[fic]
title: Notes
rating: PG-13
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae
summary: Hyukjae finds it hard to express himself outloud. AU.
Hyukjae likes to leave Donghae notes. He’ll leave them all over their apartment, sometimes tacked onto the fridge, sometimes on the kitchen table; but most of the time he leaves them on his pillow, for Donghae to find when he wakes up in the morning.
He leaves the notes because he finds it difficult to say some of the things he wants to say out loud. Hyukjae can never find a good moment to say things like ‘I love to listen to you breathe when you’re fast asleep’ or ‘you have the softest lips’ or even just a simple ‘I really missed you today.’
Donghae never minds these notes though, even though he has no trouble telling Hyukjae these kinds of things himself. Every note Donghae finds brings a happy smile to his face and they always make him feel warm inside. He keeps them all, in a little box, hidden in his secret spot that even Hyukjae knows nothing about. The notes come on various types of paper sometimes, too. Sometimes, Hyukjae is in a hurry and just scrawls out a quick message on the back of an envelope or a receipt, or sometimes he has brightly coloured post-it notes to use, and sometimes Donghae buys him patterned notepaper; once he’d even bought Hyukjae ‘Hello Kitty’ patterned notepaper, which he’d actually used, to Donghae’s amusement.
He keeps on leaving these notes because it’s easier, and it just ends up becoming habit for him, and because Donghae never complains about it anyway. Hyukjae will come home from work sometimes to be greeted by Donghae, who’ll hug him tight and kiss him and then whisper in his ear something like, “I got your note today, you can be the sweetest thing, JaeJae,” or maybe “that was an excellent idea you left me with this morning, why don’t we go try it out?”
Although it’s easier for Hyukjae, and Donghae never seems to mind being told by little pieces of paper, Hyukjae still wishes he could just actually say these things to Donghae, out loud.
He tries, one night as they’re lying in bed, cuddled up tightly together, bare skin against bare skin, warm from their lovemaking. He can hear Donghae’s still somewhat heavy breathing and feel his own heart still pounding quickly in his chest. Donghae’s fingers brush sweaty strands of hair from Hyukjae’s face before he presses a kiss to flushed cheeks. Donghae feels soft, yet firm, and Hyukjae just loves how it feels to hold him tightly in his arms like this. It seems like a moment, an absolutely perfect moment, to tell Donghae something he’s been wanting to tell him for awhile now. But it’s difficult, and Hyukjae’s scared.
Sure, it had been scary that first time he’d even thought about Donghae in an intimate kind of way, and then it had been scary when he liked Donghae and found Donghae liked him back. It had been even more frightening starting a relationship with him, and that fear had only been eclipsed by the fear he felt the first time they’d slept together.
But this … this was what all of that had led up to, and this, to Hyukjae, was the scariest of them all, this was what made it all the more real, something completely tangible that he wouldn’t be able to deny, couldn’t turn away from, something he couldn’t leave behind.
“Donghae,” he whispers, and he can feel his lips brush ever so lightly against Donghae’s warm skin as he speaks.
“Hm?”
Hyukjae licks his lips and tries, tries oh-so-hard, to force some words of meaning out from between them. He means them, he really does, so shouldn’t they just be able to flow out from his lips with ease? But it isn’t easy though, and he can’t get any further than “I”. He can feel Donghae tense up slightly against him, expectantly, and any of the courage he had managed to gather for this moment - which hadn’t been much - leaves him completely.
Sighing, Hyukjae instead finds himself saying, “Sweet dreams, Hae.” He can hear Donghae exhale, but otherwise has no idea what’s going through his lover’s mind, what he’s thinking or feeling.
“You too,” Donghae whispers back a moment later.
As Donghae kisses him again and snuggles up against him, Hyukjae can’t help but find himself feeling guilty and ashamed of himself. Donghae deserves to hear these things out loud, deserves to hear just what and how much he means to Hyukjae. But Hyukjae just can’t bring himself to say so out loud. Not yet.
* * *
“I’ve always had trouble expressing my feelings. I just … I just can’t say them out loud, you know?”
“Have you ever tried writing them down?”
“No …”
“Sometimes, it’s a lot easier to express yourself on paper. Here, try it. Tell me something you can’t say to me out loud.”
“Okay, hang on …”
“Oh, Hyuk, I feel the same.
“…Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
* * *
Donghae wakes up the next morning to find a note left for him on Hyukjae’s pillow, which isn’t an unusual sight at all. Smiling, he picks it up, wondering to himself what sweet sentiment Hyukjae might have left for him today.
This note is a short one, but it ends up leaving Donghae with a smile larger than any other note has given him, except perhaps for the smile he had when Hyukjae handed him that note saying he liked Donghae.
Donghae spends a moment groping around in the bedside table, but when he finds what he’s looking for - a pen - he then adds a little message of his own, underneath Hyukjae’s, and smiles.
Even though he might not have heard the words out loud, they still mean just as much, and that is definitely more than enough for Donghae.
- end -
rating: PG-13
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Hyukjae/Donghae
summary: Hyukjae finds it hard to express himself outloud. AU.
Hyukjae likes to leave Donghae notes. He’ll leave them all over their apartment, sometimes tacked onto the fridge, sometimes on the kitchen table; but most of the time he leaves them on his pillow, for Donghae to find when he wakes up in the morning.
He leaves the notes because he finds it difficult to say some of the things he wants to say out loud. Hyukjae can never find a good moment to say things like ‘I love to listen to you breathe when you’re fast asleep’ or ‘you have the softest lips’ or even just a simple ‘I really missed you today.’
Donghae never minds these notes though, even though he has no trouble telling Hyukjae these kinds of things himself. Every note Donghae finds brings a happy smile to his face and they always make him feel warm inside. He keeps them all, in a little box, hidden in his secret spot that even Hyukjae knows nothing about. The notes come on various types of paper sometimes, too. Sometimes, Hyukjae is in a hurry and just scrawls out a quick message on the back of an envelope or a receipt, or sometimes he has brightly coloured post-it notes to use, and sometimes Donghae buys him patterned notepaper; once he’d even bought Hyukjae ‘Hello Kitty’ patterned notepaper, which he’d actually used, to Donghae’s amusement.
He keeps on leaving these notes because it’s easier, and it just ends up becoming habit for him, and because Donghae never complains about it anyway. Hyukjae will come home from work sometimes to be greeted by Donghae, who’ll hug him tight and kiss him and then whisper in his ear something like, “I got your note today, you can be the sweetest thing, JaeJae,” or maybe “that was an excellent idea you left me with this morning, why don’t we go try it out?”
Although it’s easier for Hyukjae, and Donghae never seems to mind being told by little pieces of paper, Hyukjae still wishes he could just actually say these things to Donghae, out loud.
He tries, one night as they’re lying in bed, cuddled up tightly together, bare skin against bare skin, warm from their lovemaking. He can hear Donghae’s still somewhat heavy breathing and feel his own heart still pounding quickly in his chest. Donghae’s fingers brush sweaty strands of hair from Hyukjae’s face before he presses a kiss to flushed cheeks. Donghae feels soft, yet firm, and Hyukjae just loves how it feels to hold him tightly in his arms like this. It seems like a moment, an absolutely perfect moment, to tell Donghae something he’s been wanting to tell him for awhile now. But it’s difficult, and Hyukjae’s scared.
Sure, it had been scary that first time he’d even thought about Donghae in an intimate kind of way, and then it had been scary when he liked Donghae and found Donghae liked him back. It had been even more frightening starting a relationship with him, and that fear had only been eclipsed by the fear he felt the first time they’d slept together.
But this … this was what all of that had led up to, and this, to Hyukjae, was the scariest of them all, this was what made it all the more real, something completely tangible that he wouldn’t be able to deny, couldn’t turn away from, something he couldn’t leave behind.
“Donghae,” he whispers, and he can feel his lips brush ever so lightly against Donghae’s warm skin as he speaks.
“Hm?”
Hyukjae licks his lips and tries, tries oh-so-hard, to force some words of meaning out from between them. He means them, he really does, so shouldn’t they just be able to flow out from his lips with ease? But it isn’t easy though, and he can’t get any further than “I”. He can feel Donghae tense up slightly against him, expectantly, and any of the courage he had managed to gather for this moment - which hadn’t been much - leaves him completely.
Sighing, Hyukjae instead finds himself saying, “Sweet dreams, Hae.” He can hear Donghae exhale, but otherwise has no idea what’s going through his lover’s mind, what he’s thinking or feeling.
“You too,” Donghae whispers back a moment later.
As Donghae kisses him again and snuggles up against him, Hyukjae can’t help but find himself feeling guilty and ashamed of himself. Donghae deserves to hear these things out loud, deserves to hear just what and how much he means to Hyukjae. But Hyukjae just can’t bring himself to say so out loud. Not yet.
* * *
“I’ve always had trouble expressing my feelings. I just … I just can’t say them out loud, you know?”
“Have you ever tried writing them down?”
“No …”
“Sometimes, it’s a lot easier to express yourself on paper. Here, try it. Tell me something you can’t say to me out loud.”
“Okay, hang on …”
“Oh, Hyuk, I feel the same.
“…Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
* * *
Donghae wakes up the next morning to find a note left for him on Hyukjae’s pillow, which isn’t an unusual sight at all. Smiling, he picks it up, wondering to himself what sweet sentiment Hyukjae might have left for him today.
This note is a short one, but it ends up leaving Donghae with a smile larger than any other note has given him, except perhaps for the smile he had when Hyukjae handed him that note saying he liked Donghae.
Donghae spends a moment groping around in the bedside table, but when he finds what he’s looking for - a pen - he then adds a little message of his own, underneath Hyukjae’s, and smiles.
Even though he might not have heard the words out loud, they still mean just as much, and that is definitely more than enough for Donghae.
- end -