[fic]
title: Perceptions of Reality
rating: PG(13 for a little language, maybe?)
fandom: SS501
pairing: Hyunjoong/Kyujong
notes: My fic for this years gyonggo_ss exchange. This was written for sunshineyes whose prompt was: 'Hyunjoong/Kyujong - being with you is one epiphany after another'. It may or may not have worked out.
i
It was dark. It was late. He was tired, and he needed to be up early. He couldn't sleep. And it was in that moment that Kyujong realised why.
There was a noise, a quiet, sleepy, grunt from his left, and Kyujong was quite suddenly hyper-aware that the chest pressed against his body was bare. Of course, he knew this, Hyunjoong almost always slept without a shirt on (quite often even less). But now Kyujong could feel the warmth radiating from that bared skin, all but searing through his own shirt.
It made the breath a little tight inside his chest.
This wasn't the first time Kyujong had experienced this problem, either, lying there awake, staring into the darkness as Hyunjoong snored comfortably beside him. He'd assumed it was just too much on his mind, the usual symptoms of insomnia.
But now, it struck him; ever since - when they became them - he couldn't sleep with Hyunjoong right there, next to him. And shirtless.
ii
"Starfish reproduce by free-spawning."
"...What?" Kyujong was a little baffled, but to be honest, it was Hyunjoong, and that wasn't quite enough to turn his attention from the food he was trying to cook for them both. Kyujong had long since learnt his lesson of letting Hyunjoong distract him, and burn the food.
"Free-spawning. They shoot their...sperm or their whatever - I forget the starfish name for it - into the sea, and just hope that another starfish will do the same and make baby starfish."
Strangely enough, Kyujong could feel his appetite starting to decrease, the more he looked at the rice he was making. "Oh, right."
"Bit weird, isn't it? Just shooting their stuff into the sea like that and hoping. Waiting for another starfish to come along and do the same. I thought it was interesting."
He didn't need to turn around, to know that Hyunjoong was behind him now. Kyujong, as he'd discovered, had this innate sense when it came to Hyunjoong; he just knew, whenever he was near.
An arm slipped around his waist, easy and casual. When Hyunjoong next spoke, Kyujong could feel his words, breath warm against the back of his neck. "How long until it's ready? I'm starving."
"It'll be ready when it's ready," Kyujong answered, almost teasing. Of course, talking about starfish spawning wouldn't put Hyunjoong off of his food.
"I also heard," Hyunjoong's face was now rested, quite comfortably for him no doubt, against the dip between neck and shoulder, "that to increase their chances, they do something, with chemicals and signals and crap, to let the other starfish around know they're ready."
Kyujong's hand shook, just the tiniest of wavers, as he poked at the rice. "You've been watching too much TV. Why are you telling me about starfish?" Even as he spoke, Kyujong had some idea. Hyunjoong did this, spouted bullshit like this, when there are important things he wanted to say.
"Because I'm a starfish, and I'm sending out my signals."
Turning in his arms, Kyujong stared up at his friend, "you're ready to spawn?"
In the end, Kyujong did burn their food.
iii
Kyujong couldn't take his eyes off Hyunjoong whenever he played guitar. It was as if his brain completely disengaged from everything else, and all he could do was stand and watch. Watch fingers pick out the chords, pluck at the strings; pluck at Kyujong's heart.
The notes and the melody always seemed to weave a spell around him; the serious, thoughtful look of concentration on Hyunjoong's face keeping him stuck in place.
And then, the spell was broken. The pretty notes, the serious chords, evaporating into nothing. Slowly, falling back into himself, Kyujong realised two things: Hyunjoong was now playing a silly, stupid jingle from a silly, stupid commercial on TV, and he was grinning over at him, whilst he did so.
That day, Kyujong realised, Hyunjoong could very rarely keep anything serious for long.
iv
Kyujong didn't know about it, but Hyunjoong couldn't take his eyes off him, either, whenever Kyujong started to sing.
v
Sometimes, it was harder than Kyujong thought it would be (should be?) He'd never assumed this was going to be easy - since when was anything good in life ever easy? - but whenever they fought, or when things became awkward and stilted, when Kyujong hesitated with his words, and Hyunjoong hesitated with his hands, it felt like it was harder than it should have been.
Stressed out and nerves on edge, exhausted and strung too tight, and words would be said, and words wouldn't be said, and things would sit between them and make it difficult. And at times like that, Kyujong felt the heavy weight of eyes upon them both; they weren't allowed to fuck this up.
vi
"If I was the wicked, evil witch, would you still want me?"
Kyujong knew better than to ask.
"I'm not the princess."
Hyunjoong grinned, that bullshitting grin of his. "Fine, you can be the prince. But if I was the villain, would you still want to be with me?"
A grin of his own unfolded across Kyujong's face. "I'd have to. You'd make an awful princess." He nudged Hyunjoong's shoulder, playfully, and Hyunjoong retaliated by hitting him with a pillow.
vii
It wasn't a fairytale.
It wasn't a fairytale, but sometimes, it was nice to pretend.
viii
Hyunjoong was gone, away filming his drama, and Kyujong was still there, with Hyungjun and Youngsaeng and trying to pretend two of their five weren't missing. That half of himself wasn't absent.
It was only then, with Hyunjoong gone, and Kyujong busy, that he realised this was exactly how he felt. Half of him wasn't there.
ix
There was a dull, buzzing sound, and although it was late, and Kyujong was tired, it was enough to wake him up. He was the lightest sleeper out of all of them; the complete opposite to Hyunjoong.
Blinking through his suddenly-awoken haze, Kyujong groped in the dark for the source of the noise. It was his phone. The screen glowed, bright in the dark room; there was a text message waiting for him. Kyujong didn't even need to open it, to know who it was from.
Hyunjoong was away, filming, but in between his busy moments, he still found time to bombard Kyujong with text messages, at any hour, any time, of the day. Usually silly, stupid, trivial things. Like the one that had just woken Kyujong from his much desired sleep.
'I just saw a potato and it reminded me of you~! ^^ Your face must really look like a potato, huh~? ^^
Kyujong smiled to himself. The calls, the stupid text messages, he knew they were Hyunjoong's way of holding him tight, and trying not to let go, even through the distance.
x
It was difficult. Harder than Kyujong had expected. But he'd learnt from experience, several times over, that nothing good in life was easy. And as long as this, them, wasn't too easy, he knew it would be worth it.
xi
The next time he saw Hyunjoong, felt his arms around him, and pulled him close to himself, Kyujong realised, his heart didn't race, and his chest wasn't tight with lack of air, and his stomach didn't flip just from the kiss Hyunjoong had given him.
There was more to it. So much more. And he saw this epiphany in Hyunjoong's smile.
- end -
rating: PG(13 for a little language, maybe?)
fandom: SS501
pairing: Hyunjoong/Kyujong
notes: My fic for this years gyonggo_ss exchange. This was written for sunshineyes whose prompt was: 'Hyunjoong/Kyujong - being with you is one epiphany after another'. It may or may not have worked out.
i
It was dark. It was late. He was tired, and he needed to be up early. He couldn't sleep. And it was in that moment that Kyujong realised why.
There was a noise, a quiet, sleepy, grunt from his left, and Kyujong was quite suddenly hyper-aware that the chest pressed against his body was bare. Of course, he knew this, Hyunjoong almost always slept without a shirt on (quite often even less). But now Kyujong could feel the warmth radiating from that bared skin, all but searing through his own shirt.
It made the breath a little tight inside his chest.
This wasn't the first time Kyujong had experienced this problem, either, lying there awake, staring into the darkness as Hyunjoong snored comfortably beside him. He'd assumed it was just too much on his mind, the usual symptoms of insomnia.
But now, it struck him; ever since - when they became them - he couldn't sleep with Hyunjoong right there, next to him. And shirtless.
ii
"Starfish reproduce by free-spawning."
"...What?" Kyujong was a little baffled, but to be honest, it was Hyunjoong, and that wasn't quite enough to turn his attention from the food he was trying to cook for them both. Kyujong had long since learnt his lesson of letting Hyunjoong distract him, and burn the food.
"Free-spawning. They shoot their...sperm or their whatever - I forget the starfish name for it - into the sea, and just hope that another starfish will do the same and make baby starfish."
Strangely enough, Kyujong could feel his appetite starting to decrease, the more he looked at the rice he was making. "Oh, right."
"Bit weird, isn't it? Just shooting their stuff into the sea like that and hoping. Waiting for another starfish to come along and do the same. I thought it was interesting."
He didn't need to turn around, to know that Hyunjoong was behind him now. Kyujong, as he'd discovered, had this innate sense when it came to Hyunjoong; he just knew, whenever he was near.
An arm slipped around his waist, easy and casual. When Hyunjoong next spoke, Kyujong could feel his words, breath warm against the back of his neck. "How long until it's ready? I'm starving."
"It'll be ready when it's ready," Kyujong answered, almost teasing. Of course, talking about starfish spawning wouldn't put Hyunjoong off of his food.
"I also heard," Hyunjoong's face was now rested, quite comfortably for him no doubt, against the dip between neck and shoulder, "that to increase their chances, they do something, with chemicals and signals and crap, to let the other starfish around know they're ready."
Kyujong's hand shook, just the tiniest of wavers, as he poked at the rice. "You've been watching too much TV. Why are you telling me about starfish?" Even as he spoke, Kyujong had some idea. Hyunjoong did this, spouted bullshit like this, when there are important things he wanted to say.
"Because I'm a starfish, and I'm sending out my signals."
Turning in his arms, Kyujong stared up at his friend, "you're ready to spawn?"
In the end, Kyujong did burn their food.
iii
Kyujong couldn't take his eyes off Hyunjoong whenever he played guitar. It was as if his brain completely disengaged from everything else, and all he could do was stand and watch. Watch fingers pick out the chords, pluck at the strings; pluck at Kyujong's heart.
The notes and the melody always seemed to weave a spell around him; the serious, thoughtful look of concentration on Hyunjoong's face keeping him stuck in place.
And then, the spell was broken. The pretty notes, the serious chords, evaporating into nothing. Slowly, falling back into himself, Kyujong realised two things: Hyunjoong was now playing a silly, stupid jingle from a silly, stupid commercial on TV, and he was grinning over at him, whilst he did so.
That day, Kyujong realised, Hyunjoong could very rarely keep anything serious for long.
iv
Kyujong didn't know about it, but Hyunjoong couldn't take his eyes off him, either, whenever Kyujong started to sing.
v
Sometimes, it was harder than Kyujong thought it would be (should be?) He'd never assumed this was going to be easy - since when was anything good in life ever easy? - but whenever they fought, or when things became awkward and stilted, when Kyujong hesitated with his words, and Hyunjoong hesitated with his hands, it felt like it was harder than it should have been.
Stressed out and nerves on edge, exhausted and strung too tight, and words would be said, and words wouldn't be said, and things would sit between them and make it difficult. And at times like that, Kyujong felt the heavy weight of eyes upon them both; they weren't allowed to fuck this up.
vi
"If I was the wicked, evil witch, would you still want me?"
Kyujong knew better than to ask.
"I'm not the princess."
Hyunjoong grinned, that bullshitting grin of his. "Fine, you can be the prince. But if I was the villain, would you still want to be with me?"
A grin of his own unfolded across Kyujong's face. "I'd have to. You'd make an awful princess." He nudged Hyunjoong's shoulder, playfully, and Hyunjoong retaliated by hitting him with a pillow.
vii
It wasn't a fairytale.
It wasn't a fairytale, but sometimes, it was nice to pretend.
viii
Hyunjoong was gone, away filming his drama, and Kyujong was still there, with Hyungjun and Youngsaeng and trying to pretend two of their five weren't missing. That half of himself wasn't absent.
It was only then, with Hyunjoong gone, and Kyujong busy, that he realised this was exactly how he felt. Half of him wasn't there.
ix
There was a dull, buzzing sound, and although it was late, and Kyujong was tired, it was enough to wake him up. He was the lightest sleeper out of all of them; the complete opposite to Hyunjoong.
Blinking through his suddenly-awoken haze, Kyujong groped in the dark for the source of the noise. It was his phone. The screen glowed, bright in the dark room; there was a text message waiting for him. Kyujong didn't even need to open it, to know who it was from.
Hyunjoong was away, filming, but in between his busy moments, he still found time to bombard Kyujong with text messages, at any hour, any time, of the day. Usually silly, stupid, trivial things. Like the one that had just woken Kyujong from his much desired sleep.
'I just saw a potato and it reminded me of you~! ^^ Your face must really look like a potato, huh~? ^^
Kyujong smiled to himself. The calls, the stupid text messages, he knew they were Hyunjoong's way of holding him tight, and trying not to let go, even through the distance.
x
It was difficult. Harder than Kyujong had expected. But he'd learnt from experience, several times over, that nothing good in life was easy. And as long as this, them, wasn't too easy, he knew it would be worth it.
xi
The next time he saw Hyunjoong, felt his arms around him, and pulled him close to himself, Kyujong realised, his heart didn't race, and his chest wasn't tight with lack of air, and his stomach didn't flip just from the kiss Hyunjoong had given him.
There was more to it. So much more. And he saw this epiphany in Hyunjoong's smile.
- end -