you know you drink too much when...
* Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
* The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
* The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
* When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
* You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
* You have a "happy hour" at home
* When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
* You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
* Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
* "Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
* Your favorite drink is ethanol. "
* Why does everybody think I have a prinking droblem?! - I don't have a prinking droblem!" "I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."
* You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
* You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
* Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
* You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
* You frequently urinate outdoors.
* When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
* You fall asleep taking a dump.
* You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
* You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
* You find it's easier to study drunk.
* You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center. Beer ads make sense.
* You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
* You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
* The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
* You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
* You mix your cocktails by the litre.
* You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
* You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
* When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
* You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect
* You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
* You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
* Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
* 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
* Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
* "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
* You can focus better with one eye closed
* You fall off the floor.
* You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
* Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
* Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
* The glass keeps missing your mouth.
* Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
* At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
* Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
* You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
* Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
* If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
* "Take me drunk, I'm home!"
* You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.
* You drink to get over a hangover.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.