watching in the distance. Maybe he still is a bit in love, but it's just a lingering feeling of what he had but learned how to slowly detach himself from.
"Jaehyo." Luhan whispers and experiments the name on his lips. It sounds oddly familiar, he said it so many times in the past, but now that another name falls from his lips more often, Jaehyo is a name that seems a bit weird to say.
Then, in the blink of an eye, Luhan's staring into eyes that pulled him deeper into the flood of memories. He remembers when those eyes stared into his and he could read there promises of staying by his side for as long as he lived. He rememebers how those eyes made him stood still and he just wanted to fall deeper and deeper into them.
It's then that Luhan drowns into it all.
Luhan used to have those eyes only for him. Luhan used to have those lips against his and whispering endless promises of love and how much he will always want Luhan to be with him. He used to have those arms around him, hugging him and holding him together when everything else seemed to fall apart. Jaehyo's heart used to be Luhan's, it beat for him.
That all used to be in Luhan's life, but not anymore.
It's nostalgic but, at the same time, seeing Jaehyo again carries a heavy feeling. It is followed by guilty for lacking trust and belief in how much they were willing to do for each other. He remembers of cold and dim nights when he sat alone on their bed and cried his heart out because Jaehyo was falling out of love with him and it was all his fault. Fault for not knowing how to express himself to the other, fault for slowly falling out of love himself, fault for not being what Jaehyo thought he was.
Jealousy has always been a poison for when two people are together, slowly burning to ashes trust and the feelings that once they believe would never go away. Time has always had its trick to make plot twists and sometimes, they were bad. Luhan felt and still feels a bit of a tug in his chest when he remembers that they could have go on if Luhan wasn't so scared of being left behing when all Jaehyo wanted was to stay. Also, a person won't want to stay forever when someone else is slowly pushing them away, that person will get tired and eventually the wish of leaving and looking for better days will come and get bigger.
So Jaehyo left.
It hurt, Luhan still remembers the days he didn't want to go out of his room, didn't want to live, he thought he couldn't go on. There was no life when what you have cherished the most for a long time goes away from you. Luhan was broken and empty for a long time.
Then, Luhan goes back to reality when an arm goes around his waist and a comfortable warmth gets close to him. He turns and sees a smile that he grew fond of and a person whose name is encraved deep on his brain and heart.
And Luhan remembers being dragged by friends out of his room and of "This is Minseok." and how, afer a long time mopping and tossing and turning, he had a good day and was able to enjoy the sunshine once again. He reminds of Minseok and his warmth that grew closer and closer to him and how much Luhan started to feel comfortable around it. Of fingers slowly lacing with his own and of soft lips that he leared how to love. He remember of slowly forgetting old sorrows and slowly creating new happinesses. Of someone taking over his heart and making his presence needed.
"Come on, we have to wish the best to Kris and Junmyeon or else they will be upset with us." Minseok giggles and smiles at Luhan.
"Yeah, we should go." Luhan smiles back and lets Minseok drag him towards the newly wed couple.
When Luhan looks back, he sees Jaehyo smiling at him and giving a slight nod towards his direction. He understands. And Luhan understands too. He might regret his past actions and all the harm and mistakes he made, but that's what changed him. Now, Luhan knows and won't let his beloved one slowly slip through between his fingers. He will keep him as long as Luhan breathes and his heart beats.
"Thanks, Jaehyo." Luhan says and he turns towards a new future and a new love and he will never forget Jaehyo and what they lived, he would never be able to. But now, Luhan has to make room for the memories he has been creating with Minseok and Luhan knows he will need a bigger place in his heart to place all the things Minseok makes him feel.