Unconventional Courtship - Montana Love Letter
Title: Montana Love Letter
Author: Starbucks Sue
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing/Characters: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Rating: G
Length: 7800 words
Summary: A fresh start for his troubled daughter-that's what widower Rodney McKay wants to find at Bear Lake, Montana. The eight-year-old girl hasn't spoken a word in months. But when the family of two meets widower John Sheppard and his kind daughter, Rodney's child begins to blossom. Still, the handsome auto mechanic keeps Rodney at arm’s length. He seems to be hiding something painful-something he can't bear to share. Perhaps their two sweet children can help Rodney show him that opening the heart to love is life's greatest joy.
Notes: Written for the Unconventional Courtship challenge and based on the synopsis from the Harlequin romance novel Montana Love Letter.
Rodney McKay looked around in interest as the tow truck pulled into the yard of the auto repair shop after picking him and his daughter up after an encounter with a deer on Highway 93, the road that ran through the town of Lakeside en route to and from Glacier National Park, Montana.
Still shaken by his violent encounter with a tree when he'd swerved to miss the deer, Rodney McKay smoothed his hand over his daughter's hair as she climbed out of the truck. Thank goodness Samantha had had her seat belt on in the backseat. Rodney had been the only one in front, and the driver's air bag had deployed on impact. As it was, Sam would have a bruise from the seat belt across her chest, and Rodney’s neck already ached.
But it could have been worse.
The driver of the tow truck came around to the passenger side. His face wrinkled and weathered by more than sixty years, he lifted his baseball cap and scratched his thinning gray hair.
"John'll be right with you. He'll take good care of you."
"Thank you for bringing us here. I don't know what I would have done if that deputy sheriff hadn't come by. My cell couldn't pick up any bars."
"Yep, reception's mighty spotty around the mountains, that's for sure." He resettled his cap. "If it's all right with you, I'll unload your car off the truck so John can take a close look."
"Of course. Thank you again." He eased Sam out of the way of the truck. As shaken as Rodney, eight-year-old Samantha had a fierce death grip on her favorite stuffed animal, Max. The poor thing's fur had worn thin over his ears and he'd lost some of his stuffing.
"Careful you don't step in any grease spots," he said.
Although as he glanced around, he noted the garage floor was nearly spotless, certainly in comparison to some auto shops he'd visited over the course of his thirty-eight years.
At the back of the garage there was an office with a window. The man he took to be John, presumably the owner, hung up the phone and headed toward Rodney.
Wearing blue overalls, he had a nice, comfortable stride and a smile curving his lips. Although his dark hair was cut fairly short, it was rumpled and sticking up in all directions as though he'd recently run his fingers through it. He guessed he was in his mid- to late-thirties.
"Hi I’m John Sheppard,” held out his hand for Rodney to shake. “Sounds like you didn't get a very good welcome to Lakeside," he said in a warm, friendly voice.
"Rodney McKay and, unfortunately, no. Particularly since I'd read that Lakeside is the friendliest little town in Montana." He'd also spotted a billboard to that effect as they'd reached the town limits on the highway.
"Well, then, I guess we'll have to make up for that rude introduction." He glanced at Sam and winked. "Were you the one driving when you had the accident?"
Sam shook her head and buried her face in Rodney’s hip.
Chuckling, Rodney introduced himself. "This is my daughter, Samantha. Fortunately, we've got a while before she's old enough to drive. I was the guilty party behind the wheel, although most of the blame falls on the poor frightened animal that dashed out in front of me. I managed to swerve and miss him, but I rammed into a tree instead."
"Nice to meet you both. Those deer can be a real hazard around here. Seems like they spook and jump out at you for no reason." He nodded toward Rodney’s car. "Let's take a look and see what we've got."
He followed John across the garage to the crumpled car. The front end looked as though it had been accordioned on the right side by some giant hand. Spiderwebs crisscrossed the windshield. What a mess! He'd come all this way from Seattle hoping to find a place to start over, and now what he had was a car that had been nearly totaled by a tree.
Things were not looking good for his goal of beginning a new life.
John forced open the wrenched hood of the car. Peering inside, he touched and jiggled this and that like a blind man reading Braille, humming a slightly off-key tune as he worked.
"The radiator's cracked and so is the radiator hose," he announced. "And a couple of braces are bent. Let's see underneath."
He dropped to the floor and rolled over onto his back. "The axle looks fine." Agilely, he came to his feet, all six feet of lean, muscled body. "Lots of bodywork to do, plus the windshield and the air bag will need to be replaced. I'll get you an estimate on that. The rest doesn't look too bad."
"That's a relief. How long do you think it will take to repair?"
"I've got braces and the radiator hose on hand, but I need to order the radiator and a new air bag. This being Friday and the start of the weekend, I can't get parts here until Monday. But that's okay because the bodywork is going to take several days. I use a guy in Missoula who does really fine work."
Clear back in Missoula? That had to be at least seventy miles, maybe more. He and Sam had stayed there last night. It was the newspaper ad for Lakeside he'd read in the motel lobby that had brought him in this direction.
"Let me go call my body guy, and I'll get you an estimate. There're some chairs over there." He indicated a cluster of folding chairs by the far wall. "And a soda machine. Don't put any money in. Just open the door and take your pick."
"Thank you."
A car pulled up in front of the garage. A young girl who looked to be about eight or nine hopped out. She was wearing a two-piece swimsuit that she was a few years away from filling out and had a beach towel wrapped around her shoulders. She thanked the driver and hurried inside the garage. Her dark hair hung in limp strands down her back.
"Hey, Dad, I'm back."
"I see that." John gave her a quick hug. "You have fun?"
"Sure. I beat some guys in my class in a race out to the swimming float."
"Good for you, Peanut." He turned toward Rodney. “Alex meet Mr McKay and his daughter, Samantha.” He looked over at Rodney. “This is my daughter, Alexandra.
The girl had the same friendly smile as her father and sun-pinked cheeks. "Hello. Are you staying in town for a while?"
"It's looking that way," Rodney said.
"Well, if you want to go swimming, there's a beach right near the municipal dock. Lots of kids go there."
"I'll remember that. Thank you." The July day had been more than warm under a cobalt-blue sky. Now, however, clouds were building over the mountains, threatening a summer shower.
The youngster glanced toward Rodney’s battered car. "Boy, you sure hit something hard."
"It was a big tree, I'm afraid."
"I'm glad you weren't hurt bad. My dad can fix cars up like new." She shrugged as though her statement was the obvious truth, and she grinned. "He's the best."
“Alex, you'd better go get yourself cleaned up and changed." John gave her a little nudge.
"Okay." She waved to Rodney and Sam, then jogged off into the office, her flip-flops smacking the concrete floor with every step.
"Your daughter is very outgoing," Rodney commented when the girl was out of sight.
"Yeah, I don't think she's ever met a stranger." He was still looking in the direction his daughter had vanished. "Her mother was the same way up until she got sick and passed on." He looked away quickly.
"Oh, I'm sorry for you loss." Rodney’s own spasm of grief mixed with residual anger arrowed through him. He gritted her teeth to block the sensation.
He shrugged off Rodney’s sympathy. "I'll go get that estimate now."
Rodney watched him walk away until Sam tugged on his hand. "What is it, honey?"
Sam pointed toward the soda machine.
"Ah, of course. Let's see what kind of sodas he has." Although he tried to watch Sam's sugar intake, today was not the day to make an issue of it. Rodney could use a little sugar boost himself. Caffeine would help, too.
Sam picked an orange soda, and Rodney selected a cola, it was the best substitute for coffee available.
They settled onto the chairs, Sam still clasping Max in her arms. Cars streamed by on the road out front. The garage was a mile north of the small town of Lakeside they had driven through in the tow truck. Rodney had noticed a whole raft of motels and a diner. A billboard they passed promoted local B and Bs. Another sign announced that the Rotary met Wednesday at noon at Sandy's Lakeside Restaurant, which featured fresh fish and steaks.
A nice little town. About as different from Seattle as any he could imagine.
John returned to give him the bad news about the repairs. The estimate was higher than he'd expected. Worse, he indicated it would be the end of next week before he got the car back.
"I can tell you were hoping for better news," he said.
"True. I'm not worried about the money. My insurance will cover most of that. But a whole week?" He shook his head in dismay. "I hate being without a car that long. Is there a car-rental place in town?"
"Afraid not. I can loan you one of mine. I keep it around for my customers who get stuck without transportation. It looks like a clunker, but I've got it running pretty good and it's insured. You can do some touring, up to Glacier National Park, come back in a few days."
"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you. I'd appreciate that." A clunker car would be better than none. As was obvious from his three-year-old sedan, driving a luxury car had never been Rodney’s thing. "But I hadn't planned on being a tourist. I was going to do some house hunting, get acquainted with this area, see if it would be a good place to settle down."
John lifted his brows. "You're planning to stay in Lakeside? Permanently?"
"If things work out." He'd left Seattle with no particular destination in mind and a prayer that God would lead him to the right place to start a new life for himself and Sam.
"Well, that's great. We can always use new blood around here. I'll help you get your things out of your car and into mine. Where are you staying tonight?" He started walking toward Rodney’s car.
"I have no idea. I saw lots of motels in town."
John stopped abruptly. "You don't have a reservation?" He made it sound like an accusation.
Rodney frowned. "No. I was sure I'd arrive early enough to find a place to stay. I'm not fussy." He did, however, require clean and neat.
"Maybe not, but I think you're going to have a problem."
An uneasy feeling crept down Rodney’s spine. "Why is that?"
Alex came running back into the garage, now wearing shorts and a tank top. Rodney noticed she had the innocence of childhood and wasn't yet into the awkward adolescent stage.
"We've got a big Country-Western Festival going on this weekend," John said. "The whole town is booked solid."
Rodney’s stomach sank. "Everything? Even the B and Bs I saw advertised?"
"As far as I know. The festival's a sellout every year. Great for the tourist business."
Not so great for Rodney. "How about the next town? Maybe they'll have something?"
"Not likely. I can call the Visitor Center for you. See if they know of any vacancies." He plucked his cell from a pocket and punched in the number. "Hey, Sarah. It's John. I've got a customer here looking for a room tonight. You got anything?"
He kept looking at Rodney while he listened. He noticed that John’s eyes were an interesting shade of hazel, and there were crinkles at the corners as though he spent a fair amount of time outdoors. From the look of his physique, he probably did some hiking and camping in the woods around here.
"Thanks, Sarah. Take care." He snapped the phone closed and shook his head. "The closest available rooms are in Missoula."
Rodney’s shoulders slumped. That would be at least an hour's ride in a clunker. He blew out a sigh. He didn't seem to have much of a choice.
Alex piped up. "Dad, they could stay in our cottage."
Rodney frowned and so did John.
"I don't know, kiddo," John said. "I'm not sure-"
"It’s a lovely cottage,” Alex interjected, ignoring her father's objection and directing her attention to Rodney. "There’s plenty of room downstairs and a room in the attic for Sam."
"That's very generous of you, but-"
"You don't want to drive all the way to Missoula, do you?" Alex’s enthusiasm was hard to squelch. "Besides, we've got our own dock where we can swim and a boat we can sail in. Sam, would you like to stay at our house?"
If Rodney hadn’t already been looking at John he would have missed the look of apprehension that flickered over John’s features before his face blanked over, whatever emotions going through him hidden behind a neutral mask that the man had obviously perfected.
“If you’re sure it won’t be a problem, I really don’t want to have to drive all the way back to Missoula tonight. We can move out again in the morning and find somewhere more suitable.”
John shook his head, obviously resigned.
“It’s not a problem, the only time it’s used is when Alex’s Grandparents come to stay. They were here last month and aren’t likely to visit again until fall. You can stay as long as you need.”
“And they keep saying that Daddy ought to rent the place out, cuz it’s a waste to have it sitting empty. It’s a pretty cottage and there’s plenty of room for the two of you.” Alex added enthusiastically. “Come on, get the car and I’ll take you, it’s just a mile down the road.”
John grinned at his daughter’s enthusiasm and Rodney was pleased to see that Sam looked intrigued with this girl who appeared to be her new friend. Alex chatted away to her as they unloaded Sam’s things from the back of Rodney’s car into John’s.
“Okay then, let’s get the car loaded up. Alex will show you around and feel free to help yourself to food and drinks in our kitchen, there won’t be anything at the cottage for now but the store will be open until late, I can show you later.” John advised as he and Rodney transferred the contents of the trunk from one car to the other.
“Thanks. It’s really kind of you to do this, I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.” Rodney replied with honesty as he got in the car, a little surprised at how trusting John was, offering not only the car but his cottage and the assistance of his daughter.
“See you soon Daddy.” Alex shouted out of the window as they drove off.
Glancing in the rear view mirror, Rodney could see John standing watching them until they disappeared around the corner.
“Okay, you need to turn right here,” Alex piped up. “Then follow the road round the bend and then turn right again through that gateway there.” She pointed to a rough gravel drive leading through the woods. Rodney could see a building through the trees and as he turned the corner caught sight of a pretty log cabin and beyond it a rustic two story house with a wrap-around porch, the view across the lake was stunning with the mountains in the distance and Rodney fell in love with the location straight away.
“Wait here, I’ll go get the keys.” Alex was out of the car almost before it stopped, bounding across the grass and up the steps into the main house. She was back out a moment later, jingling the keys as she came.
“Welcome to Lakeside,” she said with a grin. “It’s a lovely place to live although Grandma was always trying to persuade Mommy to move when Daddy wasn’t around. He was in the Air Force and away a lot of the time, Grandma and Grandpa didn’t approve of him which is why they stay in the cottage when they visit.” She explained as she unlocked.
They walked into a wide entryway with rooms off to each side.
“The kitchen’s through here,” she turned through the doorway on the left and led them into the kitchen and dining area and then through an archway into a large living room with a view over the lake. “This door leads back into the hallway and the stairs,” she pointed out the open stairs leading up. “There’s a small study under the stairs and the main bedroom and bathroom are just through here.”
“The other bedroom is upstairs,” she trotted energetically up the winding stairs into the attic room, the quaint sloping ceilings had windows fitted in to them with views in three directions, a door in the fourth wall led to a small bathroom.
The cottage was, in Rodney’s opinion, just perfect. The polished wooden floors were obviously well looked after and the cottage had real character.
“It’s a lovely cottage, Alex, we’ll really enjoy staying here won’t we Sam?” He said with a smile. Sam nodded shyly and Alex looked curiously at her and Rodney guessed what was coming next.
“Doesn’t Sam talk?” She asked softly, looking from Sam to Rodney.
Sam’s face fell at the question, all too often she’d had children approach her in friendship and then pull away when they realized she didn’t speak and already she was ready for rejection again.
Rodney sat down on the bed, pulling Sam to sit beside him. Alex automatically came and sat the other side of him, an expectant expression on her face.
“Almost a year ago, Sam and her mother, my wife Katie, were shopping in Seattle. They were parked in a multi-story car park and when they came back to the car some thieves were trying to steal it. Katie tried to stop them and they killed her, leaving Sam scared and alone.
The men were caught on a surveillance camera and were taken to trial and put in prison for Katie’s murder two weeks ago, but Sam hasn’t spoken since she saw her mother killed.” Rodney explained.
Alex’s eyes filled with tears.
“That’s horrible, I thought that finding my Mom dead was bad but that’s so much worse. I’m so sorry Sam.” She hopped off the bed and gave the other girl a hug, squashing Max between them.
“What happened to your Mom, Alex?” Rodney asked gently.
“She died from cancer six months ago, her name was Nancy,” Alex explained. “She was feeling poorly the last time Daddy came home on leave but didn’t say anything to anyone for ages, it was only when Grandma and Grandpa came to stay last Christmas that they noticed she had lost weight and made her go and see Mr Carson, our doctor.
She had to go into hospital for tests but by the time she was diagnosed it had spread. Grandma and Grandpa stayed while she had treatment but they didn’t tell Daddy until the doctors said there was nothing more they could do for her. Daddy was really mad when he came home and he had a huge row with Grandma and Grandpa and they left, he was even madder then because he thought they should have stayed for Mommy’s sake.
Mommy was in a lot of pain and Mr Carson said she got confused and took too many of the wrong drugs.” She broke off and looked away and then continued very quietly. “I think Daddy blames himself though, he won’t come to Mass with me anymore and he’s always sad although he tries not to let other people see.”
Rodney reached out and pulled Alex towards him, hugging her to one side the way he was hugging Sam.
“I’m so sorry Alex, that must have been really hard too.” He said gently. “You’ve both had a really difficult time and Sam and I know what that’s like.”
“Daddy’s really quiet these days and doesn’t go out much. He doesn’t have any family and Grandma and Grandpa have never liked him because they think Mommy married beneath her, but they don’t know Daddy and what a wonderful person he is, Mommy loved him and he loved Mommy and that’s the most important thing isn’t it?”
“Yes, you’re right. If your Mom and Dad loved each other the way that Katie and I loved one another then I know it’s right, and they obviously both loved you too.”
Alex sniffed and pulled back.
“Sorry, I’m not being much of a hostess am I. Let’s bring your stuff in and then we can go up to the house for a drink and I’ll give you the grand tour.”
Half an hour later they were sitting on the deck overlooking the lake, drinks in hand. Finally Rodney had got his coffee and the girls were drinking milk, Rodney had been pleased to see the lack of soda’s in the house and guessed John tried to keep Alex’s sugar levels down the way he did Sam’s.
Rodney had to admit that the house was beautiful and he could see why they loved it so much. Downstairs was a spacious kitchen, dining room and large living room, with picture windows and deck overlooking the lake. There was also a study and bathroom on the ground floor. On the first floor were two large bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms plus two smaller guest rooms and a main bathroom. The two larger bedrooms had balconies and lake views and from the balcony of Alex’s room Rodney could see the boathouse down by the lakeside, it really was a stunning location and Rodney finally allowed himself to relax.
Before long, Alex dragged Sam off upstairs to her room and Rodney was secretly delighted at how well the two girls were getting on. Sam had been very clingy since losing her mother and her lack of speech had put off her former friends and any children trying to make friends with her. With Alex it was different, the lively and friendly little girl hadn’t been put off at all by the fact that Sam didn’t talk, simply phrasing her questions in order to allow Sam to either nod or shake her head. From the open window of Alex’s bedroom Rodney could hear music and occasional chatter and laughter, for the first time in a very long time, he thought that maybe Sam would be okay.
***
Rodney was dozing in the shade when John’s truck finally pulled up to the house and he opened his eyes sleepily, watching John as he leapt athletically out of the truck. Before meeting Katie he’d had relationships with both men and women but once he’d fallen in love and married, men had never entered the equation again. John definitely interested him though, the tall, lean, athletic figure, changeable hazel eyes and the darn untamed hair all appealed to him. On the surface John’s laid-back, charming demeanor probably fooled a lot of people but Rodney was a people watcher and prided himself in being able to see below the surface. With John there was a sadness which Rodney would have recognized even without Alex’s explanation and Rodney really hoped that he would get the chance to know John better.
John jogged lithely up the steps, grinning at Rodney as he drew closer. “Thought you’d be out here, nice view isn’t it?”
“It’s stunning, I can see why you like it here, I just hope I can find somewhere with a view like this.” He got up and followed John into the house accepting the cold beer John handed him from the refrigerator.
“So are you looking for a job as well?”
“No, I’m a writer and I work from home, which is why the location is important. I need somewhere quiet and peaceful, but not too far from civilization for shopping and for Sam’s sake, she needs to have friends around her and the ones she had before Katie’s death just gave up on her, her mother was killed in front of her and after the trauma of that she doesn’t talk. That’s why I decided to pack up and move somewhere completely new after the trial, make a new start for both of us.”
“So what make you pick Lakeside?”
“I didn’t really, we just headed out of Seattle on I90 and drove, we stayed overnight in Missoula and I saw an advert at the motel for Lakeside and it looked and sounded like a nice place so we headed up to take a look.”
“And you like what you see?”
Rodney looked over cautiously, not sure if John was flirting with him.
“Yes…yes, I do so far, despite the bad start, I guess things can only get better from here.”
John grinned at him and sat his empty bottle down.
“I’m going to take a shower, but stick around, I’ve got a batch of chili in the fridge and there’ll be plenty for all of us. After we’ve eaten I’ll take you to the store and you can stock up. Help yourself to another beer if you want.” On that, he turned and Rodney heard his footsteps on the stairs. He helped himself to another beer and made his way back out onto the deck.
***
The next few days were busy ones as Rodney and Sam settled in. A visit to the elementary school had Sam settled in to her new class with Alex straight away and the two girls soon became close friends.
As Rodney worked from home, both girls came straight back to the cottage after school instead of Alex having to go to a childminder or wait with her father until he was finished and Rodney enjoyed having the two girls around, taking them swimming in the lake or playing ball with them after school, other times the girls amused themselves in either Alex or Sam’s rooms, doing their homework or playing, whatever they did they were inseparable and Rodney was both relieved and delighted to see his daughter happy and smiling again.
Rodney was finding it difficult to read John, on a few occasions it had seemed like John was flirting with him and he seemed to enjoy Rodney’s company, Rodney had also caught him checking him out on a couple of occasions but whenever Rodney had attempted to take things further John had pulled away and changed the subject. Rodney was pretty certain he was interested though.
When the weekend rolled around Rodney found it hard to believe he had only been in Lakeside for a week, the days had quickly settled into a routine with seeing the girls off on the school bus, spending the day writing before meeting them off the bus again in the afternoon and spending most evenings after dinner sitting on John’s porch. The structure of the days seemed to help his writing and he found that the writer’s block he’d been facing since Katie’s death had finally shifted, allowing the words to flow again and his story was progressing rapidly.
John had promised to take the girls sailing on the Saturday which was fine with Rodney, both Sam and Alex were strong swimmers and Rodney trusted John. It was only on the Friday evening as they were clearing up from dinner that John casually mentioned that he’d pack up a picnic lunch for the four of them so they could land on one of the islands for lunch that Rodney realized he had been included in the invitation.
It was a day that Rodney knew he would look back on with so many happy memories, Sam’s excitement at sailing on the lake, Alex’s joy at having someone to share her love of the lake and John’s quiet, relaxed happiness as he sailed the little boat around the lake made Rodney realize how much he had missed doing something like this as a family. The highlight of the day came just after lunch when the girls spotted deer in the woods at the far side of the lake, Sam’s cry of ‘look Papa’ startled them all, Sam included, and then they were all laughing and Alex was hugging Sam and Sam was hugging Rodney and then Sam threw herself on John and hugged him tightly, while Alex came and hugged Rodney and the look which John gave Rodney was so full of affection and fondness that Rodney really thought that John’s barriers had finally fallen and that they might all get a chance of happiness.
Six weeks later…
Rodney sighed as he glanced out of the window seeing John’s truck draw up in the yard. They’d been dancing around each other ever since the sailing trip and, with the girls away for the night at a sleepover, he knew this was the best chance he was going to get to make his move.
Shutting down his laptop, he put the lasagna in the hot oven, grabbed his keys and crossed the yard to the house, tapping on the door and letting himself in as both he and Sam had been doing over the past weeks.
“Hey,” he walked into the kitchen where he could hear John. “I’ve made lasagna if you want to join me, there’s plenty for two and with the girls out for the night I thought it would be nice to have a drink and chill out.” He offered confidently, hoping his invitation would be accepted.
“Yeah, that would be good, it’s been a hell of a week.” John replied. He looked tired, exhausted even, and Rodney wondered why, he knew John hadn’t worked any harder or any longer hours than usual and guessed that something must be troubling his friend. “Have I got time to shower first?”
“Yes, as long as you don’t fall asleep in there.” Rodney teased. “Say around half an hour?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.” John smiled tiredly as he turned to go upstairs and Rodney let himself out and returned to the cottage.
Rodney had already showered, opting for casual jeans and t-shirt. He and Sam usually just used placemats on the polished wood table and although he didn’t want to put John off, he did want to put some effort into the dinner so he’d hunted around and found a tablecloth which fitted the round dining table, adding the placemats and matching coasters and pulling out the large wineglasses he’d picked up at the store. He’d already opened a bottle of red wine and he placed it on a spare coaster before adding the cutlery.
He’d decided that candles might be going a bit too far, and would probably scare the already skittish John off completely, so he compromised with an ornate nautical lantern he’d found in one of the stores by the harbor, by the time they finished eating dusk would be drawing in so the gentle light would be appreciated by then.
By the time he’d finished fussing over the table John was letting himself in through the kitchen door and Rodney went to meet him. John was dressed comfortably in jeans and t-shirt with a open checked shirt over the top, despite being slightly damp his hair still stuck out at all angles, it was one of the strange things that Rodney had come to love about him, he’d also shaved which, along with the tiredness, made him look young and vulnerable, he hesitated when he saw the formally laid table.
“Hey, come and sit down before you fall down, dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.” Rodney exclaimed, pulling a chair out from the table and mentally sighing with relief when John stepped forward and sat down. “You look exhausted, John, is everything okay?” He poured them both a glass of wine and sat opposite.
John ducked his head, rubbing absently at the back of his neck.
“Yeah, just haven’t been sleeping well.” He hesitated, taking a sip of wine and making an appreciative noise. “Having you and Sam around has made me realize how much Alex has been missing out on since losing her Mom, she’s such a friendly, outgoing kid but with being in the Air Force and away so much I didn’t really get to see her day to day, since we lost Nancy I’ve worked at the garage and Alex has had to fend for herself a lot, she seemed happy and I didn’t question it.
Since you’ve been here though she’s been different, I can see now that she really is happy, she and Sam are such good friends and she adores you and working from here you’re around for the kids when I’m not, the way her Mom was.” He sighed and looked down at the table, tracing a finger around the base of the glass.
“John, she understands that you have to work, she knows it’s been just as difficult for you to adjust and come to terms with both Nancy’s death and having to give up your career, especially flying.” Rodney reached across and caught John’s wrist, urging him to look up at him. “She worships the ground you walk on, she talks about you a lot and I can tell you’re a wonderful father to her.”
John smiled shyly and dropped his head; at that moment the timer went off signaling that the lasagna was ready. He patted John’s wrist and withdrew his hand, a little relieved at the interruption as the conversation had been getting somewhat intense and he didn’t think John was quite ready for that yet.
Rodney kept conversation light throughout the meal, topping up the wine glasses regularly as they cleared the lasagna with enthusiasm and moved on to the apple pie he’d picked up from the bakery that afternoon.
Once the food was cleared, they moved on to sit out on the deck and Rodney brought through coffee and a generous slug of the good Scotch whisky he saved for special occasions. He was pleased to see that John was far more relaxed now, food and alcohol doing their bit to lower his defenses.
The sun was just disappearing behind the mountains, leaving the lake in shadow as he sat next to John on the bench knowing that is was now or never.
“I don’t think I’m reading things wrong here but forgive me if I am,” he began hesitantly. “I’ve been attracted to you since the day we met and over the past few weeks I’ve got the impression that you may be interested in me too. If you are, I’d really like to take things to the next level.” He glanced sideways at John, relieved that John wasn’t protesting or denying it but a little unsure at the lack of reaction from his friend, so he pushed on. “I know you’re still dealing with Nancy’s death and everything you’ve had to give up and we can move as slow as you’re comfortable with; I’m not going to force you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“Rodney, you wouldn’t want to get involved with me.” John whispered finally, staring down at the floor. “I’m not good at this relationship thing, the only reason Nancy and I got along so well was because I was hardly ever around, she was happy here with Alex.” He explained. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love her, but she was always complaining that I didn’t open up, didn’t share. I’m…I’m not good at that…” He broke off, scrubbing one hand through his hair in frustration.
“Hey, you’re doing fine so far, let’s just give it a try can’t we, otherwise we’ll never know. We’re good friends, at least I’d like to think we are, our kids get on well with both of us and each other and I think we know each other pretty well by now.” Rodney said confidently.
“You don’t know me at all,” John admitted so quietly that Rodney barely heard him. “Neither did Nancy. She never knew anything about my family or my upbringing. You know, her parents didn’t approve of me because to them I was just a pilot in the Air Force and wasn’t from a moneyed family like they were. If only they knew!” He barked out an unamused laugh. “My father owns Sheppard Industries, the house I was brought up in had ten bedrooms, we had a cook, a housekeeper and a gardener and my father had a valet. We owned eight racehorses and my mother and I had our own horses for riding too. Nancy’s parents would have been groveling at the gates if they’d known.
My mother died when I was ten, my brother Dave was fifteen and he had already decided he wanted to join our father’s business; he was like a carbon copy of my father. I was sent off to boarding school when my mother died, she and I were alike and I guess he just didn’t want me around, didn’t want to have to deal with me. In his eyes, the final straw was when I decided to join the Air Force, we haven’t spoken since the day I left for flight school. I don’t even know whether he’s dead or alive.” John broke off and took a deep swallow of whisky as Rodney tried to gather his thoughts.
“So Alex doesn’t know she has relatives?” Rodney asked finally. “Why didn’t you tell Nancy?”
“No, Alex doesn’t think I have any living family, I just don’t talk about them.” John confessed. “As for Nancy, when we met I just didn’t want to have anything to do with them, I spent years feeling hurt and angry with my father after my Mom died, no-one knows about them.”
“Except me,” Rodney replied softly. “You’ve just told me, that must mean something?” He finished hopefully.
John looked up at him in surprise.
“Yeah, I guess so. I hadn’t thought about it.” He fiddled with the glass in his hand and Rodney waited patiently, guessing there was more. “That’s not everything though,” John continued eventually. “I didn’t get told that Nancy had cancer until they’d tried treating her and realized that there was nothing more they could do. Her parents had been here looking after her and Alex for months and when I finally got home we had a row and they left, they didn’t even stay for her last days.
Nancy was in a really bad way by then, suffering and in a lot of pain, she told me that she didn’t want to prolong things; she wanted to die so she didn’t have to suffer and so that Alex and I wouldn’t have to watch her suffer and deteriorate. I didn’t tell anyone but I think Carson realized. One Sunday she was in a really bad way but she persuaded me to take Alex to Mass as usual, she said she would be okay but she must have overdosed on her meds just after we left as she was already cold by the time we got home…” He broke off as his voice wobbled and he got quickly to his feet.
“I can’t do this…I’m sorry, Rodney.” His voice broke on Rodney’s name as he fled from the cottage back to the house.
Rodney watched him in dismay, before leaping up and following John. If this was the first time John was actually talking about this then Rodney wasn’t going to let him face it alone.
He followed John’s path across the yard, grateful that the man had headed straight for the house and not into the woods as Rodney knew he would never have found him. John knew the woods surrounding his property like the back of his hand.
Rodney let himself carefully into the house, finally finding John in the living room, an album on the table in front of him and an envelope in his hands. He looked up briefly and sighed in resignation as Rodney entered the room.
“Nancy loved scrapbooking and making these memory albums. When she knew she was dying she started this one for Alex, right from the time she was born, all the important moments of her childhood, how we met and our wedding through to Alex’s birth and all the important things from Alex’s childhood.
In the front of the album is a letter she wrote to Alex, at the back in a sealed envelope she left a letter for me. I…I’ve never found the courage to open the envelope, let alone read it.” John broke off, his voice thick with emotion.
“Maybe it’s time you did, John.” Rodney said softly, coming to stand close to John. He reached out and laid a gentle hand on John’s back. “Perhaps it’s time to read the letter and to let go of the guilt and grief you’re still feeling over her death. You know, the woman I’ve been hearing about from Alex wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this, she would want you to be happy.”
John turned the envelope over in his hands before looking up at Rodney, a pleading look on his face.
“You’ll stay?” He whispered. “I don’t know if I can do this alone.”
“Of course I’ll stay. I’m here for you, John, I’m not going anywhere.”
They sat on the couch and John stared at the letter for a long moment before slitting the envelope and withdrawing the single sheet of lined paper with shaky hands.
“Dear John
I started this letter to you so many times and there is so much I wish I could say to you.
I’m so sorry for leaving you and Alex like this and for not going to see Carson sooner when there would have been more chance of me pulling through and I’m sorry you weren’t told earlier, by the time I realized that my parents hadn’t informed you I was so tired all the time that I just didn’t have the energy to fight with them, I’m glad you came home when you did, at least we had a little time to spend together at the end.
John, I know that you are taking on the burden of guilt over my death, I know you think that you should have anticipated what I was going to do and that you should have been here to stop me. Well, if you had been here I would just have found another time; you couldn’t be with me all the time. It is my time to go, I’m in so much pain and it just hurts me even more to see you and Alex suffering because of my pain. What I am about to do is best for everyone, so please don’t feel guilty, this wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t have stopped me, I would have found a way eventually.
I want you and Alex to be happy, grieve for me and move on, find a partner who makes you happy, who makes you smile, makes you laugh and who you can be yourself with, someone who will be there for you and for Alex, allow her to have the security of a second parent. You never said much about your family apart from the fact that your mother died when you were young, I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to lose a parent but I know that you will do your best for Alex, just don’t spoil her or let her get away with too much.
John, just remember that I will be at peace, with no more pain. Know that I love you so very much and that all I want now is for you and Alex to be happy.
Love you forever
Nancy”
John’s voice had faltered several times as he read the letter out loud but he managed to make it to the end before dropping his face into his hands. Rodney quickly rescued the letter before pulling the distressed man into his arms and rocking him gently as he would Sam. To his relief John didn’t pull away but leaned into him.
They sat like that for long minutes as John wrestled his emotions back under control and finally raised his head, swiping the back of his hand over his face before looking Rodney in the eye.
“Thank you,” he said softly. “I guess you’re right, I think I knew intellectually that Nancy would want me to find happiness with someone else but emotionally…” he broke off with a sigh.
“Yes, it must be difficult to look at the situation objectively.” Rodney agreed. “Could you be happy with someone else?”
John chuckled and ducked his head shyly.
“That’s another thing you’re right about. I am interested in you, have been since you turned up. It’s been a long time though, before I joined the Air Force.”
“Me too, I met Katie when I was 25 but before that I had male and female lovers,” Rodney confessed. “But there’s no rush John; we’ve got plenty of time ahead of us.”
He reached up and cupped John’s face gently, pulling him forward into a kiss. It would be enough for now, Rodney knew, he wasn’t going to rush John and they had plenty of time ahead of them and a whole future to plan.
Author: Starbucks Sue
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing/Characters: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Rating: G
Length: 7800 words
Summary: A fresh start for his troubled daughter-that's what widower Rodney McKay wants to find at Bear Lake, Montana. The eight-year-old girl hasn't spoken a word in months. But when the family of two meets widower John Sheppard and his kind daughter, Rodney's child begins to blossom. Still, the handsome auto mechanic keeps Rodney at arm’s length. He seems to be hiding something painful-something he can't bear to share. Perhaps their two sweet children can help Rodney show him that opening the heart to love is life's greatest joy.
Notes: Written for the Unconventional Courtship challenge and based on the synopsis from the Harlequin romance novel Montana Love Letter.
Rodney McKay looked around in interest as the tow truck pulled into the yard of the auto repair shop after picking him and his daughter up after an encounter with a deer on Highway 93, the road that ran through the town of Lakeside en route to and from Glacier National Park, Montana.
Still shaken by his violent encounter with a tree when he'd swerved to miss the deer, Rodney McKay smoothed his hand over his daughter's hair as she climbed out of the truck. Thank goodness Samantha had had her seat belt on in the backseat. Rodney had been the only one in front, and the driver's air bag had deployed on impact. As it was, Sam would have a bruise from the seat belt across her chest, and Rodney’s neck already ached.
But it could have been worse.
The driver of the tow truck came around to the passenger side. His face wrinkled and weathered by more than sixty years, he lifted his baseball cap and scratched his thinning gray hair.
"John'll be right with you. He'll take good care of you."
"Thank you for bringing us here. I don't know what I would have done if that deputy sheriff hadn't come by. My cell couldn't pick up any bars."
"Yep, reception's mighty spotty around the mountains, that's for sure." He resettled his cap. "If it's all right with you, I'll unload your car off the truck so John can take a close look."
"Of course. Thank you again." He eased Sam out of the way of the truck. As shaken as Rodney, eight-year-old Samantha had a fierce death grip on her favorite stuffed animal, Max. The poor thing's fur had worn thin over his ears and he'd lost some of his stuffing.
"Careful you don't step in any grease spots," he said.
Although as he glanced around, he noted the garage floor was nearly spotless, certainly in comparison to some auto shops he'd visited over the course of his thirty-eight years.
At the back of the garage there was an office with a window. The man he took to be John, presumably the owner, hung up the phone and headed toward Rodney.
Wearing blue overalls, he had a nice, comfortable stride and a smile curving his lips. Although his dark hair was cut fairly short, it was rumpled and sticking up in all directions as though he'd recently run his fingers through it. He guessed he was in his mid- to late-thirties.
"Hi I’m John Sheppard,” held out his hand for Rodney to shake. “Sounds like you didn't get a very good welcome to Lakeside," he said in a warm, friendly voice.
"Rodney McKay and, unfortunately, no. Particularly since I'd read that Lakeside is the friendliest little town in Montana." He'd also spotted a billboard to that effect as they'd reached the town limits on the highway.
"Well, then, I guess we'll have to make up for that rude introduction." He glanced at Sam and winked. "Were you the one driving when you had the accident?"
Sam shook her head and buried her face in Rodney’s hip.
Chuckling, Rodney introduced himself. "This is my daughter, Samantha. Fortunately, we've got a while before she's old enough to drive. I was the guilty party behind the wheel, although most of the blame falls on the poor frightened animal that dashed out in front of me. I managed to swerve and miss him, but I rammed into a tree instead."
"Nice to meet you both. Those deer can be a real hazard around here. Seems like they spook and jump out at you for no reason." He nodded toward Rodney’s car. "Let's take a look and see what we've got."
He followed John across the garage to the crumpled car. The front end looked as though it had been accordioned on the right side by some giant hand. Spiderwebs crisscrossed the windshield. What a mess! He'd come all this way from Seattle hoping to find a place to start over, and now what he had was a car that had been nearly totaled by a tree.
Things were not looking good for his goal of beginning a new life.
John forced open the wrenched hood of the car. Peering inside, he touched and jiggled this and that like a blind man reading Braille, humming a slightly off-key tune as he worked.
"The radiator's cracked and so is the radiator hose," he announced. "And a couple of braces are bent. Let's see underneath."
He dropped to the floor and rolled over onto his back. "The axle looks fine." Agilely, he came to his feet, all six feet of lean, muscled body. "Lots of bodywork to do, plus the windshield and the air bag will need to be replaced. I'll get you an estimate on that. The rest doesn't look too bad."
"That's a relief. How long do you think it will take to repair?"
"I've got braces and the radiator hose on hand, but I need to order the radiator and a new air bag. This being Friday and the start of the weekend, I can't get parts here until Monday. But that's okay because the bodywork is going to take several days. I use a guy in Missoula who does really fine work."
Clear back in Missoula? That had to be at least seventy miles, maybe more. He and Sam had stayed there last night. It was the newspaper ad for Lakeside he'd read in the motel lobby that had brought him in this direction.
"Let me go call my body guy, and I'll get you an estimate. There're some chairs over there." He indicated a cluster of folding chairs by the far wall. "And a soda machine. Don't put any money in. Just open the door and take your pick."
"Thank you."
A car pulled up in front of the garage. A young girl who looked to be about eight or nine hopped out. She was wearing a two-piece swimsuit that she was a few years away from filling out and had a beach towel wrapped around her shoulders. She thanked the driver and hurried inside the garage. Her dark hair hung in limp strands down her back.
"Hey, Dad, I'm back."
"I see that." John gave her a quick hug. "You have fun?"
"Sure. I beat some guys in my class in a race out to the swimming float."
"Good for you, Peanut." He turned toward Rodney. “Alex meet Mr McKay and his daughter, Samantha.” He looked over at Rodney. “This is my daughter, Alexandra.
The girl had the same friendly smile as her father and sun-pinked cheeks. "Hello. Are you staying in town for a while?"
"It's looking that way," Rodney said.
"Well, if you want to go swimming, there's a beach right near the municipal dock. Lots of kids go there."
"I'll remember that. Thank you." The July day had been more than warm under a cobalt-blue sky. Now, however, clouds were building over the mountains, threatening a summer shower.
The youngster glanced toward Rodney’s battered car. "Boy, you sure hit something hard."
"It was a big tree, I'm afraid."
"I'm glad you weren't hurt bad. My dad can fix cars up like new." She shrugged as though her statement was the obvious truth, and she grinned. "He's the best."
“Alex, you'd better go get yourself cleaned up and changed." John gave her a little nudge.
"Okay." She waved to Rodney and Sam, then jogged off into the office, her flip-flops smacking the concrete floor with every step.
"Your daughter is very outgoing," Rodney commented when the girl was out of sight.
"Yeah, I don't think she's ever met a stranger." He was still looking in the direction his daughter had vanished. "Her mother was the same way up until she got sick and passed on." He looked away quickly.
"Oh, I'm sorry for you loss." Rodney’s own spasm of grief mixed with residual anger arrowed through him. He gritted her teeth to block the sensation.
He shrugged off Rodney’s sympathy. "I'll go get that estimate now."
Rodney watched him walk away until Sam tugged on his hand. "What is it, honey?"
Sam pointed toward the soda machine.
"Ah, of course. Let's see what kind of sodas he has." Although he tried to watch Sam's sugar intake, today was not the day to make an issue of it. Rodney could use a little sugar boost himself. Caffeine would help, too.
Sam picked an orange soda, and Rodney selected a cola, it was the best substitute for coffee available.
They settled onto the chairs, Sam still clasping Max in her arms. Cars streamed by on the road out front. The garage was a mile north of the small town of Lakeside they had driven through in the tow truck. Rodney had noticed a whole raft of motels and a diner. A billboard they passed promoted local B and Bs. Another sign announced that the Rotary met Wednesday at noon at Sandy's Lakeside Restaurant, which featured fresh fish and steaks.
A nice little town. About as different from Seattle as any he could imagine.
John returned to give him the bad news about the repairs. The estimate was higher than he'd expected. Worse, he indicated it would be the end of next week before he got the car back.
"I can tell you were hoping for better news," he said.
"True. I'm not worried about the money. My insurance will cover most of that. But a whole week?" He shook his head in dismay. "I hate being without a car that long. Is there a car-rental place in town?"
"Afraid not. I can loan you one of mine. I keep it around for my customers who get stuck without transportation. It looks like a clunker, but I've got it running pretty good and it's insured. You can do some touring, up to Glacier National Park, come back in a few days."
"That's very thoughtful of you. Thank you. I'd appreciate that." A clunker car would be better than none. As was obvious from his three-year-old sedan, driving a luxury car had never been Rodney’s thing. "But I hadn't planned on being a tourist. I was going to do some house hunting, get acquainted with this area, see if it would be a good place to settle down."
John lifted his brows. "You're planning to stay in Lakeside? Permanently?"
"If things work out." He'd left Seattle with no particular destination in mind and a prayer that God would lead him to the right place to start a new life for himself and Sam.
"Well, that's great. We can always use new blood around here. I'll help you get your things out of your car and into mine. Where are you staying tonight?" He started walking toward Rodney’s car.
"I have no idea. I saw lots of motels in town."
John stopped abruptly. "You don't have a reservation?" He made it sound like an accusation.
Rodney frowned. "No. I was sure I'd arrive early enough to find a place to stay. I'm not fussy." He did, however, require clean and neat.
"Maybe not, but I think you're going to have a problem."
An uneasy feeling crept down Rodney’s spine. "Why is that?"
Alex came running back into the garage, now wearing shorts and a tank top. Rodney noticed she had the innocence of childhood and wasn't yet into the awkward adolescent stage.
"We've got a big Country-Western Festival going on this weekend," John said. "The whole town is booked solid."
Rodney’s stomach sank. "Everything? Even the B and Bs I saw advertised?"
"As far as I know. The festival's a sellout every year. Great for the tourist business."
Not so great for Rodney. "How about the next town? Maybe they'll have something?"
"Not likely. I can call the Visitor Center for you. See if they know of any vacancies." He plucked his cell from a pocket and punched in the number. "Hey, Sarah. It's John. I've got a customer here looking for a room tonight. You got anything?"
He kept looking at Rodney while he listened. He noticed that John’s eyes were an interesting shade of hazel, and there were crinkles at the corners as though he spent a fair amount of time outdoors. From the look of his physique, he probably did some hiking and camping in the woods around here.
"Thanks, Sarah. Take care." He snapped the phone closed and shook his head. "The closest available rooms are in Missoula."
Rodney’s shoulders slumped. That would be at least an hour's ride in a clunker. He blew out a sigh. He didn't seem to have much of a choice.
Alex piped up. "Dad, they could stay in our cottage."
Rodney frowned and so did John.
"I don't know, kiddo," John said. "I'm not sure-"
"It’s a lovely cottage,” Alex interjected, ignoring her father's objection and directing her attention to Rodney. "There’s plenty of room downstairs and a room in the attic for Sam."
"That's very generous of you, but-"
"You don't want to drive all the way to Missoula, do you?" Alex’s enthusiasm was hard to squelch. "Besides, we've got our own dock where we can swim and a boat we can sail in. Sam, would you like to stay at our house?"
If Rodney hadn’t already been looking at John he would have missed the look of apprehension that flickered over John’s features before his face blanked over, whatever emotions going through him hidden behind a neutral mask that the man had obviously perfected.
“If you’re sure it won’t be a problem, I really don’t want to have to drive all the way back to Missoula tonight. We can move out again in the morning and find somewhere more suitable.”
John shook his head, obviously resigned.
“It’s not a problem, the only time it’s used is when Alex’s Grandparents come to stay. They were here last month and aren’t likely to visit again until fall. You can stay as long as you need.”
“And they keep saying that Daddy ought to rent the place out, cuz it’s a waste to have it sitting empty. It’s a pretty cottage and there’s plenty of room for the two of you.” Alex added enthusiastically. “Come on, get the car and I’ll take you, it’s just a mile down the road.”
John grinned at his daughter’s enthusiasm and Rodney was pleased to see that Sam looked intrigued with this girl who appeared to be her new friend. Alex chatted away to her as they unloaded Sam’s things from the back of Rodney’s car into John’s.
“Okay then, let’s get the car loaded up. Alex will show you around and feel free to help yourself to food and drinks in our kitchen, there won’t be anything at the cottage for now but the store will be open until late, I can show you later.” John advised as he and Rodney transferred the contents of the trunk from one car to the other.
“Thanks. It’s really kind of you to do this, I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.” Rodney replied with honesty as he got in the car, a little surprised at how trusting John was, offering not only the car but his cottage and the assistance of his daughter.
“See you soon Daddy.” Alex shouted out of the window as they drove off.
Glancing in the rear view mirror, Rodney could see John standing watching them until they disappeared around the corner.
“Okay, you need to turn right here,” Alex piped up. “Then follow the road round the bend and then turn right again through that gateway there.” She pointed to a rough gravel drive leading through the woods. Rodney could see a building through the trees and as he turned the corner caught sight of a pretty log cabin and beyond it a rustic two story house with a wrap-around porch, the view across the lake was stunning with the mountains in the distance and Rodney fell in love with the location straight away.
“Wait here, I’ll go get the keys.” Alex was out of the car almost before it stopped, bounding across the grass and up the steps into the main house. She was back out a moment later, jingling the keys as she came.
“Welcome to Lakeside,” she said with a grin. “It’s a lovely place to live although Grandma was always trying to persuade Mommy to move when Daddy wasn’t around. He was in the Air Force and away a lot of the time, Grandma and Grandpa didn’t approve of him which is why they stay in the cottage when they visit.” She explained as she unlocked.
They walked into a wide entryway with rooms off to each side.
“The kitchen’s through here,” she turned through the doorway on the left and led them into the kitchen and dining area and then through an archway into a large living room with a view over the lake. “This door leads back into the hallway and the stairs,” she pointed out the open stairs leading up. “There’s a small study under the stairs and the main bedroom and bathroom are just through here.”
“The other bedroom is upstairs,” she trotted energetically up the winding stairs into the attic room, the quaint sloping ceilings had windows fitted in to them with views in three directions, a door in the fourth wall led to a small bathroom.
The cottage was, in Rodney’s opinion, just perfect. The polished wooden floors were obviously well looked after and the cottage had real character.
“It’s a lovely cottage, Alex, we’ll really enjoy staying here won’t we Sam?” He said with a smile. Sam nodded shyly and Alex looked curiously at her and Rodney guessed what was coming next.
“Doesn’t Sam talk?” She asked softly, looking from Sam to Rodney.
Sam’s face fell at the question, all too often she’d had children approach her in friendship and then pull away when they realized she didn’t speak and already she was ready for rejection again.
Rodney sat down on the bed, pulling Sam to sit beside him. Alex automatically came and sat the other side of him, an expectant expression on her face.
“Almost a year ago, Sam and her mother, my wife Katie, were shopping in Seattle. They were parked in a multi-story car park and when they came back to the car some thieves were trying to steal it. Katie tried to stop them and they killed her, leaving Sam scared and alone.
The men were caught on a surveillance camera and were taken to trial and put in prison for Katie’s murder two weeks ago, but Sam hasn’t spoken since she saw her mother killed.” Rodney explained.
Alex’s eyes filled with tears.
“That’s horrible, I thought that finding my Mom dead was bad but that’s so much worse. I’m so sorry Sam.” She hopped off the bed and gave the other girl a hug, squashing Max between them.
“What happened to your Mom, Alex?” Rodney asked gently.
“She died from cancer six months ago, her name was Nancy,” Alex explained. “She was feeling poorly the last time Daddy came home on leave but didn’t say anything to anyone for ages, it was only when Grandma and Grandpa came to stay last Christmas that they noticed she had lost weight and made her go and see Mr Carson, our doctor.
She had to go into hospital for tests but by the time she was diagnosed it had spread. Grandma and Grandpa stayed while she had treatment but they didn’t tell Daddy until the doctors said there was nothing more they could do for her. Daddy was really mad when he came home and he had a huge row with Grandma and Grandpa and they left, he was even madder then because he thought they should have stayed for Mommy’s sake.
Mommy was in a lot of pain and Mr Carson said she got confused and took too many of the wrong drugs.” She broke off and looked away and then continued very quietly. “I think Daddy blames himself though, he won’t come to Mass with me anymore and he’s always sad although he tries not to let other people see.”
Rodney reached out and pulled Alex towards him, hugging her to one side the way he was hugging Sam.
“I’m so sorry Alex, that must have been really hard too.” He said gently. “You’ve both had a really difficult time and Sam and I know what that’s like.”
“Daddy’s really quiet these days and doesn’t go out much. He doesn’t have any family and Grandma and Grandpa have never liked him because they think Mommy married beneath her, but they don’t know Daddy and what a wonderful person he is, Mommy loved him and he loved Mommy and that’s the most important thing isn’t it?”
“Yes, you’re right. If your Mom and Dad loved each other the way that Katie and I loved one another then I know it’s right, and they obviously both loved you too.”
Alex sniffed and pulled back.
“Sorry, I’m not being much of a hostess am I. Let’s bring your stuff in and then we can go up to the house for a drink and I’ll give you the grand tour.”
Half an hour later they were sitting on the deck overlooking the lake, drinks in hand. Finally Rodney had got his coffee and the girls were drinking milk, Rodney had been pleased to see the lack of soda’s in the house and guessed John tried to keep Alex’s sugar levels down the way he did Sam’s.
Rodney had to admit that the house was beautiful and he could see why they loved it so much. Downstairs was a spacious kitchen, dining room and large living room, with picture windows and deck overlooking the lake. There was also a study and bathroom on the ground floor. On the first floor were two large bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms plus two smaller guest rooms and a main bathroom. The two larger bedrooms had balconies and lake views and from the balcony of Alex’s room Rodney could see the boathouse down by the lakeside, it really was a stunning location and Rodney finally allowed himself to relax.
Before long, Alex dragged Sam off upstairs to her room and Rodney was secretly delighted at how well the two girls were getting on. Sam had been very clingy since losing her mother and her lack of speech had put off her former friends and any children trying to make friends with her. With Alex it was different, the lively and friendly little girl hadn’t been put off at all by the fact that Sam didn’t talk, simply phrasing her questions in order to allow Sam to either nod or shake her head. From the open window of Alex’s bedroom Rodney could hear music and occasional chatter and laughter, for the first time in a very long time, he thought that maybe Sam would be okay.
***
Rodney was dozing in the shade when John’s truck finally pulled up to the house and he opened his eyes sleepily, watching John as he leapt athletically out of the truck. Before meeting Katie he’d had relationships with both men and women but once he’d fallen in love and married, men had never entered the equation again. John definitely interested him though, the tall, lean, athletic figure, changeable hazel eyes and the darn untamed hair all appealed to him. On the surface John’s laid-back, charming demeanor probably fooled a lot of people but Rodney was a people watcher and prided himself in being able to see below the surface. With John there was a sadness which Rodney would have recognized even without Alex’s explanation and Rodney really hoped that he would get the chance to know John better.
John jogged lithely up the steps, grinning at Rodney as he drew closer. “Thought you’d be out here, nice view isn’t it?”
“It’s stunning, I can see why you like it here, I just hope I can find somewhere with a view like this.” He got up and followed John into the house accepting the cold beer John handed him from the refrigerator.
“So are you looking for a job as well?”
“No, I’m a writer and I work from home, which is why the location is important. I need somewhere quiet and peaceful, but not too far from civilization for shopping and for Sam’s sake, she needs to have friends around her and the ones she had before Katie’s death just gave up on her, her mother was killed in front of her and after the trauma of that she doesn’t talk. That’s why I decided to pack up and move somewhere completely new after the trial, make a new start for both of us.”
“So what make you pick Lakeside?”
“I didn’t really, we just headed out of Seattle on I90 and drove, we stayed overnight in Missoula and I saw an advert at the motel for Lakeside and it looked and sounded like a nice place so we headed up to take a look.”
“And you like what you see?”
Rodney looked over cautiously, not sure if John was flirting with him.
“Yes…yes, I do so far, despite the bad start, I guess things can only get better from here.”
John grinned at him and sat his empty bottle down.
“I’m going to take a shower, but stick around, I’ve got a batch of chili in the fridge and there’ll be plenty for all of us. After we’ve eaten I’ll take you to the store and you can stock up. Help yourself to another beer if you want.” On that, he turned and Rodney heard his footsteps on the stairs. He helped himself to another beer and made his way back out onto the deck.
***
The next few days were busy ones as Rodney and Sam settled in. A visit to the elementary school had Sam settled in to her new class with Alex straight away and the two girls soon became close friends.
As Rodney worked from home, both girls came straight back to the cottage after school instead of Alex having to go to a childminder or wait with her father until he was finished and Rodney enjoyed having the two girls around, taking them swimming in the lake or playing ball with them after school, other times the girls amused themselves in either Alex or Sam’s rooms, doing their homework or playing, whatever they did they were inseparable and Rodney was both relieved and delighted to see his daughter happy and smiling again.
Rodney was finding it difficult to read John, on a few occasions it had seemed like John was flirting with him and he seemed to enjoy Rodney’s company, Rodney had also caught him checking him out on a couple of occasions but whenever Rodney had attempted to take things further John had pulled away and changed the subject. Rodney was pretty certain he was interested though.
When the weekend rolled around Rodney found it hard to believe he had only been in Lakeside for a week, the days had quickly settled into a routine with seeing the girls off on the school bus, spending the day writing before meeting them off the bus again in the afternoon and spending most evenings after dinner sitting on John’s porch. The structure of the days seemed to help his writing and he found that the writer’s block he’d been facing since Katie’s death had finally shifted, allowing the words to flow again and his story was progressing rapidly.
John had promised to take the girls sailing on the Saturday which was fine with Rodney, both Sam and Alex were strong swimmers and Rodney trusted John. It was only on the Friday evening as they were clearing up from dinner that John casually mentioned that he’d pack up a picnic lunch for the four of them so they could land on one of the islands for lunch that Rodney realized he had been included in the invitation.
It was a day that Rodney knew he would look back on with so many happy memories, Sam’s excitement at sailing on the lake, Alex’s joy at having someone to share her love of the lake and John’s quiet, relaxed happiness as he sailed the little boat around the lake made Rodney realize how much he had missed doing something like this as a family. The highlight of the day came just after lunch when the girls spotted deer in the woods at the far side of the lake, Sam’s cry of ‘look Papa’ startled them all, Sam included, and then they were all laughing and Alex was hugging Sam and Sam was hugging Rodney and then Sam threw herself on John and hugged him tightly, while Alex came and hugged Rodney and the look which John gave Rodney was so full of affection and fondness that Rodney really thought that John’s barriers had finally fallen and that they might all get a chance of happiness.
Six weeks later…
Rodney sighed as he glanced out of the window seeing John’s truck draw up in the yard. They’d been dancing around each other ever since the sailing trip and, with the girls away for the night at a sleepover, he knew this was the best chance he was going to get to make his move.
Shutting down his laptop, he put the lasagna in the hot oven, grabbed his keys and crossed the yard to the house, tapping on the door and letting himself in as both he and Sam had been doing over the past weeks.
“Hey,” he walked into the kitchen where he could hear John. “I’ve made lasagna if you want to join me, there’s plenty for two and with the girls out for the night I thought it would be nice to have a drink and chill out.” He offered confidently, hoping his invitation would be accepted.
“Yeah, that would be good, it’s been a hell of a week.” John replied. He looked tired, exhausted even, and Rodney wondered why, he knew John hadn’t worked any harder or any longer hours than usual and guessed that something must be troubling his friend. “Have I got time to shower first?”
“Yes, as long as you don’t fall asleep in there.” Rodney teased. “Say around half an hour?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.” John smiled tiredly as he turned to go upstairs and Rodney let himself out and returned to the cottage.
Rodney had already showered, opting for casual jeans and t-shirt. He and Sam usually just used placemats on the polished wood table and although he didn’t want to put John off, he did want to put some effort into the dinner so he’d hunted around and found a tablecloth which fitted the round dining table, adding the placemats and matching coasters and pulling out the large wineglasses he’d picked up at the store. He’d already opened a bottle of red wine and he placed it on a spare coaster before adding the cutlery.
He’d decided that candles might be going a bit too far, and would probably scare the already skittish John off completely, so he compromised with an ornate nautical lantern he’d found in one of the stores by the harbor, by the time they finished eating dusk would be drawing in so the gentle light would be appreciated by then.
By the time he’d finished fussing over the table John was letting himself in through the kitchen door and Rodney went to meet him. John was dressed comfortably in jeans and t-shirt with a open checked shirt over the top, despite being slightly damp his hair still stuck out at all angles, it was one of the strange things that Rodney had come to love about him, he’d also shaved which, along with the tiredness, made him look young and vulnerable, he hesitated when he saw the formally laid table.
“Hey, come and sit down before you fall down, dinner will be ready in about ten minutes.” Rodney exclaimed, pulling a chair out from the table and mentally sighing with relief when John stepped forward and sat down. “You look exhausted, John, is everything okay?” He poured them both a glass of wine and sat opposite.
John ducked his head, rubbing absently at the back of his neck.
“Yeah, just haven’t been sleeping well.” He hesitated, taking a sip of wine and making an appreciative noise. “Having you and Sam around has made me realize how much Alex has been missing out on since losing her Mom, she’s such a friendly, outgoing kid but with being in the Air Force and away so much I didn’t really get to see her day to day, since we lost Nancy I’ve worked at the garage and Alex has had to fend for herself a lot, she seemed happy and I didn’t question it.
Since you’ve been here though she’s been different, I can see now that she really is happy, she and Sam are such good friends and she adores you and working from here you’re around for the kids when I’m not, the way her Mom was.” He sighed and looked down at the table, tracing a finger around the base of the glass.
“John, she understands that you have to work, she knows it’s been just as difficult for you to adjust and come to terms with both Nancy’s death and having to give up your career, especially flying.” Rodney reached across and caught John’s wrist, urging him to look up at him. “She worships the ground you walk on, she talks about you a lot and I can tell you’re a wonderful father to her.”
John smiled shyly and dropped his head; at that moment the timer went off signaling that the lasagna was ready. He patted John’s wrist and withdrew his hand, a little relieved at the interruption as the conversation had been getting somewhat intense and he didn’t think John was quite ready for that yet.
Rodney kept conversation light throughout the meal, topping up the wine glasses regularly as they cleared the lasagna with enthusiasm and moved on to the apple pie he’d picked up from the bakery that afternoon.
Once the food was cleared, they moved on to sit out on the deck and Rodney brought through coffee and a generous slug of the good Scotch whisky he saved for special occasions. He was pleased to see that John was far more relaxed now, food and alcohol doing their bit to lower his defenses.
The sun was just disappearing behind the mountains, leaving the lake in shadow as he sat next to John on the bench knowing that is was now or never.
“I don’t think I’m reading things wrong here but forgive me if I am,” he began hesitantly. “I’ve been attracted to you since the day we met and over the past few weeks I’ve got the impression that you may be interested in me too. If you are, I’d really like to take things to the next level.” He glanced sideways at John, relieved that John wasn’t protesting or denying it but a little unsure at the lack of reaction from his friend, so he pushed on. “I know you’re still dealing with Nancy’s death and everything you’ve had to give up and we can move as slow as you’re comfortable with; I’m not going to force you into anything you’re not ready for.”
“Rodney, you wouldn’t want to get involved with me.” John whispered finally, staring down at the floor. “I’m not good at this relationship thing, the only reason Nancy and I got along so well was because I was hardly ever around, she was happy here with Alex.” He explained. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I didn’t love her, but she was always complaining that I didn’t open up, didn’t share. I’m…I’m not good at that…” He broke off, scrubbing one hand through his hair in frustration.
“Hey, you’re doing fine so far, let’s just give it a try can’t we, otherwise we’ll never know. We’re good friends, at least I’d like to think we are, our kids get on well with both of us and each other and I think we know each other pretty well by now.” Rodney said confidently.
“You don’t know me at all,” John admitted so quietly that Rodney barely heard him. “Neither did Nancy. She never knew anything about my family or my upbringing. You know, her parents didn’t approve of me because to them I was just a pilot in the Air Force and wasn’t from a moneyed family like they were. If only they knew!” He barked out an unamused laugh. “My father owns Sheppard Industries, the house I was brought up in had ten bedrooms, we had a cook, a housekeeper and a gardener and my father had a valet. We owned eight racehorses and my mother and I had our own horses for riding too. Nancy’s parents would have been groveling at the gates if they’d known.
My mother died when I was ten, my brother Dave was fifteen and he had already decided he wanted to join our father’s business; he was like a carbon copy of my father. I was sent off to boarding school when my mother died, she and I were alike and I guess he just didn’t want me around, didn’t want to have to deal with me. In his eyes, the final straw was when I decided to join the Air Force, we haven’t spoken since the day I left for flight school. I don’t even know whether he’s dead or alive.” John broke off and took a deep swallow of whisky as Rodney tried to gather his thoughts.
“So Alex doesn’t know she has relatives?” Rodney asked finally. “Why didn’t you tell Nancy?”
“No, Alex doesn’t think I have any living family, I just don’t talk about them.” John confessed. “As for Nancy, when we met I just didn’t want to have anything to do with them, I spent years feeling hurt and angry with my father after my Mom died, no-one knows about them.”
“Except me,” Rodney replied softly. “You’ve just told me, that must mean something?” He finished hopefully.
John looked up at him in surprise.
“Yeah, I guess so. I hadn’t thought about it.” He fiddled with the glass in his hand and Rodney waited patiently, guessing there was more. “That’s not everything though,” John continued eventually. “I didn’t get told that Nancy had cancer until they’d tried treating her and realized that there was nothing more they could do. Her parents had been here looking after her and Alex for months and when I finally got home we had a row and they left, they didn’t even stay for her last days.
Nancy was in a really bad way by then, suffering and in a lot of pain, she told me that she didn’t want to prolong things; she wanted to die so she didn’t have to suffer and so that Alex and I wouldn’t have to watch her suffer and deteriorate. I didn’t tell anyone but I think Carson realized. One Sunday she was in a really bad way but she persuaded me to take Alex to Mass as usual, she said she would be okay but she must have overdosed on her meds just after we left as she was already cold by the time we got home…” He broke off as his voice wobbled and he got quickly to his feet.
“I can’t do this…I’m sorry, Rodney.” His voice broke on Rodney’s name as he fled from the cottage back to the house.
Rodney watched him in dismay, before leaping up and following John. If this was the first time John was actually talking about this then Rodney wasn’t going to let him face it alone.
He followed John’s path across the yard, grateful that the man had headed straight for the house and not into the woods as Rodney knew he would never have found him. John knew the woods surrounding his property like the back of his hand.
Rodney let himself carefully into the house, finally finding John in the living room, an album on the table in front of him and an envelope in his hands. He looked up briefly and sighed in resignation as Rodney entered the room.
“Nancy loved scrapbooking and making these memory albums. When she knew she was dying she started this one for Alex, right from the time she was born, all the important moments of her childhood, how we met and our wedding through to Alex’s birth and all the important things from Alex’s childhood.
In the front of the album is a letter she wrote to Alex, at the back in a sealed envelope she left a letter for me. I…I’ve never found the courage to open the envelope, let alone read it.” John broke off, his voice thick with emotion.
“Maybe it’s time you did, John.” Rodney said softly, coming to stand close to John. He reached out and laid a gentle hand on John’s back. “Perhaps it’s time to read the letter and to let go of the guilt and grief you’re still feeling over her death. You know, the woman I’ve been hearing about from Alex wouldn’t have wanted you to be like this, she would want you to be happy.”
John turned the envelope over in his hands before looking up at Rodney, a pleading look on his face.
“You’ll stay?” He whispered. “I don’t know if I can do this alone.”
“Of course I’ll stay. I’m here for you, John, I’m not going anywhere.”
They sat on the couch and John stared at the letter for a long moment before slitting the envelope and withdrawing the single sheet of lined paper with shaky hands.
“Dear John
I started this letter to you so many times and there is so much I wish I could say to you.
I’m so sorry for leaving you and Alex like this and for not going to see Carson sooner when there would have been more chance of me pulling through and I’m sorry you weren’t told earlier, by the time I realized that my parents hadn’t informed you I was so tired all the time that I just didn’t have the energy to fight with them, I’m glad you came home when you did, at least we had a little time to spend together at the end.
John, I know that you are taking on the burden of guilt over my death, I know you think that you should have anticipated what I was going to do and that you should have been here to stop me. Well, if you had been here I would just have found another time; you couldn’t be with me all the time. It is my time to go, I’m in so much pain and it just hurts me even more to see you and Alex suffering because of my pain. What I am about to do is best for everyone, so please don’t feel guilty, this wasn’t your fault and you couldn’t have stopped me, I would have found a way eventually.
I want you and Alex to be happy, grieve for me and move on, find a partner who makes you happy, who makes you smile, makes you laugh and who you can be yourself with, someone who will be there for you and for Alex, allow her to have the security of a second parent. You never said much about your family apart from the fact that your mother died when you were young, I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to lose a parent but I know that you will do your best for Alex, just don’t spoil her or let her get away with too much.
John, just remember that I will be at peace, with no more pain. Know that I love you so very much and that all I want now is for you and Alex to be happy.
Love you forever
Nancy”
John’s voice had faltered several times as he read the letter out loud but he managed to make it to the end before dropping his face into his hands. Rodney quickly rescued the letter before pulling the distressed man into his arms and rocking him gently as he would Sam. To his relief John didn’t pull away but leaned into him.
They sat like that for long minutes as John wrestled his emotions back under control and finally raised his head, swiping the back of his hand over his face before looking Rodney in the eye.
“Thank you,” he said softly. “I guess you’re right, I think I knew intellectually that Nancy would want me to find happiness with someone else but emotionally…” he broke off with a sigh.
“Yes, it must be difficult to look at the situation objectively.” Rodney agreed. “Could you be happy with someone else?”
John chuckled and ducked his head shyly.
“That’s another thing you’re right about. I am interested in you, have been since you turned up. It’s been a long time though, before I joined the Air Force.”
“Me too, I met Katie when I was 25 but before that I had male and female lovers,” Rodney confessed. “But there’s no rush John; we’ve got plenty of time ahead of us.”
He reached up and cupped John’s face gently, pulling him forward into a kiss. It would be enough for now, Rodney knew, he wasn’t going to rush John and they had plenty of time ahead of them and a whole future to plan.