[SG-1 + Eureka] [Gen] [T] I've Never
Title: I’ve Never
Genre: Gen, Humor
Length: approx 1800 words
Rating: Teen
Pairings: light clone!Jack/clone!Sam
Credits: With grateful thanks to my SG-1, v. 2.0 beta-reading team, pixie_on_acid, daisycm83, and control_freak80.
Follows: Transitions
Summary: The clones celebrate their first night in their new home.
A/N: This is pure, unadulterated miniSG-1 fluff. (The next installment brings in the Eureka characters again.)
I’ve Never
Cameron hopped over the back of the sectional sofa, parking himself between Sam and Vala. On the other side of the semi-circular group of couches, Teal’c and Jack were absorbed with their Gameboys. Daniel was staring off into space. Cam couldn’t believe how calm they all were, how settled. “So, is everybody unpacked?”
“Uh-hunh,” Sam said distractedly. She was reading her Global Dynamics Employee Handbook, Volume One. No one else paid Cam any mind. Frustrated, he grabbed Sam’s book and tossed it.
“Hey!” Sam protested.
“You’re going to break the coffee table with that thing,” Jack warned.
Seeing he finally had their attention, Cam came to the point. “It’s Friday night.”
“Thanks for the update.” Sam reached for her book but Cam smacked her hand away.
“What is wrong with you people? It’s our first night of freedom, and except for checking in with ol’ Smokey, we have no obligations for two whole days. And in case it escaped your notice, we’re sixteen again! All except for you, Sir.” Jack grumbled at him to stop calling him ‘sir’, and Sam informed him that technically they weren’t sixteen ‘again’ since really they were only about a month old, but Cam was still talking. “We should do something. Something fun.”
Vala set down her trashy romance novel next to Sam’s gargantuan manual. “Now, that’s the first sensible thing anyone has said in days. I’m finally out of that horrid gray dungeon you people call the SGC and I’ve yet to see anything of your world. We should all go out-”
“Nope. Not gonna happen.” Jack cut her off mid-sentence. He’d seen enough of Vala in the last week to know he was going to have to rein her in early. “There’s no way we’re unleashing you on Eureka before we at least give the sheriff some idea of what he’s up against.”
“And not until you stop saying things like ‘your world,’” Daniel added.
“So we’ll have to do something here,” Cam conceded. “What can we do?”
“Maybe we could watch a movie.” Daniel reached for the remote and clicked on the television. “I checked the guide earlier and there’s a new documentary on that I’d like to see.”
“Boooooring,” Vala crooned. She grabbed for the remote but Daniel pulled it away.
“I must concur.” Teal’c set down his Gameboy and joined the conversation. “I do not believe that Daniel Jackson should be allowed to choose movies for the group. Ever.”
“I could really go for pizza, beer, and a movie where things blow up,” Cam interjected before Daniel could begin to argue.
“Yes, well, buying beer might be a problem when we look like this.” Daniel gestured around the group.
Sam stood up and began walking towards the first-floor bedrooms. “You all underestimate Jack.”
“Hey!” Jack vaulted over the back of the sofa to follow her. “That’s my stash!”
A minute later, Sam returned with a bottle of tequila and a scowling Jack trailing behind her.
Deciding that tequila didn’t really go with shrimp fra diavolo pizza or a fajita calzone (a discussion during which Jack and Cam groused over the apparent lack of ‘American’ food in Eureka), they decided to wait until after dinner to indulge. When they finished cleaning up, Cam returned from the kitchen with a stack of Dixie cups. “No shot glasses. I guess the DOD didn’t think we’d need any since we’re not technically old enough to drink.”
“Just pour,” Jack demanded, still unhappy about sharing his secret store. It wasn’t going to be easy to come by more.
Cam obliged, laying out six cups in a neat row and carefully pouring a finger of tequila into each. “How about a game?” The suggestion was met with a resounding lack of enthusiasm. “C’mon. Think of it like a team bonding exercise.”
“What game?” Sam asked, and Cam took that as unanimous consent.
“Great! How about I’ve Never?” Turning to Teal’c and Vala, he explained the rules. “When it’s your turn, you say something you’ve never done. Anyone who has done it has to drink. If no one has done it, then you have to drink.”
“But how do you win? And is there a prize?” Vala asked.
Cam slid a cup across the table to her. “You win by being the last one to get thoroughly smashed. The prize is that we all get to drink Jack’s booze. I’ll start. I have never… had a symbiote.”
Teal’c, Vala, and Jack all drank, but Sam didn’t. Cam slid her cup closer. “Cheating already, Sam?”
“Nope. I have never had a symbiote. Colonel Carter did, but I didn’t. It’s not my fault if you failed to identify the fundamental flaw in this game.”
“Alright, Little Miss Technicality. New rule: Anything you remember doing counts, even if it wasn’t really you.”
Sam rolled her eyes and drank. Cam took the cups back and poured again. “Teal’c. You’re next.”
“I have never been to Disneyland.”
Cam laughed as he reached for his cup. “Is that a goal for you, Big Guy?”
Teal’c wore what, for him, passed for a smile. “I would like to see Space Mountain.”
“Where is this Disneyland?” Vala asked. “Is it part of America?”
Daniel smiled at Teal’c. “I think I know where we’re going on vacation.”
“Vala, it’s your turn.”
“I’ve never lived on Earth outside the SGC.” Everyone else drank as Vala smiled smugly. “This game is too easy.”
“Don’t count on it,” Daniel replied, not even waiting for Cam to finish refilling the other’s cups before he took his turn. “I’ve never worn a leather bustier.”
“Your loss, darling,” Vala quipped as she drank. “It really does wonders for one’s figure.”
Sam took no time coming up with her challenge. “I have never been married.” To her surprise, everyone drank. “Cam?”
“Vegas, drunken weekend, annulment. That’s the whole story.” Cam poured another round. “Your turn, Sir. Sorry, sorry - Jack. It’s going to be hard to get used to that. The General was kind of a hero for me.”
“It’s hard for me to believe he agreed to be a general.” Jack spun his cup between his palms thoughtfully, then smirked at Cam. “I have never admired General Jack O’Neill.”
“Low blow, Sir!” Cam exclaimed, as he Teal’c, Sam, and Daniel reached for their cups. Jack grinned. Meanwhile, Vala looked him up and down suggestively.
“How do you define ‘admire’?”
Daniel sighed. “Is it possible that Baal made her worse?”
“I’m only having fun, Daniel.” Vala petted his shoulder. “You needn’t be jealous.”
“My turn!” Cam called out, keeping the game on track. “I have never traveled through time.”
Two more rounds, half a bottle, and a snack break later, Cameron was way ahead of the game. He had managed to add fuel to the fire of Daniel and Vala’s competition with a few well-placed barbs, and even set Jack against Teal’c. When Cam came out with “I’ve never been resurrected from the dead,” on the heels of “I’ve never had my consciousness swapped,” Sam caught on to the reason he had picked this particular game.
“Forget about taking on Vala,” Sam told Daniel in the kitchen. “We’ve got to team up on Cam. He’s playing dirty.”
“What do you mean?” Jack asked.
“Mitchell has read the file on every mission SG-1 has ever had,” Daniel explained. “He’s a fan.”
Jack raised an eyebrow at Sam. “Using what you know about the other players is sort of the point.”
“Yes, but how often do you know that many strange things that people have done as a group? It’s one thing to be able to take down one or two of the people in the game, but he’s managing to stick it to all four of us at once. I say we go on the offensive.”
Jack tossed an arm around her shoulder. “You’re beautiful when you’re ruthless, Carter.”
Sam’s expression was somewhere between pleased and exasperated. “Jack!”
“Carter?” He gave her his best expression of innocence - something that was much more effective as a 19-year-old than it had been as an adult.
“Not the time!” she huffed.
“When exactly will the time be?” Jack said suggestively, enjoying winding her up.
Daniel scrunched up his face in mock disdain. “Hello! Yeah, I’m still here. Can we just stick to planning a strategy, please?”
Daniel turned out to be useless in carrying out the strategy; after one more tequila shot, he was giggling like a loon and saying he’d never done things like brushing his teeth or dancing like an Egyptian. Jack insisted they cut Daniel out of the game at that point, but the resulting distraction when Daniel began to demonstrate for Teal’c and Vala how to “walk like an Egyptian” gave Sam time to feed Jack more details.
Sam began with “I have never spent a whole summer at my grandmother’s house.” Jack followed with “I have never been nicknamed after an engine part.”
Cam came back with “I have never been a character on Wormhole X-treme.”
Teal’c caught on to Sam’s plan with all his usual perception, somberly intoning, “I have never done battle with a holographic knight.”
“Oh, Teal’c! Brother! That hurts.” Cam pressed a hand over his heart. “Those two I expected to gang up on me, but you?”
“Hey, I ganged up too!” Daniel protested with something resembling a pout. He was too far gone to ensure the full cooperation of his face.
“We’re only leveling the playing field, Mitchell,” Jack smirked.
“Excuse me.” When Vala used the phrase, it was with a note of demand, rather than apology. “I believe it’s my turn.” When she had everyone’s attention, Vala announced “I have never kissed an Unas.” She looked around at the perplexed faces. “No one? Good. Then I finally get to drink. You’ve shut me out for this entire round.”
Cam snorted and it was like a levee broke. He, Sam, and Daniel dissolved into laughter. Even Teal’c looked amused.
Vala, clearly pleased with herself, asked “Does this mean I win?”
“I think it does.” Jack snatched the bottle from the table and tightened the cap, heading for his room.
“You just want to horde the rest of the booze,” Cam called after him.
Jack turned back, clutching the bottle to his side. “I’ve got three years, three inches, and at least fifty pounds of muscle on you right now, kid. Do I need to remind you who is in charge around here?”
Cam grinned and tossed off a sloppy salute. “No, Sir.” After Jack was gone, Cam turned to Vala and whispered, “I think he wins.”
The End
Genre: Gen, Humor
Length: approx 1800 words
Rating: Teen
Pairings: light clone!Jack/clone!Sam
Credits: With grateful thanks to my SG-1, v. 2.0 beta-reading team, pixie_on_acid, daisycm83, and control_freak80.
Follows: Transitions
Summary: The clones celebrate their first night in their new home.
A/N: This is pure, unadulterated miniSG-1 fluff. (The next installment brings in the Eureka characters again.)
I’ve Never
Cameron hopped over the back of the sectional sofa, parking himself between Sam and Vala. On the other side of the semi-circular group of couches, Teal’c and Jack were absorbed with their Gameboys. Daniel was staring off into space. Cam couldn’t believe how calm they all were, how settled. “So, is everybody unpacked?”
“Uh-hunh,” Sam said distractedly. She was reading her Global Dynamics Employee Handbook, Volume One. No one else paid Cam any mind. Frustrated, he grabbed Sam’s book and tossed it.
“Hey!” Sam protested.
“You’re going to break the coffee table with that thing,” Jack warned.
Seeing he finally had their attention, Cam came to the point. “It’s Friday night.”
“Thanks for the update.” Sam reached for her book but Cam smacked her hand away.
“What is wrong with you people? It’s our first night of freedom, and except for checking in with ol’ Smokey, we have no obligations for two whole days. And in case it escaped your notice, we’re sixteen again! All except for you, Sir.” Jack grumbled at him to stop calling him ‘sir’, and Sam informed him that technically they weren’t sixteen ‘again’ since really they were only about a month old, but Cam was still talking. “We should do something. Something fun.”
Vala set down her trashy romance novel next to Sam’s gargantuan manual. “Now, that’s the first sensible thing anyone has said in days. I’m finally out of that horrid gray dungeon you people call the SGC and I’ve yet to see anything of your world. We should all go out-”
“Nope. Not gonna happen.” Jack cut her off mid-sentence. He’d seen enough of Vala in the last week to know he was going to have to rein her in early. “There’s no way we’re unleashing you on Eureka before we at least give the sheriff some idea of what he’s up against.”
“And not until you stop saying things like ‘your world,’” Daniel added.
“So we’ll have to do something here,” Cam conceded. “What can we do?”
“Maybe we could watch a movie.” Daniel reached for the remote and clicked on the television. “I checked the guide earlier and there’s a new documentary on that I’d like to see.”
“Boooooring,” Vala crooned. She grabbed for the remote but Daniel pulled it away.
“I must concur.” Teal’c set down his Gameboy and joined the conversation. “I do not believe that Daniel Jackson should be allowed to choose movies for the group. Ever.”
“I could really go for pizza, beer, and a movie where things blow up,” Cam interjected before Daniel could begin to argue.
“Yes, well, buying beer might be a problem when we look like this.” Daniel gestured around the group.
Sam stood up and began walking towards the first-floor bedrooms. “You all underestimate Jack.”
“Hey!” Jack vaulted over the back of the sofa to follow her. “That’s my stash!”
A minute later, Sam returned with a bottle of tequila and a scowling Jack trailing behind her.
Deciding that tequila didn’t really go with shrimp fra diavolo pizza or a fajita calzone (a discussion during which Jack and Cam groused over the apparent lack of ‘American’ food in Eureka), they decided to wait until after dinner to indulge. When they finished cleaning up, Cam returned from the kitchen with a stack of Dixie cups. “No shot glasses. I guess the DOD didn’t think we’d need any since we’re not technically old enough to drink.”
“Just pour,” Jack demanded, still unhappy about sharing his secret store. It wasn’t going to be easy to come by more.
Cam obliged, laying out six cups in a neat row and carefully pouring a finger of tequila into each. “How about a game?” The suggestion was met with a resounding lack of enthusiasm. “C’mon. Think of it like a team bonding exercise.”
“What game?” Sam asked, and Cam took that as unanimous consent.
“Great! How about I’ve Never?” Turning to Teal’c and Vala, he explained the rules. “When it’s your turn, you say something you’ve never done. Anyone who has done it has to drink. If no one has done it, then you have to drink.”
“But how do you win? And is there a prize?” Vala asked.
Cam slid a cup across the table to her. “You win by being the last one to get thoroughly smashed. The prize is that we all get to drink Jack’s booze. I’ll start. I have never… had a symbiote.”
Teal’c, Vala, and Jack all drank, but Sam didn’t. Cam slid her cup closer. “Cheating already, Sam?”
“Nope. I have never had a symbiote. Colonel Carter did, but I didn’t. It’s not my fault if you failed to identify the fundamental flaw in this game.”
“Alright, Little Miss Technicality. New rule: Anything you remember doing counts, even if it wasn’t really you.”
Sam rolled her eyes and drank. Cam took the cups back and poured again. “Teal’c. You’re next.”
“I have never been to Disneyland.”
Cam laughed as he reached for his cup. “Is that a goal for you, Big Guy?”
Teal’c wore what, for him, passed for a smile. “I would like to see Space Mountain.”
“Where is this Disneyland?” Vala asked. “Is it part of America?”
Daniel smiled at Teal’c. “I think I know where we’re going on vacation.”
“Vala, it’s your turn.”
“I’ve never lived on Earth outside the SGC.” Everyone else drank as Vala smiled smugly. “This game is too easy.”
“Don’t count on it,” Daniel replied, not even waiting for Cam to finish refilling the other’s cups before he took his turn. “I’ve never worn a leather bustier.”
“Your loss, darling,” Vala quipped as she drank. “It really does wonders for one’s figure.”
Sam took no time coming up with her challenge. “I have never been married.” To her surprise, everyone drank. “Cam?”
“Vegas, drunken weekend, annulment. That’s the whole story.” Cam poured another round. “Your turn, Sir. Sorry, sorry - Jack. It’s going to be hard to get used to that. The General was kind of a hero for me.”
“It’s hard for me to believe he agreed to be a general.” Jack spun his cup between his palms thoughtfully, then smirked at Cam. “I have never admired General Jack O’Neill.”
“Low blow, Sir!” Cam exclaimed, as he Teal’c, Sam, and Daniel reached for their cups. Jack grinned. Meanwhile, Vala looked him up and down suggestively.
“How do you define ‘admire’?”
Daniel sighed. “Is it possible that Baal made her worse?”
“I’m only having fun, Daniel.” Vala petted his shoulder. “You needn’t be jealous.”
“My turn!” Cam called out, keeping the game on track. “I have never traveled through time.”
Two more rounds, half a bottle, and a snack break later, Cameron was way ahead of the game. He had managed to add fuel to the fire of Daniel and Vala’s competition with a few well-placed barbs, and even set Jack against Teal’c. When Cam came out with “I’ve never been resurrected from the dead,” on the heels of “I’ve never had my consciousness swapped,” Sam caught on to the reason he had picked this particular game.
“Forget about taking on Vala,” Sam told Daniel in the kitchen. “We’ve got to team up on Cam. He’s playing dirty.”
“What do you mean?” Jack asked.
“Mitchell has read the file on every mission SG-1 has ever had,” Daniel explained. “He’s a fan.”
Jack raised an eyebrow at Sam. “Using what you know about the other players is sort of the point.”
“Yes, but how often do you know that many strange things that people have done as a group? It’s one thing to be able to take down one or two of the people in the game, but he’s managing to stick it to all four of us at once. I say we go on the offensive.”
Jack tossed an arm around her shoulder. “You’re beautiful when you’re ruthless, Carter.”
Sam’s expression was somewhere between pleased and exasperated. “Jack!”
“Carter?” He gave her his best expression of innocence - something that was much more effective as a 19-year-old than it had been as an adult.
“Not the time!” she huffed.
“When exactly will the time be?” Jack said suggestively, enjoying winding her up.
Daniel scrunched up his face in mock disdain. “Hello! Yeah, I’m still here. Can we just stick to planning a strategy, please?”
Daniel turned out to be useless in carrying out the strategy; after one more tequila shot, he was giggling like a loon and saying he’d never done things like brushing his teeth or dancing like an Egyptian. Jack insisted they cut Daniel out of the game at that point, but the resulting distraction when Daniel began to demonstrate for Teal’c and Vala how to “walk like an Egyptian” gave Sam time to feed Jack more details.
Sam began with “I have never spent a whole summer at my grandmother’s house.” Jack followed with “I have never been nicknamed after an engine part.”
Cam came back with “I have never been a character on Wormhole X-treme.”
Teal’c caught on to Sam’s plan with all his usual perception, somberly intoning, “I have never done battle with a holographic knight.”
“Oh, Teal’c! Brother! That hurts.” Cam pressed a hand over his heart. “Those two I expected to gang up on me, but you?”
“Hey, I ganged up too!” Daniel protested with something resembling a pout. He was too far gone to ensure the full cooperation of his face.
“We’re only leveling the playing field, Mitchell,” Jack smirked.
“Excuse me.” When Vala used the phrase, it was with a note of demand, rather than apology. “I believe it’s my turn.” When she had everyone’s attention, Vala announced “I have never kissed an Unas.” She looked around at the perplexed faces. “No one? Good. Then I finally get to drink. You’ve shut me out for this entire round.”
Cam snorted and it was like a levee broke. He, Sam, and Daniel dissolved into laughter. Even Teal’c looked amused.
Vala, clearly pleased with herself, asked “Does this mean I win?”
“I think it does.” Jack snatched the bottle from the table and tightened the cap, heading for his room.
“You just want to horde the rest of the booze,” Cam called after him.
Jack turned back, clutching the bottle to his side. “I’ve got three years, three inches, and at least fifty pounds of muscle on you right now, kid. Do I need to remind you who is in charge around here?”
Cam grinned and tossed off a sloppy salute. “No, Sir.” After Jack was gone, Cam turned to Vala and whispered, “I think he wins.”
The End