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(Untitled)
I woke up this morning with two things in my head: One, lyrics to a song... 'Saturday in the park, I think it was the Fourth of July...' and Two, the image of my biological father holding my brothers limp body while he lay in the hospital dying. The cheeriness of the song conflicted with the white walled image in my mind but somehow they both seem ( Read more... ) -
Damn that brother of mine (an unsent letter)...
Dear Brammy,
I was scared yesterday but I didn't say so to Katie or Forrest. They both called me a few hours apart. Forrest was frantic but he almost always is when it comes to uncertainty. That's why you don't tell him that you are going over to Katie's when you're leaving at nine in the morning and don't show up until late that evening. The ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
Another night with little sleep and I wonder how much longer my body and mind are going to survive the exhaustion. I'm tired. I'm beyond tired. My thoughts are listless and long, my skin restless. I am asleep. Dreams keep flooding my vision, day dreams, night dreams, dreams of things never to come and dreams of things that once were. Emotional yet ( Read more... ) -
Benbow Part III
(transcribed from the paper journal)
6/6/2005
Feeling relaxedSome things are too enormous for words: Belly dancers and dreadlocks and sage. Essential oils and fry bread and photography. Men on stilts and music and tye dye. Redwoods and the river and 'black market suppliers'. It's all so enormous it's grown beyond scope. I wish I could bring ( Read more... ) -
Benbow Part II continued...
(transcribed from the paper journal)
Later
Feeling high
Random though: I love how hippies dance. -
Benbow Part II continued...
(transcribed from the paper journal)
Same Day
Evening
Feeling exhaustedThe Fugees have taken over my headphones but reggae beats keep slipping through from the band on the solar stage. I've grown accustomed to the dueling of music here because no matter how well laid out a venue is when seven stages are active the sound bleeds. Today has been ( Read more... ) -
Benbow Part II continued...
(transcribed from the paper journal)
Same Day
Afternoon
Feeling observant
The booth across from ours is selling bumper stickers:
"A goal without a plan is just a wish"
I wish I were a director fo photography for an independent film company. I wish I were a music producer.
And some inspiration:
"A woman cannot change the world by destroying ( Read more... ) -
Benbow Part II
(transcribed from the paper journal)
6/4/2005
Early Morning
Feeling awakeI had strange dreams all night. In one my father was incredibly drunk and began to pull the earrings James had bought me as gifts from my ears. He was very violent about it and the entire time I could feel my heart aching. I wonder what it means. Sometimes I wish that Kioshte ( Read more... ) -
Weekend Madness: Benbow Part I
(transcribed from the paper journal)
6/3/2005
Late Afternoon
Feeling peacefulSomeone here before me has built a small circular wall from stones. It rests in the water about four feet from shore and looks like a childs fortress but could not have been built by young, awkward hands. Sturdy. For such a timid display of construction it feels very ( Read more... ) -
soothing the cracks 12.15am
(HE SAID) I cant imagine not telling you when something is wrong
(MY THOUGHT) i'm starting to feel it again
(i'm sad, sad)
AND why have "WE" changed?
(so many end up wondering about change)
i'm scared to die
YET i cant cease these questions:
WHAT
&WHY?
(But i ( Read more... )