snitched ☄ headcanon

Sep 12, 2010 19:08



  • The Christmas after the Marauders figured out the whole Animagus bit, James got antler-jealous of Rudolph, especially after hearing the Muggle song about him. So, he enlisted Sirius to help figure out how to make Prongs fly (Remus wanted nothing to do with it and was thus dragged along anyway; Peter just thought it was amazing like he always did). This experimentation lasted an entire six months, resulting in one fractured arm, five sprained ankles, three broken toes, and an ungodly number of concussions. James chalked each injury up to "overzealous Quidditch practice".

  • For a period during fifth year, James followed Lily around during off-hours on broomstick. Not stalked per se, because that is just creepy. And James did stop. Eventually. After crashing through Dumbledore's office window while swooning over just how nicely the sunlight reflected off Lily's red hair. Dumbledore was amazingly all right with it, just offered him a jelly baby or two and told him to shuffle off but to please watch where he was going next time.

  • But that was nothing compared to sixth year. Because that was when James decided to literally be Lily's knight in shining armour. He "borrowed" one of the Armoury's suits, put it on, then tried serenading her from the foot of the girls' dormitory stairs. It was all going rather well... Until Lily performed an Aguamenti Charm and left him to rust.

  • James fondly remembers the first time he rode a broomstick. He stole a Cleansweep out of his father's closet and climbed up on the roof. The rush of wind in his hair was the most exhilarating sensation he'd felt in his seven years. At least until he stopped falling and hit the ground. James' memory next picks up around ten years old. Go figure.

  • The first time James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter actually got tickets to a Stubby Boardman concert, they made a Marauder's Oath to get backstage afterwards to party with the legend himself. Sirius was the one who suggested that they try to get in as female groupies with loose morals, but James was the one to brew the Polyjuice. They downed a flagon each after the last set and ventured into the VIP dressing rooms. Long story short, James ended up letting Stubby get to second base. It was one of the best nights of his life.

  • After passing his probationary initiation phase at the Order of the Phoenix, James decided to pay Mad-Eye Moony back for his INSANE AND DEMENTED OH GODRIC NO unique and dedicated way of training recruits. He snagged Lily's magic eight ball and swapped it out with Mad-Eye's eye. Outcome looked hilarious.

  • For as long as James could remember, his least favourite colour was green. It was the icky yucky colour of the slime under the sink, brussel sprouts, and of course Slytherin. But then sometime during third year, Evans started yelling at him over something he can't even remember now (probably something involving that rash of baldness in the first years). And James couldn't stop staring at Lily's eyes. After that, green was a close second behind red and gold.

  • Whenever he's really, terribly bored and no one else is available to entertain him, James sneaks in the back of local Muggle petting zoos and goes stagly. He makes silly faces at everyone, crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out and the like, and the children go nuts for it. The parents never actually listen when their son or daughter start yanking on their arm and yelling about how the deer blew a raspberry, so there's no exposure risk and besides. He gets treats.

  • In the interests of curiosity, and because Sirius called hippogriff shite, James swapped out Snivellus' shampoo with vegetable oil for one whole month. He still isn't sure what was funnier: that Snivellus actually had shampoo, or that no one noticed any difference.

  • If it wasn't for the Order of the Phoenix and the problems You-Know-Who was causing, James would have tried for one of England's regional Quidditch teams. Even before graduating from Hogwarts, he had received offers from four teams: the Wimbourne Wasps, the Falmouth Falcons, the Chudley Cannons (...yeah, like he'd have ever gone to the bloody effing Cannons), and Puddlemere United.

    Surprisingly, he hasn't shared this information with anyone - not even Lily or Sirius - which is strange, given how very, very much he likes to boast. As far as James is concerned, he's happy enough with the way his life's gone and it won't do much good sighing and daydreaming like some second-year bird about what things might have been under different circumstances.

  • Every time after changing back from Prongs, James has an incredible craving for roughage. The morning following the first of many moonlight vacays, he practically inhaled two huge serving bowls of fennel and spinach salads.

    Since then, he's made sure to have Sirius place bets on just how much salad he can eat following the moon. They earned enough coin to have them swimming in Dungbombs and Chocolate Frogs for the rest of fifth year like that before people caught on enough to keep their money. It was brill.

  • James always loved his parents, but he never truly appreciated them until the first time he brought Sirius home for a holiday. The way his best friend was simply awed at simple things, like sharing hot cocoa after dinner, or even the random hugs from his mother... It made James realize just how amazing his mum and dad really were.

  • However, just because Sirius is practically his brother, it doesn't mean James hasn't sneaked out for joyrides on his motorbike. It just handles so smoothly, and it's such a damned beautiful bit of machinery. It's not fair for Sirius to keep it all to himself.

  • Upon finding out that Remus was a werewolf in their second year, James just had two thoughts. The first was, "Well, we can't just let him do it alone 'cause Marauders stick together." The second was, "Oh Godric, we should totally drop out of school and go into Muggle films."

  • The first time Lily took James home to meet her parents, James was positively tickled to see Muggles in their natural habitat. He stole away to explore while Mssr. & Mrs. Evans hugged and squealed over their daughter's return. He ended up in the kitchen, in front of a very queer box with a little door and buttons. Assuming it was some sort of Muggle cleaning device, he began stacking plates and silver inside it. Then starting pressing all sorts of buttons, at first to start the cleaning, then just to hear the little beeps it was making. Suffice to say, the resultant explosion heard thereafter was the beginning of a beautiful relationship between James and Muggle mikrawaavs.

  • The summer after their first year at Hogwarts, James organized a Floo schedule so they could still hang out with each other most every weekend. When they all arrived at Remus' house for the first rotation, the other three boys were fascinated by the television in the living room. Sometime during the course of the sleepover, Doctor Who came on. Sirius and James were instantly hooked, and the rest of the summer was spent playing at Wizards in a TARDIS. Peter was always the Dalek, with James and Sirius duct taping a plunger to his hand for realisim.

    This early encounter with Muggle sci-fi led to a lifelong interest in Muggle cinema, usually just of badly made B-movies. Among the movies/shows James has seen are: The Day of the Triffids; Star Wars; Doctor Who (Pertwee & Baker); Soylent Green; Star Trek; 2001: A Space Odyssey; The Day the Earth Stood Still; etc.

!ooc, |headcanon

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