Can Barely Hide, chapter 8
TITLE: Can Barely Hide, chapter 8
PAIRING: Reno X Cloud
AUTHORS: lilymoon1 as Reno, grygon as Cloud
RATING: NC-17
WORD COUNT: 6,143
NOTES: This is a RPG between the two writers but we treated it as a fanfic. Edited slightly for spelling and fragments. Please enjoy and remember: comments are love. :)
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Some bondage takes a bad turn as Cloud's memories mess with his head.
Intro/Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7
Can Barely Hide
chapter 8
Reno swung his leg over the bike and walked Cloud backwards to the elevator, lips playing over that gorgeous, fair face and hot hands sliding under the loose shirt to stroke skin. At the door Reno growled impatiently at the three times it took swiping his key card with shaking hands to make it work.
Once inside, he peeled the shirt over Cloud's head and bent his lover over his arm to nip and suck at rosy nipples. Reno rubbed the flat of his hand over the hard cock beneath fabric. Wanting more, now, he destroyed the fastenings of the pants to get to more flesh.
"You better tell me you have a word, Cloud," Reno moaned. "And I hope you're not too sore. I want all of you." The images in his head made his head swim with desire. "I want to be inside you when you come."
Cloud was already losing control of his body. He thrust against Reno's hand and clutched onto strong shoulders. "Word?" He struggled to grasp what Reno meant. "Uhmnn..." He bit his lip hard with a moan. "Flower."
"It's f-flower." He gasped, fighting to regain control. They weren't even in bed yet. Then memories of Reno inside, deep, hard, stretching him and thrusting fast made him squirm. "Inside. Please inside." He pulled Reno's pants open and pushed them off his hips. "Inside."
Reno struggled with his leather pants. Getting them on had been easy; getting the tight, clingy leather off again while sporting a raging cockstand was proving to be a real bitch. He toed off his boots and shoved at material until he could shrug them off the rest of the way.
"Flower?" Reno asked, breathlessly. "Okay, flower it is." He moved to stand at Cloud's back, took the black fabric of his lover's pants and *ripped* until the torn pieces fell to the floor.
Reno swirled his tongue around Cloud's shoulders and neck while using both hands to tease sensitive nipples.
"You may not know it, Cloud, but you hurt my feelings today by even suggesting looking at another man. I think you need to be punished."
He bit down lightly at the juncture of neck and shoulder and rolled the little nubs between his fingers.
"I’m sorry," Cloud swallowed a lump in his throat and tilted his head back. "I knew you'd get possessive." His voice was husky and soft. He pushed back against Reno and lifted a hand to push his fingers into Reno's hair, pulling a little.
"I manipulated you. I was bad." He grunted a little in pain. "What are you going to do to me?"
"Hmmm, you'll see," Reno hummed against Cloud's neck. "Just remember your word. That's the only thing that will make me stop."
Reno led Cloud away from his destroyed clothing to the bedroom.
"Get on the bed in the middle on your back." Reno opened a small chest at the foot of the bed and withdrew four lengths of black silk. "See? No cuffs, and nothing your strength couldn't rip to pieces. I'm going to tie you to the bed and your own willpower will keep you there until I say otherwise."
He tilted his head down for a soft kiss, the barest hint of pressure.
"You going to trust me?"
Cloud eyed the black silk for a moment and then lifted his eyes to Reno's and nodded once slightly. He trusted Reno, but it didn't come easily. If he were honest with himself he knew there would always be a lingering amount of doubt. But for Reno he would try and never stop trying.
Turning, he crawled hands and knees onto the bed and lay down on his back. He watched Reno closely and hesitantly spread his arms and legs. He had never felt so exposed. But under Reno's gaze it felt thrilling.
A hot, thrilling spike of victory pierced Reno's chest at Cloud's willingness. He seriously doubted that Cloud had ever willingly let anyone tie him. His lover had been through too much, been used too much, to allow such a thing. Reno could see the doubt and a hint of fear staining the blue depths of his eyes. A part of him wanted to just stop the game right then and hold Cloud close and safe. His more possessive side told him he needed to keep going. Cloud's 'punishment' was actually an exercise in trust. Trust in only Reno, to be more specific.
Taking a deep, calming breath to push those jealous feelings down, Reno took Cloud's right arm in his hands. He pressed his lips to the pulse point in the wrist and wrapped the silk around it. He extended the arm and secured it to the headboard using knots that Tseng had taught him. Already his heart was racing and his skin flushed hot with desire to see Cloud spread out for his pleasure. Instead of simply walking around the bed, Reno nipped and kissed his way down Cloud's arm to his chest. He gently tilted his lover's head back so he could lave at his jaw line and the hollow of his throat with his tongue.
The left arm received the same loving, worshipful attention then it was secured tightly. Reno reluctantly scooted to the end of the bed and swirled his tongue around the bony point of a surprisingly soft skinned ankle. He made quicker work of tying Cloud's legs so that his lover was bound spread eagle on the bed. The illusion of helplessness made Reno's cock twitch in response. He knelt between Cloud's legs on the mattress and stroked his own cock leisurely.
"Do you really want another man to do this to you? Did it even cross your mind I might take another lover myself and do *this* to them?" Dregs of possessive anger made Reno's voice harsher than he intended. It blurred into a moan of pleasure as he stroked himself to the image of Cloud tied before him.
Cloud had been too busy squirming under Reno's tongue to really worry about being tied up. It had been a wonderful distraction until Reno tied his feet and left him cold and alone. He lifted his head and his eyes widened at Reno touching himself. That was his job. Why would Reno do that to himself when Cloud was right here?
"No," he answered softly, wanting to sooth Reno's anger. Attempting to sit up he twisted his arms against the ties. He really couldn't touch his lover. He whimpered and struggled a moment. He could escape, but that wouldn't prove a thing. He had to prove something, was that the point of this? He forced himself to stop testing the bonds.
"I would never let another tie me up," he hissed. He was breathing hard. The sight of Reno pleasuring himself, denying Cloud that touch, and his words had made his heart race. "And how do I know you haven't done this to another already? That box seems real convenient." He squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his head back to the bed with a soft thump. "Damn it, Reno. I didn't mean..." His voice cracked.
Reno ignored Cloud's last jealous statement. He caught his lower lip between his teeth when his latest stroke made him shiver and thrust a little harder into his hand.
"Ahhh," He let loose the pleasured sound. "The past is the past, Cloud. I've collected things in that chest for y-years, all, ah! All in the hopes of pleasing *you* with them." He opened his eyes to see if he had Cloud's attention. He licked the fingers of his other hand to rub his own nipples before sliding his fingers through the loose spill of his hair. "I told you that I wanted you for *years*."
Reno crept up the bed until he was straddling Cloud and continued his stroking, his cock just a few inches from Cloud's mouth, trusting that Cloud wouldn't try to get free just yet.
"This isn't as good as the feel of your hands or your mouth, the feeling I get when I'm buried deep inside your body, but it's what I had before you came home with me. If it's not you, all of you, I'd rather have this than another lover."
Reno threw his head back with a gasp and came hard over his pumping fist, the drops spilling over his trembling thighs and his lover's chest and face. Still breathing heavily, he licked his seed from Cloud then his own hand. He stared into mako bright eyes.
"I'm going to please you, but you won't get release until you cry and beg me for it. After all the years I've waited you finally belong to me."
How he wanted to taste that seed painting his face and chest. But he was denied once more. He twisted his hands against the ties, the silk preventing any harsh bite where the heel of his hand met wrist.
"You know I belong to you," Cloud's voice was a harsh whisper. "I would have killed any other man by now and been consumed by... with..." He took a shallow breath and swallowed. "I love you, and I'll do anything you want to show you."
He was trembling. And his attempts to control it made it worse. It had nothing to do with his aching, rock hard cock and everything to do with memories that were trying their damn best to surface and make him panic. He twisted his hands again and gripped the silk in a fist to stop himself from pulling.
The raw quality to Cloud's voice and the violent trembling of his body was a cause for concern. Reno's inner voice told him he better be careful how far he pushed his lover. He was glad that he had already gotten himself off once so that he wouldn't be blind stupid with lust. It was obvious he needed to calm Cloud a bit.
"Trust me, Cloud," Reno soothed. "Trust me to keep you safe. Remember your word, and remember that it's me."
Reno left the bed for a moment to gather two items from the chest, a blindfold and a bottle of warming oil. He had played with the oil once out of curiosity and it really *did* warm up with friction. He also knew that depriving a person of their sight made all their other senses that much more acute. Reno set the bottle to the side and cupped Cloud's face.
"Trust me," he whispered, placing feather light kisses over Cloud's face and a more lingering kiss on his lips.
Reno gently lifted Cloud's head and tied the blindfold in place.
His trembling was calmed to a light tremor with Reno's touches and kisses and words. He focused on Reno and felt his fear begin to withdraw. But when he saw the blindfold lifted all his instincts screamed this was a bad idea. He trusted Reno, but he didn't trust his memories.
Without sight now he tried to follow Reno's movements with his hearing. He set his jaw as the darkness seemed to grow ghostly figures. He squeezed his eyes shut on them and licked his lips to relax his jaw.
Reno could feel the tension in his lover. He made sure that he kept some kind of contact with Cloud's bare skin as he uncapped the oil and poured it into his hands. Starting with the blonde’s fingers he massaged it into pale skin. Reno kissed each place after his hands moved on to another. First one arm, then the other. When he reached the chest Reno lingered over the area where he could feel his lover's frantic heartbeat.
"It's just me, Cloud. Only me," Reno murmured. All his earlier anger had dissolved into worry and concern. "Let me make you feel good. I promise to give you pleasure. I love you."
His hands smoothed down a finely muscled abdomen to powerful thighs. He could feel the oil warming under his hands, and bypassed Cloud's flagging erection to massage his way down corded calves to small, slender feet.
"Still with me, babe?" Reno asked and worked his way back up to take Cloud's cock into hand. He stroked lightly, teasingly, and watched Cloud's pale face closely.
The warm oil and Reno's knowing touch did a lot to sooth Cloud's nerves. His jaw relaxed and his saliva glands began to work again, forcing him to swallow.
He didn't trust his voice when he heard Reno ask him a question. He still felt on the edge, torn between two raw instincts: to flee or to find release. So in response he lifted his hips as much as he could, the movement forcing a whimper out of parted lips.
"I'm not leaving," Reno assured Cloud and crawled back to the foot of the bed to rummage through the chest. He came up with a short string of smooth silver balls of graduated size, attached to each other and a long cord. A tube of lube was his next stop.
Returning to Cloud, he coated his fingers and each silver ball with the lube. "Just relax and listen to me, love." He used one hand to resume stroking Cloud's hardening cock and the other to rub circles against the puckered hole. "You look so gorgeous like this, Cloud. You're always beautiful, but even more when you're spread out like this." The tips of his fingers carefully pushed in a short way. "Makes me want to do all sorts of things to you to make you moan and cry with need."
Reno kissed the inside of Cloud's thigh, withdrew his fingers and took the first ball to push it inside.
Cloud's breathing grew heavy again and he squirmed with pleasure while Reno stroked his cock. That felt so good. He gasped when Reno teased him with a finger, wanting more.
"Uhn... don't..." He clamped his mouth shut as he felt a smooth, foreign object enter him. Canting his hips he moaned. Whatever that was, he wanted more. He needed more.
Letting his lips graze the hard flesh in his hand and flicking his tongue out to taste the tip, Reno took the next larger size ball and slowly pushed it in as well. He let Cloud adjust to the sensation then took a cock ring and fastened it snugly at the base of Cloud's cock.
"Can't have you going off too soon," Reno murmured. He was intoxicated with the taste of his lover and the wanton sounds he was getting from him. "Love you...so much. Don't want anyone else to *ever* have you like this." He nibbled and sucked at the rounded head. "Mmm, all mine."
Cloud pulled at his bonds again with a whimper. The snug ring and strange sensations pushed into him were starting to make him desperate. "Yours," he gasped. He lifted and thrust his hips, trying to get more friction.
The next ball was only slightly smaller than the girth of his own hard cock, and Reno took Cloud fully into his mouth, letting his teeth barely graze flesh, as he worked it inside. Cloud was already squirming, and Reno wondered if his lover would be able to take the fourth and final ball. He rubbed himself against Cloud's leg.
"I'm already hard again for you. That's what you do to me. I can never seem to get enough of you."
Reno dripped more lube on the final ball. It met with some resistance but finally slid smoothly into Cloud's body. The redhead took the small controller and scooted up Cloud's body. A flick of his finger and all four balls started to vibrate.
Cloud had been left panting and feeling like a tight coil by the time the final ball pushed inside. Whatever those were, they were quickly making him forget his ghosts. Then his cock was alone again, making him whine. He lifted his head to voice his need when he yelled and arched back violently.
He took his breath with harsh gasps between his moans. "Reno...!"
"Relax, love. Relax," Reno crooned, mesmerized by Cloud's writhing body. He put down the controller to run his hands over lightly sweating skin. His touch remained gentle and loving, but his voice took on a harsher edge. "Still want to look at another man? It's on the lowest setting, you know. I could keep you like this for a long while. That cock ring won't let you come and it won't let you go soft."
Reno took Cloud's panting mouth, plunging his tongue past the barrier of white teeth to lay claim to the sweet recesses of his lover. He pulled back to suck at the sharp edge of a collar bone.
"Never did," Cloud gasped. "Never wanted that..." He lifted his hips, pulling on his bonds as he sought some kind of friction, something to rub against. The movement made the balls inside him shift and he took in a shuddering breath. This was a different kind of torture than the kind he had endured in those labs. But something tickled the base of his mind nonetheless.
"You didn't sound so sure of that earlier," Reno retorted. He made an effort to swallow his angry hurt. He didn't really have it in him to be cruel to the one he loved. Reno realized he needed to take a minute to compose himself, and he couldn't do that with Cloud, seemingly helpless, under him. "I'm...going to get you a glass of water. I'll only be a moment."
Reno left the toy on, still at the slowest vibration, and slipped from the bed into the adjoining bathroom.
Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, Cloud turned his head to try and pick up sounds from his lover. "Don't leave me..." It was barely a whisper. There was only silence, and a creeping cold. He laid his head down and took an uneasy breath. A tremble coursed through his body at some foreign sound in the dark. He couldn't let this happen again. It was wrong. He had to get out. He wasn't so helpless this time... he tested his bonds again and then lay still.
The cold water from the sink helped to cool Reno's flushed face and restore his composure. He knew why he had reacted so strongly to Cloud's teasing remark, but he couldn't explain the extremes he felt he would be driven to if it ever really happened. Maybe it was because he had waited so damned long for Cloud. Reno shook his head. That was really...lame.
"You're being an asshole," he said to his reflection in the mirror. "Go back in there, untie your lover, and give him the love and security he needs. That's what will keep him with you."
Reno made his way back to the bed where Cloud lay so still.
"Cloud?"
That voice was familiar. Almost sweet. Cloud turned his head towards it. But nothing in this place was sweet. It had to be trick. Didn't it? He shivered, trying to fight his bonds and maintain the weak and pathetic animal image his captor needed.
But his body betrayed him and he moaned as a thrill of desire bolted through his abdomen and cock. He flushed red and panted with another quiver. This wasn't supposed to feel good. What torture was he being put through this time?
"I'm here, baby. I'm sorry I left you," Reno said as he ran his fingers through Cloud's damp hair. "Just relax a minute and I'll get that outta you."
Reno switched off the toy and kissed his lover's abdomen. He tried to slip free the first ball and frowned in confusion when Cloud's body stayed tightly clenched. Something wasn't right and it sent a chill of apprehension down his spine. Reno tugged off the blindfold and turned Cloud's face towards him.
"Cloud? Look at me."
Cloud grunted in pain as something was done to him in his most intimate place. What had they put in him? He had a vague recollection of squirming with lust as things were pushed inside. That had to be drugs.
When light began to filter past the blindfold, he closed his eyes against its harshness. That voice again. Why would they use that voice against him? Nothing was this cruel.
Blinking his eyes open they shone a dangerous green with slanted slits for pupils. They looked right through Reno. Jerking his feet free, Cloud aimed a powerful kick at Reno's chest as he yanked his hands down. He backed up against the headboard on the defensive, looking for demons that weren't there and warily keeping an eye on Reno.
His left foot kicked the remote that hung from him, making him twitch at the jolt of pleasure.
The unexpected attack left Reno gasping for air on the floor. He wheezed and panted while staring at his lover in disbelief. What the fuck had happened?! It felt like he might have a cracked rib or two, and Cloud was crouched on the bed looking ready to kill. Shaking with fear, not for himself but for Cloud, Reno warily approached the bed.
"Cloud?" He coughed, sucked in a painful breath and tried again. "Babe, it's me. It's Reno. Come back, Cloud. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let it happen."
Reno was lightheaded with anxiety. What had he done?
The man posing as someone he secretly wanted looked injured. But his words made Cloud's eyes flash with distrust and hate. Was there anything they had not tampered with in his life? To mock his lust... it just made him angry. What purpose did this torture of lust serve?
"Bringing him into this..." Cloud's voice was strangled. "How could you bring him into this? I... don't want..." He grit his teeth as another step away from Reno tugged on the control by his feet. Keeping a ready eye on Reno he picked the control box up. How did he get it out? If he wanted to make an escape he couldn't have this inside him. It was a distraction of the worst kind.
Reno knew he had to do something to stop this before one of them got hurt. Well, in his case, more injured than he already was. Adrenalin and pure fear kept him from feeling much pain. That would come later.
"Cloud, I can make it stop. I need you to trust me, to remember me. I said I would never hurt you," Reno’s voice choked up. What a fucking crock! It looked like he had hurt Cloud worse than he could have ever imagined. "Please, baby. We're safe at home. Just let me touch you and you can see that I'm real. I love you, Cloud. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. Please don't push me away. I need to make sure you're okay."
Reno inched closer as he kept talking. He couldn't think of anything else to do except try to knock his lover unconscious, and he was loathe to do that. Hell, he wasn't even sure he stood a chance at doing that with the state Cloud was in. That left trying to reach the man as the only option.
Cloud's eyes widened. What the hell was this? He inched away as Reno inched closer. His eyes darted around the room as he looked for a weapon. Clutching the box tightly, he crouched near the edge of the bed and prepared to step off. It was then he accidentally pressed a button on the box and stumbled, one foot slipping off the edge and the other folding beneath him.
Mouth in a silent 'oh', his free hand clutched the blankets in a fist where it had landed to catch himself. Bowing his head, a long moan escaped his lips and a tear trickled down his cheek. So this had been their way of stopping him. Somewhere there was a remote to this. Somewhere someone was watching this little, twisted mind-fuck game.
The sight of Cloud's tears was Reno's undoing. He couldn't take that. Unmindful of the potential danger to himself, Reno launched himself forward and tackled his lover. Deft fingers unsnapped the cock ring as he pinned Cloud's body beneath his own.
"Oh, gods, come back to me," Reno said and covered Cloud's lips in a kiss.
Reno held his lover tightly and poured his heart and soul into the kiss. He prayed frantically that he could reach Cloud.
At first Cloud went limp, telling himself escape was useless. But when he felt those lips he began to struggle, pushing at Reno's shoulders and kicking his legs. Tearing his mouth away he sobbed and tilted his head away. What disturbed him more were his own feelings of wanton lust with this man on top of him.
At least they had only raped his mind. Grabbing a fistful of red hair he bucked upwards and flipped their positions. Why wasn't he fighting back? With a fist ready to come crashing down, Cloud got a good look at the beautiful face and froze in horror.
Falling away from the redhead, Cloud curled up on his side, burying his face into his forearms and fingers into his hair. His sobs came even though he gritted his teeth hard.
It took Reno nearly a full minute to realize he wasn't facing imminent death. When he blinked Cloud was curled in a miserable, sobbing ball. He hesitantly reached over with a shaking hand and shut off the toy. He'd deal with removing it when Cloud was calmer. Reno managed to get to his knees and yank the comforter and sheets down, and then he scooped Cloud off the floor and tucked him in the bed. Not sure if his comfort would even be welcome Reno wrapped his arms around his lover and held him.
"Shh, shh Cloud," Reno murmured into his hair. "It's all right now. You're safe. I didn't mean to hurt you. If I had known..." he choked and a tear of his own slid down his face. "If I'd known I would never have pushed you like that."
Tense for a moment, Cloud wasn't sure himself if he deserved to be held. Hearing the emotion in Reno's voice, he decided it didn't matter. They both needed each other.
He pushed closer against Reno and slipped his hand under Reno's arm and around to his back. "You didn't... have to know. I could have stopped you but I-” his breath hitched and he buried his face against Reno's neck. "Don't let go." His shoulders shook.
"I'll never let you go. Not before, especially not now," Reno said. He rubbed Cloud's back soothingly. "I love you too much. It would be like cutting out my own heart."
Reno nuzzled Cloud's temple and tilted his lover's head up so he could kiss the tears. The bitter, salty taste echoed his own pain. He had broken his promise and hurt the one he loved. He had promised to keep Cloud safe. Well, he'd certainly done a damn fine job of screwing that up. Reno felt broken and useless in the face of Cloud's tears.
"Forgive me, please. I didn't mean to," Reno whispered, rocking in an age old comfort.
"Not your fault," Cloud whispered. "I trust you more than my nightmares." He reached up with his other hand and touched Reno's face. He traced Reno's tears down his face with his thumb. "I can't sort out what's real and not from that place. But I know you weren't there, now. You're right here. So am I."
Taking Reno's hand he squeezed it tight and pressed his forehead firmly against Reno's. "There's nothing to forgive."
Reno kissed Cloud's cheek, his nose, the corner of his mouth, and then pressed their lips fully together. He kept it light and didn't try to push for more when they were both still shaking, but Reno wanted, needed, to see if Cloud would still allow his touch.
He broke off the kiss when he felt a wave of inappropriately timed lust wash through him and shifted his lower body away so Cloud wouldn't feel the evidence of his shameful desire. Reno didn't think Cloud needed that right now, and then there was still the matter of the toy.
"Sorry," Reno said and cleared his throat. How to bring it up? "Cloud, we still, I...damn. I need to take those balls from you." A hot blush swept over his face.
Blinking at Reno, Cloud scooted their bodies against each other again. "You still need me, Reno. You don't have to hide that. I still need you. More than ever. I don't want to remember today as a nightmare I had while wide awake."
Rubbing the remaining tears from his eyes, he tilted his head and placed soft, coy kisses on Reno's lips. "Help me forget what just happened." He quaked and dug his fingers into Reno's back. "Help me."
He would give Cloud anything he needed, always. Reno kissed his lover again, licking at his lips to gain entrance. His hands moved between them to tenderly stroke Cloud's cock while he took a hold of the trailing cord. He was thankful that even in his lustful haze he had used plenty of lube on the toy.
Reno did his best to distract Cloud with loving attention and pulled gently to release the largest of the silver balls.
Cloud hissed softly as the ball stretched his puckered opening again. His hiss ended with a moan as it slipped free, though. "I want you," he whispered as the next one was pulled out. He allowed Reno to kiss him as he felt his desire start to return. Parting his lips, he sought out a slick tongue.
He still felt terrified. Still felt the living nightmare lingering in the corner of the room. And he was desperate to vanquish it.
Reno could still feel a faint trembling in his lover's body. When the last of the balls were gone he swiped his hand over them to gather what was left of the lube to slick himself.
"If you need for me to stop, just say so. I swear I will," Reno promised and wrapped one of Cloud's legs over his waist.
He sunk himself slowly and carefully, a groan reverberating deep in his chest at the pleasure of Cloud's now familiar and much loved warmth. When he was buried to the hilt Reno paused to trail kisses over Cloud's neck and shoulder.
Nothing could have felt better than the feeling of his lover's thick cock pushing inside of him. Cloud curled his leg a little higher and tilted his hips at an easier angle. This movement pulled a deep moan out past his parted lips.
Cloud raised his chin to grant Reno access to the full length of his neck. "Reno..." He dragged his fingers in a slow line across his lover's shoulder blade.
Reno kept his thrusts slow, easy and deep. He wanted to feel every tremble, every sigh, the feel of Cloud's racing pulse beneath his lips. This was truly lovemaking. It couldn't be called anything else. He knew that if he tilted his hips just so on the next thrust he would hit that spot deep inside that would make Cloud voice his pleasure and clench so tightly around his cock it would take his breath away. His exploration of satin smooth skin brought him back up to the lovely curve of Cloud's jaw and the tempting delight of moist, pink lips.
"I love you, Cloud, always."
Reno cupped his lover's ass for the best angle as he eased out then pushed right back in a little harder.
With his lips brushing Reno's, Cloud gasped in ecstasy and moaned. His lover knew his body better than he did himself. That spot melted him. Made him feel jolts of pleasure clean up his spine.
"Aahn, Reno... ooh..." He trembled. He clutched Reno's shoulder briefly, and then moved it up to tangle in Reno's hair. He lifted his eyes to look into Reno's loving pools.
Reno stared into his lover's eyes. They were so beautiful, so expressive, such a pure blue that was only enhanced by the mako glow. They had endless depths and Reno was caught, trapped like a fly in amber. To have Cloud look at him like that, with such love in his eyes, made Reno's breath catch and made him want to lay the world at his lover's feet.
"Anything for you," Reno mumbled, too lost to hear his own words.
The insistent pull of the fingers twined in his hair brought his lips back down to taste what was *his*. Reno sucked Cloud's tongue into his mouth, giving it the same sensual attention he would his lover's cock. Ah, speaking of...Reno gripped Cloud's neglected shaft and stroked in time with his thrusts. He wanted to feel his lover come, wanted to feel him writhe beneath him in mind-numbing pleasure, wanted to banish the last traces of fear.
Reno moved faster, driving them both closer to the brink.
"Come for me, Cloud," Reno chanted. "Oh gods, want you, need you, love you."
Biting his lip, Cloud tilted his head back with a moan. This had to be heaven. This is what it had to feel like to die. His entire body felt alive with light and warmth.
The increased rhythm brought Cloud's head back down, gasping with each thrust. So close. Finding Reno's eyes again he stared into them as his body spiraled up into the clouds. Up and up... his fingers fell from Reno's hair to anchor himself onto Reno's shoulder.
He tried to gasp; lips parted and chin tilting just a bit, when it hit him. Breathlessly. His body went rigid and then released his seed with an eruption like none he felt before.
His cock gripped so tightly by spasmodic waves that made his vision darken, Reno kept moving his hips along with the stroking pulls to draw out Cloud's climax as long as possible. He was so focused on his lover that his own release barreled into him, choking off his air with its force. Reno fell forward, body shuddering, to moan into Cloud's mouth. When he could move he rolled them over, still intimately connected, so that Cloud was draped over his body.
Reno pulled the covers up so his lover wouldn't get chilled and rested with one of Cloud's hands clasped over his heart.
"Feeling better?" He asked, not too sure he wanted to bring it up, but determined to make sure Cloud was okay.
Cloud's face, a mask of drowsy afterglow, darkened slightly at the question. He could still feel Reno inside him and he didn't want to lose that connection yet. So when he sat up, it was slow and deliberate. He looked down into the face of his lover. "Don't ask me that as if I've been sick with the flu."
He looked at his hands, resting on Reno's chest, and moved them down to a firm abdomen. "Did I hurt you?" He recalled kicking out and then seeing Reno in pain.
Reno flinched inwardly at Cloud's reply. So much for not hurting his lover again...
"Doesn't matter," Reno said in response to the question. "I deserved it anyway."
He suddenly felt too guilty to look at Cloud anymore and settled for lowering his eyes to where one of his hands still held Cloud's hip.
Cloud blinked at his lover's guilt and cocked his head. Reaching down, he cupped the side of his head and stroked his earlobe. "You didn't deserve it," he said softly.
Returning his hands to Reno's chest he ran them over flesh and muscle, gently probing and feeling his ribs and sternum for signs of further injury than his heart.
Reno sank his teeth into his bottom lip and tried not to show anything, he really did, but Cloud's already powerful kick had been fueled by terror. Making love hadn't helped matters any. When warm fingertips prodded a certain spot he choked on a gasp and shrank away from the touch. The abrupt movement made him slip from Cloud's body and Reno mourned another loss. He moaned softly and grabbed at Cloud's hands to still them.
"Please. I'm fine, Cloud," Reno panted. "I'll heal like I always do. I *did* deserve it. I was being a jealous idiot and trying to prove something to you. All I proved was that some things can't be forced."
Reno gently set Cloud away and clambered from the bed to make his way to the bathroom alone. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it to catch his breath before rummaging around in the medicine cabinet. There had to be some painkillers in there somewhere.
PAIRING: Reno X Cloud
AUTHORS: lilymoon1 as Reno, grygon as Cloud
RATING: NC-17
WORD COUNT: 6,143
NOTES: This is a RPG between the two writers but we treated it as a fanfic. Edited slightly for spelling and fragments. Please enjoy and remember: comments are love. :)
CHAPTER SUMMARY: Some bondage takes a bad turn as Cloud's memories mess with his head.
Intro/Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7
Can Barely Hide
chapter 8
Reno swung his leg over the bike and walked Cloud backwards to the elevator, lips playing over that gorgeous, fair face and hot hands sliding under the loose shirt to stroke skin. At the door Reno growled impatiently at the three times it took swiping his key card with shaking hands to make it work.
Once inside, he peeled the shirt over Cloud's head and bent his lover over his arm to nip and suck at rosy nipples. Reno rubbed the flat of his hand over the hard cock beneath fabric. Wanting more, now, he destroyed the fastenings of the pants to get to more flesh.
"You better tell me you have a word, Cloud," Reno moaned. "And I hope you're not too sore. I want all of you." The images in his head made his head swim with desire. "I want to be inside you when you come."
Cloud was already losing control of his body. He thrust against Reno's hand and clutched onto strong shoulders. "Word?" He struggled to grasp what Reno meant. "Uhmnn..." He bit his lip hard with a moan. "Flower."
"It's f-flower." He gasped, fighting to regain control. They weren't even in bed yet. Then memories of Reno inside, deep, hard, stretching him and thrusting fast made him squirm. "Inside. Please inside." He pulled Reno's pants open and pushed them off his hips. "Inside."
Reno struggled with his leather pants. Getting them on had been easy; getting the tight, clingy leather off again while sporting a raging cockstand was proving to be a real bitch. He toed off his boots and shoved at material until he could shrug them off the rest of the way.
"Flower?" Reno asked, breathlessly. "Okay, flower it is." He moved to stand at Cloud's back, took the black fabric of his lover's pants and *ripped* until the torn pieces fell to the floor.
Reno swirled his tongue around Cloud's shoulders and neck while using both hands to tease sensitive nipples.
"You may not know it, Cloud, but you hurt my feelings today by even suggesting looking at another man. I think you need to be punished."
He bit down lightly at the juncture of neck and shoulder and rolled the little nubs between his fingers.
"I’m sorry," Cloud swallowed a lump in his throat and tilted his head back. "I knew you'd get possessive." His voice was husky and soft. He pushed back against Reno and lifted a hand to push his fingers into Reno's hair, pulling a little.
"I manipulated you. I was bad." He grunted a little in pain. "What are you going to do to me?"
"Hmmm, you'll see," Reno hummed against Cloud's neck. "Just remember your word. That's the only thing that will make me stop."
Reno led Cloud away from his destroyed clothing to the bedroom.
"Get on the bed in the middle on your back." Reno opened a small chest at the foot of the bed and withdrew four lengths of black silk. "See? No cuffs, and nothing your strength couldn't rip to pieces. I'm going to tie you to the bed and your own willpower will keep you there until I say otherwise."
He tilted his head down for a soft kiss, the barest hint of pressure.
"You going to trust me?"
Cloud eyed the black silk for a moment and then lifted his eyes to Reno's and nodded once slightly. He trusted Reno, but it didn't come easily. If he were honest with himself he knew there would always be a lingering amount of doubt. But for Reno he would try and never stop trying.
Turning, he crawled hands and knees onto the bed and lay down on his back. He watched Reno closely and hesitantly spread his arms and legs. He had never felt so exposed. But under Reno's gaze it felt thrilling.
A hot, thrilling spike of victory pierced Reno's chest at Cloud's willingness. He seriously doubted that Cloud had ever willingly let anyone tie him. His lover had been through too much, been used too much, to allow such a thing. Reno could see the doubt and a hint of fear staining the blue depths of his eyes. A part of him wanted to just stop the game right then and hold Cloud close and safe. His more possessive side told him he needed to keep going. Cloud's 'punishment' was actually an exercise in trust. Trust in only Reno, to be more specific.
Taking a deep, calming breath to push those jealous feelings down, Reno took Cloud's right arm in his hands. He pressed his lips to the pulse point in the wrist and wrapped the silk around it. He extended the arm and secured it to the headboard using knots that Tseng had taught him. Already his heart was racing and his skin flushed hot with desire to see Cloud spread out for his pleasure. Instead of simply walking around the bed, Reno nipped and kissed his way down Cloud's arm to his chest. He gently tilted his lover's head back so he could lave at his jaw line and the hollow of his throat with his tongue.
The left arm received the same loving, worshipful attention then it was secured tightly. Reno reluctantly scooted to the end of the bed and swirled his tongue around the bony point of a surprisingly soft skinned ankle. He made quicker work of tying Cloud's legs so that his lover was bound spread eagle on the bed. The illusion of helplessness made Reno's cock twitch in response. He knelt between Cloud's legs on the mattress and stroked his own cock leisurely.
"Do you really want another man to do this to you? Did it even cross your mind I might take another lover myself and do *this* to them?" Dregs of possessive anger made Reno's voice harsher than he intended. It blurred into a moan of pleasure as he stroked himself to the image of Cloud tied before him.
Cloud had been too busy squirming under Reno's tongue to really worry about being tied up. It had been a wonderful distraction until Reno tied his feet and left him cold and alone. He lifted his head and his eyes widened at Reno touching himself. That was his job. Why would Reno do that to himself when Cloud was right here?
"No," he answered softly, wanting to sooth Reno's anger. Attempting to sit up he twisted his arms against the ties. He really couldn't touch his lover. He whimpered and struggled a moment. He could escape, but that wouldn't prove a thing. He had to prove something, was that the point of this? He forced himself to stop testing the bonds.
"I would never let another tie me up," he hissed. He was breathing hard. The sight of Reno pleasuring himself, denying Cloud that touch, and his words had made his heart race. "And how do I know you haven't done this to another already? That box seems real convenient." He squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his head back to the bed with a soft thump. "Damn it, Reno. I didn't mean..." His voice cracked.
Reno ignored Cloud's last jealous statement. He caught his lower lip between his teeth when his latest stroke made him shiver and thrust a little harder into his hand.
"Ahhh," He let loose the pleasured sound. "The past is the past, Cloud. I've collected things in that chest for y-years, all, ah! All in the hopes of pleasing *you* with them." He opened his eyes to see if he had Cloud's attention. He licked the fingers of his other hand to rub his own nipples before sliding his fingers through the loose spill of his hair. "I told you that I wanted you for *years*."
Reno crept up the bed until he was straddling Cloud and continued his stroking, his cock just a few inches from Cloud's mouth, trusting that Cloud wouldn't try to get free just yet.
"This isn't as good as the feel of your hands or your mouth, the feeling I get when I'm buried deep inside your body, but it's what I had before you came home with me. If it's not you, all of you, I'd rather have this than another lover."
Reno threw his head back with a gasp and came hard over his pumping fist, the drops spilling over his trembling thighs and his lover's chest and face. Still breathing heavily, he licked his seed from Cloud then his own hand. He stared into mako bright eyes.
"I'm going to please you, but you won't get release until you cry and beg me for it. After all the years I've waited you finally belong to me."
How he wanted to taste that seed painting his face and chest. But he was denied once more. He twisted his hands against the ties, the silk preventing any harsh bite where the heel of his hand met wrist.
"You know I belong to you," Cloud's voice was a harsh whisper. "I would have killed any other man by now and been consumed by... with..." He took a shallow breath and swallowed. "I love you, and I'll do anything you want to show you."
He was trembling. And his attempts to control it made it worse. It had nothing to do with his aching, rock hard cock and everything to do with memories that were trying their damn best to surface and make him panic. He twisted his hands again and gripped the silk in a fist to stop himself from pulling.
The raw quality to Cloud's voice and the violent trembling of his body was a cause for concern. Reno's inner voice told him he better be careful how far he pushed his lover. He was glad that he had already gotten himself off once so that he wouldn't be blind stupid with lust. It was obvious he needed to calm Cloud a bit.
"Trust me, Cloud," Reno soothed. "Trust me to keep you safe. Remember your word, and remember that it's me."
Reno left the bed for a moment to gather two items from the chest, a blindfold and a bottle of warming oil. He had played with the oil once out of curiosity and it really *did* warm up with friction. He also knew that depriving a person of their sight made all their other senses that much more acute. Reno set the bottle to the side and cupped Cloud's face.
"Trust me," he whispered, placing feather light kisses over Cloud's face and a more lingering kiss on his lips.
Reno gently lifted Cloud's head and tied the blindfold in place.
His trembling was calmed to a light tremor with Reno's touches and kisses and words. He focused on Reno and felt his fear begin to withdraw. But when he saw the blindfold lifted all his instincts screamed this was a bad idea. He trusted Reno, but he didn't trust his memories.
Without sight now he tried to follow Reno's movements with his hearing. He set his jaw as the darkness seemed to grow ghostly figures. He squeezed his eyes shut on them and licked his lips to relax his jaw.
Reno could feel the tension in his lover. He made sure that he kept some kind of contact with Cloud's bare skin as he uncapped the oil and poured it into his hands. Starting with the blonde’s fingers he massaged it into pale skin. Reno kissed each place after his hands moved on to another. First one arm, then the other. When he reached the chest Reno lingered over the area where he could feel his lover's frantic heartbeat.
"It's just me, Cloud. Only me," Reno murmured. All his earlier anger had dissolved into worry and concern. "Let me make you feel good. I promise to give you pleasure. I love you."
His hands smoothed down a finely muscled abdomen to powerful thighs. He could feel the oil warming under his hands, and bypassed Cloud's flagging erection to massage his way down corded calves to small, slender feet.
"Still with me, babe?" Reno asked and worked his way back up to take Cloud's cock into hand. He stroked lightly, teasingly, and watched Cloud's pale face closely.
The warm oil and Reno's knowing touch did a lot to sooth Cloud's nerves. His jaw relaxed and his saliva glands began to work again, forcing him to swallow.
He didn't trust his voice when he heard Reno ask him a question. He still felt on the edge, torn between two raw instincts: to flee or to find release. So in response he lifted his hips as much as he could, the movement forcing a whimper out of parted lips.
"I'm not leaving," Reno assured Cloud and crawled back to the foot of the bed to rummage through the chest. He came up with a short string of smooth silver balls of graduated size, attached to each other and a long cord. A tube of lube was his next stop.
Returning to Cloud, he coated his fingers and each silver ball with the lube. "Just relax and listen to me, love." He used one hand to resume stroking Cloud's hardening cock and the other to rub circles against the puckered hole. "You look so gorgeous like this, Cloud. You're always beautiful, but even more when you're spread out like this." The tips of his fingers carefully pushed in a short way. "Makes me want to do all sorts of things to you to make you moan and cry with need."
Reno kissed the inside of Cloud's thigh, withdrew his fingers and took the first ball to push it inside.
Cloud's breathing grew heavy again and he squirmed with pleasure while Reno stroked his cock. That felt so good. He gasped when Reno teased him with a finger, wanting more.
"Uhn... don't..." He clamped his mouth shut as he felt a smooth, foreign object enter him. Canting his hips he moaned. Whatever that was, he wanted more. He needed more.
Letting his lips graze the hard flesh in his hand and flicking his tongue out to taste the tip, Reno took the next larger size ball and slowly pushed it in as well. He let Cloud adjust to the sensation then took a cock ring and fastened it snugly at the base of Cloud's cock.
"Can't have you going off too soon," Reno murmured. He was intoxicated with the taste of his lover and the wanton sounds he was getting from him. "Love you...so much. Don't want anyone else to *ever* have you like this." He nibbled and sucked at the rounded head. "Mmm, all mine."
Cloud pulled at his bonds again with a whimper. The snug ring and strange sensations pushed into him were starting to make him desperate. "Yours," he gasped. He lifted and thrust his hips, trying to get more friction.
The next ball was only slightly smaller than the girth of his own hard cock, and Reno took Cloud fully into his mouth, letting his teeth barely graze flesh, as he worked it inside. Cloud was already squirming, and Reno wondered if his lover would be able to take the fourth and final ball. He rubbed himself against Cloud's leg.
"I'm already hard again for you. That's what you do to me. I can never seem to get enough of you."
Reno dripped more lube on the final ball. It met with some resistance but finally slid smoothly into Cloud's body. The redhead took the small controller and scooted up Cloud's body. A flick of his finger and all four balls started to vibrate.
Cloud had been left panting and feeling like a tight coil by the time the final ball pushed inside. Whatever those were, they were quickly making him forget his ghosts. Then his cock was alone again, making him whine. He lifted his head to voice his need when he yelled and arched back violently.
He took his breath with harsh gasps between his moans. "Reno...!"
"Relax, love. Relax," Reno crooned, mesmerized by Cloud's writhing body. He put down the controller to run his hands over lightly sweating skin. His touch remained gentle and loving, but his voice took on a harsher edge. "Still want to look at another man? It's on the lowest setting, you know. I could keep you like this for a long while. That cock ring won't let you come and it won't let you go soft."
Reno took Cloud's panting mouth, plunging his tongue past the barrier of white teeth to lay claim to the sweet recesses of his lover. He pulled back to suck at the sharp edge of a collar bone.
"Never did," Cloud gasped. "Never wanted that..." He lifted his hips, pulling on his bonds as he sought some kind of friction, something to rub against. The movement made the balls inside him shift and he took in a shuddering breath. This was a different kind of torture than the kind he had endured in those labs. But something tickled the base of his mind nonetheless.
"You didn't sound so sure of that earlier," Reno retorted. He made an effort to swallow his angry hurt. He didn't really have it in him to be cruel to the one he loved. Reno realized he needed to take a minute to compose himself, and he couldn't do that with Cloud, seemingly helpless, under him. "I'm...going to get you a glass of water. I'll only be a moment."
Reno left the toy on, still at the slowest vibration, and slipped from the bed into the adjoining bathroom.
Swallowing a sudden lump in his throat, Cloud turned his head to try and pick up sounds from his lover. "Don't leave me..." It was barely a whisper. There was only silence, and a creeping cold. He laid his head down and took an uneasy breath. A tremble coursed through his body at some foreign sound in the dark. He couldn't let this happen again. It was wrong. He had to get out. He wasn't so helpless this time... he tested his bonds again and then lay still.
The cold water from the sink helped to cool Reno's flushed face and restore his composure. He knew why he had reacted so strongly to Cloud's teasing remark, but he couldn't explain the extremes he felt he would be driven to if it ever really happened. Maybe it was because he had waited so damned long for Cloud. Reno shook his head. That was really...lame.
"You're being an asshole," he said to his reflection in the mirror. "Go back in there, untie your lover, and give him the love and security he needs. That's what will keep him with you."
Reno made his way back to the bed where Cloud lay so still.
"Cloud?"
That voice was familiar. Almost sweet. Cloud turned his head towards it. But nothing in this place was sweet. It had to be trick. Didn't it? He shivered, trying to fight his bonds and maintain the weak and pathetic animal image his captor needed.
But his body betrayed him and he moaned as a thrill of desire bolted through his abdomen and cock. He flushed red and panted with another quiver. This wasn't supposed to feel good. What torture was he being put through this time?
"I'm here, baby. I'm sorry I left you," Reno said as he ran his fingers through Cloud's damp hair. "Just relax a minute and I'll get that outta you."
Reno switched off the toy and kissed his lover's abdomen. He tried to slip free the first ball and frowned in confusion when Cloud's body stayed tightly clenched. Something wasn't right and it sent a chill of apprehension down his spine. Reno tugged off the blindfold and turned Cloud's face towards him.
"Cloud? Look at me."
Cloud grunted in pain as something was done to him in his most intimate place. What had they put in him? He had a vague recollection of squirming with lust as things were pushed inside. That had to be drugs.
When light began to filter past the blindfold, he closed his eyes against its harshness. That voice again. Why would they use that voice against him? Nothing was this cruel.
Blinking his eyes open they shone a dangerous green with slanted slits for pupils. They looked right through Reno. Jerking his feet free, Cloud aimed a powerful kick at Reno's chest as he yanked his hands down. He backed up against the headboard on the defensive, looking for demons that weren't there and warily keeping an eye on Reno.
His left foot kicked the remote that hung from him, making him twitch at the jolt of pleasure.
The unexpected attack left Reno gasping for air on the floor. He wheezed and panted while staring at his lover in disbelief. What the fuck had happened?! It felt like he might have a cracked rib or two, and Cloud was crouched on the bed looking ready to kill. Shaking with fear, not for himself but for Cloud, Reno warily approached the bed.
"Cloud?" He coughed, sucked in a painful breath and tried again. "Babe, it's me. It's Reno. Come back, Cloud. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let it happen."
Reno was lightheaded with anxiety. What had he done?
The man posing as someone he secretly wanted looked injured. But his words made Cloud's eyes flash with distrust and hate. Was there anything they had not tampered with in his life? To mock his lust... it just made him angry. What purpose did this torture of lust serve?
"Bringing him into this..." Cloud's voice was strangled. "How could you bring him into this? I... don't want..." He grit his teeth as another step away from Reno tugged on the control by his feet. Keeping a ready eye on Reno he picked the control box up. How did he get it out? If he wanted to make an escape he couldn't have this inside him. It was a distraction of the worst kind.
Reno knew he had to do something to stop this before one of them got hurt. Well, in his case, more injured than he already was. Adrenalin and pure fear kept him from feeling much pain. That would come later.
"Cloud, I can make it stop. I need you to trust me, to remember me. I said I would never hurt you," Reno’s voice choked up. What a fucking crock! It looked like he had hurt Cloud worse than he could have ever imagined. "Please, baby. We're safe at home. Just let me touch you and you can see that I'm real. I love you, Cloud. I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry, so very sorry. Please don't push me away. I need to make sure you're okay."
Reno inched closer as he kept talking. He couldn't think of anything else to do except try to knock his lover unconscious, and he was loathe to do that. Hell, he wasn't even sure he stood a chance at doing that with the state Cloud was in. That left trying to reach the man as the only option.
Cloud's eyes widened. What the hell was this? He inched away as Reno inched closer. His eyes darted around the room as he looked for a weapon. Clutching the box tightly, he crouched near the edge of the bed and prepared to step off. It was then he accidentally pressed a button on the box and stumbled, one foot slipping off the edge and the other folding beneath him.
Mouth in a silent 'oh', his free hand clutched the blankets in a fist where it had landed to catch himself. Bowing his head, a long moan escaped his lips and a tear trickled down his cheek. So this had been their way of stopping him. Somewhere there was a remote to this. Somewhere someone was watching this little, twisted mind-fuck game.
The sight of Cloud's tears was Reno's undoing. He couldn't take that. Unmindful of the potential danger to himself, Reno launched himself forward and tackled his lover. Deft fingers unsnapped the cock ring as he pinned Cloud's body beneath his own.
"Oh, gods, come back to me," Reno said and covered Cloud's lips in a kiss.
Reno held his lover tightly and poured his heart and soul into the kiss. He prayed frantically that he could reach Cloud.
At first Cloud went limp, telling himself escape was useless. But when he felt those lips he began to struggle, pushing at Reno's shoulders and kicking his legs. Tearing his mouth away he sobbed and tilted his head away. What disturbed him more were his own feelings of wanton lust with this man on top of him.
At least they had only raped his mind. Grabbing a fistful of red hair he bucked upwards and flipped their positions. Why wasn't he fighting back? With a fist ready to come crashing down, Cloud got a good look at the beautiful face and froze in horror.
Falling away from the redhead, Cloud curled up on his side, burying his face into his forearms and fingers into his hair. His sobs came even though he gritted his teeth hard.
It took Reno nearly a full minute to realize he wasn't facing imminent death. When he blinked Cloud was curled in a miserable, sobbing ball. He hesitantly reached over with a shaking hand and shut off the toy. He'd deal with removing it when Cloud was calmer. Reno managed to get to his knees and yank the comforter and sheets down, and then he scooped Cloud off the floor and tucked him in the bed. Not sure if his comfort would even be welcome Reno wrapped his arms around his lover and held him.
"Shh, shh Cloud," Reno murmured into his hair. "It's all right now. You're safe. I didn't mean to hurt you. If I had known..." he choked and a tear of his own slid down his face. "If I'd known I would never have pushed you like that."
Tense for a moment, Cloud wasn't sure himself if he deserved to be held. Hearing the emotion in Reno's voice, he decided it didn't matter. They both needed each other.
He pushed closer against Reno and slipped his hand under Reno's arm and around to his back. "You didn't... have to know. I could have stopped you but I-” his breath hitched and he buried his face against Reno's neck. "Don't let go." His shoulders shook.
"I'll never let you go. Not before, especially not now," Reno said. He rubbed Cloud's back soothingly. "I love you too much. It would be like cutting out my own heart."
Reno nuzzled Cloud's temple and tilted his lover's head up so he could kiss the tears. The bitter, salty taste echoed his own pain. He had broken his promise and hurt the one he loved. He had promised to keep Cloud safe. Well, he'd certainly done a damn fine job of screwing that up. Reno felt broken and useless in the face of Cloud's tears.
"Forgive me, please. I didn't mean to," Reno whispered, rocking in an age old comfort.
"Not your fault," Cloud whispered. "I trust you more than my nightmares." He reached up with his other hand and touched Reno's face. He traced Reno's tears down his face with his thumb. "I can't sort out what's real and not from that place. But I know you weren't there, now. You're right here. So am I."
Taking Reno's hand he squeezed it tight and pressed his forehead firmly against Reno's. "There's nothing to forgive."
Reno kissed Cloud's cheek, his nose, the corner of his mouth, and then pressed their lips fully together. He kept it light and didn't try to push for more when they were both still shaking, but Reno wanted, needed, to see if Cloud would still allow his touch.
He broke off the kiss when he felt a wave of inappropriately timed lust wash through him and shifted his lower body away so Cloud wouldn't feel the evidence of his shameful desire. Reno didn't think Cloud needed that right now, and then there was still the matter of the toy.
"Sorry," Reno said and cleared his throat. How to bring it up? "Cloud, we still, I...damn. I need to take those balls from you." A hot blush swept over his face.
Blinking at Reno, Cloud scooted their bodies against each other again. "You still need me, Reno. You don't have to hide that. I still need you. More than ever. I don't want to remember today as a nightmare I had while wide awake."
Rubbing the remaining tears from his eyes, he tilted his head and placed soft, coy kisses on Reno's lips. "Help me forget what just happened." He quaked and dug his fingers into Reno's back. "Help me."
He would give Cloud anything he needed, always. Reno kissed his lover again, licking at his lips to gain entrance. His hands moved between them to tenderly stroke Cloud's cock while he took a hold of the trailing cord. He was thankful that even in his lustful haze he had used plenty of lube on the toy.
Reno did his best to distract Cloud with loving attention and pulled gently to release the largest of the silver balls.
Cloud hissed softly as the ball stretched his puckered opening again. His hiss ended with a moan as it slipped free, though. "I want you," he whispered as the next one was pulled out. He allowed Reno to kiss him as he felt his desire start to return. Parting his lips, he sought out a slick tongue.
He still felt terrified. Still felt the living nightmare lingering in the corner of the room. And he was desperate to vanquish it.
Reno could still feel a faint trembling in his lover's body. When the last of the balls were gone he swiped his hand over them to gather what was left of the lube to slick himself.
"If you need for me to stop, just say so. I swear I will," Reno promised and wrapped one of Cloud's legs over his waist.
He sunk himself slowly and carefully, a groan reverberating deep in his chest at the pleasure of Cloud's now familiar and much loved warmth. When he was buried to the hilt Reno paused to trail kisses over Cloud's neck and shoulder.
Nothing could have felt better than the feeling of his lover's thick cock pushing inside of him. Cloud curled his leg a little higher and tilted his hips at an easier angle. This movement pulled a deep moan out past his parted lips.
Cloud raised his chin to grant Reno access to the full length of his neck. "Reno..." He dragged his fingers in a slow line across his lover's shoulder blade.
Reno kept his thrusts slow, easy and deep. He wanted to feel every tremble, every sigh, the feel of Cloud's racing pulse beneath his lips. This was truly lovemaking. It couldn't be called anything else. He knew that if he tilted his hips just so on the next thrust he would hit that spot deep inside that would make Cloud voice his pleasure and clench so tightly around his cock it would take his breath away. His exploration of satin smooth skin brought him back up to the lovely curve of Cloud's jaw and the tempting delight of moist, pink lips.
"I love you, Cloud, always."
Reno cupped his lover's ass for the best angle as he eased out then pushed right back in a little harder.
With his lips brushing Reno's, Cloud gasped in ecstasy and moaned. His lover knew his body better than he did himself. That spot melted him. Made him feel jolts of pleasure clean up his spine.
"Aahn, Reno... ooh..." He trembled. He clutched Reno's shoulder briefly, and then moved it up to tangle in Reno's hair. He lifted his eyes to look into Reno's loving pools.
Reno stared into his lover's eyes. They were so beautiful, so expressive, such a pure blue that was only enhanced by the mako glow. They had endless depths and Reno was caught, trapped like a fly in amber. To have Cloud look at him like that, with such love in his eyes, made Reno's breath catch and made him want to lay the world at his lover's feet.
"Anything for you," Reno mumbled, too lost to hear his own words.
The insistent pull of the fingers twined in his hair brought his lips back down to taste what was *his*. Reno sucked Cloud's tongue into his mouth, giving it the same sensual attention he would his lover's cock. Ah, speaking of...Reno gripped Cloud's neglected shaft and stroked in time with his thrusts. He wanted to feel his lover come, wanted to feel him writhe beneath him in mind-numbing pleasure, wanted to banish the last traces of fear.
Reno moved faster, driving them both closer to the brink.
"Come for me, Cloud," Reno chanted. "Oh gods, want you, need you, love you."
Biting his lip, Cloud tilted his head back with a moan. This had to be heaven. This is what it had to feel like to die. His entire body felt alive with light and warmth.
The increased rhythm brought Cloud's head back down, gasping with each thrust. So close. Finding Reno's eyes again he stared into them as his body spiraled up into the clouds. Up and up... his fingers fell from Reno's hair to anchor himself onto Reno's shoulder.
He tried to gasp; lips parted and chin tilting just a bit, when it hit him. Breathlessly. His body went rigid and then released his seed with an eruption like none he felt before.
His cock gripped so tightly by spasmodic waves that made his vision darken, Reno kept moving his hips along with the stroking pulls to draw out Cloud's climax as long as possible. He was so focused on his lover that his own release barreled into him, choking off his air with its force. Reno fell forward, body shuddering, to moan into Cloud's mouth. When he could move he rolled them over, still intimately connected, so that Cloud was draped over his body.
Reno pulled the covers up so his lover wouldn't get chilled and rested with one of Cloud's hands clasped over his heart.
"Feeling better?" He asked, not too sure he wanted to bring it up, but determined to make sure Cloud was okay.
Cloud's face, a mask of drowsy afterglow, darkened slightly at the question. He could still feel Reno inside him and he didn't want to lose that connection yet. So when he sat up, it was slow and deliberate. He looked down into the face of his lover. "Don't ask me that as if I've been sick with the flu."
He looked at his hands, resting on Reno's chest, and moved them down to a firm abdomen. "Did I hurt you?" He recalled kicking out and then seeing Reno in pain.
Reno flinched inwardly at Cloud's reply. So much for not hurting his lover again...
"Doesn't matter," Reno said in response to the question. "I deserved it anyway."
He suddenly felt too guilty to look at Cloud anymore and settled for lowering his eyes to where one of his hands still held Cloud's hip.
Cloud blinked at his lover's guilt and cocked his head. Reaching down, he cupped the side of his head and stroked his earlobe. "You didn't deserve it," he said softly.
Returning his hands to Reno's chest he ran them over flesh and muscle, gently probing and feeling his ribs and sternum for signs of further injury than his heart.
Reno sank his teeth into his bottom lip and tried not to show anything, he really did, but Cloud's already powerful kick had been fueled by terror. Making love hadn't helped matters any. When warm fingertips prodded a certain spot he choked on a gasp and shrank away from the touch. The abrupt movement made him slip from Cloud's body and Reno mourned another loss. He moaned softly and grabbed at Cloud's hands to still them.
"Please. I'm fine, Cloud," Reno panted. "I'll heal like I always do. I *did* deserve it. I was being a jealous idiot and trying to prove something to you. All I proved was that some things can't be forced."
Reno gently set Cloud away and clambered from the bed to make his way to the bathroom alone. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it to catch his breath before rummaging around in the medicine cabinet. There had to be some painkillers in there somewhere.