Hey it's Sarah. I really honestly admire how you can be comfortable with yourself. Despite what I say, I'm really jealous because I am so dependent on others and wish I could just be happy with myself. But I can't do that, I am terrible at being alone unless I'm doing something to keep me busy. I really feel like sometimes I am only surrounding myself with certain people because I am scared to be alone, even if they treat me how I shouldn't be treated at all. I always feel like I am missing something because I put more into things than I get out of things. I just wish I would be able to be alone and be content. If you can do it, then you are lucky. I'd trade all my friends to be able to be happy alone.
It's especially hard, me being a teenager and all. Most people are so closed minded that it's really hard to be comfortabel with yourself. Some mornings I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror and cry. But theres a quote that I think Eleanor Roosevelt said that I try to remember when people make me feel like crap. 'Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent". So, I just try to not give my consent. The Buddhist thing was the only way I was able to go through with the whole thing. But now I just don't know what the hell to do. Because I know the second I cut all my hair off and go back to being how I want to instead of how I feel people expect me to be My family, and friends, pretty much everyone will start to drift away from me again and do that thing where they roll their eyes and shake their heads. i just ahte not being taken seriously or given respect because I've decided not to give in to a culture that expects you to look and act a certain way just because.
I remember when you shaved your head, and I know that you were happy with yourself but you did not treat people like you wanted to stay friends with them. I know you were fed up with me and I was fed up with you at that point but you didn't seem to care. I am not trying to blame you or be like "grr you are a meanie" haha..but yeah. I think if you shaved your head again but kept the personable ways you have when you have hair (or yeah..haha) then it would be perfectly a ok :)
Yea, I remember that. That wasn't about my hair or anything, I was just feeling like I had to hang out with you, and I didn't want to feel that way. So I decided I needed to spend a good amount of time away from you that way when I did start hanging out with you I'd actually apprecaite our time together, which I do now. So i guess it worked. But I'm sorry (a little belated) if I made it seem like I didn't care about our friendship. Strangely enough I was doing it to try and save our friendship. But. Yea. I don't even know. Everyone would be so pissed if I cut my hair off, cause it's just now grown out. Who knows. This is a tough one.
I think that you are thinking about things a little too much. You are young, and part of being young is being around other young people and having them effect your life. Its good that you are going through all these changes, because now you can look back on things and see what parts of yourself you did and didn't like.
Trust me, that "crust-punk" phase was fucking awful. I like you a ton more now that you have gotten through that one. Sadly, some people are still stuck in that phase, but hopefully they will get over it. You are a wonderful girl, and you should get used to attention from guys, with or without hair. You are beautiful and smart so you are a double threat to us men.
I hope you had a good time at the show, it was great seeing you, although we should have talked more!
I never considered myself a "crust punk". I wasn't really into the whole "Stay Posi" and only listen to blah blah genre of music and have this ideal and that ideal. I was more of this goofy Buddhist thing. I think I have a solution though. Having a buzz cut in winter would be really shitty. So, (depending on whether or not my trip to South Africa for 6 months actually works out...) I will cut all my hair off in March or April. Whenever it gets warm.
As for guy attention. Well, I won't even get started on that. I like how you used the word "threat" because that's precisely what I am, being crazy and all.
And yes, the show was amazing. I have over 250 pictures, but I can't upload them until I get back in Kentucky (which will be tomorrow evening). We'll have to hangout soon! But between both of us working and school....who knows how soon it'll be.
I love your bald head. It is my favorite. I know you, and I know how you like to change up your style/phases/friends often, and I think that right now you have shifted into the "pretty girl" phase, and while its definitly okay to be a beautiful person, sometimes you gotta start over again and redefine yourself (inside and out). Although it is only a haircut, it definitly changes you because you will think about what the most important things in your life are. I think it is a step in the right direction for you to shave your head/stop wearing make-up because you will find that clarity that you had over the summer. You were illest chillest girl ever over the summer because you honestly did not give a FUCK about what you wore or what people thought about you. And people at school gave you crap for it, but you still did your own thing
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I think if you shaved your head again but kept the personable ways you have when you have hair (or yeah..haha) then it would be perfectly a ok :)
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Trust me, that "crust-punk" phase was fucking awful. I like you a ton more now that you have gotten through that one. Sadly, some people are still stuck in that phase, but hopefully they will get over it. You are a wonderful girl, and you should get used to attention from guys, with or without hair. You are beautiful and smart so you are a double threat to us men.
I hope you had a good time at the show, it was great seeing you, although we should have talked more!
Love,
Paul
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As for guy attention. Well, I won't even get started on that. I like how you used the word "threat" because that's precisely what I am, being crazy and all.
And yes, the show was amazing. I have over 250 pictures, but I can't upload them until I get back in Kentucky (which will be tomorrow evening). We'll have to hangout soon! But between both of us working and school....who knows how soon it'll be.
Love always,
sydney
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