I think I've finally figured out why I can't trust guys, unless they are just my friends. It's because of my Grandpa. And I hate him with all my heart for that.
This is obvious. Whatever.
anonymous
June 3 2008, 02:13:39 UTC
There is no high like this high. You scour the drugstores, spending your twilight hours bumping into like-minded souls who want only to find something that works faster. The morning slides sloppily into frame each day, as if it were poorly drawn on some warped overhead projector. And all things, instead of themselves, represented by their particles and the symbols used to make them easy. I have been wondering about it. I have been sitting in the isles eyeballing the components, wondering what’s to mix and what’s not to. Surely something must work. Surely the whole world does not sleep to spite a pitiful few. I have been wondering about many things. I have been thinking of you. We two are here on this island. We two, despite our lack of smarts, should have known better. We will struggle to find a way to escape this. Perhaps we will find it. There is no high like this high. I am better for having been here. The question is you.It's unfortunate that I can't tel you what this means, because it means everything. The things that keep me up
( ... )
I try so hard to please everyone, but I always end up coming short.
I let people make fun of me because I think it keeps them around.
I save face by laughing at myself.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
I feel ignored, left out, unloved. Sometimes, I don't think anyone appreciates me.
And I hate myself for feeling this way, but I can't tell anyone because they won't understand. People tell me to grow thicker skin, to take it all in stride... but when you're trying to please everyone, you get confused, you don't know which way you're going. And I'm so sick of trying to make everyone happy. People think I'm going to be a failure and when people laugh at me, they say it's just a joke, but don't they realize the same joke told over and over gets old? I'm starting to believe it. I'm starting to believe I'll never amount to anything. I have a bad enough self-esteem already... it's not made any better by people cutting me down.
Plus, I'm beginning to hate my best friend and I don't know if I can survive a year with her in dorms.
I've been concerned about my mom lately, even though I'd never actually tell anyone that. She used to have major problems with anorexia, and I'm afraid that maybe she never really got rid of that tendency. Because 4 chicken nuggets is not dinner. And when you eat that little all the time...
I hate living here; going to school here. Everyone is so incredibly set in their view that people who don't share them (like me), just don't fit anywhere. And I hate having to hide my opinions just to avoid ostracism. Because I like having opinions about things, and I like sharing them. I just want to go somewhere, anywhere else; to feel like I belong somewhere.
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We two are here on this island. We two, despite our lack of smarts, should have known better. We will struggle to find a way to escape this. Perhaps we will find it. There is no high like this high. I am better for having been here. The question is you.It's unfortunate that I can't tel you what this means, because it means everything. The things that keep me up ( ... )
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I let people make fun of me because I think it keeps them around.
I save face by laughing at myself.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
I feel ignored, left out, unloved. Sometimes, I don't think anyone appreciates me.
And I hate myself for feeling this way, but I can't tell anyone because they won't understand. People tell me to grow thicker skin, to take it all in stride... but when you're trying to please everyone, you get confused, you don't know which way you're going. And I'm so sick of trying to make everyone happy. People think I'm going to be a failure and when people laugh at me, they say it's just a joke, but don't they realize the same joke told over and over gets old? I'm starting to believe it. I'm starting to believe I'll never amount to anything. I have a bad enough self-esteem already... it's not made any better by people cutting me down.
Plus, I'm beginning to hate my best friend and I don't know if I can survive a year with her in dorms.
( ... )
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