Leon and Everything Else

[squeakywheel]

As most of you already know, Leon’s mom died last Wednesday. I don’t feel entitled to mourn her, as Leon and his family aren’t in my life anymore. It’s definitely a weird feeling, but it will pass. It was just a few minutes ago, really, when reading Leon’s latest LJ entry that I realized that I really have no business concerning myself with it

Comments

[sayvandalay]

Why would anyone be embarrassed to be seen with you?

[squeakywheel]

Because I'm porky.

[sayvandalay]

You don't look porky in the pics! You look like a totally normal size!

[squeakywheel]

Thank you! :):):)

[starlakitty]

i think you look great in your pics. i don't really remember ever thinking of you as being 'overweight' or whatever. you look fantastic! quit comparing yourself to all the freakishly thin european women over there. ;)

[squeakywheel]

You are sweet; thank you! :)

[bluepapermate]

I agree -- you look fantastic. Seriously.

[squeakywheel]

Thanks. :)

[neonleonb]

You don't need a pass to mourn her. You knew her, and she played a part in your life. What about my latest post suggested you weren't permitted to mourn?

Also, you do look good in those pictures, and it sounds like you have a good, busy life. Congrats!

[squeakywheel]

No, I'm just being bitter because you thanked Gwen of all people in your latest entry. Really? The girl who dumped you three days before your mom died deserves to be thanked? For what?

And thanks, Leon. Sorry I am as overemotional as I ever was.

[neonleonb]

Gwen was thanked in the post about trying to be less needy because she gave me advice on being more secure and less needy. So did Sam, Ruth, and Todd. In the past few days, I've had several conversations on how I should try to be more confident and less reliant on reassurance, and all those people's comments were in much the same vein, so I thanked them all.

[squeakywheel]

Is that why she broke up with you, then?

[clight]

Yours and Leon's conversation just described me to a T. I get that same compulsion - feel it coming and feel the physical symptoms. I send a text message I KNOW I'll regret the second I send it and then beat myself up for an hour or more after. Man.

And you do look great. I love that shirt. I can't imagine anyone being embarrassed to be seen with you.

[squeakywheel]

"I send a text message I KNOW I'll regret the second I send it and then beat myself up for an hour or more after. Man."

Yes!!!! I don't know why I do it; it's like I have no control over my actions. Or it makes me feel good for the moment I'm writing it but as soon as I hit send, I'm like, "WTF did I just do?!"

And thanks for the compliments. :)

[clight]

I still do this to people that don't even care. And then I feel compelled to send another text saying "Oh you know me, always emotional, haha!" Ugh. :)

[neonleonb]

Elephant Larry (a sketch comedy group) has some commentary on this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rq-THU2fBM

[letmeburyem]

I don’t feel entitled to mourn her, as Leon and his family aren’t in my life anymore. It’s definitely a weird feeling, but it will pass. It was just a few minutes ago, really, when reading Leon’s latest LJ entry that I realized that I really have no business concerning myself with it and so I will try not to.

Woah, when did Miss Manners release the rules on who is allowed to feel what? I need this information for my job!

Kate, you are entitled to feel whatever you want at any time, and you are certainly entitled to mourn a woman you respected and who was part of your life for six years. I've mourned people who have had substantially less impact in my life.

And by the way, you look awesome!