stranger & stranger
Stranger & stranger
Jonghyun/Key
1854 words, r
Stranger & stranger
i want to stop this, i know this is wrong,
but i keep going back to you.
- i was wrong, 2am
They start off as strangers, just like anyone else. The first time they meet, they both have terrible hairstyles and awful clothes, but Jonghyun sees the quirk of Kibum's smile and thinks that they can learn to be friends.
Being best friends just happened, sort of. They are both equally talkative, equally mischievous, so it only seems right when they eat and talk and go everywhere together. When they're put into a group with three other boys, Jonghyun exchanges a relieved smile with Kibum because they've done it, they've done it together.
Taemin is sweet and a little shy, Minho barely talks, and Jinki is permanently banging into things. They're nice, but Jonghyun and Kibum stick together most of the time because this is the way things have always been. This is the way things will always be.
-
Management tells them this is just fanservice. "You've seen your sunbaes do it before," they say, as if this is the most normal thing in the world. "Yoosu, Kangteuk... it's just the kind of stuff fans like."
Kibum is the one who reacts first, while Jonghyun just stands there with his mouth wide open. "Jongkey," he says, smiling at the way the name sounds. "I think this might work."
Jonghyun raises his eyebrows, wants to argue, but Kibum is bowing and then tugging him away. "Don't be ridiculous," Kibum says. "No matter what we say, it's going to happen sooner or later."
Jonghyun sighs, rubs his eyes exasperatedly. "I didn't become an idol so I could pretend to be gay," he mutters.
Kibum laughs lightly, reaches out to grab Jonghyun's wrist. "Just like this," he says, as Jonghyun's gaze travels downwards to their hands. "Simple, right?"
It's not that bad, Jonghyun thinks, and when he glances up, Kibum's smile is bright on his face. "I guess," Jonghyun relents, smiling a little. "Jongkey fighting!"
"Jongkey fighting," Kibum echoes, and their grins are identical.
-
Jonghyun finds himself smiling a little brighter each time Kibum slings an arm around him, finds himself getting a little more comfortable each time Kibum brushes light fingers across his face. Before long, he is slipping his hand through the crook of Kibum's arm and grinning up at him like this is how things have always been. Before long, Jonghyun stops pretending, stops acting, and starts doing it of his own accord.
"See," Kibum whispers to him one day, pressing close. "Told you it would be fine." The fans scream in the background, and Jonghyun smiles back without realizing.
He places a hand on Kibum's shoulder, grins for the cameras. It doesn't occur to him until later at night that Kibum fits next to him perfectly, snugly, like two puzzle pieces clicking together.
-
Jonghyun is the first person Kibum tells. "I think I might be gay," he confesses, trembling, fists clenched. Jonghyun has never seen Kibum look so afraid in his life, and it scares him too.
"Who," Jonghyun says, and Kibum glances up at him, eyes wide and panicky, then away again.
The thing is, Jonghyun has expected it even before the name falls from Kibum's tongue. He's seen it all even if he hasn't registered it, and the truth hits so swiftly Jonghyun can only stare at Kibum. The thing is, Jonghyun can see why Kibum has fallen for Jinki, with his bright smile and clumsiness that makes you want to protect him from the rest of world. The thing is, where do they go from here? Jonghyun is so used to being the closest member to Kibum, the one Kibum goes to whenever he needs a talk or a hug, the one Kibum needs the most.
"Jinki-hyung," Kibum says, voice all tiny and miserable. He looks like he's shrinking into himself, and Jonghyun's hand hovers over his shoulder.
"It'll be okay," Jonghyun says, throat dry. "I think he likes you too." This is the truth, because honestly, how could Jinki not? Kibum is the most adorable person on earth whenever he smiles and laughs and tilts his head, Kibum is wonderful in so, so many ways, it is hard to imagine not falling for him once he's fallen for you.
Kibum blinks. "Really?" He wants to know, and his voice swells with so much hope Jonghyun feels his heart clench.
"Really," Jonghyun promises, and the smile Kibum rewards him with makes everything worth it.
-
Kibum wants Jonghyun to be there somewhere for mental support, and Jonghyun agrees, because this is what best friends do for each other. So he squeezes Kibum's hand and smiles, pushes him into the room where Jinki is. "Fighting," he whispers.
They are speaking so softly Jonghyun cannot hear a thing, so he peeks into the room just the slightest, watches Kibum tug a wide-eyed, red-faced Jinki towards him. Jonghyun smiles, because this is what best friends do for each other, and when Kibum pulls away and glances in his direction, he gives Kibum a thumbs-up and a grin.
And then he leaves. There is only so much he can stand, there are only so many times he can throw in the excuse of being Kibum's best friend.
-
"Hey," Kibum says one day, eyes glittering with a shade of mischief.
Jonghyun eyes him warily. "What?"
"You haven't told me who you like," Kibum answers easily, laughing as Jonghyun frowns and glances away. "Come on, you're the first person I told, okay."
Jonghyun smacks his shoulder. "It's not like I told you to tell me," he teases, and Kibum swats back.
"Be serious," Kibum admonishes, crossing his arms. "Who?"
There is only one name that pops into his mind that moment, but this, he cannot say. So he tilts his head, searches within his mental namelist of his closest friends. "Sulli," he finally says, watching his chances slip past his fingers like a dandelion seed. There is no going back now.
Key raises an eyebrow. "Huh," he comments. "That was unexpected."
Jonghyun makes a non-committal noise. Unexpected? If only you knew, he thinks. If only you knew.
-
They have fights, like all couples do. Jinki is a little too dense sometimes, a little too careless with his words, and Kibum is a little too petty. Kibum will always come to Jonghyun, eyes flashing, mouth drawn, and talk about all the ridiculous things Jinki has done while Jonghyun just sits and listens.
"I don't want to talk about it," Kibum snaps. "He is such an idiot sometimes, I just don't understand him."
There are always steps to Kibum's anger. First he rants non-stop, then he gets slightly calmer, and then he starts crying. Jonghyun's fingers inch towards the tissue box, pulling it closer subtly without Kibum noticing.
Kibum sits down on the bed, brushing his hair out of his eyes roughly. "I just," he says, softer this time. "Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Is it my fault or is it his? Or maybe we're better off friends."
The selfish part in Jonghyun wants to agree with Kibum, wants to tell him he can do so much better, that they're just going to end up a lot more hurt than before. But Jonghyun has seen it all, seen the way Kibum is happy in a different way around Jinki, how his smile has a different angle when it's for Jinki.
"It'll be okay," Jonghyun says. "You know how he is, you know how you are, you're going to be just fine."
Kibum blinks, and a tear slips out of the corner of his eye. "Really?" He asks, and Jonghyun glances away.
"Really," he promises, like he always does.
-
Kibum is in one of his moods again, but this time is a little different. Jonghyun tilts his head, trying to figure out the difference, and then he grabs Kibum's collar. "You were drinking?" He demands, and Kibum slaps his hand away.
"Just a bit," Kibum says. "Just a little bit."
Jonghyun sighs, exasperated. "I'm going to get you some water," he mutters, starts turning to leave, but Kibum is tugging him with such force that his face is inches away from Kibum's.
"Don't go," Kibum whispers, and they are so close Jonghyun can feel Kibum's breath fanning across his face. "Don't leave me alone, Jonghyunnie."
When their lips finally meet, Jonghyun cannot help but think this is the way things should have been. They don't bump noses or clash teeth; instead, they fit together in a way that makes Jonghyun's head spin and heart constrict because it hurts a lot more knowing the truth, knowing what it is that you can never have.
"Fuck," Kibum breathes, pulling away. He squeezes his eyes shut, rubs a hand across his face. "I"m sorry, I wasn't thinking. Oh, God, forget this ever happened, okay?"
When he disappears out of the door, Jonghyun just laughs. It's not like he hadn't expected it.
-
"You're not going to tell him?" Minho asks, quiet but sure. Jonghyun turns to face him, sees the spark of knowledge in Minho's eyes, and guesses that he's known from the start.
"No," Jonghyun says. "It's not going to change anything."
Minho tucks his hands into his jeans pockets, doesn't say anything else. Jonghyun turns back, shuts his eyes, sings a song.
-
This time Kibum looks so sad Jonghyun cannot even help himself, just leans in and kisses Kibum with a hand tangled in his hair, Kibum's back pressed against the wall. He slides his tongue against Kibum's lips, coaxing them open, presses a knee between Kibum's legs, slips his hand beneath the waistband of Kibum's pants. I will make you feel better, he thinks, as Kibum's eyes slip shut. I will take away your pain.
Kibum comes hard and fast, and when his eyes flash open, he startles and pushes Jonghyun away. "Fuck you," Kibum hisses. "What the fuck."
Jonghyun doesn't feel the sting of Kibum's slap until he is gone.
-
Everything is normal the next day, except for the fact that Kibum pointedly refuses to speak to him. Jonghyun is probably supposed to feel relieved that Kibum hasn't mentioned a thing to Jinki, judging by the way he is shooting worried glances between the two of them, but all he feels is a strange sensation that stings a lot more than Kibum's slap. Knowing Kibum, he probably hadn't done it for Jonghyun - he'd done it so Jinki wouldn't be hurt, so it wouldn't affect Jonghyun's friendship with Jinki, so it wouldn't change Jinki's impression of Jonghyun -, and this, this hurts a lot more.
"What happened?" Minho wants to know, and Jonghyun glances away.
"A mistake," Jonghyun says.
-
"How long were you planning on hiding it from me," Kibum asks quietly. His hair falls over his eyes, and he doesn't brush it away. Jonghyun's fists are clenched.
Forever, Jonghyun thinks. "I don't know," he says instead.
Kibum flips his hair away, stares at Jonghyun. "I love you, you know," Kibum says, offers a weak smile. Even if it's not the same kind of love you have for me.
"I know," Jonghyun answers, smiles back, because he knows, he really does.
Jonghyun/Key
1854 words, r
Stranger & stranger
i want to stop this, i know this is wrong,
but i keep going back to you.
- i was wrong, 2am
They start off as strangers, just like anyone else. The first time they meet, they both have terrible hairstyles and awful clothes, but Jonghyun sees the quirk of Kibum's smile and thinks that they can learn to be friends.
Being best friends just happened, sort of. They are both equally talkative, equally mischievous, so it only seems right when they eat and talk and go everywhere together. When they're put into a group with three other boys, Jonghyun exchanges a relieved smile with Kibum because they've done it, they've done it together.
Taemin is sweet and a little shy, Minho barely talks, and Jinki is permanently banging into things. They're nice, but Jonghyun and Kibum stick together most of the time because this is the way things have always been. This is the way things will always be.
-
Management tells them this is just fanservice. "You've seen your sunbaes do it before," they say, as if this is the most normal thing in the world. "Yoosu, Kangteuk... it's just the kind of stuff fans like."
Kibum is the one who reacts first, while Jonghyun just stands there with his mouth wide open. "Jongkey," he says, smiling at the way the name sounds. "I think this might work."
Jonghyun raises his eyebrows, wants to argue, but Kibum is bowing and then tugging him away. "Don't be ridiculous," Kibum says. "No matter what we say, it's going to happen sooner or later."
Jonghyun sighs, rubs his eyes exasperatedly. "I didn't become an idol so I could pretend to be gay," he mutters.
Kibum laughs lightly, reaches out to grab Jonghyun's wrist. "Just like this," he says, as Jonghyun's gaze travels downwards to their hands. "Simple, right?"
It's not that bad, Jonghyun thinks, and when he glances up, Kibum's smile is bright on his face. "I guess," Jonghyun relents, smiling a little. "Jongkey fighting!"
"Jongkey fighting," Kibum echoes, and their grins are identical.
-
Jonghyun finds himself smiling a little brighter each time Kibum slings an arm around him, finds himself getting a little more comfortable each time Kibum brushes light fingers across his face. Before long, he is slipping his hand through the crook of Kibum's arm and grinning up at him like this is how things have always been. Before long, Jonghyun stops pretending, stops acting, and starts doing it of his own accord.
"See," Kibum whispers to him one day, pressing close. "Told you it would be fine." The fans scream in the background, and Jonghyun smiles back without realizing.
He places a hand on Kibum's shoulder, grins for the cameras. It doesn't occur to him until later at night that Kibum fits next to him perfectly, snugly, like two puzzle pieces clicking together.
-
Jonghyun is the first person Kibum tells. "I think I might be gay," he confesses, trembling, fists clenched. Jonghyun has never seen Kibum look so afraid in his life, and it scares him too.
"Who," Jonghyun says, and Kibum glances up at him, eyes wide and panicky, then away again.
The thing is, Jonghyun has expected it even before the name falls from Kibum's tongue. He's seen it all even if he hasn't registered it, and the truth hits so swiftly Jonghyun can only stare at Kibum. The thing is, Jonghyun can see why Kibum has fallen for Jinki, with his bright smile and clumsiness that makes you want to protect him from the rest of world. The thing is, where do they go from here? Jonghyun is so used to being the closest member to Kibum, the one Kibum goes to whenever he needs a talk or a hug, the one Kibum needs the most.
"Jinki-hyung," Kibum says, voice all tiny and miserable. He looks like he's shrinking into himself, and Jonghyun's hand hovers over his shoulder.
"It'll be okay," Jonghyun says, throat dry. "I think he likes you too." This is the truth, because honestly, how could Jinki not? Kibum is the most adorable person on earth whenever he smiles and laughs and tilts his head, Kibum is wonderful in so, so many ways, it is hard to imagine not falling for him once he's fallen for you.
Kibum blinks. "Really?" He wants to know, and his voice swells with so much hope Jonghyun feels his heart clench.
"Really," Jonghyun promises, and the smile Kibum rewards him with makes everything worth it.
-
Kibum wants Jonghyun to be there somewhere for mental support, and Jonghyun agrees, because this is what best friends do for each other. So he squeezes Kibum's hand and smiles, pushes him into the room where Jinki is. "Fighting," he whispers.
They are speaking so softly Jonghyun cannot hear a thing, so he peeks into the room just the slightest, watches Kibum tug a wide-eyed, red-faced Jinki towards him. Jonghyun smiles, because this is what best friends do for each other, and when Kibum pulls away and glances in his direction, he gives Kibum a thumbs-up and a grin.
And then he leaves. There is only so much he can stand, there are only so many times he can throw in the excuse of being Kibum's best friend.
-
"Hey," Kibum says one day, eyes glittering with a shade of mischief.
Jonghyun eyes him warily. "What?"
"You haven't told me who you like," Kibum answers easily, laughing as Jonghyun frowns and glances away. "Come on, you're the first person I told, okay."
Jonghyun smacks his shoulder. "It's not like I told you to tell me," he teases, and Kibum swats back.
"Be serious," Kibum admonishes, crossing his arms. "Who?"
There is only one name that pops into his mind that moment, but this, he cannot say. So he tilts his head, searches within his mental namelist of his closest friends. "Sulli," he finally says, watching his chances slip past his fingers like a dandelion seed. There is no going back now.
Key raises an eyebrow. "Huh," he comments. "That was unexpected."
Jonghyun makes a non-committal noise. Unexpected? If only you knew, he thinks. If only you knew.
-
They have fights, like all couples do. Jinki is a little too dense sometimes, a little too careless with his words, and Kibum is a little too petty. Kibum will always come to Jonghyun, eyes flashing, mouth drawn, and talk about all the ridiculous things Jinki has done while Jonghyun just sits and listens.
"I don't want to talk about it," Kibum snaps. "He is such an idiot sometimes, I just don't understand him."
There are always steps to Kibum's anger. First he rants non-stop, then he gets slightly calmer, and then he starts crying. Jonghyun's fingers inch towards the tissue box, pulling it closer subtly without Kibum noticing.
Kibum sits down on the bed, brushing his hair out of his eyes roughly. "I just," he says, softer this time. "Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Is it my fault or is it his? Or maybe we're better off friends."
The selfish part in Jonghyun wants to agree with Kibum, wants to tell him he can do so much better, that they're just going to end up a lot more hurt than before. But Jonghyun has seen it all, seen the way Kibum is happy in a different way around Jinki, how his smile has a different angle when it's for Jinki.
"It'll be okay," Jonghyun says. "You know how he is, you know how you are, you're going to be just fine."
Kibum blinks, and a tear slips out of the corner of his eye. "Really?" He asks, and Jonghyun glances away.
"Really," he promises, like he always does.
-
Kibum is in one of his moods again, but this time is a little different. Jonghyun tilts his head, trying to figure out the difference, and then he grabs Kibum's collar. "You were drinking?" He demands, and Kibum slaps his hand away.
"Just a bit," Kibum says. "Just a little bit."
Jonghyun sighs, exasperated. "I'm going to get you some water," he mutters, starts turning to leave, but Kibum is tugging him with such force that his face is inches away from Kibum's.
"Don't go," Kibum whispers, and they are so close Jonghyun can feel Kibum's breath fanning across his face. "Don't leave me alone, Jonghyunnie."
When their lips finally meet, Jonghyun cannot help but think this is the way things should have been. They don't bump noses or clash teeth; instead, they fit together in a way that makes Jonghyun's head spin and heart constrict because it hurts a lot more knowing the truth, knowing what it is that you can never have.
"Fuck," Kibum breathes, pulling away. He squeezes his eyes shut, rubs a hand across his face. "I"m sorry, I wasn't thinking. Oh, God, forget this ever happened, okay?"
When he disappears out of the door, Jonghyun just laughs. It's not like he hadn't expected it.
-
"You're not going to tell him?" Minho asks, quiet but sure. Jonghyun turns to face him, sees the spark of knowledge in Minho's eyes, and guesses that he's known from the start.
"No," Jonghyun says. "It's not going to change anything."
Minho tucks his hands into his jeans pockets, doesn't say anything else. Jonghyun turns back, shuts his eyes, sings a song.
-
This time Kibum looks so sad Jonghyun cannot even help himself, just leans in and kisses Kibum with a hand tangled in his hair, Kibum's back pressed against the wall. He slides his tongue against Kibum's lips, coaxing them open, presses a knee between Kibum's legs, slips his hand beneath the waistband of Kibum's pants. I will make you feel better, he thinks, as Kibum's eyes slip shut. I will take away your pain.
Kibum comes hard and fast, and when his eyes flash open, he startles and pushes Jonghyun away. "Fuck you," Kibum hisses. "What the fuck."
Jonghyun doesn't feel the sting of Kibum's slap until he is gone.
-
Everything is normal the next day, except for the fact that Kibum pointedly refuses to speak to him. Jonghyun is probably supposed to feel relieved that Kibum hasn't mentioned a thing to Jinki, judging by the way he is shooting worried glances between the two of them, but all he feels is a strange sensation that stings a lot more than Kibum's slap. Knowing Kibum, he probably hadn't done it for Jonghyun - he'd done it so Jinki wouldn't be hurt, so it wouldn't affect Jonghyun's friendship with Jinki, so it wouldn't change Jinki's impression of Jonghyun -, and this, this hurts a lot more.
"What happened?" Minho wants to know, and Jonghyun glances away.
"A mistake," Jonghyun says.
-
"How long were you planning on hiding it from me," Kibum asks quietly. His hair falls over his eyes, and he doesn't brush it away. Jonghyun's fists are clenched.
Forever, Jonghyun thinks. "I don't know," he says instead.
Kibum flips his hair away, stares at Jonghyun. "I love you, you know," Kibum says, offers a weak smile. Even if it's not the same kind of love you have for me.
"I know," Jonghyun answers, smiles back, because he knows, he really does.