~ How do we escape, yet live our lives? ~ Chapter 1 ~
How do we escape, yet live our lives?
Author: Spudacus
Length: Chaptered Fic ~ Chapter 1 Of ??? ~
Rating: NC17/18 - (sexual content & language)
Pairings: JaeHo/YoonJae, YooSu, ChangTa/KeiMin, Min/Siwon, Min/Heechul and Siwon/Heechul Others Possibly.
Genre: Everything, Love, life, romance, lust, sex, violence, light drug addiction, like a drama I suppose.
Summary: omg I don’t know what to say really! :D , this is basically about the boys and their lives etc and their problems and all that, a bit like a drama/soap! :D
A/N: This is my first chaptered fic! YAY! I hope you all like this one, I’m quite excited about it! :D please tell me what you think! :D thank you! :D :D ENJOY!
~ Prologue ~
From The Top/ CHAPTER 1
‘…and that is all for today’s entry, bye…love Minnie xxx’ Changmin had written into his faithful, light blue diary, using his favourite hot pink fluffy pen, he had bought it on a whim, a very rare one, but a whim nevertheless, he just pretended he was getting it for his girlfriend, ‘heh! Yeah right’, he thought to himself as he eyed the pen, while thinking about when he had bought it.
He put his diary away and his pen alongside it, on his large, fine pine desk, in the corner of his blue and cream walled bedroom, the colour-scheme for Changmin was: blue, white, cream, peach, black, and the odd pink bits aswell.
He didn’t really like many other colours, even though he had a whole outfit for each colour of the spectrum, okay he was a little bit extreme, but well everyone has their little obsessions, and clothes and colours was his….oh and having a leather fetish didn’t help either, it was expensive to buy whole outfits, well any of the interesting ones, and it was a killer to sew too, as Changmin had found out once, when he was trying to add some of those sequin/diamond things to some leather pants(underwear).
He stood there surveying his clean and tidy room, with the utmost appreciation of the saying, ‘a clean home is a clean mind’, he felt like he was the only one who actually liked, or even understood that saying, but still he smiled at that thought, he eyed his language books with something that could only be described as boredom, he had been reading those books for far too long, yet never tried them out before in a real language situation.
‘’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………...’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’………….
Kim Jaejoong was walking down the road from his house, well his ex-house now that he had left their, carrying his worldly goods in a rucksack and a long sports bag, he left there after announcing to his family that he is gay and that he just wants acceptance, support and love, from his large family, he was due to leave home soon anyway he was moving to Seoul to find a good job and hopefully go to college and then university, if he was any good.
But the reaction he was half expecting and was half hoping wouldn’t come, did arrive, and it arrived with a force and a shock, that sent Jaejoong fleeing from his house for his own safety, amidst the screams, cries, shouts and laughter, from his family, he was kicked out and told never to return, he was looked at with utter disgust and contempt, like he had killed a person or something so terrible, and he knew to leave immediately, after his father got up to beat him out of his home.
He thought he had prepared himself for that moment, but he hadn’t, not properly, and so when he was about an hours walk outside of his hometown, he found a large enough rock, sat upon it and broke down, he cried into his hands, his perfectly formed hands, no he really had not prepared himself for this at all, he felt like his life was over.
He wondered how they could all hate him so much, and say such nasty things to him, their son, their joy, their world, they had all told him that they loved him, many times, and yet now it seems that their love and everything they had said and done were all lies, horrible and twisted, conditional lies, ‘who said that love had conditions….not me’, he thought bitterly to himself.
He stared at his hand searchingly, trying to find a way out of all of this torment; his tears formed a small glistening puddle in his hands, sparkling like tears of angels.
All he ever wanted was to be loved, needed, wanted, and to love someone, and now he had lost all of that, with their love for him, evidently dying, killed by their prejudices, they had also killed his own love.
‘’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………...’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’………….
He had already survived this long he thought to himself, while he sat on one of Seoul’s advertisement plastered green buses, he was riding it to the ministry of culture and the arts’ office, In central Seoul, where he worked as head officer of music, being a musician himself he was the perfect person for this job, its his first day and he was feeling positive.
This new job, would allow him to still be a singer-songwriter-composer, and yet still be the head of the musical arts section, it was a win-win situation, for all concerned, as Park Yoochun was a young, cool and handsome man, who mad many girls, and boys swoon over him.
He took a lot of things in his stride and was always smiling and was a big fan of food and has been described as being a little over emotional, he cries and laughs at the drop of a hat sometimes, a very deep and romantic person, sweet, kind and very loving, like a cute puppy.
But behind his façade of smiles and sweetness, he hinds deep emotional and physical scars, he was beaten a lot through his childhood, and all of is relationships have been ‘really and utterly crap-tastic’, so he says to his friends, he also suffered from domestic violence in those relationships, he now thinks that it is all down to him, that there is something wrong with him, or he makes his boyfriends like that, something he has come to believe strongly.
Even though, he still tries to keep on smiling, no matter what, but its getting harder and harder for him to keep it all up.
“hello, South Seoul central doctors surgery, how may I help you”, the sickly sweet tones of the receptionist, who had a severe crush on Yoochun, came over the phone, and tickled at his ear, he replied to try and shake off her voice, “hello, my name is Park Yoochun, I would like to make an appointment with my doctor please…………..as soon as possible, if that’s okay…………………it is? Okay then, I will be there tomorrow, thank you goodbye”.
‘’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………...’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’………….
Kim Junsu, had started going to church, when he was about four years old, and he never looked back, he was a strong follower of his branch of the Christian religion, he always felt warm, and loved, by a higher, unseen power, he never ever questioned his life, his loves, hates or wants and needs, he just went along blindly with what he was told, and what he read in that bible, he always took those words to be the absolute truth, and shunned anything which was even remotely against it.
His church was a fine looking building, it was made of old red bricks, which some non-believers claimed was the blood of the angels, staining the bricks as they were forced to build this building, others said it was just the red dye they put into them ix, but the other one sounded scarier and cooler, so Junsu liked it more.
He always liked the pure white spire and crosses which adorned this grand and imposing building, some thought it was just another way to suppress our own natural thoughts and ideas, by telling us what is right and wrong, and what should and what shouldn’t be tolerated, within society.
Kim Junsu always found it odd, that he never liked girls and always liked to hang out with them, but he never felt anything for them, which was confusing, because he was told and preached to, that homosexuality was wrong, so he couldn’t be gay….. Could he?
Junsu always wanted to be a singer-songwriter-composer, so he decided to phone up the ministry of culture and the arts’ office and try to get an appointment with the head officer there, “hello, culture and the arts ministry, musical arts section, how may I help you?”, came the light and airy voice of a sweet and intelligent female assistant over the phone, her voice was not heavy, thick, too sweet or sickly either, it was just right, Junsu noted to himself, “ah yes, umm hello there! Can I make an appointment with the head officer for music, please, I am an aspiring artist you see………………ah I can!? Really? Cool, oh thank you very much, I will see you, I mean him, there then, bye thanks again!”
‘’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………...’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’………….
Jung Yunho was a very, very sexy young man, tall and handsome, with a strong character, he was popular and talented in many fields, he was just coming out of the swimming pool at his local gym, that he frequented, he wore tight and sexy white Speedos, he was dripping wet all over his sexily lightly tanned and toned body, from all of that dancing he always does.
He walked to the lockers and took off his Speedos and put them into his gym bag, and took a towel out, closed his locker and then strolled around to the shared showers, where two of his friends had just entered before him, and many men in there, he noticed, looked at him a little longer and with a certain glint in their eyes.
He was washing himself, as usual, but today he found himself, uncontrollably staring at some of the other male’s penises, he got one of the hardest hard ons in his life, and he had a funny feeling in his stomach as one of the remaining cute young men, smiled and winked at him while eyeing Yunho’s cock as he left, Yunho finished up quickly and made his exit sharply, and went home.
He flopped down on the end of his bed, and decided to look on the internet for some information, as to what and why he was feeling like this, he trawled the net for some help and advice, and all he found, were sites telling him to be patient and not to label himself as gay, or bi, or whatever they said, they said that it sounded like he may be gay, Yunho couldn’t accept that, not at all, his family would never allow it, well they might eventually, but not for a while, he hoped and hoped that he wasn’t gay, it caused so many problems.
But as he stared at his wallpaper on his laptop, in his bedroom, he was going through his head, all of the things that point to him being gay, and more than not seemed to point in that direction, what was he to do, he had so much pressure on him already and he certainly didn’t need any of this to be put ontop of his worries and troubles.
He blew out some air while putting his hands through his hair, he can’t and won’t believe it at all, he will and must carry on with his life, ‘I am going to be strong and just put it all out of my mind’ he though to himself, *phfff* he blew out again, and decided he needed to eat and went off downstairs to get some rice, then return, to commence with his homework.
‘’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’……………’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………...’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’…………….’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’………….
END OF CHAPTER 1