Slaughter At The Nickelodeon
I'm beginning to think the true unsung heroes of the cinema are the trailersmiths who slaved away on the B-movies of the 70s and 80s. They had to spin shit into drive-in gold, and came up with some genius solutions. Some of my favorites:
1. Don't Use Any Footage From The Movie
Click to viewSomething Is Out There, 1977 Quick! We have to sell a PG-13 rated horror movie! Maybe if we just make the text larger and larger while our voiceover guy gravels it up, viewers will imagine their own gore and titties. And then we can use the rest of the trailer budget on lunch!
2. Change the Title For Maximum Tagline Effect
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie, AKA Don't Open The Window, 1975. Check out the great homage Edgar Wright made for Grindhouse: Don't. But do. Seriously.
3. Just Give It All Away, It's Not Like Anyone's Going to Find Out Until They've Already Bought Their Ticket
Dead And Buried, 1981 is a surreal movie with a couple of shocking twists. Unless, that is, you watch this trailer. Then it's just a weird, slow movie whose only good scenes you've already seen.
4. Use TITS
Dr. Butcher, M.D. (1979) Or rather, Dr. Butcher, MEDICAL DEVIATE. Sorry, the trailer voice is very persuasive. And repetitive. The trailer doesn't really make much sense, which doesn't bode well for the movie. But that's until the boobies make their appearance! Never underestimate the plot cohering abilities of your average set of breasts.
5. Embrace the Camp.
Slaughter High, 1986. Did they come up with the puns just for the movie, or did they come up with the trailer copy first and then started shooting? Because matching "rekindle old flames" to scenes of a randy couple getting electrocuted is just a little too perfect.
But sometimes, even they failed. Or didn't even bother to try. And that's when you got something like this, a series of gore scenes loosely thrown together with the title added here and there.
Burial Ground, 1981
Maybe the trailer editor had just broken up with his girlfriend and was hitting the sauce. Maybe he was late to meet someone for drinks. Maybe he was hitting the sauce and had to meet someone for drinks. I don't know, I like to imagine my trailer editors as hard-drinking, thrill-seeking adventurers. Either way, this sucks. And they could put more asses in the theater with the only shock scene they didn't use, the hilariously fake de-nippling at the end of the movie (seen here at 9:34.)