Insanity
The last week has been a blur of drinking and socializing with "old friends" and new people. All of them connected to me through either high school or Starbucks. I have been moving apprehensivly through a maze of people and ideas that universally have nothing to do with who I like, what I like, and mentally/emotionally where I come from. I have been thrown into the well intentioned but no less horrifing lion's den of normals. I feel like I live in the world and I like what I like. Rarely does moral or asthetic judgements come into play. That is unless there is something that "those lame people" are really into at the moment, like Survivor or Fall Out Boy. Through my apparent good nature and throughtfulness I am forming miss-shapen birth defects of friendships with people that I either like(ish) but have NOTHING in common with, or that I don't really like at all but remain friendly to because it is work.
What I have come to discover is that for these odd folk the line between work and home is severly blurred. Maybe that is just what the adult world is like but they are tight knit. As such they all (or nearly all anyway) want to weave me into their social fabric. This cloth may be warm and comforting to people who's oppinions are dictated by top fourty radio and probably, gag, MTV but to me it is something more like a quilt sewn together with barb wire. Barb wire is fun to poke with your finger and lightly wrap your hand around, but it is not somthing that you want slowly constricting your whole body. Some people maybe....but even then I bet not in a daily interpersonal way.
I do not want to be judgemental and suprior to anyone. Many of these people have their own appartments, successful collage careers and so on and so on. All the things I am not diciplined enough yet to achieve. What a price they seem to have paid for it. They are every person you knew in school that thought smart was a four letter word. They could only name Vincent van Gogh if you said, "you know...the ear guy...cut off his ear." They have different priorities would be the nice way of saying it.
This unconfortable process continues to draw me in, like a gigantic ant lion. No matter what I do my friendlyness and urge to please my superiors forces my feet further down the funnel...to the jaws of something. This all crecendoed last night in an incident I do not have the energy to relate at this time. Maybe its the fact that I got called into work...very very busy work...on my MUCH NEEDED day off so I am working on 10 hours total sleep over the last three days, and as a reward for my diligence I got a pewter coffee mug lapel pin, the Cup Award, (former Starbucks employees will know this one) for being willing to work when other people don't. (Essentially I am getting recognition for being able to do work, like an honorable mention at the grade school science fair of life.) My other award is not say.....some sleep but the great privalage of going to work at 4:45am tommorrow, at the end of which I get to seethe around in harsh cleaning agents on the floor for two and a half hours. Fucking goddamm!!! Have I not earned a small break here, anything? Finding a five dollor bill in the gutter would be enough to cheer me up.
Wanna know somthing that pissed me off?
I have a friend named Sissy. She JUST, like days ago, had a baby. She wanted me to come see him and I did. I was excited and greatful for the privalage. Durring the visit I was (basically) kidnapped and taken on a two hour shopping trip to Babies R Us in Marin City. I bought little Avery Vengence (actual first and middle names) a neat outfit with a teddy in a rocket. It was gratefully accepted. This was three days ago. This evening I logged onto myspace to find the folling pair of communications.
I had recently posted a bullitan about about how much Gogol Bordello kicks ass, I get the folling message about it. This from some one who owns more than eight Good Charlotte posters and is a little (LOT) obsessed with My Chemical Romance. (She also LOVES! Motley Crew):
actual e-mail
"alan....sometimes you remind me of like, say the music world is one giant game of bowling, you are definitly part of the bowling team and are in the game, we even give you a shirt with your mane on it so your even more a part of the team, but your the guy on the team that still uses the bumpers and we all cheer on and love, even tho sometimes he is a bit slow and never hits a pin. but i mean this is the best possible way... "
Then, I read this comment, posted two minutes after the precedign e-mail was sent.
actual web-comment:
"Avery loves his outfit.. its Out of This World, at least thats what he told me to tell you. hes all about bears in rocket ships. "
I doubt that this post will ever reach her. Normally I would fret about offending someone who I really enjoy but in this case I think it would be deserved. Think about it.
the short version
Your taste in music is retarded but we like you anyway. Also, thanks for the neat baby clothes. We really like them.
What I have come to discover is that for these odd folk the line between work and home is severly blurred. Maybe that is just what the adult world is like but they are tight knit. As such they all (or nearly all anyway) want to weave me into their social fabric. This cloth may be warm and comforting to people who's oppinions are dictated by top fourty radio and probably, gag, MTV but to me it is something more like a quilt sewn together with barb wire. Barb wire is fun to poke with your finger and lightly wrap your hand around, but it is not somthing that you want slowly constricting your whole body. Some people maybe....but even then I bet not in a daily interpersonal way.
I do not want to be judgemental and suprior to anyone. Many of these people have their own appartments, successful collage careers and so on and so on. All the things I am not diciplined enough yet to achieve. What a price they seem to have paid for it. They are every person you knew in school that thought smart was a four letter word. They could only name Vincent van Gogh if you said, "you know...the ear guy...cut off his ear." They have different priorities would be the nice way of saying it.
This unconfortable process continues to draw me in, like a gigantic ant lion. No matter what I do my friendlyness and urge to please my superiors forces my feet further down the funnel...to the jaws of something. This all crecendoed last night in an incident I do not have the energy to relate at this time. Maybe its the fact that I got called into work...very very busy work...on my MUCH NEEDED day off so I am working on 10 hours total sleep over the last three days, and as a reward for my diligence I got a pewter coffee mug lapel pin, the Cup Award, (former Starbucks employees will know this one) for being willing to work when other people don't. (Essentially I am getting recognition for being able to do work, like an honorable mention at the grade school science fair of life.) My other award is not say.....some sleep but the great privalage of going to work at 4:45am tommorrow, at the end of which I get to seethe around in harsh cleaning agents on the floor for two and a half hours. Fucking goddamm!!! Have I not earned a small break here, anything? Finding a five dollor bill in the gutter would be enough to cheer me up.
Wanna know somthing that pissed me off?
I have a friend named Sissy. She JUST, like days ago, had a baby. She wanted me to come see him and I did. I was excited and greatful for the privalage. Durring the visit I was (basically) kidnapped and taken on a two hour shopping trip to Babies R Us in Marin City. I bought little Avery Vengence (actual first and middle names) a neat outfit with a teddy in a rocket. It was gratefully accepted. This was three days ago. This evening I logged onto myspace to find the folling pair of communications.
I had recently posted a bullitan about about how much Gogol Bordello kicks ass, I get the folling message about it. This from some one who owns more than eight Good Charlotte posters and is a little (LOT) obsessed with My Chemical Romance. (She also LOVES! Motley Crew):
actual e-mail
"alan....sometimes you remind me of like, say the music world is one giant game of bowling, you are definitly part of the bowling team and are in the game, we even give you a shirt with your mane on it so your even more a part of the team, but your the guy on the team that still uses the bumpers and we all cheer on and love, even tho sometimes he is a bit slow and never hits a pin. but i mean this is the best possible way... "
Then, I read this comment, posted two minutes after the precedign e-mail was sent.
actual web-comment:
"Avery loves his outfit.. its Out of This World, at least thats what he told me to tell you. hes all about bears in rocket ships. "
I doubt that this post will ever reach her. Normally I would fret about offending someone who I really enjoy but in this case I think it would be deserved. Think about it.
the short version
Your taste in music is retarded but we like you anyway. Also, thanks for the neat baby clothes. We really like them.