regarding "spring cleaning"

[ssstephaniem]

It is really starting to play out like a popularity contest.

In my situation, i didn't post for so long because I was seriously depressed for awhile last year. So depressed about stuff that I couldn't bring myself to keep up on journals. I missed out on entire pregnancies due to my inability to be happy for others because I felt so hurt inside that

Comments

[waves_particles]

I don't spring clean for some of the reasons above. Mostly though it's because I respect people for who they are, whether they feel like posting all the time or not, I'm happy to hear from them. If they have extenuating life circumstances, I understand and accept that I may not know about it, just like they may not fully understand my life's exigencies. But I'm happy to hear from them when they're around. Plus, some people who have been gone for a while sometimes do reappear at a different life stage, and then I so enjoy having that interaction again, you know? And it's because if someone's on my friends' list then I genuinely consider them a friend and trust they will understand... that I will be there for them as often as I'm able to, and that I understand it will work the same way in reverse. If people have different expectations than that, then I fully understand that as well (I'm not knocking spring cleaning, I think some people really find it useful). I'm just explaining how I tend to not do that myself.

[trp4life]

I agree Kerri, I'm not always so good about responding to every single FL posts or even most of them, so I try to give others the same benefit of the doubt.

I didn't realize you were going through such a tough time. My heart goes out to you since I know how isolating that can feel. I hope you know there are a bunch of us here willing to listen and support you through it despite what you're seeing on your FL changes.

[ssstephaniem]

Thanks. I don't mean to sound so cryptic...it wasn't really a big deal IRL. Honestly, it can be really hard to be supportive and a cheerleader for others when you are struggling inside, so that's really what it was about. I had no motivation to motivate or be there for anyone. Sounds shitty, I know, but that's where I was in my life. Plus, it really seemed like everyone's life was changing for the better and my little old life was going nowhere.

[trp4life]

I know the feeling. Well, not the exact feeling of course. I don't want to minimize what you're going through, but I struggle a lot with seeing things move ahead for many and feel kind of stuck in my whole ttc issues myself, so I can probably relate on some level.

[meli_g11]

I tend to agree with you, it does seem like a popularity contest at times and although I think my LJ friends can be the ultimate support, at times it totally brings out my insecurities. I have you on my FL, (which is I guess why I saw this post even though I think most of yours are friends only) since I see your comments in other friend's journals and I've thought we could get along well. I'd love to be here for you if you are looking for another friend...

[ssstephaniem]

you already are on my friends list? Or maybe I haven't added you. If I've been a biatch, I am totally sorry! lol

[meli_g11]

I'm not on there, but I'd love to be added :)
You're not a biatch, LOL or I wouldn't want to be on there! :)

[granada]

Sorry to hear about your recent depression. I'm not the greatest at keeping up with journals and not always the greatest about posting, but when I am around, I enjoy the LJ friends who post and respond (including you!), so I stick around. I'm always hesitant to cut people, for the same reasons Kerri so eloquently posted, but I did recently cut a few people, because they were new people who never bothered to post in their journal or mine. It does suck when you get cut and it is like a popularity contest, just like when you see people responding to other people's posts but not yours. But hopefully, you feel the good parts of being here outweigh the bad and we continue to see you around. Hugs.

[ssstephaniem]

See -- you're one of the gals I have always dug, and i missed out on so much and it makes me feel awful! So much so that I sometimes read your posts and i actually feel like I don't have a right to add or share something. I know I do it's just that sometimes I let that worry get the better of me.

[granada]

I know you know this, but I always welcome your thoughts! Sometimes I feel bad because my posts are so baby-centric these days. So, I would not blame you for not commenting. ;)

[le_brdsmaid]

First of all, sorry to hear about your depression, but happy that you're doing better now! I just wanted to say I hear you and I understand what you're saying and what you went through. I haven't posted in a while but I still read along and of course I too have been dropped from a few FL... So it does feel like a popularity contest at times but whatever, I'm happy with who I have on my FL and I respect those people and try to comment when I can. I was hoping you could clarify this: I just find it really interesting that LJers will remove people who have fallen out of the loop for various reasons(such as myself) much sooner(if ever) than people who rarely ever reply in their journals let alone post in their own journal. That is so hypocritical. I am just not clear on what is the difference that you're referring to, people who have fallen out of the lop are just people who don't post in their own journals (or anyone else's), right?

[ssstephaniem]

about the comment you had trouble understanding -- I had major trouble writing it because, 1. i was completely swamped at work as I was writing it in a hurry and, 2. I was momentarily pissed off! What I meant was that some people disappear for the longest time and never post in their own journals or anyone elses....yet others will keep them on simply because they are 'popular' and not so much because they have a special connection. In my case I fell out of the loop even though i was a regular commenter, and I was suddenly removed from at least 5 lists of people I really liked.

I swear I am totally over it but if anyone else removes me, I am going to go ape shit.

See, I totally like you...and I haven't seen a post from you in the longest time! There is no way I would remove you because I feel we 'get along'...when you're around, that is ;o)

[le_brdsmaid]

Thanks for clarifying this comment, it makes sense now, and I do agree. I think part of the popularity has to do with the fact that some people are better, more engaging writers than others - so hence they get more comments and stay on other's FL longer. And a few times I've seen posts from people saying "and I have some thoughts on spring cleaning which I'll post tomorrow" - and tomorrow I'm gone from their FL! Which, as I said, I understand, it's fine with me, just a bit funny :)

In our little LJ community where we are so open about TTC, illnesses, various feminine issues - some things like FLs are still "taboo", yet everyone's obviously thinking about it, from what I can tell on my (very limited, LOL!) FL today.

And I think this whole hoopla made me want to revive my journal - we'll see if my desire actually translates into action.

[ssstephaniem]

i respect whatever reasons you have for not posting. whether it be because you don't have the free time or you just don't feel up to it. i feel like we have a connection so you're not going anywhere when it comes to my FL. But seriously...the last things I remember you posting was a trip to Mt. Zion and also waiting for your mini cooper....which I suspect you have it by now!!!!!!

[xhristina]

I don't know if it's necessarily meant as a popularity contest. I think people invest a lot into their relationships here - we share a lot of information, sometimes more than what we share with our friends/family in REAL LIFE, and we just want to know that our information is safe and that our friendships are valued, respected and mutual

[lawgirl4]

I agree with a lot of what christina said.

[ssstephaniem]

Thanks, Ericka. you are definitely one of the ones I do not want to lose contact with.

[ssstephaniem]

Thanks, Christina. I promise I don't take it personally, I really just wanted to point out that it's semi-shitty!!!