LJIdol Week 4 - "What does narcissim have to do with me?"

[standgale]

Comments

[standgale]

Constructive criticism welcome.

[whipchick]

You've done a great job showing this character's mindset - the challenge for me as the reader is that it's hard to have enjoyed the time I spent with him in so short a piece, since he's wretched (good writing!) and I don't have a larger context. Great description in the first paragraph, it makes the world really clear, but I wonder if some of those details could be thrown in later, to get into the immediate story faster and also engage the reader more in a process of discovery as we go?

Nice job!

[standgale]

thanks for your comments, that's really helpful. Even when I get voted out I'm hoping to home game through the rest of the competition so I'm going to try and apply everyone's comments to future pieces.
your constructive criticism is really good, which is not something everyone is able to do.
with this bit "he challenge for me as the reader is that it's hard to have enjoyed the time I spent with him in so short a piece, since he's wretched (good writing!) and I don't have a larger context." do you mean I should have given more of the context and that would have made it better? And do you mean context about him, or about the world?

[whipchick]

Glad it's helpful, glad it's welcome :) I agree - I'm wanting so much to be a better writer from being here

[standgale]

Thanks for your comment and feedback. The first line is a real pain, I spent ages on it. I shall have a look at it again.

[basric]

(= enjoyed

[standgale]

woohoo, I'm glad - thanks!

[nodressrehersal]

Very interesting, nicely written.

[standgale]

thanks, it was fun to write and might be fun to develop later.

[myrna_bird]

The name at the end says it all!

[standgale]

I thought of the character first and wasn't sure what to do with him, but I loled when I finally worked out the ending. The guy has so much ego I'm suprised he doesn't trip over it.