Fic: "A Little Hope Can Go a Long Way" for trekgirl01
Title: A Little Hope Can Go a Long Way
Author: alexajohnson
Recipient: trekgirl01
Rating: R
Characters: Snape, Draco, Tonks, Voldemort
Warnings: This story is rated R for a reason. It contains squicky material - mentions of some non-con, yet to tell more would be to spoil a large part of the plot. You have been warned!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.
Summary: Severus Snape usually prided himself on rational, intelligent thought, but ‘shite’ was the only word currently running desperately around his brain. He usually prided himself on rational, intelligent actions too, but they had deserted him as well this night…
Notes:Thank you to bewarethesmirk for being a wonderful beta, and to virginia_bell for all of our late night conversations about this fic! trekgirl01, I hope you like it !
A Little Hope Can Go a Long Way
“Without faith, hope, and trust, there is no promise for the future, and without a promising future, life has no direction, no meaning, and no justification.”
-Adlin Sinclair
Shite.
Shite, shite shite.
Severus Snape usually prided himself on rational, intelligent thought, but that was the only word currently running desperately around his brain. He usually prided himself on rational, intelligent actions too, but they had deserted him as well this night.
The Hogwarts gates had never seemed so far away, and being accosted by that bloody Hippogriff and bloody Harry Potter had certainly not helped. If only he were traveling alone…
But he wasn’t, and that was that. He looked up to see that Draco was already through, hunched over with his hands on his knees, chest heaving from exhaustion. After what seemed like an eternity, Severus was soon there, and roughly grabbed the boy’s arm, pulling him upright.
“Where are we going? What’s going to happen to us?” Draco demanded, although there was a hint of fear in his eyes.
“There’s no time for questions,” Severus snapped, “but for now we’re Apparating to Spinner’s End.”
Wormtail was already there when they appeared in Severus’s miserably cramped living room. “I suppose I must congratulate you for murdering the old fool.”
Severus stiffened as Draco stepped to the side. He’d been hoping for at least a few moments to straighten out his tattered, ragged emotions. “News travels fast, I see. Does the Dark Lord want anything now?”
Pettigrew wasn’t able to resist rubbing his hands together. “He wants to see the boy first. Alone.”
Severus didn’t like the sound of that, but at least the Dark Lord knew that it had been Draco who had let them in Hogwarts in the first place. Maybe that would be enough to lighten the boy’s inevitable punishment
“Severus?” Draco questioned, voice hesitant, his usual defiance diminished, reminding Severus of just how young the boy really was.
But now was not the time for reassurance. “Go with Wormtail, boy. You know the Dark Lord does not look kindly upon tardiness.”
Draco couldn’t hide a gulp. He never had developed a high tolerance for pain. “Y-yes, sir.”
Severus’s sense of foreboding only increased as he watched them Disapparate.
This was not going to go well.
The fear that had haunted Draco Malfoy all year like one of the Hogwarts’ ghosts was nothing to what he was feeling now.
It had taken all his willpower not to show it in front of Severus, because the last thing he wanted was for the wizard to see his weakness and think less of him because of it; the wizard who had done the job that had been meant for him.
A part of him resented his mentor’s involvement, but the other was relieved.
Draco, Draco, you are not a killer…
Well, that much was obvious now.
He had the crazy old coot defenseless, lying at his feet on the ground, and he’d been unable to do it. The enormity of what he’d been about to do finally made itself known.
He was not a killer.
He was too much of a coward, and now his parents were going to pay the price.
Draco jerked away from Pettigrew as soon as they touched the ground, and saw that they were in a graveyard and the Dark Lord was standing in front of them. He resisted the urge to shiver, thought instead of all the Occlumency lessons that Aunt Bella had given him. Don’t let him see.
“How nice of you to stop by, young Malfoy! You may leave us now, Wormtail! I’ll summon you when I want you to return the boy to Snape.” Pettigrew bowed and Disapparated, and as the Dark Lord advanced, Draco remembered to give a bow of his own, his dread mounting by the moment.
“You present me with quite a problem, young Malfoy,” said the Dark Lord, now so close that their noses were almost touching, and Draco tried to quell the fear and anxiety that was bubbling in his stomach. “Here I was, lenient enough to give you almost an entire year to dispose of that doddering old fool despite your persistent failures. I hear you had him at your feet at the top of that tower tonight, and you were still unable to follow a simple order.”
His heart banged noisily against his ribcage and his breath came in tight, anxious gasps as the Dark Lord circled around him and he tried desperately not to cringe as unwanted, hot breath singed the exposed nape of his neck.
Oh, no…
“I know we have a lot to thank you for, young Malfoy.” Draco squeezed his eyes shut and choked back bitter bile as the Dark Lord’s coarse tongue licked his earlobe. “Yet when we needed you most, when we were counting on you not to fail, you could not complete the mission at its most crucial moment. I was told I could expect great things from you, boy. Do you want to make a liar out of your father?”
“N-No!” Draco gasped, now on the verge of tears. He could feel them coagulating behind his eyelids, knew he wouldn’t be able to hold them at bay for much longer. “N-Next time I won’t let you down, I pr-promise!”
“Yes, you would say something like that now, wouldn’t you?” the Dark Lord murmured, stroking Draco’s sweaty cheek with a scaly finger. Draco resisted the urge to scream, every muscle in his body crying to flee. His anxiety level was accelerating, his breathing was quickening. He felt hot, filthy, tainted.
“Always the opportunist, saying whatever sounds best at any given moment. Your tricks may have served you well at Hogwarts but they won’t fool me, boy. I expect your servitude, and that means your obeisance. If there’s one thing I despise it’s a coward, and you’ve proven to be nothing more than a craven, arrogant whelp.” The Dark Lord pressed his rough lips to Draco’s own, and Draco did struggle then, whimpering with fear and helplessness.
“All you’re doing is proving my point,” the Dark Lord whispered into his ear while holding his chin in place with his hand. “By the time I’m through with you I’ll have broken you more effectively and thoroughly than any other punishment-only then will I be guaranteed your complete obedience. And you have such a pretty face-aren’t you honored that I have chosen you above all the others?”
Only the Dark Lord would try to twist so dirty and vile a punishment into a privilege, and it was then that Draco finally saw how insanely psychotic the man truly was. The fact that his father had allied himself and his family with this lunatic shamed him more than he wanted to admit, and he realized then that his entire year spent trying to protect his family had been in vain.
His parents, too, were like the Dark Lord in their own way-they cared for him as long as he was the perfect heir, the perfect, dutiful son, yet it had never been love. He was merely expendable, simply a means to an end.
If he’d only been willing to acknowledge that in the beginning of the year, maybe none of this would have happened. If only he hadn’t been so stupid…
“I know you think I’m being too harsh, but in the end it will be for your own good,” said the Dark Lord, slipping Draco’s school robes off his body, and it wasn’t until the Dark Lord began to slowly unbutton his shirt that he truly realized just what was going to happen, and he tried to twist his body away, frantically trying to break free of this surreal nightmare.
“No…please…don’t…” Draco panted, voice thick with horror and humiliation, still, despite everything, wishing his father were here, because Father was always so collected, calm, and capable.
“Well, this isn’t going to work. Can’t have you resisting, can we?” said the Dark Lord calmly, as though he were reporting the state of the weather, and for one ephemeral second, Draco dared to hope he had managed to get himself out of another unpleasant situation.
But then the Dark Lord hissed, “Imperio,” and he could do nothing to prevent the terror from washing over him.
Severus anxiously paced the width of his small living room, becoming increasingly worried as time dragged by, and he had heard nothing.
He hadn’t liked the idea of leaving Draco alone with the Dark Lord and whoever else might have been summoned, yet there hadn’t been anything he’d been able to do about it. The fact that he had been left out made him distinctly uneasy.
He felt certain, though, that it had nothing to do with doubts shrouding his loyalty.
No, it was something the Dark Lord planned to do to the boy and didn’t want him to witness.
But what?
For the thousandth time, Severus found himself wishing that he’d never had to make that bloody Unbreakable Vow and that he only had himself to worry about.
Yet Narcissa trusted him with her son’s life, the son she’d never been allowed to love the way she’d wanted, and that had left him with only one choice.
A crack of Apparition drew him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see that Wormtail and Draco were back in his living room. The boy looked like he could barely stand, and the point was proven when Wormtail pushed Draco away, causing him to stagger and lurch across the floor.
Severus reached out an arm to steady him and as Draco fell against him, he could feel the boy’s intense shivers. Draco stiffened and tried to pull away even as he leaned more against him, and Severus frowned, holding him tightly despite his weak struggling.
“Snape, the Dark Lord wants to-” Wormtail began, but didn’t get much further before Severus whipped out his wand.
Wormtail’s eyes bulged, but before he had time to even pull out his own, Severus had already shouted Stupefy, and Pettigrew’s unconscious body fell to the floor with a crash.
Draco blinked and renewed his struggles, finally able to break free. “W-What are you doing?”
Severus sighed. “I’ve never been at liberty to tell you because I couldn’t do anything that would jeopardize my position, and I’ve always regretted this. It’s been so hard for me to sit by and watch you make all of my mistakes. But I didn’t kill Albus because I wanted your glory for myself. I killed him because-because I’m a spy for him, Draco, and we’ve been planning this all year.”
Draco stared at him, opened and shut his mouth a few times, and when he finally spoke, it was hardly the answer Severus had been expecting. “You mean all this time-if you’d told me this in the beginning of the year, I would’ve been more willing to accept your help, instead of thinking that you wanted my job all to yourself! All I wanted to do was protect my parents!”
He stood for a few more moments on his own, breathing heavily, before his knees buckled and he stumbled forward.
“Draco!” Severus caught him easily, lifting his chin with his hand so he could see his face. It was only due to of practice that he didn’t utter a gasp.
Draco really did look awful. His face was pale, gray, and glistened with sweat, and it was then that Severus realized how much he was actually supporting the boy, although he sensed from the tension radiating from Draco’s body that he wouldn’t even be leaning on him if he hadn’t been able to stand on his own.
“Oh, Draco,” he murmured, sending a silent, vehement Avada Kedavra the Dark Lord’s way. “What did the Dark Lord do to you?”
Draco shook his head fiercely, blond hair falling limply into his eyes. “N-Nothing! J-Just threatened m-me, is all.”
The denial was too swift and panicked to soothe Severus’s ruffled heart, but he knew that if the boy didn’t want to tell him, then there was really nothing he could do. Severus had a stubborn streak just as strong, and he did want to protect what remained of the boy’s damaged pride, even though it was obvious that the lad was hurting.
“Please, I do not want you to be afraid of me, Draco,” Severus soothed, wishing he were more adept at this whole comforting people thing, if only for the boy’s sake. “If there is something burdening your mind, I wish you would tell me. Willingly.”
“I-” In that faltering second, Severus dared to hope that his words had some impact on the boy, that Draco was finally starting to learn what he never had been able to do; to trust others with your problems. “L-Listen, Severus. You don’t have to know. Really.”
Severus bowed his head, biting back the sigh that had threatened to fall from his lips, and he was more certain than ever that Draco was hiding something from him. Yet he was not going to push the boy, or betray him with Legilimency. He was simply going to have to wait. “Alright, Draco. But if you change your mind, and there’s anything you need to tell me-do not hesitate, you hear?”
“Okay.” There was a pause, and what he said next was so muted it was barely discernable. “I know what you’re thinking, Severus. You want to go back to them, don’t you?”
Severus couldn’t help a glance at Pettigrew’s unconscious body, and wondered how much longer it would be before the Dark Lord started wondering where he was. “I was-thinking about it, yes.”
Draco straightened. “Y-You don’t need to know what he did, but…the Dark Lord thinks he has-broken me. I-he hasn’t, and I hate him, Severus. I hate him for what he’s done to me, and I hate him for what he’s done to my family. I want to stay, to stay and be a spy. Like you.”
Severus closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He’d been slightly afraid of this possibility. “Draco-”
The boy’s grey eyes snapped angrily. “I’m not a coward, Severus! I want to see him destroyed, so the Malfoy name can be clean again! This is our only way! He’ll trust you implicitly, now-you must go back to the Order, tell them that you’re still on their side.”
Severus frowned. “Just because you could not kill Albus does not mean you are a coward, Draco, and I hope you understand that. You should also know that the Dark Lord will make you kill, now that he knows you can’t-and that won’t be the worst of it. You are my godson, and I do care about you, you know.”
Draco lowered his gaze. “I-I know. But please-I want to do this. Nothing else you say will change my mind.”
Sighing, Severus knew that the boy was right. The Order had to know he was still working for them or else they would have no hope of winning this war. “Alright, Draco. I will go-no guarantees-but I’m sure I will be able to get at least a few people to listen. I’ll just take care of Wormtail here first.”
He walked over to revive him, and muttered an Obliviate before he could even speak. Wormtail blinked, shook his head, and blinked again.
“Yes, Wormtail?” Severus snapped. “You were about to tell me something the Dark Lord wanted?”
Wormtail bobbed his head up and down. “Yes, Snape, he wants to see you right away.”
Well tell him that I’m going to go back to the Order first, because if I have any hope of salvaging ties with them, I have to go right away. It’s the only way we’ll be able to track their movements completely. I’ve already lost time, but I’m certain that I’ll be able to convince them I really was working for the old fool the entire time.” How, he didn’t quite know, but he’d always been able to think his way out of situations before.
Pettigrew looked a little uncertain, but finally nodded and Disapparated.
Severus turned to look back at Draco, who’d moved to sit down on his threadbare sofa, clutching the edge with his hands. “Will you be alright here, Draco? Is there anything you need? Anything at all?”
Draco shook his head. “N-No, Severus, I’ll be fine. Just try to come back soon.”
Severus managed a small smile. “I’ll do my very best, Draco.”
Then he Disapparated.
He was standing in the shadows of a house on the block where Headquarters was, trying to decide what would be the best way to go about this situation.
Severus honestly didn’t know if he was ready to face all of them alone. He didn’t care what they thought of him, didn’t want their respect, but at least Albus had always been there. Now that the older man was gone, would it be worth giving information to a bunch of people who would never believe a single word he said?
A sudden movement he caught in his peripheral vision made him turn, and he saw an all too familiar figure walking along the footpath in his direction, her head bowed.
It was Nymphadora Tonks, and even though it was dark, he could see her fluorescent pink hair gleaming through the moonlight.
He didn’t know why Tonks was out alone, but he knew this was the best opportunity he had to get someone alone and convince them of his loyalty. He waited until she walked by him before creeping up behind her on silent feet until he was close enough to wrap his arm around her, covering her mouth with his hand before she had time to let out so much as s squeak.
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you who I am,” he hissed into her ear, “and I’m sure that you and everyone else have heard what’s happened tonight, but not by me. Please, Miss Tonks, listen to what I have to say, and if you hear me out, I give you full permission to do whatever you’d like with me. Now you know I don’t use that word often, but I’ll say it again-please listen to me. I’m alone. I’ll release your mouth if you promise not to start screaming once I do.”
She nodded, the motion jerky, and she spun quickly to face him after he let her go, almost tripping over her feet in the process. Tears glistened across her cheeks. “Everyone in there is either crying or shouting. I just couldn’t stand it anymore-I had to step out to clear my head. I’ll listen to you, but you’d better have a damn good reason.”
There were so many places he could start, he almost had a hard time choosing just one. “Before the school year even began, Narcissa Malfoy came to my house with Bellatrix Lestrange, requesting me to make an Unbreakable Vow with her son, Draco-who also happens to be my godson-safe. Now, at the time, I knew the Dark Lord had given him a huge task to prove his worth before making him a full-fledged Death Eater, but I did not know what it was, but I gave the impression that I did, hoping I’d somehow get them to tell me before making the Vow. Yet they did not, and I did not find out until later that the Dark Lord had ordered Draco to find a way to murder Albus, threatening dire consequences against his parents if he did not.”
Severus resisted the urge to sigh, and scrubbed a hand across his face. He still had a hard time believing that this had all happened, that today and all that had led up to it was real. “I told Albus everything, and we argued and debated for months. Yet Albus knew that the poison mark that had been left on him from destroying the last Horcrux was slowly killing him, and he wasn’t afraid of death. He told me that he would rather I be the one to kill him instead of Draco if it came down to the choice, because our job was ultimately to protect the children. I murdered Albus because he begged me to-he wasn’t begging for me to spare him. It was the hardest goddamn thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Tonks stared at him, then released a heavy breath and averted her gaze. “It was Harry who told us everything.”
Severus frowned. “Potter?” Then he remembered.
The second broomstick. Bloody fucking Potter! “And turned all of you against me, no doubt.” He did sigh then, and folded his arms across his chest. “I know I have given you no reason to believe me, Miss Tonks, but I assure you that I am telling the truth.”
There was a pregnant pause. “I shouldn’t believe you, Snape, I really shouldn’t.” She tugged anxiously on a loose strand of her hair and twirled it around her finger. “But I want to believe you. I have to believe you-because without you, our chances of overcoming this are even slimmer. If you were completely-with him-there would have been no real reason for you to come back to us after, well...what you did. For that alone, I trust you.”
Severus lowered his head. “I admire your hope and faith, Miss Tonks. I wish I had a little bit more myself.”
She gave him a tentative smile. “Sometimes a little bit of hope can go a long way, Snape. All you really need is a little. If you don’t even have any-well, what’s the point?”
He couldn’t answer her. He didn’t really understand how anyone could have that much trust in someone, especially something as intangible as faith.
“I only wish,” she continued, her voice soft, “that we didn’t have to shatter so many innocents, and stain so many hands with blood.”
“War is a dirty business no matter how you look at it, Miss Tonks,” Severus said shortly, “and the only way to win efficiently is to get our hands just as dirty.”
She opened her mouth, but he quickly cut her off. “The Dark Lord is a psychotic lunatic. I am in no way saying we should stoop to his low levels. But you know as well as I that there are no high grounds in battle. Now would be a good time for us to remember that.”
Neither of them seemed willing to speak, but it was Tonks who broke the quiet first. “I don’t know how much my opinion’s worth, but I know I’ll at least get Remus to agree with me, and I think the Order have wanted to get him to consent to being Commander in Chief. I’ll vouch for you, and make sure they’ll listen to you.
“But, Snape-” she continued, and the note of urgency in her voice finally compelled him to meet her eyes, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to go in there, to face everyone else’s judgment on something they could never truly comprehend. I’m not sure I do myself, but I-I won’t even tell anybody I saw you. I’d even let you Obliviate me if you didn’t trust me enough not to say anything.”
The offer was tempting, and he entertained it for half a minute before he thought of Draco. The boy was counting on him, and for that alone he couldn’t let him down. He might never know what it was that the Dark Lord did to him, but whatever it was, it had been something so humiliating that it had been enough to make Draco see him for what he really was. He couldn’t fight for Albus anymore, but he could fight for Draco.
“Thank you, but I think I’ll go and face the mob. I’ll be able to get the necessary memories from Albus’s Pensieve if I have to. Say whatever you like to them. I-trust you to give an accurate representation of my story.” He wasn’t sure if he really did, but if he didn’t even believe that it could happen in his mind, how on earth would it?
She smiled at him, and they walked the short way to Grimmauld Place in silence.
Maybe-just maybe-there was something to this hope thing after all.
FIN
Author: alexajohnson
Recipient: trekgirl01
Rating: R
Characters: Snape, Draco, Tonks, Voldemort
Warnings: This story is rated R for a reason. It contains squicky material - mentions of some non-con, yet to tell more would be to spoil a large part of the plot. You have been warned!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.
Summary: Severus Snape usually prided himself on rational, intelligent thought, but ‘shite’ was the only word currently running desperately around his brain. He usually prided himself on rational, intelligent actions too, but they had deserted him as well this night…
Notes:Thank you to bewarethesmirk for being a wonderful beta, and to virginia_bell for all of our late night conversations about this fic! trekgirl01, I hope you like it !
A Little Hope Can Go a Long Way
“Without faith, hope, and trust, there is no promise for the future, and without a promising future, life has no direction, no meaning, and no justification.”
-Adlin Sinclair
Shite.
Shite, shite shite.
Severus Snape usually prided himself on rational, intelligent thought, but that was the only word currently running desperately around his brain. He usually prided himself on rational, intelligent actions too, but they had deserted him as well this night.
The Hogwarts gates had never seemed so far away, and being accosted by that bloody Hippogriff and bloody Harry Potter had certainly not helped. If only he were traveling alone…
But he wasn’t, and that was that. He looked up to see that Draco was already through, hunched over with his hands on his knees, chest heaving from exhaustion. After what seemed like an eternity, Severus was soon there, and roughly grabbed the boy’s arm, pulling him upright.
“Where are we going? What’s going to happen to us?” Draco demanded, although there was a hint of fear in his eyes.
“There’s no time for questions,” Severus snapped, “but for now we’re Apparating to Spinner’s End.”
Wormtail was already there when they appeared in Severus’s miserably cramped living room. “I suppose I must congratulate you for murdering the old fool.”
Severus stiffened as Draco stepped to the side. He’d been hoping for at least a few moments to straighten out his tattered, ragged emotions. “News travels fast, I see. Does the Dark Lord want anything now?”
Pettigrew wasn’t able to resist rubbing his hands together. “He wants to see the boy first. Alone.”
Severus didn’t like the sound of that, but at least the Dark Lord knew that it had been Draco who had let them in Hogwarts in the first place. Maybe that would be enough to lighten the boy’s inevitable punishment
“Severus?” Draco questioned, voice hesitant, his usual defiance diminished, reminding Severus of just how young the boy really was.
But now was not the time for reassurance. “Go with Wormtail, boy. You know the Dark Lord does not look kindly upon tardiness.”
Draco couldn’t hide a gulp. He never had developed a high tolerance for pain. “Y-yes, sir.”
Severus’s sense of foreboding only increased as he watched them Disapparate.
This was not going to go well.
The fear that had haunted Draco Malfoy all year like one of the Hogwarts’ ghosts was nothing to what he was feeling now.
It had taken all his willpower not to show it in front of Severus, because the last thing he wanted was for the wizard to see his weakness and think less of him because of it; the wizard who had done the job that had been meant for him.
A part of him resented his mentor’s involvement, but the other was relieved.
Draco, Draco, you are not a killer…
Well, that much was obvious now.
He had the crazy old coot defenseless, lying at his feet on the ground, and he’d been unable to do it. The enormity of what he’d been about to do finally made itself known.
He was not a killer.
He was too much of a coward, and now his parents were going to pay the price.
Draco jerked away from Pettigrew as soon as they touched the ground, and saw that they were in a graveyard and the Dark Lord was standing in front of them. He resisted the urge to shiver, thought instead of all the Occlumency lessons that Aunt Bella had given him. Don’t let him see.
“How nice of you to stop by, young Malfoy! You may leave us now, Wormtail! I’ll summon you when I want you to return the boy to Snape.” Pettigrew bowed and Disapparated, and as the Dark Lord advanced, Draco remembered to give a bow of his own, his dread mounting by the moment.
“You present me with quite a problem, young Malfoy,” said the Dark Lord, now so close that their noses were almost touching, and Draco tried to quell the fear and anxiety that was bubbling in his stomach. “Here I was, lenient enough to give you almost an entire year to dispose of that doddering old fool despite your persistent failures. I hear you had him at your feet at the top of that tower tonight, and you were still unable to follow a simple order.”
His heart banged noisily against his ribcage and his breath came in tight, anxious gasps as the Dark Lord circled around him and he tried desperately not to cringe as unwanted, hot breath singed the exposed nape of his neck.
Oh, no…
“I know we have a lot to thank you for, young Malfoy.” Draco squeezed his eyes shut and choked back bitter bile as the Dark Lord’s coarse tongue licked his earlobe. “Yet when we needed you most, when we were counting on you not to fail, you could not complete the mission at its most crucial moment. I was told I could expect great things from you, boy. Do you want to make a liar out of your father?”
“N-No!” Draco gasped, now on the verge of tears. He could feel them coagulating behind his eyelids, knew he wouldn’t be able to hold them at bay for much longer. “N-Next time I won’t let you down, I pr-promise!”
“Yes, you would say something like that now, wouldn’t you?” the Dark Lord murmured, stroking Draco’s sweaty cheek with a scaly finger. Draco resisted the urge to scream, every muscle in his body crying to flee. His anxiety level was accelerating, his breathing was quickening. He felt hot, filthy, tainted.
“Always the opportunist, saying whatever sounds best at any given moment. Your tricks may have served you well at Hogwarts but they won’t fool me, boy. I expect your servitude, and that means your obeisance. If there’s one thing I despise it’s a coward, and you’ve proven to be nothing more than a craven, arrogant whelp.” The Dark Lord pressed his rough lips to Draco’s own, and Draco did struggle then, whimpering with fear and helplessness.
“All you’re doing is proving my point,” the Dark Lord whispered into his ear while holding his chin in place with his hand. “By the time I’m through with you I’ll have broken you more effectively and thoroughly than any other punishment-only then will I be guaranteed your complete obedience. And you have such a pretty face-aren’t you honored that I have chosen you above all the others?”
Only the Dark Lord would try to twist so dirty and vile a punishment into a privilege, and it was then that Draco finally saw how insanely psychotic the man truly was. The fact that his father had allied himself and his family with this lunatic shamed him more than he wanted to admit, and he realized then that his entire year spent trying to protect his family had been in vain.
His parents, too, were like the Dark Lord in their own way-they cared for him as long as he was the perfect heir, the perfect, dutiful son, yet it had never been love. He was merely expendable, simply a means to an end.
If he’d only been willing to acknowledge that in the beginning of the year, maybe none of this would have happened. If only he hadn’t been so stupid…
“I know you think I’m being too harsh, but in the end it will be for your own good,” said the Dark Lord, slipping Draco’s school robes off his body, and it wasn’t until the Dark Lord began to slowly unbutton his shirt that he truly realized just what was going to happen, and he tried to twist his body away, frantically trying to break free of this surreal nightmare.
“No…please…don’t…” Draco panted, voice thick with horror and humiliation, still, despite everything, wishing his father were here, because Father was always so collected, calm, and capable.
“Well, this isn’t going to work. Can’t have you resisting, can we?” said the Dark Lord calmly, as though he were reporting the state of the weather, and for one ephemeral second, Draco dared to hope he had managed to get himself out of another unpleasant situation.
But then the Dark Lord hissed, “Imperio,” and he could do nothing to prevent the terror from washing over him.
Severus anxiously paced the width of his small living room, becoming increasingly worried as time dragged by, and he had heard nothing.
He hadn’t liked the idea of leaving Draco alone with the Dark Lord and whoever else might have been summoned, yet there hadn’t been anything he’d been able to do about it. The fact that he had been left out made him distinctly uneasy.
He felt certain, though, that it had nothing to do with doubts shrouding his loyalty.
No, it was something the Dark Lord planned to do to the boy and didn’t want him to witness.
But what?
For the thousandth time, Severus found himself wishing that he’d never had to make that bloody Unbreakable Vow and that he only had himself to worry about.
Yet Narcissa trusted him with her son’s life, the son she’d never been allowed to love the way she’d wanted, and that had left him with only one choice.
A crack of Apparition drew him out of his thoughts, and he turned to see that Wormtail and Draco were back in his living room. The boy looked like he could barely stand, and the point was proven when Wormtail pushed Draco away, causing him to stagger and lurch across the floor.
Severus reached out an arm to steady him and as Draco fell against him, he could feel the boy’s intense shivers. Draco stiffened and tried to pull away even as he leaned more against him, and Severus frowned, holding him tightly despite his weak struggling.
“Snape, the Dark Lord wants to-” Wormtail began, but didn’t get much further before Severus whipped out his wand.
Wormtail’s eyes bulged, but before he had time to even pull out his own, Severus had already shouted Stupefy, and Pettigrew’s unconscious body fell to the floor with a crash.
Draco blinked and renewed his struggles, finally able to break free. “W-What are you doing?”
Severus sighed. “I’ve never been at liberty to tell you because I couldn’t do anything that would jeopardize my position, and I’ve always regretted this. It’s been so hard for me to sit by and watch you make all of my mistakes. But I didn’t kill Albus because I wanted your glory for myself. I killed him because-because I’m a spy for him, Draco, and we’ve been planning this all year.”
Draco stared at him, opened and shut his mouth a few times, and when he finally spoke, it was hardly the answer Severus had been expecting. “You mean all this time-if you’d told me this in the beginning of the year, I would’ve been more willing to accept your help, instead of thinking that you wanted my job all to yourself! All I wanted to do was protect my parents!”
He stood for a few more moments on his own, breathing heavily, before his knees buckled and he stumbled forward.
“Draco!” Severus caught him easily, lifting his chin with his hand so he could see his face. It was only due to of practice that he didn’t utter a gasp.
Draco really did look awful. His face was pale, gray, and glistened with sweat, and it was then that Severus realized how much he was actually supporting the boy, although he sensed from the tension radiating from Draco’s body that he wouldn’t even be leaning on him if he hadn’t been able to stand on his own.
“Oh, Draco,” he murmured, sending a silent, vehement Avada Kedavra the Dark Lord’s way. “What did the Dark Lord do to you?”
Draco shook his head fiercely, blond hair falling limply into his eyes. “N-Nothing! J-Just threatened m-me, is all.”
The denial was too swift and panicked to soothe Severus’s ruffled heart, but he knew that if the boy didn’t want to tell him, then there was really nothing he could do. Severus had a stubborn streak just as strong, and he did want to protect what remained of the boy’s damaged pride, even though it was obvious that the lad was hurting.
“Please, I do not want you to be afraid of me, Draco,” Severus soothed, wishing he were more adept at this whole comforting people thing, if only for the boy’s sake. “If there is something burdening your mind, I wish you would tell me. Willingly.”
“I-” In that faltering second, Severus dared to hope that his words had some impact on the boy, that Draco was finally starting to learn what he never had been able to do; to trust others with your problems. “L-Listen, Severus. You don’t have to know. Really.”
Severus bowed his head, biting back the sigh that had threatened to fall from his lips, and he was more certain than ever that Draco was hiding something from him. Yet he was not going to push the boy, or betray him with Legilimency. He was simply going to have to wait. “Alright, Draco. But if you change your mind, and there’s anything you need to tell me-do not hesitate, you hear?”
“Okay.” There was a pause, and what he said next was so muted it was barely discernable. “I know what you’re thinking, Severus. You want to go back to them, don’t you?”
Severus couldn’t help a glance at Pettigrew’s unconscious body, and wondered how much longer it would be before the Dark Lord started wondering where he was. “I was-thinking about it, yes.”
Draco straightened. “Y-You don’t need to know what he did, but…the Dark Lord thinks he has-broken me. I-he hasn’t, and I hate him, Severus. I hate him for what he’s done to me, and I hate him for what he’s done to my family. I want to stay, to stay and be a spy. Like you.”
Severus closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He’d been slightly afraid of this possibility. “Draco-”
The boy’s grey eyes snapped angrily. “I’m not a coward, Severus! I want to see him destroyed, so the Malfoy name can be clean again! This is our only way! He’ll trust you implicitly, now-you must go back to the Order, tell them that you’re still on their side.”
Severus frowned. “Just because you could not kill Albus does not mean you are a coward, Draco, and I hope you understand that. You should also know that the Dark Lord will make you kill, now that he knows you can’t-and that won’t be the worst of it. You are my godson, and I do care about you, you know.”
Draco lowered his gaze. “I-I know. But please-I want to do this. Nothing else you say will change my mind.”
Sighing, Severus knew that the boy was right. The Order had to know he was still working for them or else they would have no hope of winning this war. “Alright, Draco. I will go-no guarantees-but I’m sure I will be able to get at least a few people to listen. I’ll just take care of Wormtail here first.”
He walked over to revive him, and muttered an Obliviate before he could even speak. Wormtail blinked, shook his head, and blinked again.
“Yes, Wormtail?” Severus snapped. “You were about to tell me something the Dark Lord wanted?”
Wormtail bobbed his head up and down. “Yes, Snape, he wants to see you right away.”
Well tell him that I’m going to go back to the Order first, because if I have any hope of salvaging ties with them, I have to go right away. It’s the only way we’ll be able to track their movements completely. I’ve already lost time, but I’m certain that I’ll be able to convince them I really was working for the old fool the entire time.” How, he didn’t quite know, but he’d always been able to think his way out of situations before.
Pettigrew looked a little uncertain, but finally nodded and Disapparated.
Severus turned to look back at Draco, who’d moved to sit down on his threadbare sofa, clutching the edge with his hands. “Will you be alright here, Draco? Is there anything you need? Anything at all?”
Draco shook his head. “N-No, Severus, I’ll be fine. Just try to come back soon.”
Severus managed a small smile. “I’ll do my very best, Draco.”
Then he Disapparated.
He was standing in the shadows of a house on the block where Headquarters was, trying to decide what would be the best way to go about this situation.
Severus honestly didn’t know if he was ready to face all of them alone. He didn’t care what they thought of him, didn’t want their respect, but at least Albus had always been there. Now that the older man was gone, would it be worth giving information to a bunch of people who would never believe a single word he said?
A sudden movement he caught in his peripheral vision made him turn, and he saw an all too familiar figure walking along the footpath in his direction, her head bowed.
It was Nymphadora Tonks, and even though it was dark, he could see her fluorescent pink hair gleaming through the moonlight.
He didn’t know why Tonks was out alone, but he knew this was the best opportunity he had to get someone alone and convince them of his loyalty. He waited until she walked by him before creeping up behind her on silent feet until he was close enough to wrap his arm around her, covering her mouth with his hand before she had time to let out so much as s squeak.
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you who I am,” he hissed into her ear, “and I’m sure that you and everyone else have heard what’s happened tonight, but not by me. Please, Miss Tonks, listen to what I have to say, and if you hear me out, I give you full permission to do whatever you’d like with me. Now you know I don’t use that word often, but I’ll say it again-please listen to me. I’m alone. I’ll release your mouth if you promise not to start screaming once I do.”
She nodded, the motion jerky, and she spun quickly to face him after he let her go, almost tripping over her feet in the process. Tears glistened across her cheeks. “Everyone in there is either crying or shouting. I just couldn’t stand it anymore-I had to step out to clear my head. I’ll listen to you, but you’d better have a damn good reason.”
There were so many places he could start, he almost had a hard time choosing just one. “Before the school year even began, Narcissa Malfoy came to my house with Bellatrix Lestrange, requesting me to make an Unbreakable Vow with her son, Draco-who also happens to be my godson-safe. Now, at the time, I knew the Dark Lord had given him a huge task to prove his worth before making him a full-fledged Death Eater, but I did not know what it was, but I gave the impression that I did, hoping I’d somehow get them to tell me before making the Vow. Yet they did not, and I did not find out until later that the Dark Lord had ordered Draco to find a way to murder Albus, threatening dire consequences against his parents if he did not.”
Severus resisted the urge to sigh, and scrubbed a hand across his face. He still had a hard time believing that this had all happened, that today and all that had led up to it was real. “I told Albus everything, and we argued and debated for months. Yet Albus knew that the poison mark that had been left on him from destroying the last Horcrux was slowly killing him, and he wasn’t afraid of death. He told me that he would rather I be the one to kill him instead of Draco if it came down to the choice, because our job was ultimately to protect the children. I murdered Albus because he begged me to-he wasn’t begging for me to spare him. It was the hardest goddamn thing I’ve ever had to do.”
Tonks stared at him, then released a heavy breath and averted her gaze. “It was Harry who told us everything.”
Severus frowned. “Potter?” Then he remembered.
The second broomstick. Bloody fucking Potter! “And turned all of you against me, no doubt.” He did sigh then, and folded his arms across his chest. “I know I have given you no reason to believe me, Miss Tonks, but I assure you that I am telling the truth.”
There was a pregnant pause. “I shouldn’t believe you, Snape, I really shouldn’t.” She tugged anxiously on a loose strand of her hair and twirled it around her finger. “But I want to believe you. I have to believe you-because without you, our chances of overcoming this are even slimmer. If you were completely-with him-there would have been no real reason for you to come back to us after, well...what you did. For that alone, I trust you.”
Severus lowered his head. “I admire your hope and faith, Miss Tonks. I wish I had a little bit more myself.”
She gave him a tentative smile. “Sometimes a little bit of hope can go a long way, Snape. All you really need is a little. If you don’t even have any-well, what’s the point?”
He couldn’t answer her. He didn’t really understand how anyone could have that much trust in someone, especially something as intangible as faith.
“I only wish,” she continued, her voice soft, “that we didn’t have to shatter so many innocents, and stain so many hands with blood.”
“War is a dirty business no matter how you look at it, Miss Tonks,” Severus said shortly, “and the only way to win efficiently is to get our hands just as dirty.”
She opened her mouth, but he quickly cut her off. “The Dark Lord is a psychotic lunatic. I am in no way saying we should stoop to his low levels. But you know as well as I that there are no high grounds in battle. Now would be a good time for us to remember that.”
Neither of them seemed willing to speak, but it was Tonks who broke the quiet first. “I don’t know how much my opinion’s worth, but I know I’ll at least get Remus to agree with me, and I think the Order have wanted to get him to consent to being Commander in Chief. I’ll vouch for you, and make sure they’ll listen to you.
“But, Snape-” she continued, and the note of urgency in her voice finally compelled him to meet her eyes, “I’ll understand if you don’t want to go in there, to face everyone else’s judgment on something they could never truly comprehend. I’m not sure I do myself, but I-I won’t even tell anybody I saw you. I’d even let you Obliviate me if you didn’t trust me enough not to say anything.”
The offer was tempting, and he entertained it for half a minute before he thought of Draco. The boy was counting on him, and for that alone he couldn’t let him down. He might never know what it was that the Dark Lord did to him, but whatever it was, it had been something so humiliating that it had been enough to make Draco see him for what he really was. He couldn’t fight for Albus anymore, but he could fight for Draco.
“Thank you, but I think I’ll go and face the mob. I’ll be able to get the necessary memories from Albus’s Pensieve if I have to. Say whatever you like to them. I-trust you to give an accurate representation of my story.” He wasn’t sure if he really did, but if he didn’t even believe that it could happen in his mind, how on earth would it?
She smiled at him, and they walked the short way to Grimmauld Place in silence.
Maybe-just maybe-there was something to this hope thing after all.
FIN