"I wish I was a stranger, I could disengage.."

[stagestruck16]

this is starting out to be the hardest year of my life. yedid was unexplainable. every moment of it was ridiculously amazing, but really, what was important about it wasnt the location. it didnt REALLY matter that we were in Israel. we could have been anywhere, really. it was the kvutzah

Comments

[whammybar999]

get out. leave. there is no reason to stay somewhere that does nothing for you. I know that its a lot easier said than done, but I'm completely serious. do it if you can, and if not, just live at your kvutzah mates houses on the weekends like I did two years ago. its the next best thing.

[stagestruck16]

i know but i have no where to go. i just dont know.

and i cant live at their houses, i have SAT prep and acting and all of this shit that i have to be commited to. SAT prep because my parents say so and acting because its what i want to do in the future. but i want my kvutzah in the future as well. i dont know. this sucks.

[beatlespwr]

i haven't talked to you since you went on yedid. but i can shed some light on hadracha dynamics.

i didnt feel like a member of hadracha until about half way through the summer. Peulat stav is awkward for first year hadracha, so its not the end of the world if you can't go (i can't go either, and i didnt go to the seminar). Winter camp can help for you to start to get a feeling of what hadracha is like, but the dynamics are skewed. its not about a unified hadracha, its mostly about catching up with friends. At peulat aviv the dynamics start a bit more. in terms of ideology, its a good place to gain a footing with in hadracha, and socially as well. but the real dynamics begin at construction, and then when the kids come.
if there is ever anything i can do to help you feel more comfortable in hadracha, please tell me, because i remember what its like to be a first year (i was one last year). so even if you just have questions or anything. i'm here.

[stagestruck16]

thank you so much. that was really helpful.

[_sawred_]

I think dara is right. Also, you'll be fine. You know why? because you want to be and things do work out that way.
I still live in the hometown I grew up in. this makes me terribly upset. but even I know, though I don't feel connected here, there is reason for me to be here until I leave.
You dont have to feel the same way, but you can realize that things can change as easily as you want them to though they may not change as immediately as you'd like.

[stagestruck16]

i think....youre right. .. maybe a change in attitude would be a first step here.