[ ooc; contact/concrit ]
[nick / name]: Faith
[personal LJ name]: varooooom
[other characters currently played]: N/A
[e-mail]: saucesome [at] yahoo [dot] com
[AIM / messenger]: [AIM] xxsaucesomexx
[plurk]: varooooom
[series]: Supernatural
[character]: Sam Winchester
[character history / background]: Wiki~
[character abilities]: First and foremost, Sam is an excellent hunter. Both he and his brother Dean were trained by their father all throughout their childhood. As a result of this, he is proficient with guns, knives, stakes - you name it, he can probably use it or figure out a way to. He’s also good at picking locks, hot wiring cars, jumping over fences, hiding from the cops, covering his tracks. We’ll just say he’s a well trained criminal. Sam is highly educated in ancient lore, religious beliefs, and demonology. When he and Dean face a new monster, he is usually the first to identify it, either through the extensive research he does for each case or by listening to witness statement or seeing the thing itself. He can be considered the brains of the duo, but should never be underestimated in a fight.
Sam’s most significant abilities, however, are the psychic abilities given to him by the yellow-eyed demon feeding him demon blood as a child. Throughout the first season, he only has visions of future events and shows one case of telekinesis. In the fourth season, the demon Ruby helps Sam develop these powers further by giving him her blood and training him to use his powers against demons. He gains full control over telekinesis, exorcising demons, and at one point kills a demon, but can only use these powers by drinking demon blood. Ruby claims that this is all for the sake of killing the demon Lilith that killed Dean, which he does eventually do. However, this ends up being the final seal to releasing Lucifer and beginning the apocalypse. Stricken with guilt and with Dean losing faith and trust in him, Sam vows never to drink demon blood and use his powers again, though he is often tempted to do so.
[character personality]: Sam is a very…complicated boy. He never had the blind faith in his father that Dean did and cursed him for leaving them as a child. When he was around, he was teaching them how to kill monsters rather than playing ball or taking care of them. Sam constantly fought with the man and eventually walked out of the house to go off to college, losing connection with him and Dean for several years. Even after he joins Dean’s efforts to find their dad, he questions his authority and finds it hard to believe everything he says. It’s in this way that he can be very stubborn when it comes to something he believes strongly in, or in this case, does not believe in. Another example of his stubbornness is with the demon blood and his powers: he truly believes that using them will help him exact revenge and kill the bitch demon that killed his brother and, despite Dean practically begging him to stop, he continues with it until it is too late.
On that note, Sam’s judgment is sometimes very skewed. Unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t always view the world in black or white; he believes there are many shades of grey in between. When given reason to believe something that is supposed to be evil is good, he hesitates to kill it and even makes an effort to protect it. Two cases of this are the vampire coven that survived off of animal blood rather than human blood and the demon Ruby who repeatedly saved his life to prove that she was on their side. On the first count, he was right to help the vampires escape the hunter Gordon, as they really meant no harm to humans. On the second, however, he was very wrong, as Ruby’s only goal was to help Lilith open the last seal to release Lucifer from his prison in Hell. Sam was completely convinced that she was good and even went so far as to abandon Dean, choosing a demon over his own brother. Sam makes several mistakes throughout the entire series and spends the rest of the time trying to make up for them, a task that is damn near impossible.
His brother Dean is the most important person in his life and he is struggling to regain Dean's trust. Though Sam found it difficult to follow his father's orders, he is incredibly loyal to Dean and would follow him to the ends of the earth in a heartbeat. His loyalty can falter, as shown with Ruby, but he honestly believed he was doing the right thing and is now willing to do anything in his power and beyond to make things better between them again. Their codependency is their greatest weakness and the creatures they fight constantly use this against them. Just like his brother, Sam is more than willing to die for Dean and goes to endless lengths to protect him.
Unlike his brother, however, Sam is much more sensitive and compassionate. He empathizes with the people they meet and the creatures they kill in a way that Dean either hides very well or just doesn't do at all. He's also much more open about things and often wants to talk things out, which leads Dean to making fun of him for being a girl. At the same time, Sam hides a lot from his brother when he thinks it's for the best. He's usually wrong; Dean almost always finds out and gets angry which, naturally, doesn't help the trust thing. But Dean hides just as many things from Sam, and Sam works hard to get those things out of him so that they don't bottle up. In one episode, Dean mocks the way Sam does this, saying that he's so girly that he just sobs all day telling everyone that everything will be okay and it's alright to be hurt. Sam is loathe to Dean's mockery but he can't deny all of it. He really does talk about emotions all the time.
The last notable thing about Sam's personality is his massive amount of rage. Sam has a hidden wrath inside him that he can't really explain. It's be plenty easy to blame it on the demon blood inside him, Ruby, Lilith, Azazel, or anyone and anything at all, really, but something tells him that it's no one's fault but his own. When he gets mad, he gets uncontrollably mad, sometimes to the point of nearly hurting someone innocent. Everyone can see this rage, and Lucifer comments on it, saying that he'll need it with he takes over his body. It is because of these reasons that Sam tries to control his anger - he doesn't want to become Lucifer's puppet. But no matter how much Dean tells him otherwise, Sam is afraid that he really is evil deep down and thinks the world may really have a better chance of surviving if he is dead.
[point in timeline you're picking your character from]: Near the end of 5x16, right after Joshua zaps them back into their bodies.
[journal post]:
[ Accidental Video ]
[The video feed starts with a bloodied up Sam laying on the ground in the fountain. At first, he is unmoving but then he suddenly sits up with a gasp just as the water starts up and rinses off the dried blood. He looks around wildly with heavy breaths, grabbing at the little holes in his shirt where the blood used to be. With a raspy voice, he calls out to his MIA brother]
Dean? Dean!
[Obviously he's not back at the motel, but it doesn't look like heaven - it's no memory of his. He gets to his feet awkwardly and walks up to the nearest passer-by.]
Ecxuse me, miss? Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? I need to--
Why don't you go read the guide? Or go to the Welcome Center. Just find someone that actually cares!
[Sam blinks in surprise as the woman walks away mumbling something about "those damned new comers". Rather than wasting time getting upset though, he just shakes his head and sighs.]
Well then. I guess I'll look for the Welcome Center.
[It's just as he's about to walk away that he notices the device on the floor and picks it up curiously. There's silence and a nice view of his " as he observes the thing for a second. He doesn't like being recorded, City. :<] Huh. [Click!]
[third person / log sample]:
Hope was such a fleeting concept that Sam wasn't sure if it ever really existed at all. He'd seen so much, been through so much, and somehow managed to scrape his way out of every single horrible situation, albeit by tooth and nail. Yet no matter how many people he saved or demons he killed, it seemed like he was always only desperately clinging to the idea of hope. How many times had he and his brother been killed in the past few years? How often had they found a glimmer of light, only for it to be snuffed out only seconds later? Dean was already losing hope and Sam was beginning to lose the stubborn determination that had gotten him this far.
As they listened to Joshua deliver God's message of abandonment, Sam couldn't stop the sinking feeling that is desolation. They were out of options and looking to the Creator as their final resort - and it was all for naught. When Azazel killed Sam's father, he had to keep faith in his teachings that said evil must be purged from this world. When Lilith ripped his brother to shreds and dragged him to Hell, he had to keep faith that he would be able to stay strong and keep living without him, fighting the good fight. When he lost himself in the demon blood and virtually ended the world, he had to keep faith that he and Dean would put a stop to it and earn both his redemption and humanity. But how long can one stay faithful when God Himself says He does not care?
Had Dean not been there, Sam might have lost control of himself. The anger and frustration and desperation that laid within him might have boiled forth to lash out at Joshua, God and all of Heaven and Hell. But Dean was there beside him, and he knew all those emotions dwelled within his brother as well. No, he couldn't lose his cool, not when Dean was already so close to the edge. Sam had absolutely no clue what they could possibly do to save the world but for Dean's sake, he had to believe. For Dean's sake, he had to stay strong to push them both forward to fight the good fight. For Dean's sake, he had to find a way to stop Lucifer without offering up either of their bodies as vessels and losing their humanity. For both of their sakes, and in order to keep moving, Sam had to become Dean's hope.
So when Joshua delivered his splendid news and Dean was the one to react, Sam wasn't so much surprised as dismayed. He knew Dean was at his wit's end here, and it was hard to see him like this. He had been the one to pull him out of all the slumps he'd fallen into as a result of Jess's death, John's death, and all the other terrible things that happened every Tuesday. Sam had always had a stronger sense of faith than Dean, but Dean had always been the one with a stubborn sort of determination - the one that somehow found the strength to pick himself up off the ground and still lend a hand to Sam; the one that never let Sam give up when he got frustrated; the big brother that Sam had always looked up to and idolized. Yet before him he stood, arguing with Joshua, cursing God, and so very near giving up.
And then came the guilt. If one were to try to make a list of all the things Sam felt guilty about, they'd begin to find that nice shiny bullet more and more friendly before getting halfway through it. All the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt - and all of it was his own fault. Dean was the one that told him that he was wrong, that there was nothing he could have done and that he shouldn't blame himself for everything. All the times that he'd saved him, and still Sam let him down. Even God was disappointed in him now; even God had given up on him. Dean's irritation and lack of patience didn't surprise him, it only hurt him. His brother had once been so strong and he knew that his growing weakness was partially his fault.
Had he been the same person a year or so ago, Sam might've followed Dean's footsteps and thrown in the towel. But his months without Dean there and all the things that forced him to stand on his own two feet helped him grow up. Despite how much he hated admitting it, Ruby helped him find a sense of independence. Sam was stronger now, and no longer had to agree with his brother's every thought and belief. He had grown past the helpless little brother always looking to his elder sibling to save him. No, now he was strong enough to save himself - and his brother. God may have abandoned them but Sam would never leave Dean's side, not again. Never again. He knew Dean was going to be upset and was going to give in, but that meant so very little now. Sam had the strength to keep his own faith in he and his brother's abilities, the strength to fight this thing until the day he died. When Dean tries to wave the white flag like Sam knew he would, he would be there to burn the thing to the ground. There was no way Sam was giving up, and there was no way he would let Dean give up.
As long as Sam had faith in Dean, they would keep fighting. Dean was always Sam's hope - now it was his turn.
Character name: Sam Winchester
Genre (TV/books/etc): TV
Fandom: Supernatural
Birthday (if applicable): May 02, 1983
Canon point: 5.22 Swan Song, right before Lucifer jumps Sam's bones.
Why this Character and Canon point?: The reason I play Sam is because, as far as Supernatural goes, he is the most complex character out there. The entire series can be seen as his attempt to find the line between right and wrong, good and evil, and though he always has good intentions, it's not always easy for him to distinguish between the two. This makes him a fantastic character to play, because I can explore every aspect of his personality, from the emotional and heroic side to the darker and more questionable side, as well as everything in the middle.
As for why I chose this particular canon point, it's mostly because of where Taxon's Dean is set. I wanted to get as close as possible to that point without actually bringing Lucifer into the city, because that just creates a whole world of trouble. It's complicated. It's also the high point if tension in the season, which gives him motivation to get home rather than idling around the planet from the get go. Upon being brought to Taxon, Sam will very likely panic, just a little, because not only is the Devil suddenly gone but so is his brother and their attempt to stop the Apocalypse. The only thing he'll want is to find Dean and regroup to figure out what to do.
Programmed Possession: Dean's amulet, that Sam gave him for Christmas in 1991.
Abilities/Weaknesses: First and foremost, Sam is an excellent hunter. Both he and his brother Dean were trained by their father all throughout their childhood. As a result of this, he is proficient with guns, knives, stakes - you name it, he can probably use it or figure out a way to. He’s also good at picking locks, hot wiring cars, jumping over fences, hiding from the cops, covering his tracks. We’ll just say he’s a well trained criminal. Sam is highly educated in ancient lore, religious beliefs, and demonology. When he and Dean face a new monster, he is usually the first to identify it, either through the extensive research he does for each case or by listening to witness statement or seeing the thing itself. He can be considered the brains of the duo, but should never be underestimated in a fight.
Sam also gains a set of psychic abilities after imbibing demon blood, which he drank in massive quantities just before the canon point I chose. These abilities include telekinesis, exorcising demons, torturing demons, killing demons, and resistance to demonic abilities. However, he only ever has these powers when he drinks the blood, and only drank blood in Swan Song to support Lucifer's presence in his body. Once it works its way out of his bloodstream, Sam will no longer have them.
As far as weaknesses go, Sam only really has emotional ones. The most obvious is Dean. It's practically the Winchester Way to go to unreasonable lengths for each other, and Sam would die for Dean in a heartbeat, and vice versa. Their enemies are not above using this fact against them. His sympathetic and considerate nature is both a strength and a weakness, because he connects with people on a level Dean doesn't but it can also cloud his judgment at times. All part of that trying to figure out the best course of action thing.
Psychology/Personality: Sam is a very…complicated boy. He never had the blind faith in his father that Dean did and cursed him for leaving them as a child. When he was around, he was teaching them how to kill monsters rather than playing ball or taking care of them. Sam constantly fought with the man and eventually walked out of the house to go off to college, losing connection with him and Dean for several years. Even after he joined Dean’s efforts to find their dad, he questioned his authority and found it hard to believe everything he said. It’s in this way that he can be very stubborn when it comes to something he believes strongly in, or in this case, does not believe in. Another example of his stubbornness is with the demon blood and his powers: he truly believed that using them would help him exact revenge and kill the bitch demon that killed his brother and, despite Dean practically begging him to stop, he continued with it until it was too late.
On that note, Sam’s judgment is sometimes very skewed. Unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t always view the world in black or white; he believes there are many shades of grey in between. When given reason to believe something that is supposed to be evil is good, he hesitates to kill it and even makes an effort to protect it. Two cases of this are the vampire coven that survived off of animal blood rather than human blood and the demon Ruby who repeatedly saved his life to prove that she was on their side. On the first count, he was right to help the vampires escape the hunter Gordon, as they really meant no harm to humans. On the second, however, he was very wrong, as Ruby’s only goal was to help Lilith open the last seal to release Lucifer from his prison in Hell. Sam was completely convinced that she was good and even went so far as to abandon Dean, choosing a demon over his own brother. Sam makes several mistakes throughout the entire series and spends the rest of the time trying to make up for them, a task that is damn near impossible.
His brother Dean is the most important person in his life and he is struggling to regain Dean's trust. Though Sam found it difficult to follow his father's orders, he is incredibly loyal to Dean and would follow him to the ends of the earth without question. His loyalty can falter, as shown with Ruby, but he honestly believed he was doing the right thing and is now willing to do anything in his power and beyond to make things better between them.
Unlike his brother, however, Sam is much more sensitive and compassionate. He empathizes with the people they meet and the creatures they kill in a way that Dean either hides very well or just doesn't do at all. He's also much more open about things and often wants to talk things out, which leads Dean to making fun of him for being a girl. At the same time, Sam hides a lot from his brother when he thinks it's for the best. He's usually wrong; Dean almost always finds out and gets angry which, naturally, doesn't help the trust thing. But Dean hides just as many things from Sam, and Sam works hard to get those things out of him so that they don't bottle up. In one episode, Dean mocks the way Sam does this, saying that he's so girly that he just sobs all day telling everyone that everything will be okay and it's alright to be hurt. Sam is loathe to Dean's mockery but he can't deny all of it. He really does talk about emotions all the time.
The last notable thing about Sam's personality is his massive amount of rage. Sam has a hidden wrath inside him that he can't really explain. It'd be plenty easy to blame it on the demon blood inside him, Ruby, Lilith, Azazel, or anyone and anything at all, really, but something tells him that it's no one's fault but his own. When he gets mad, he gets uncontrollably mad, sometimes to the point of nearly hurting someone innocent. Everyone can see this rage, and Lucifer comments on it, saying that he'll need it with he takes over his body. It is because of these reasons that Sam tries to control his anger - he doesn't want to become Lucifer's puppet. But no matter how much Dean tells him otherwise, Sam is afraid that he really is evil deep down and thinks the world may really have a better chance of surviving if he is dead.
History: On Sam's six month birthday, the demon Azazel killed his mother and burned their home down, leaving Sam with a grief stricken father and only his four year old brother to care for him. As their father searched for answers and became obsessed with the hunt for Mary's killer, Dean and San were raised as warriors and left to fend for themselves. While Dean had no objections to John's militaristic treatment, Sam wanted a normal life, away from the monster hunting. After graduating high school, he fought with his father and left for Stanford, losing contact with both John and Dean until John went missing during a hunt. Sam agreed to help Dean search for John provided he be returned to Stanford within three days, but when Sam got back to his apartment, he found his girlfriend Jessica pinned to the ceiling and set on fire in the exact same manner as his mother twenty two years earlier, to the date.
He left Stanford and set out on the road with Dean to look for their dad. They found out that he was tracking Azazel, and after months of searching, they found the means to kill him - a special gun made by Samuel Colt that could allegedly kill anything. Before they got the chance to use it against Azazel, the demons got the one up on the Winchesters in a series of events that landed them in the hospital. Dean was barely clinging to the edge of life, and John ended up making a deal with Azazel that would restore Dean to full health in exchange for the Colt - and John's soul.
Without their father or the Colt, and no explanation as to why, the boys set out to continue the hunt for Azazel. This was when Sam's powers began to develop, starting with simple visions of future events that involved Azazel. They discovered that there were other children like him, and that Azazel had "plans" for them, but they didn't find out what those plans were until Sam was kidnapped by the demons along with the other children. Azazel revealed that they were gathered for something of a Battle Royale, and the last one standing would play a "very important role" in the coming war. Sam tried to get himself and the others out without any bloodshed, but they turned on each other and Sam was killed by one of the others, Jake, just as Dean was coming to rescue him. He died in Dean's arms and, following the Winchester Way, Dean made a deal with a Crossroads Demon to bring Sam back in exchange for his soul - and she would come to collect in one year.
Jake, under Azazel's guidance, opened a Devil's gate using the Colt and let loose an immeasurable number of demons and spirits. Dean managed to get the gun from Jake - after Sam killed him - and shot and killed Azazel with the assistance of John's spirit and the very last bullet in the gun. Sam figured out what Dean did to save him, and vowed to find a way to break the deal and get his soul back. Meanwhile, the demon that held Dean's contract was out for Sam's head, seeing him as the only threat to her and her little army of demons. With the help of the demon Ruby fixing the Colt, they boys tried to track and kill Lilith but a thief named Bela stole the gun and gave it away, leaving them desperate with less than a day on the clock. In a final act of a desperate man fashion, they stole Ruby's knife that can kill demons and went after Lilith, but their plan failed and Dean was dragged to Hell along with Ruby, and Lilith escaped, leaving behind one broken Sam.
Dean was in Hell for four months, and during that time, Sam began to harness his psychic abilities through Ruby's blood and guidance, working on getting stronger to be able to kill Lilith. After Dean was saved from Hell by the angel Castiel, Sam hid the powers and Ruby from him while the angels sent them on a quest to stop Lilith from unlocking the seals to Lucifer's cage in the Pit. At least, they thought they were stopping her when in fact, the angels themselves were helping break them. At the height of it all, Sam's use of demon blood became an addiction that Dean was determined to break by putting him through forced rehab in a solid iron and salt lined panic room, but the angels let him loose because they needed him to kill Lilith and break the final seal. Sam joined up with Ruby, who turned out to be using him the whole time, and set Lucifer free by killing Lilith.
Sam and Dean worked at fighting back the Apocalypse that Sam essentially kickstarted, but Dean's trust in him was completely broken. Once it was revealed that Dean was the vessel of the archangel Michael and Sam was the vessel for the archangel Lucifer, the two refused to give the angels permission to use their bodies and struggled to find a way to stop the Apocalypse and the Devil on their own. The archangel Gabriel told the brothers that the rings of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were the keys to opening Lucifer's cage, and Sam proposed letting Lucifer into his body just long enough to make the jump, but Dean vehemently objected. After making a deal with Death to get his ring in exchange for Dean's word to let Sam jump, as well as tons of convincing from all of their friends, Dean finally agreed to Sam's worse than suicidal plan. They went to Detroit to meet up with Lucifer and give Sam's consent, and this is the point I'm taking him from.
Arrival Post (Third Person): Thump thump, thump thump.
Blood, coursing through his veins loud and clear, pressure building in every atom of his being and Sam can't tell if it's from adrenaline or the demon blood, or maybe a horrible combination of the two.
Thump thump, thump thump.
It's not like he's scared. Werewolves, vampires, ghosts; he's faced more monsters than he can count for longer than he can remember, but this? One on one face off with the Devil?
Thump thump, thump thump.
Despite his steadily beating heart, Sam is not scared. They'd fought for this for months; they'd died for it, and friends sacrificed themselves for it. This isn't just his fight, it's all of theirs. And there isn't anything that could stop him from seeing it through to the end.
Thump thump, thump thump.
No, he isn't scared. Not one bit. He doesn't have time for it. "We don't have any other choice. Yes."
Thumpthump, thumpthump--
And there's an impossibly bright light. Sam's waiting for it, the impact, the explosion, the pain and heat and darkness that is possession, but it never comes. There's nothing. In fact, he just feels...cold? He opens his eyes and there's metal, only metal and electronics like he's never seen before. It doesn't make sense, it's wrong, and all that suppressed fear comes flooding in like a river.
Thumpthump, thumpthump.
Sam jumps off of the strange platform and down to what looks like it could be a door, pounding on it in a panic. "Cas, get me outta here! We don't have time for this! Castiel!" He stops his shouting, and exhales shortly, "Dean."
Thumpthumpthumpthump.
Dean. If he's here, that means Dean is - with Lucifer, alone. Panic, fucking panic, and Sam starts looking around the room for a way out. He's better than this, smarter than this, so he needs to calm the fuck down and figure this out.
Thump thump, thump thump.
There's a...phone? No, not quite. Something similar, maybe, and Sam walks over to it warily. He hesitantly picks it up and notices - it's on? Shakily, unsure, "Can..can anyone hear me?" He feels particularly foolish, but he's desperate and it's the best option he sees right now. "I have to get out of here. I have to find my brother. Please."
He doesn't have time for fear.
Additional Third Person Sample: Hope was such a fleeting concept that Sam wasn't sure if it ever really existed at all. He'd seen so much, been through so much, and somehow managed to scrape his way out of every single horrible situation, albeit by tooth and nail. Yet no matter how many people he saved or demons he killed, it seemed like he was always only desperately clinging to the idea of hope. How many times had he and his brother been killed in the past few years? How often had they found a glimmer of light, only for it to be snuffed out only seconds later? Dean was already losing hope and Sam was beginning to lose the stubborn determination that had gotten him this far.
As they listened to Joshua deliver God's message of abandonment, Sam couldn't stop the sinking feeling that is desolation. They were out of options and looking to the Creator as their final resort - and it was all for naught. When Azazel killed Sam's father, he had to keep faith in his teachings that said evil must be purged from this world. When Lilith ripped his brother to shreds and dragged him to Hell, he had to keep faith that he would be able to stay strong and keep living without him, fighting the good fight. When he lost himself in the demon blood and virtually ended the world, he had to keep faith that he and Dean would put a stop to it and earn both his redemption and humanity. But how long can one stay faithful when God Himself says He does not care?
Had Dean not been there, Sam might have lost control of himself. The anger and frustration and desperation that laid within him might have boiled forth to lash out at Joshua, God and all of Heaven and Hell. But Dean was there beside him, and he knew all those emotions dwelled within his brother as well. No, he couldn't lose his cool, not when Dean was already so close to the edge. Sam had absolutely no clue what they could possibly do to save the world but for Dean's sake, he had to believe. For Dean's sake, he had to stay strong to push them both forward to fight the good fight. For Dean's sake, he had to find a way to stop Lucifer without offering up either of their bodies as vessels and losing their humanity. For both of their sakes, and in order to keep moving, Sam had to become Dean's hope.
So when Joshua delivered his splendid news and Dean was the one to react, Sam wasn't so much surprised as dismayed. He knew Dean was at his wit's end here, and it was hard to see him like this. He had been the one to pull him out of all the slumps he'd fallen into as a result of Jess's death, John's death, and all the other terrible things that happened every Tuesday. Sam had always had a stronger sense of faith than Dean, but Dean had always been the one with a stubborn sort of determination - the one that somehow found the strength to pick himself up off the ground and still lend a hand to Sam; the one that never let Sam give up when he got frustrated; the big brother that Sam had always looked up to and idolized. Yet before him he stood, arguing with Joshua, cursing God, and so very near giving up.
And then came the guilt. If one were to try to make a list of all the things Sam felt guilty about, they'd begin to find that nice shiny bullet more and more friendly before getting halfway through it. All the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt - and all of it was his own fault. Dean was the one that told him that he was wrong, that there was nothing he could have done and that he shouldn't blame himself for everything. All the times that he'd saved him, and still Sam let him down. Even God was disappointed in him now; even God had given up on him. Dean's irritation and lack of patience didn't surprise him, it only hurt him. His brother had once been so strong and he knew that his growing weakness was partially his fault.
Had he been the same person a year or so ago, Sam might've followed Dean's footsteps and thrown in the towel. But his months without Dean there and all the things that forced him to stand on his own two feet helped him grow up. Despite how much he hated admitting it, Ruby helped him find a sense of independence. Sam was stronger now, and no longer had to agree with his brother's every thought and belief. He had grown past the helpless little brother always looking to his elder sibling to save him. No, now he was strong enough to save himself - and his brother. God may have abandoned them but Sam would never leave Dean's side, not again. Never again. He knew Dean was going to be upset and was going to give in, but that meant so very little now. Sam had the strength to keep his own faith in he and his brother's abilities, the strength to fight this thing until the day he died. When Dean tries to wave the white flag like Sam knew he would, he would be there to burn the thing to the ground. There was no way Sam was giving up, and there was no way he would let Dean give up.
As long as Sam had faith in Dean, they would keep fighting. Dean was always Sam's hope - now it was his turn.
Not enough angst? Too much sass? Just plain old in a different ball park? Direct any and all concrit here, please! I want to make this Sam the best I can so any and all criticism is much appreciated!
Anon is on, IP logging is off~
[personal LJ name]: varooooom
[other characters currently played]: N/A
[e-mail]: saucesome [at] yahoo [dot] com
[AIM / messenger]: [AIM] xxsaucesomexx
[plurk]: varooooom
[series]: Supernatural
[character]: Sam Winchester
[character history / background]: Wiki~
[character abilities]: First and foremost, Sam is an excellent hunter. Both he and his brother Dean were trained by their father all throughout their childhood. As a result of this, he is proficient with guns, knives, stakes - you name it, he can probably use it or figure out a way to. He’s also good at picking locks, hot wiring cars, jumping over fences, hiding from the cops, covering his tracks. We’ll just say he’s a well trained criminal. Sam is highly educated in ancient lore, religious beliefs, and demonology. When he and Dean face a new monster, he is usually the first to identify it, either through the extensive research he does for each case or by listening to witness statement or seeing the thing itself. He can be considered the brains of the duo, but should never be underestimated in a fight.
Sam’s most significant abilities, however, are the psychic abilities given to him by the yellow-eyed demon feeding him demon blood as a child. Throughout the first season, he only has visions of future events and shows one case of telekinesis. In the fourth season, the demon Ruby helps Sam develop these powers further by giving him her blood and training him to use his powers against demons. He gains full control over telekinesis, exorcising demons, and at one point kills a demon, but can only use these powers by drinking demon blood. Ruby claims that this is all for the sake of killing the demon Lilith that killed Dean, which he does eventually do. However, this ends up being the final seal to releasing Lucifer and beginning the apocalypse. Stricken with guilt and with Dean losing faith and trust in him, Sam vows never to drink demon blood and use his powers again, though he is often tempted to do so.
[character personality]: Sam is a very…complicated boy. He never had the blind faith in his father that Dean did and cursed him for leaving them as a child. When he was around, he was teaching them how to kill monsters rather than playing ball or taking care of them. Sam constantly fought with the man and eventually walked out of the house to go off to college, losing connection with him and Dean for several years. Even after he joins Dean’s efforts to find their dad, he questions his authority and finds it hard to believe everything he says. It’s in this way that he can be very stubborn when it comes to something he believes strongly in, or in this case, does not believe in. Another example of his stubbornness is with the demon blood and his powers: he truly believes that using them will help him exact revenge and kill the bitch demon that killed his brother and, despite Dean practically begging him to stop, he continues with it until it is too late.
On that note, Sam’s judgment is sometimes very skewed. Unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t always view the world in black or white; he believes there are many shades of grey in between. When given reason to believe something that is supposed to be evil is good, he hesitates to kill it and even makes an effort to protect it. Two cases of this are the vampire coven that survived off of animal blood rather than human blood and the demon Ruby who repeatedly saved his life to prove that she was on their side. On the first count, he was right to help the vampires escape the hunter Gordon, as they really meant no harm to humans. On the second, however, he was very wrong, as Ruby’s only goal was to help Lilith open the last seal to release Lucifer from his prison in Hell. Sam was completely convinced that she was good and even went so far as to abandon Dean, choosing a demon over his own brother. Sam makes several mistakes throughout the entire series and spends the rest of the time trying to make up for them, a task that is damn near impossible.
His brother Dean is the most important person in his life and he is struggling to regain Dean's trust. Though Sam found it difficult to follow his father's orders, he is incredibly loyal to Dean and would follow him to the ends of the earth in a heartbeat. His loyalty can falter, as shown with Ruby, but he honestly believed he was doing the right thing and is now willing to do anything in his power and beyond to make things better between them again. Their codependency is their greatest weakness and the creatures they fight constantly use this against them. Just like his brother, Sam is more than willing to die for Dean and goes to endless lengths to protect him.
Unlike his brother, however, Sam is much more sensitive and compassionate. He empathizes with the people they meet and the creatures they kill in a way that Dean either hides very well or just doesn't do at all. He's also much more open about things and often wants to talk things out, which leads Dean to making fun of him for being a girl. At the same time, Sam hides a lot from his brother when he thinks it's for the best. He's usually wrong; Dean almost always finds out and gets angry which, naturally, doesn't help the trust thing. But Dean hides just as many things from Sam, and Sam works hard to get those things out of him so that they don't bottle up. In one episode, Dean mocks the way Sam does this, saying that he's so girly that he just sobs all day telling everyone that everything will be okay and it's alright to be hurt. Sam is loathe to Dean's mockery but he can't deny all of it. He really does talk about emotions all the time.
The last notable thing about Sam's personality is his massive amount of rage. Sam has a hidden wrath inside him that he can't really explain. It's be plenty easy to blame it on the demon blood inside him, Ruby, Lilith, Azazel, or anyone and anything at all, really, but something tells him that it's no one's fault but his own. When he gets mad, he gets uncontrollably mad, sometimes to the point of nearly hurting someone innocent. Everyone can see this rage, and Lucifer comments on it, saying that he'll need it with he takes over his body. It is because of these reasons that Sam tries to control his anger - he doesn't want to become Lucifer's puppet. But no matter how much Dean tells him otherwise, Sam is afraid that he really is evil deep down and thinks the world may really have a better chance of surviving if he is dead.
[point in timeline you're picking your character from]: Near the end of 5x16, right after Joshua zaps them back into their bodies.
[journal post]:
[ Accidental Video ]
[The video feed starts with a bloodied up Sam laying on the ground in the fountain. At first, he is unmoving but then he suddenly sits up with a gasp just as the water starts up and rinses off the dried blood. He looks around wildly with heavy breaths, grabbing at the little holes in his shirt where the blood used to be. With a raspy voice, he calls out to his MIA brother]
Dean? Dean!
[Obviously he's not back at the motel, but it doesn't look like heaven - it's no memory of his. He gets to his feet awkwardly and walks up to the nearest passer-by.]
Ecxuse me, miss? Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? I need to--
Why don't you go read the guide? Or go to the Welcome Center. Just find someone that actually cares!
[Sam blinks in surprise as the woman walks away mumbling something about "those damned new comers". Rather than wasting time getting upset though, he just shakes his head and sighs.]
Well then. I guess I'll look for the Welcome Center.
[It's just as he's about to walk away that he notices the device on the floor and picks it up curiously. There's silence and a nice view of his " as he observes the thing for a second. He doesn't like being recorded, City. :<] Huh. [Click!]
[third person / log sample]:
Hope was such a fleeting concept that Sam wasn't sure if it ever really existed at all. He'd seen so much, been through so much, and somehow managed to scrape his way out of every single horrible situation, albeit by tooth and nail. Yet no matter how many people he saved or demons he killed, it seemed like he was always only desperately clinging to the idea of hope. How many times had he and his brother been killed in the past few years? How often had they found a glimmer of light, only for it to be snuffed out only seconds later? Dean was already losing hope and Sam was beginning to lose the stubborn determination that had gotten him this far.
As they listened to Joshua deliver God's message of abandonment, Sam couldn't stop the sinking feeling that is desolation. They were out of options and looking to the Creator as their final resort - and it was all for naught. When Azazel killed Sam's father, he had to keep faith in his teachings that said evil must be purged from this world. When Lilith ripped his brother to shreds and dragged him to Hell, he had to keep faith that he would be able to stay strong and keep living without him, fighting the good fight. When he lost himself in the demon blood and virtually ended the world, he had to keep faith that he and Dean would put a stop to it and earn both his redemption and humanity. But how long can one stay faithful when God Himself says He does not care?
Had Dean not been there, Sam might have lost control of himself. The anger and frustration and desperation that laid within him might have boiled forth to lash out at Joshua, God and all of Heaven and Hell. But Dean was there beside him, and he knew all those emotions dwelled within his brother as well. No, he couldn't lose his cool, not when Dean was already so close to the edge. Sam had absolutely no clue what they could possibly do to save the world but for Dean's sake, he had to believe. For Dean's sake, he had to stay strong to push them both forward to fight the good fight. For Dean's sake, he had to find a way to stop Lucifer without offering up either of their bodies as vessels and losing their humanity. For both of their sakes, and in order to keep moving, Sam had to become Dean's hope.
So when Joshua delivered his splendid news and Dean was the one to react, Sam wasn't so much surprised as dismayed. He knew Dean was at his wit's end here, and it was hard to see him like this. He had been the one to pull him out of all the slumps he'd fallen into as a result of Jess's death, John's death, and all the other terrible things that happened every Tuesday. Sam had always had a stronger sense of faith than Dean, but Dean had always been the one with a stubborn sort of determination - the one that somehow found the strength to pick himself up off the ground and still lend a hand to Sam; the one that never let Sam give up when he got frustrated; the big brother that Sam had always looked up to and idolized. Yet before him he stood, arguing with Joshua, cursing God, and so very near giving up.
And then came the guilt. If one were to try to make a list of all the things Sam felt guilty about, they'd begin to find that nice shiny bullet more and more friendly before getting halfway through it. All the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt - and all of it was his own fault. Dean was the one that told him that he was wrong, that there was nothing he could have done and that he shouldn't blame himself for everything. All the times that he'd saved him, and still Sam let him down. Even God was disappointed in him now; even God had given up on him. Dean's irritation and lack of patience didn't surprise him, it only hurt him. His brother had once been so strong and he knew that his growing weakness was partially his fault.
Had he been the same person a year or so ago, Sam might've followed Dean's footsteps and thrown in the towel. But his months without Dean there and all the things that forced him to stand on his own two feet helped him grow up. Despite how much he hated admitting it, Ruby helped him find a sense of independence. Sam was stronger now, and no longer had to agree with his brother's every thought and belief. He had grown past the helpless little brother always looking to his elder sibling to save him. No, now he was strong enough to save himself - and his brother. God may have abandoned them but Sam would never leave Dean's side, not again. Never again. He knew Dean was going to be upset and was going to give in, but that meant so very little now. Sam had the strength to keep his own faith in he and his brother's abilities, the strength to fight this thing until the day he died. When Dean tries to wave the white flag like Sam knew he would, he would be there to burn the thing to the ground. There was no way Sam was giving up, and there was no way he would let Dean give up.
As long as Sam had faith in Dean, they would keep fighting. Dean was always Sam's hope - now it was his turn.
Character name: Sam Winchester
Genre (TV/books/etc): TV
Fandom: Supernatural
Birthday (if applicable): May 02, 1983
Canon point: 5.22 Swan Song, right before Lucifer jumps Sam's bones.
Why this Character and Canon point?: The reason I play Sam is because, as far as Supernatural goes, he is the most complex character out there. The entire series can be seen as his attempt to find the line between right and wrong, good and evil, and though he always has good intentions, it's not always easy for him to distinguish between the two. This makes him a fantastic character to play, because I can explore every aspect of his personality, from the emotional and heroic side to the darker and more questionable side, as well as everything in the middle.
As for why I chose this particular canon point, it's mostly because of where Taxon's Dean is set. I wanted to get as close as possible to that point without actually bringing Lucifer into the city, because that just creates a whole world of trouble. It's complicated. It's also the high point if tension in the season, which gives him motivation to get home rather than idling around the planet from the get go. Upon being brought to Taxon, Sam will very likely panic, just a little, because not only is the Devil suddenly gone but so is his brother and their attempt to stop the Apocalypse. The only thing he'll want is to find Dean and regroup to figure out what to do.
Programmed Possession: Dean's amulet, that Sam gave him for Christmas in 1991.
Abilities/Weaknesses: First and foremost, Sam is an excellent hunter. Both he and his brother Dean were trained by their father all throughout their childhood. As a result of this, he is proficient with guns, knives, stakes - you name it, he can probably use it or figure out a way to. He’s also good at picking locks, hot wiring cars, jumping over fences, hiding from the cops, covering his tracks. We’ll just say he’s a well trained criminal. Sam is highly educated in ancient lore, religious beliefs, and demonology. When he and Dean face a new monster, he is usually the first to identify it, either through the extensive research he does for each case or by listening to witness statement or seeing the thing itself. He can be considered the brains of the duo, but should never be underestimated in a fight.
Sam also gains a set of psychic abilities after imbibing demon blood, which he drank in massive quantities just before the canon point I chose. These abilities include telekinesis, exorcising demons, torturing demons, killing demons, and resistance to demonic abilities. However, he only ever has these powers when he drinks the blood, and only drank blood in Swan Song to support Lucifer's presence in his body. Once it works its way out of his bloodstream, Sam will no longer have them.
As far as weaknesses go, Sam only really has emotional ones. The most obvious is Dean. It's practically the Winchester Way to go to unreasonable lengths for each other, and Sam would die for Dean in a heartbeat, and vice versa. Their enemies are not above using this fact against them. His sympathetic and considerate nature is both a strength and a weakness, because he connects with people on a level Dean doesn't but it can also cloud his judgment at times. All part of that trying to figure out the best course of action thing.
Psychology/Personality: Sam is a very…complicated boy. He never had the blind faith in his father that Dean did and cursed him for leaving them as a child. When he was around, he was teaching them how to kill monsters rather than playing ball or taking care of them. Sam constantly fought with the man and eventually walked out of the house to go off to college, losing connection with him and Dean for several years. Even after he joined Dean’s efforts to find their dad, he questioned his authority and found it hard to believe everything he said. It’s in this way that he can be very stubborn when it comes to something he believes strongly in, or in this case, does not believe in. Another example of his stubbornness is with the demon blood and his powers: he truly believed that using them would help him exact revenge and kill the bitch demon that killed his brother and, despite Dean practically begging him to stop, he continued with it until it was too late.
On that note, Sam’s judgment is sometimes very skewed. Unlike Dean, Sam doesn’t always view the world in black or white; he believes there are many shades of grey in between. When given reason to believe something that is supposed to be evil is good, he hesitates to kill it and even makes an effort to protect it. Two cases of this are the vampire coven that survived off of animal blood rather than human blood and the demon Ruby who repeatedly saved his life to prove that she was on their side. On the first count, he was right to help the vampires escape the hunter Gordon, as they really meant no harm to humans. On the second, however, he was very wrong, as Ruby’s only goal was to help Lilith open the last seal to release Lucifer from his prison in Hell. Sam was completely convinced that she was good and even went so far as to abandon Dean, choosing a demon over his own brother. Sam makes several mistakes throughout the entire series and spends the rest of the time trying to make up for them, a task that is damn near impossible.
His brother Dean is the most important person in his life and he is struggling to regain Dean's trust. Though Sam found it difficult to follow his father's orders, he is incredibly loyal to Dean and would follow him to the ends of the earth without question. His loyalty can falter, as shown with Ruby, but he honestly believed he was doing the right thing and is now willing to do anything in his power and beyond to make things better between them.
Unlike his brother, however, Sam is much more sensitive and compassionate. He empathizes with the people they meet and the creatures they kill in a way that Dean either hides very well or just doesn't do at all. He's also much more open about things and often wants to talk things out, which leads Dean to making fun of him for being a girl. At the same time, Sam hides a lot from his brother when he thinks it's for the best. He's usually wrong; Dean almost always finds out and gets angry which, naturally, doesn't help the trust thing. But Dean hides just as many things from Sam, and Sam works hard to get those things out of him so that they don't bottle up. In one episode, Dean mocks the way Sam does this, saying that he's so girly that he just sobs all day telling everyone that everything will be okay and it's alright to be hurt. Sam is loathe to Dean's mockery but he can't deny all of it. He really does talk about emotions all the time.
The last notable thing about Sam's personality is his massive amount of rage. Sam has a hidden wrath inside him that he can't really explain. It'd be plenty easy to blame it on the demon blood inside him, Ruby, Lilith, Azazel, or anyone and anything at all, really, but something tells him that it's no one's fault but his own. When he gets mad, he gets uncontrollably mad, sometimes to the point of nearly hurting someone innocent. Everyone can see this rage, and Lucifer comments on it, saying that he'll need it with he takes over his body. It is because of these reasons that Sam tries to control his anger - he doesn't want to become Lucifer's puppet. But no matter how much Dean tells him otherwise, Sam is afraid that he really is evil deep down and thinks the world may really have a better chance of surviving if he is dead.
History: On Sam's six month birthday, the demon Azazel killed his mother and burned their home down, leaving Sam with a grief stricken father and only his four year old brother to care for him. As their father searched for answers and became obsessed with the hunt for Mary's killer, Dean and San were raised as warriors and left to fend for themselves. While Dean had no objections to John's militaristic treatment, Sam wanted a normal life, away from the monster hunting. After graduating high school, he fought with his father and left for Stanford, losing contact with both John and Dean until John went missing during a hunt. Sam agreed to help Dean search for John provided he be returned to Stanford within three days, but when Sam got back to his apartment, he found his girlfriend Jessica pinned to the ceiling and set on fire in the exact same manner as his mother twenty two years earlier, to the date.
He left Stanford and set out on the road with Dean to look for their dad. They found out that he was tracking Azazel, and after months of searching, they found the means to kill him - a special gun made by Samuel Colt that could allegedly kill anything. Before they got the chance to use it against Azazel, the demons got the one up on the Winchesters in a series of events that landed them in the hospital. Dean was barely clinging to the edge of life, and John ended up making a deal with Azazel that would restore Dean to full health in exchange for the Colt - and John's soul.
Without their father or the Colt, and no explanation as to why, the boys set out to continue the hunt for Azazel. This was when Sam's powers began to develop, starting with simple visions of future events that involved Azazel. They discovered that there were other children like him, and that Azazel had "plans" for them, but they didn't find out what those plans were until Sam was kidnapped by the demons along with the other children. Azazel revealed that they were gathered for something of a Battle Royale, and the last one standing would play a "very important role" in the coming war. Sam tried to get himself and the others out without any bloodshed, but they turned on each other and Sam was killed by one of the others, Jake, just as Dean was coming to rescue him. He died in Dean's arms and, following the Winchester Way, Dean made a deal with a Crossroads Demon to bring Sam back in exchange for his soul - and she would come to collect in one year.
Jake, under Azazel's guidance, opened a Devil's gate using the Colt and let loose an immeasurable number of demons and spirits. Dean managed to get the gun from Jake - after Sam killed him - and shot and killed Azazel with the assistance of John's spirit and the very last bullet in the gun. Sam figured out what Dean did to save him, and vowed to find a way to break the deal and get his soul back. Meanwhile, the demon that held Dean's contract was out for Sam's head, seeing him as the only threat to her and her little army of demons. With the help of the demon Ruby fixing the Colt, they boys tried to track and kill Lilith but a thief named Bela stole the gun and gave it away, leaving them desperate with less than a day on the clock. In a final act of a desperate man fashion, they stole Ruby's knife that can kill demons and went after Lilith, but their plan failed and Dean was dragged to Hell along with Ruby, and Lilith escaped, leaving behind one broken Sam.
Dean was in Hell for four months, and during that time, Sam began to harness his psychic abilities through Ruby's blood and guidance, working on getting stronger to be able to kill Lilith. After Dean was saved from Hell by the angel Castiel, Sam hid the powers and Ruby from him while the angels sent them on a quest to stop Lilith from unlocking the seals to Lucifer's cage in the Pit. At least, they thought they were stopping her when in fact, the angels themselves were helping break them. At the height of it all, Sam's use of demon blood became an addiction that Dean was determined to break by putting him through forced rehab in a solid iron and salt lined panic room, but the angels let him loose because they needed him to kill Lilith and break the final seal. Sam joined up with Ruby, who turned out to be using him the whole time, and set Lucifer free by killing Lilith.
Sam and Dean worked at fighting back the Apocalypse that Sam essentially kickstarted, but Dean's trust in him was completely broken. Once it was revealed that Dean was the vessel of the archangel Michael and Sam was the vessel for the archangel Lucifer, the two refused to give the angels permission to use their bodies and struggled to find a way to stop the Apocalypse and the Devil on their own. The archangel Gabriel told the brothers that the rings of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse were the keys to opening Lucifer's cage, and Sam proposed letting Lucifer into his body just long enough to make the jump, but Dean vehemently objected. After making a deal with Death to get his ring in exchange for Dean's word to let Sam jump, as well as tons of convincing from all of their friends, Dean finally agreed to Sam's worse than suicidal plan. They went to Detroit to meet up with Lucifer and give Sam's consent, and this is the point I'm taking him from.
Arrival Post (Third Person): Thump thump, thump thump.
Blood, coursing through his veins loud and clear, pressure building in every atom of his being and Sam can't tell if it's from adrenaline or the demon blood, or maybe a horrible combination of the two.
Thump thump, thump thump.
It's not like he's scared. Werewolves, vampires, ghosts; he's faced more monsters than he can count for longer than he can remember, but this? One on one face off with the Devil?
Thump thump, thump thump.
Despite his steadily beating heart, Sam is not scared. They'd fought for this for months; they'd died for it, and friends sacrificed themselves for it. This isn't just his fight, it's all of theirs. And there isn't anything that could stop him from seeing it through to the end.
Thump thump, thump thump.
No, he isn't scared. Not one bit. He doesn't have time for it. "We don't have any other choice. Yes."
Thumpthump, thumpthump--
And there's an impossibly bright light. Sam's waiting for it, the impact, the explosion, the pain and heat and darkness that is possession, but it never comes. There's nothing. In fact, he just feels...cold? He opens his eyes and there's metal, only metal and electronics like he's never seen before. It doesn't make sense, it's wrong, and all that suppressed fear comes flooding in like a river.
Thumpthump, thumpthump.
Sam jumps off of the strange platform and down to what looks like it could be a door, pounding on it in a panic. "Cas, get me outta here! We don't have time for this! Castiel!" He stops his shouting, and exhales shortly, "Dean."
Thumpthumpthumpthump.
Dean. If he's here, that means Dean is - with Lucifer, alone. Panic, fucking panic, and Sam starts looking around the room for a way out. He's better than this, smarter than this, so he needs to calm the fuck down and figure this out.
Thump thump, thump thump.
There's a...phone? No, not quite. Something similar, maybe, and Sam walks over to it warily. He hesitantly picks it up and notices - it's on? Shakily, unsure, "Can..can anyone hear me?" He feels particularly foolish, but he's desperate and it's the best option he sees right now. "I have to get out of here. I have to find my brother. Please."
He doesn't have time for fear.
Additional Third Person Sample: Hope was such a fleeting concept that Sam wasn't sure if it ever really existed at all. He'd seen so much, been through so much, and somehow managed to scrape his way out of every single horrible situation, albeit by tooth and nail. Yet no matter how many people he saved or demons he killed, it seemed like he was always only desperately clinging to the idea of hope. How many times had he and his brother been killed in the past few years? How often had they found a glimmer of light, only for it to be snuffed out only seconds later? Dean was already losing hope and Sam was beginning to lose the stubborn determination that had gotten him this far.
As they listened to Joshua deliver God's message of abandonment, Sam couldn't stop the sinking feeling that is desolation. They were out of options and looking to the Creator as their final resort - and it was all for naught. When Azazel killed Sam's father, he had to keep faith in his teachings that said evil must be purged from this world. When Lilith ripped his brother to shreds and dragged him to Hell, he had to keep faith that he would be able to stay strong and keep living without him, fighting the good fight. When he lost himself in the demon blood and virtually ended the world, he had to keep faith that he and Dean would put a stop to it and earn both his redemption and humanity. But how long can one stay faithful when God Himself says He does not care?
Had Dean not been there, Sam might have lost control of himself. The anger and frustration and desperation that laid within him might have boiled forth to lash out at Joshua, God and all of Heaven and Hell. But Dean was there beside him, and he knew all those emotions dwelled within his brother as well. No, he couldn't lose his cool, not when Dean was already so close to the edge. Sam had absolutely no clue what they could possibly do to save the world but for Dean's sake, he had to believe. For Dean's sake, he had to stay strong to push them both forward to fight the good fight. For Dean's sake, he had to find a way to stop Lucifer without offering up either of their bodies as vessels and losing their humanity. For both of their sakes, and in order to keep moving, Sam had to become Dean's hope.
So when Joshua delivered his splendid news and Dean was the one to react, Sam wasn't so much surprised as dismayed. He knew Dean was at his wit's end here, and it was hard to see him like this. He had been the one to pull him out of all the slumps he'd fallen into as a result of Jess's death, John's death, and all the other terrible things that happened every Tuesday. Sam had always had a stronger sense of faith than Dean, but Dean had always been the one with a stubborn sort of determination - the one that somehow found the strength to pick himself up off the ground and still lend a hand to Sam; the one that never let Sam give up when he got frustrated; the big brother that Sam had always looked up to and idolized. Yet before him he stood, arguing with Joshua, cursing God, and so very near giving up.
And then came the guilt. If one were to try to make a list of all the things Sam felt guilty about, they'd begin to find that nice shiny bullet more and more friendly before getting halfway through it. All the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt - and all of it was his own fault. Dean was the one that told him that he was wrong, that there was nothing he could have done and that he shouldn't blame himself for everything. All the times that he'd saved him, and still Sam let him down. Even God was disappointed in him now; even God had given up on him. Dean's irritation and lack of patience didn't surprise him, it only hurt him. His brother had once been so strong and he knew that his growing weakness was partially his fault.
Had he been the same person a year or so ago, Sam might've followed Dean's footsteps and thrown in the towel. But his months without Dean there and all the things that forced him to stand on his own two feet helped him grow up. Despite how much he hated admitting it, Ruby helped him find a sense of independence. Sam was stronger now, and no longer had to agree with his brother's every thought and belief. He had grown past the helpless little brother always looking to his elder sibling to save him. No, now he was strong enough to save himself - and his brother. God may have abandoned them but Sam would never leave Dean's side, not again. Never again. He knew Dean was going to be upset and was going to give in, but that meant so very little now. Sam had the strength to keep his own faith in he and his brother's abilities, the strength to fight this thing until the day he died. When Dean tries to wave the white flag like Sam knew he would, he would be there to burn the thing to the ground. There was no way Sam was giving up, and there was no way he would let Dean give up.
As long as Sam had faith in Dean, they would keep fighting. Dean was always Sam's hope - now it was his turn.
Not enough angst? Too much sass? Just plain old in a different ball park? Direct any and all concrit here, please! I want to make this Sam the best I can so any and all criticism is much appreciated!
Anon is on, IP logging is off~