Fic: "A Regular Day with the DA" for missfahrenheit
Title: A Regular Day with the DA
Author: forgotnsuitcase
Recipient's name: missfahrenheit
Rating: G
Character(s): Dumbledore’s Army, including Ron, Harry, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Dean, Seamus, and Zacharias.
Warnings: none
Author's notes: For missfahrenheit, who wanted comedy and Dumbledore’s Army. A silly little fic about a meeting that never quite made it into the books.
The Room of Requirement was full- of noises, sounds, and people. No matter how big Harry wished the room to be, it would always seem crowded when it was filled with the group of underage wizards and witches that made up Dumbledore’s Army.
Harry cleared his throat, but only a few people looked up right away (including, he was happy to note, Cho Chang). She seemed to blush when he caught her eye, and he forgot what he was doing, and why he was trying so hard to capture everyone else’s attention.
He didn’t notice Hermione roll her eyes, otherwise he would have been more prepared for the shrill, shrieking whistle that felt like it was piercing his eardrums. Everyone stopped talking, glaring at her as they tried to cover their ears.
“Thank you,” she told them all primly, before whispering a word to her wand and putting it back in her pocket. The sound stopped immediately, and the empty silence was almost just as painful. “Meeting is about to begin.”
&&&
“Transfiguration? Like we don’t get enough of that with McGonagall. I thought you were teaching us something new.” Zacharias Smith interrupted her. He wasn’t even that keen on Harry teaching them, but now Hermione had taken up the job as well? As smart as she was with books, Zacharias didn’t think her newest idea sounded any good.
The Gryffindor in question gave him long, suffering look, much like the one she wore whenever anyone mentioned Divination or Professor Trelawney. “Harry agrees with me- he thinks it will be helpful.”
Zacharias snorted - like that was some big recommendation, Harry Potter’s agreement. “Transfiguring another person? I doubt even he knows how-“
Suddenly Fred and George Weasley appeared swiftly at his sides. “You know what would be interesting, George? Listening to the rest of what Hermione has to say.”
George tilted his chin, thinking it over in an exaggerated manner. “I could think of a few things that would be a lot more interesting…not exactly legal perhaps, but interesting…”
The Hufflepuff reddened, embarrassed, angry, and a little frightened. He waved his hands for Hermione to go on. Zacharias didn’t know what the Weasley Twins were capable of, and he really didn’t want to find out.
&&&
Dean Thomas nudged Seamus. After Hermione had smiled her thanks at the twins, she continued with her idea for that day’s meeting- “I know that we haven’t learned how to transfigure actual people yet, but I was thinking today while I brushed my teeth…”
“Told you she constantly thought of school,” he whispered wickedly into the other boy’s ear.
“…that perhaps if we could transfigure parts of the enemy, we could slow them down. For example, if I was fighting Harry, I could change his glasses into something else, which would stop him and allow me to land a few spells.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Seamus commented. “Like if I wanted to steal that last pudding at dinner, I’d transfigure Ron’s fork into a spider or something.”
Dean laughed loudly, and Ron Weasley shot him a glare. “That wouldn’t bother me.”
“Oh no? Crawling across your plate? Over your knuckles? It’s furry legs touching…” Dean made a spider with his hands, crawling towards Ron.
Despite himself, Ron took a step backwards and stumbled, distracting everyone’s attention from Hermione to the back of the room. Seamus chuckled and went to help him up, while Dean himself was distracted by the swinging red hair of a very different Weasley as she turned to look at what was going on.
&&&
Once she had gotten everyone back under control, Hermione paired everyone off. Neville found himself staring at Luna Lovegood, who was currently inspecting the floor at her feet.
“Oh, look,” she motioned with her hand to a particularly regular spot of wood. “Gorhatch tracks.”
Neville peered down for a moment, then straightened up, tugging at his robes. “I don’t see anything.” Luna made him nervous.
She shook her head, earrings clacking noisily. “You wouldn’t,” she advised him sagely, “as gorhatch tracks are invisible. Just like how one can’t see a gorhatch without special goggles.”
He took a step back, eyes as wide as saucers. “Oh.”
“You needn’t worry though,” she added dreamily. “They only attack people when they’re really hungry.” She bent back down to trace the invisible tracks with her wand.
Neville wondered if it was too late to switch partners.
&&&
“How did this happen?” Hermione was frantic, wringing her hands in front of her.
“The spell bounced off her earrings,” Cho offered. She and Marietta had been partnered right next to Luna and Neville. “It hit him in the nose, I think.”
Instead of transforming Luna’s earrings from obsidian glass triangles into harmless radishes like she usually wore, the spell reflected and turned Neville’s nose into a purple and maroon blob three times the normal size. What looked suspiciously like green vines stood out among the messy strands of his brown hair.
“We can just take him to Madam Pomfrey.” Marrietta suggested, but Hermione shook her head.
“She can’t learn what we were doing! There’s a spell in the Transfiguration books, I’m sure. I promise Neville, I’ll have you fixed in a moment, if you just let me get it.” He gave her a pitiful look, his eyes full of unshed tears over his inflated and discolored nose. Before anyone could disagree, Hermione ran from the room, shoes thumping on the flagstones. Skidding to a stop in front of the Fat Lady (password “eggplant”) she suddenly knew why Harry hadn’t minded her taking control of the DA that evening.
&&&
Author: forgotnsuitcase
Recipient's name: missfahrenheit
Rating: G
Character(s): Dumbledore’s Army, including Ron, Harry, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Dean, Seamus, and Zacharias.
Warnings: none
Author's notes: For missfahrenheit, who wanted comedy and Dumbledore’s Army. A silly little fic about a meeting that never quite made it into the books.
The Room of Requirement was full- of noises, sounds, and people. No matter how big Harry wished the room to be, it would always seem crowded when it was filled with the group of underage wizards and witches that made up Dumbledore’s Army.
Harry cleared his throat, but only a few people looked up right away (including, he was happy to note, Cho Chang). She seemed to blush when he caught her eye, and he forgot what he was doing, and why he was trying so hard to capture everyone else’s attention.
He didn’t notice Hermione roll her eyes, otherwise he would have been more prepared for the shrill, shrieking whistle that felt like it was piercing his eardrums. Everyone stopped talking, glaring at her as they tried to cover their ears.
“Thank you,” she told them all primly, before whispering a word to her wand and putting it back in her pocket. The sound stopped immediately, and the empty silence was almost just as painful. “Meeting is about to begin.”
&&&
“Transfiguration? Like we don’t get enough of that with McGonagall. I thought you were teaching us something new.” Zacharias Smith interrupted her. He wasn’t even that keen on Harry teaching them, but now Hermione had taken up the job as well? As smart as she was with books, Zacharias didn’t think her newest idea sounded any good.
The Gryffindor in question gave him long, suffering look, much like the one she wore whenever anyone mentioned Divination or Professor Trelawney. “Harry agrees with me- he thinks it will be helpful.”
Zacharias snorted - like that was some big recommendation, Harry Potter’s agreement. “Transfiguring another person? I doubt even he knows how-“
Suddenly Fred and George Weasley appeared swiftly at his sides. “You know what would be interesting, George? Listening to the rest of what Hermione has to say.”
George tilted his chin, thinking it over in an exaggerated manner. “I could think of a few things that would be a lot more interesting…not exactly legal perhaps, but interesting…”
The Hufflepuff reddened, embarrassed, angry, and a little frightened. He waved his hands for Hermione to go on. Zacharias didn’t know what the Weasley Twins were capable of, and he really didn’t want to find out.
&&&
Dean Thomas nudged Seamus. After Hermione had smiled her thanks at the twins, she continued with her idea for that day’s meeting- “I know that we haven’t learned how to transfigure actual people yet, but I was thinking today while I brushed my teeth…”
“Told you she constantly thought of school,” he whispered wickedly into the other boy’s ear.
“…that perhaps if we could transfigure parts of the enemy, we could slow them down. For example, if I was fighting Harry, I could change his glasses into something else, which would stop him and allow me to land a few spells.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Seamus commented. “Like if I wanted to steal that last pudding at dinner, I’d transfigure Ron’s fork into a spider or something.”
Dean laughed loudly, and Ron Weasley shot him a glare. “That wouldn’t bother me.”
“Oh no? Crawling across your plate? Over your knuckles? It’s furry legs touching…” Dean made a spider with his hands, crawling towards Ron.
Despite himself, Ron took a step backwards and stumbled, distracting everyone’s attention from Hermione to the back of the room. Seamus chuckled and went to help him up, while Dean himself was distracted by the swinging red hair of a very different Weasley as she turned to look at what was going on.
&&&
Once she had gotten everyone back under control, Hermione paired everyone off. Neville found himself staring at Luna Lovegood, who was currently inspecting the floor at her feet.
“Oh, look,” she motioned with her hand to a particularly regular spot of wood. “Gorhatch tracks.”
Neville peered down for a moment, then straightened up, tugging at his robes. “I don’t see anything.” Luna made him nervous.
She shook her head, earrings clacking noisily. “You wouldn’t,” she advised him sagely, “as gorhatch tracks are invisible. Just like how one can’t see a gorhatch without special goggles.”
He took a step back, eyes as wide as saucers. “Oh.”
“You needn’t worry though,” she added dreamily. “They only attack people when they’re really hungry.” She bent back down to trace the invisible tracks with her wand.
Neville wondered if it was too late to switch partners.
&&&
“How did this happen?” Hermione was frantic, wringing her hands in front of her.
“The spell bounced off her earrings,” Cho offered. She and Marietta had been partnered right next to Luna and Neville. “It hit him in the nose, I think.”
Instead of transforming Luna’s earrings from obsidian glass triangles into harmless radishes like she usually wore, the spell reflected and turned Neville’s nose into a purple and maroon blob three times the normal size. What looked suspiciously like green vines stood out among the messy strands of his brown hair.
“We can just take him to Madam Pomfrey.” Marrietta suggested, but Hermione shook her head.
“She can’t learn what we were doing! There’s a spell in the Transfiguration books, I’m sure. I promise Neville, I’ll have you fixed in a moment, if you just let me get it.” He gave her a pitiful look, his eyes full of unshed tears over his inflated and discolored nose. Before anyone could disagree, Hermione ran from the room, shoes thumping on the flagstones. Skidding to a stop in front of the Fat Lady (password “eggplant”) she suddenly knew why Harry hadn’t minded her taking control of the DA that evening.
&&&