From the Ashes arose the Phoenix pt I.
Against the grain
Against the odds
I'll rise and I won't trip again
The dawn of a new day never looked
As good as this..
So I noticed it has been a while since my last post.
No surprise really, after all I did have a hectic November and a strenuous December (more on this later).
But the positive to come from it was the final grades for the semester, and the overall improvement I displayed for the year.
Looking back to the beginning of 2008, I remember feeling that I was on the verge of something big, and sure enough I was right.
Starting with my Health class in January, I realized that I needed to get going with school if I was to make progress towards finishing and moving on to the next phase that has been lagging; my career.
In hoping to make strides to reach this goal, I gave much thought to my Behavior Change Contract assignment I had in the Health class and wrote down several goals to strive for in 2008.
(As it was written in the contract)
My behavior change will be:
Focus on finishing school.
My Long-term goal for this behavior change is:
Graduating with a GPA of 3.5 or better.
Barriers that I must overcome to make this behavior change are (things that I am currently doing or situations that contribute to this behavior or make it harder to change):
* Lack of Focus, not doing everything possible.
* Wasting Time.
* Not Studying.
The strategies I will use to overcome these barriers are:
* Study everyday.
* Ask for help immediately.
* Plan my schedule in advance.
Resources I will use to help me change this behavior include:
A friend/partner/relative: Any available friend from class.
A school based resource: Attend teacher's office hours.
A community based resource: Tutoring on-campus.
In order to make my goal attainable, I have devised these short term goals
Pass Health 11 with an A Target Date: 01/31/08 Reward: New Balance running shoes
Pass my Spring 08 classes Target Date: 05/08 Reward: To be decided.
Maintain a GPA of 3.0 for 08 Target Date: 12/08 Reward: To be decided.
When I make the long-term behavior change described above, my reward will be:
Overseas trip/vacation Target Date: 2-3 years.
With this as my guide for the school year I set forth to reach every goal with the expectation that at the end of the year I would be headed in the right direction at long last after struggling for so long. I finished the Health 11 class with flying colors, yea the class was a gimme, but I put in the effort to get consistent As in my exams and did not miss a single class lecture or assignment. Good progress even if it was an easy class. The test was surely to come in the following semester no doubt, but I was more than up to the challenge.
The Spring came and brought a renewed appreciation for the written word and my creativity as I put the effort into every assignment again and managed to get an A in an English class for the first time since Middle school. Although I narrowly missed the B for Geometry, I noticed that I was able to maintain the stronghold on the C despite my lack of turning in several key homework assignments. Despite getting B's in my exams, I was still missing key points that would have easily propelled me into the B range and would have undoubtedly maintained my goal of getting a 3.0 for the semester. I tried to get help in class, but for the most part, the people in class were not really sociable or worth spending time with to study. The next step was tutoring, but given that the Tutoring center had such a lousy way of managing their tutors I was really better off studying on my own. The only other option was talking to the professor, which I did, only after having been told I was allowed to turn in late assignments, she then backtracked and switched it up saying she was not allowing it for some reason. At that point my grade was in the C range and I knew I had to get on my shit to avoid having the C drop to a D. Sure enough I missed a B by a doable margin had the homework points been added into the mix, but the effort was still there and it was the best I could do with the situation I was in. The good thing throughout this mess was that I managed to get such an abundance of creativity flowing in my English class that I was not down or saddened by my progress, or lack thereof in Geometry. Looking back, having taken that Creative writing class, I really benefited from exchanging ideas on stories and hearing other people's approach to the written word. Seeing how easily the ideas flowed to me and the seemingly natural ability I had to write it all down, I finally realized what EVERYONE had been trying to tell me all along about my writing ability and why they enjoyed reading my work, be it a paper, an email or a message online. Having that outlet really balanced me from letting the inner demons of past failure come back and drag me down yet again.
I finished the semester with a C and an A but I was beaming with the sheer delight that after having gone through what, at that point, was a strenuous semester, I still managed to get the best grades possible. Thus I vowed not to get anything lower than a B for the remainder of the year regardless of how hard it might seem to be.
The summer came and really shook things up as I nearly quit school and was days away from getting hired at USC for what would've been a relatively easy job working at a library. Sure enough, I missed the deadline and was not recruited for an interview despite getting the email saying I was more than qualified for the position. Realizing it happened for a reason, I went back to plan A and had the epiphany I had been avoiding or denying myself for so long.
In simplest terms, I fell in love again. Going back to Cal State and talking with the adviser about my intention to finish, I looked over the body of work I had accumulated thus far and noticed that I was being pulled in the Artistic direction all along despite my efforts to engage in the world of Computer Science. My suicide mission was finally over and I decided to go with what I should have been doing from the get go and suddenly found myself with a new flame burning inside. Instead of 2 years, my time was cut to 1 1/2 for Graphic Design. My GPA was also much better compared to Computer Science, and at that point I knew I reached the point of no return and could never go back to CS until after I graduated.
The summer session I opted to take another easy class; Biology. It turned out to be a trip into the twilight zone with the former Berkley alum teacher who
was out to make it anything but easy. Yet again I focused and narrowed down my distractions to the point that I broke contact from everything and everyone for 5 weeks in order to get nothing less than a B. Sure enough, although I studied briefly with people from class, I knew right away their goal was a passing grade whereas mine was to get an A if possible. I strayed away from them little by little and hammered out the work in the exams, quizzes and term paper to leave myself in prime position get a B come time for the final. Yet again I missed an A by a narrow margin, but having received a B in a class that was seemingly more brutal than it should've been, I was smiling like a fool and grinning for the rest of the summer at having succeeded on my mission. I also noticed that with every teacher I had in the past who was as intense as the Biology professor was, I tended to learn better and focus in on doing the best work possible and typically came out with either an A or a B for my efforts. No longer being afraid of brutal teachers was a big gain for my future as I knew I am still bound to come in contact with several more of them. Knowing this, I now have a greater sense of control, power and focus when it comes to getting the grade I want out of my classes.
For the first time in years I managed to put together a string of successful semesters and with the Fall semester arriving I knew I had a lot more riding on it than I did the previous 3. Yet again, my instincts proved to be true when I found out midway through October that I had endangered one of my Art classes by having done poorly on the first exam. Suddenly my goal of a B was out of reach unless I pulled together and scored nothing lower than an 80 on my remaining exams. Not an easy task when taking 2 different Art History classes and trying to remember an extensive amount of info for the exams. However, aside from the grade, my plan to attend a different school for Fall 2009 was also in danger as well, since I knew it would not look good on my applications if I did not have the proof in my transcripts to back up my claim that having switched to Graphic Design meant I would no longer get poor grades.
With UCLA, Long Beach, Fullerton and Northridge as possible schools I knew it was going to take a huge effort to get on track yet again. Exam 2, 3 and 4 came and I knocked them all out of the park with flying colors while nursing yet another setback physically with my injured knee. It seems I was still cursed when it came to my health goals of staying active as I was hurt to the point where even walking brought about pain. A bit of depression set in as I started to consider the possible outcome that I might have to get more medical help to cope with the pain that didn't seem to go away. While most people gain weight and have health issues, I was doing what is recommended by staying active within my ability and yet I was still faced with the issue of not feeling 100%. With November coming to a close, I was starting to feel the vice grip bear down on me and I summoned every ounce of strength to continue hammering the long nights, the shifts at work and the studying needed to maintain my hold on the B's while finishing up my applications.
It began to eat away at my mellow demeanor, if you will, and I noticed myself snapping at certain points, but managed to avoid getting into it with those closest to me. The stress only continued to grow as I could not find a release during the weekends although I tried to get out several times. The late night trip to the beach did nothing but remind me that I had to face the mirror if I let it all crumble around me. Staying out till past 4 or 5 and driving back in the darkness of my truck I thought about it once more and realized that I was letting it get to me a bit too much and I that I had the strength and will to overcome this as well. Sure enough I was right again.
3 weeks later, even after taking a trip to Oakland that nearly ended horribly, I dug deep and mustered the will to type up a term paper that yielded a 95 out of 100 even after I turned it in a week late. Having talked to the teacher honestly all semester really helped and ultimately allowed me the chance to get the extension on the paper. Getting the feedback on a job well done and getting a 95 when I was expecting an 80 really kicked the spirits into high gear and I used it to propel me to make the last effort to do well on my last two exams. Less than a week later I found a pair of B's looking at me when I checked my grades online and the victory was complete.
In closing, I can say all 3 goals were achieved. Yes you can say that the C in Geometry brings down the average and I have an asterisk on that 3.0 GPA, but given that I set out to get nothing less than a B and managed to do it, after having repeated failures the years past, this was a BIG step forward and a Huge victory that would only end 2008 right and start 2009 - the year of change - with high hopes to continue the trend.
With Change being the theme of the year I have decided I will set some goals for this year not only with school but also outside of it as well.
Since I have not been reading as much as I would like as of late, I am going to read 13 books for the remainder of the year.
It brings it to about a book a month hopefully, but I wont get down on myself if I don't have 13 come December. As long as I'm still reading and have the intent to reach 13 that will still be considered a victory.
13 Books worth Reading:
The Bible
The Qur'an
The Pedagogy of the Oppressed - or anything by Frantz Fanon.
The Aeneid of Virgil
Homer's Odyssey
The Martian Chronicles
The Lives of the Muses
Machiaveli's The Prince
A Tale Of Two Cities
The Count of Monte Cristo
Alice In Wonderland or something by Albert Hoffman or H.P Lovecraft.
-Something on Psychology
A People's History of the United States
Epic of Gilgamesh.
So there's 14, big deal. I combined the Bible and Qoran into 1 since they're both religious texts.
The other goal is to paint as if my life depended on it, but given how expensive supplies are I might have to reconsider that one. I think as long as I paint several pieces I am pleased with, that should be enough since I will be working like crazy all year with classes in the spring, an internship in the summer hopefully and school at either UCLA or Northridge come fall.
Several key pieces that should be considered are the Letter Series; J, L, M, D and Y. Parabola 13 (5 years in the making and Alex Grey homage), El Hombre Enfermo (Salvador Dali Homage), The Untitled (H.R Giger Homage), along with some large canvas graffiti work.
Since I am taking 4 classes this spring I will commit to get a 3.0 again to prove I can do it while still working my graveyard shift.
Health wise I will continue to train like a Boxer and pay attention to strengthening my legs so that I don't have another repeat of last October.
If this Dance class doesn't teach me anything, I will be pretty pissed off since I can use the time off to rest or work on some Art, but given that it'll give me a different level of exercise, it seems like the right thing to do.
Appearance wise, I have decided to NOT go for the dome look just yet. After getting one too many compliments this summer and the relatively easy amount of maintenance I have had to put in as of late the locks aren't really a hassle right now. I was really tempted by the idea of having loose long hair again, or maybe a short fro as a tribute to my dad and his brother back in the 70s, but after having that dream a couple months back seem too real, I realized I've gotten pretty attached to my mop look. LOL.
There is plenty more to write, but I've reached the end of part I.
I'll post part II in a few days or a week at most.
Signing off,
Hasta La Victoria Siempre.