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Title - Dust, Frost and Promises (Tears unwept.)
Author - stare_at_walls
Characters - Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki Implied Jared/Sandy McCoy
Rating - PG-13. Very much.
Disclaimer - Well. If Jensen and Jared did go through something like this, I'd go give them love. Just to make them feel better. Wouldn't you? With that, I obviously do not keep them in my closet all bound up in chains own them. So, no hard feelings?
Summary - Jared draws the frosty heart. Does it mean anything?
Notes - A companion piece to Tracing Hearts on Frosted Windows You REALLY should read it to get the hang of this one. :D Do not read YET if you'd like to focus on JENSEN'S part. Sequel up tommorow, or next week. Thanks for dealing with my laziness! :D Unbeta'ed, as usual.
Warnings - emo-ness, schmoop, frustrated!Jared, Sad,sad!Jensen, and again, THE PARAGRAPHS!
There’s slamming, and broken strangled sobs coming from the other apartment. Jensen’s apartment.
Jared’s trying his hardest not to look, trying his best not to go over there. He feels like he fucked up everything, and it’s just confusing.
“I love you.”
The words keep ringing in Jared’s head, and he can’t do anything but let it slide across the planes of his mind, fill him inside out.
“I love you.”
Jared talks to the door of his veranda, whispering repeated words over and over. Goddamn. He tries to stop himself from whispering the same words, tries not to hear Jen.
But he still does.
He reaches for the Budweiser in the fridge, and finishes a can in one gulp.
Jared hates himself for feeling this way about Jensen, because he’s never felt like this for anyone before.
oOo
It’s around early morning, and the sobs have stopped.
Jared realizes he fell asleep nursing a half-full can of beer.
The phone beeps.
“1 message received”
The phone reads. Jared stares at the letters, tries to ignore the way they seem to blur all by themselves.
It’s Sandy.
“Hi, looking forward to meeting your family! I’ll pick you up at the airport? Hugs and kisses! Mwah!”
Jared’s lips tug a little at the sides.
Sandy.
Sandy with the dark brown hair and beautiful eyes, gentle voice and-
Jared knows he loves Sandy. That’s why he’s going to take her home to meet the parents. He wants them to know who she is.
But then again.
Jensen enters his mind, some sort of uncontrollable flash.
Jensen with the eyes that read him and the touch that sends shivers down his spine, as if wanting to know him inside out. Jensen with the voice that seemed to call something inside him. Something he’s never felt before.
“Fucking-“
He says that out loud, to break the train of thought. Jared feels guilty about thinking of Jensen at all. To think of Jen in that way, especially.
He’s confused and torn, but he knows he feels something inside him turn painfully whenever he sees Jensen with someone else, even in the old pictures.
Jared thinks “Why don’t I feel like this with Sandy?” But he doesn’t want to delve into it too much. He’s afraid of the answer to that question.
oOo
At one point or another, Jared doesn’t think of it anymore. He takes the can, finishes it in one gulp, and the next thing he knows is that he’s drinking can after can and then his sight is blurry and he’s sobbing.
Jared remembers. He told Sandy he wouldn’t hurt her. Not like the way those other guys did. And he meant it. But, he’s hurting inside. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows that Sandy’s a far cry from what he’s feeling about Jensen.
oOo
He’s drunk, it’s almost two and Jared can hear Jen snoring from his side of the veranda. He climbs over the fence, and looks at the sky, feeling the cold sting of early morning wind.
Seconds later, Jared can hear shifting, and a tiny sniffling and a hitching breath. Almost by instinct, Jared leans on the door, back against it, angling his ear to hear Jen.
Time drops slowly, and Jared can feel Jensen on the other side. His brain is addled with alcohol, his ears ringing. Slowly, Jared stands up, and looks through the window. Wanting to see Jensen.
After squinting a couple of times, Jared gives up. Then he sees it.
A small, dusty heart. His name written in the middle. His hands trace the outline, as if deciphering some secret message, his breath coming out ragged and in cold vapor melding with the wind.
His fingers tingle, as if knowing that Jensen’s fingers were there. Jared realizes he’s holding his breath, and he exhales a sigh. Somewhere inside him, there’s the need for Jensen, the short hugs and smiles not enough for him.
I love you.
Jared traces the outline of a heart, right beside the one Jensen made, and writes Jensen’s name. He doesn’t want to say it out loud, that maybe he feels something for Jensen as well. Because saying it out loud would make it real somehow, and that would mean hurting Sandy.
I love you.
Maybe it’s just a phase, a part of Jared that just went out of whack. Jared squints, trying to arrange his thoughts, and leans his back against Jensen’s veranda door. He closes his eyes and feels Jensen on the other side.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Jared whispers, as if talking to Jen.
“I think I love you too.”
Breath hitching.
oOo
Seconds later his phone is vibrating. “4:00 am” alarming, blinking white light.
Time to go.
oOo
Jared takes his packed bags and calls for the driver to take him to the airport.
He resolutely tries not to think of last night’s events,
But he utterly fails.
“Sir, please come on down, you’re going to be late.” The driver tells Jared on the phone.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Jared mumbles, grabbing his trolley and locking the apartment up.
As the car rolls of the driveway, Jared steals a last glance at the window of Jensen’s apartment. He asks himself why he didn’t just knock on Jen’s door and let it all out.
But he already knows the answer to that question.
Sharply, he turns his focus on the windowpane instead, and sees the dusty heart he drew.
Maybe. Just Maybe.
But still.
Jared holds back the lump in his throat.
A promise is always a promise.
3rd Part: I'm Sorry (We're blocked by dusty window glass) (Jared POV)
Author - stare_at_walls
Characters - Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki Implied Jared/Sandy McCoy
Rating - PG-13. Very much.
Disclaimer - Well. If Jensen and Jared did go through something like this, I'd go give them love. Just to make them feel better. Wouldn't you? With that, I obviously do not keep them in my closet all bound up in chains own them. So, no hard feelings?
Summary - Jared draws the frosty heart. Does it mean anything?
Notes - A companion piece to Tracing Hearts on Frosted Windows You REALLY should read it to get the hang of this one. :D Do not read YET if you'd like to focus on JENSEN'S part. Sequel up tommorow, or next week. Thanks for dealing with my laziness! :D Unbeta'ed, as usual.
Warnings - emo-ness, schmoop, frustrated!Jared, Sad,sad!Jensen, and again, THE PARAGRAPHS!
There’s slamming, and broken strangled sobs coming from the other apartment. Jensen’s apartment.
Jared’s trying his hardest not to look, trying his best not to go over there. He feels like he fucked up everything, and it’s just confusing.
“I love you.”
The words keep ringing in Jared’s head, and he can’t do anything but let it slide across the planes of his mind, fill him inside out.
“I love you.”
Jared talks to the door of his veranda, whispering repeated words over and over. Goddamn. He tries to stop himself from whispering the same words, tries not to hear Jen.
But he still does.
He reaches for the Budweiser in the fridge, and finishes a can in one gulp.
Jared hates himself for feeling this way about Jensen, because he’s never felt like this for anyone before.
oOo
It’s around early morning, and the sobs have stopped.
Jared realizes he fell asleep nursing a half-full can of beer.
The phone beeps.
“1 message received”
The phone reads. Jared stares at the letters, tries to ignore the way they seem to blur all by themselves.
It’s Sandy.
“Hi, looking forward to meeting your family! I’ll pick you up at the airport? Hugs and kisses! Mwah!”
Jared’s lips tug a little at the sides.
Sandy.
Sandy with the dark brown hair and beautiful eyes, gentle voice and-
Jared knows he loves Sandy. That’s why he’s going to take her home to meet the parents. He wants them to know who she is.
But then again.
Jensen enters his mind, some sort of uncontrollable flash.
Jensen with the eyes that read him and the touch that sends shivers down his spine, as if wanting to know him inside out. Jensen with the voice that seemed to call something inside him. Something he’s never felt before.
“Fucking-“
He says that out loud, to break the train of thought. Jared feels guilty about thinking of Jensen at all. To think of Jen in that way, especially.
He’s confused and torn, but he knows he feels something inside him turn painfully whenever he sees Jensen with someone else, even in the old pictures.
Jared thinks “Why don’t I feel like this with Sandy?” But he doesn’t want to delve into it too much. He’s afraid of the answer to that question.
oOo
At one point or another, Jared doesn’t think of it anymore. He takes the can, finishes it in one gulp, and the next thing he knows is that he’s drinking can after can and then his sight is blurry and he’s sobbing.
Jared remembers. He told Sandy he wouldn’t hurt her. Not like the way those other guys did. And he meant it. But, he’s hurting inside. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he knows that Sandy’s a far cry from what he’s feeling about Jensen.
oOo
He’s drunk, it’s almost two and Jared can hear Jen snoring from his side of the veranda. He climbs over the fence, and looks at the sky, feeling the cold sting of early morning wind.
Seconds later, Jared can hear shifting, and a tiny sniffling and a hitching breath. Almost by instinct, Jared leans on the door, back against it, angling his ear to hear Jen.
Time drops slowly, and Jared can feel Jensen on the other side. His brain is addled with alcohol, his ears ringing. Slowly, Jared stands up, and looks through the window. Wanting to see Jensen.
After squinting a couple of times, Jared gives up. Then he sees it.
A small, dusty heart. His name written in the middle. His hands trace the outline, as if deciphering some secret message, his breath coming out ragged and in cold vapor melding with the wind.
His fingers tingle, as if knowing that Jensen’s fingers were there. Jared realizes he’s holding his breath, and he exhales a sigh. Somewhere inside him, there’s the need for Jensen, the short hugs and smiles not enough for him.
I love you.
Jared traces the outline of a heart, right beside the one Jensen made, and writes Jensen’s name. He doesn’t want to say it out loud, that maybe he feels something for Jensen as well. Because saying it out loud would make it real somehow, and that would mean hurting Sandy.
I love you.
Maybe it’s just a phase, a part of Jared that just went out of whack. Jared squints, trying to arrange his thoughts, and leans his back against Jensen’s veranda door. He closes his eyes and feels Jensen on the other side.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Jared whispers, as if talking to Jen.
“I think I love you too.”
Breath hitching.
oOo
Seconds later his phone is vibrating. “4:00 am” alarming, blinking white light.
Time to go.
oOo
Jared takes his packed bags and calls for the driver to take him to the airport.
He resolutely tries not to think of last night’s events,
But he utterly fails.
“Sir, please come on down, you’re going to be late.” The driver tells Jared on the phone.
“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Jared mumbles, grabbing his trolley and locking the apartment up.
As the car rolls of the driveway, Jared steals a last glance at the window of Jensen’s apartment. He asks himself why he didn’t just knock on Jen’s door and let it all out.
But he already knows the answer to that question.
Sharply, he turns his focus on the windowpane instead, and sees the dusty heart he drew.
Maybe. Just Maybe.
But still.
Jared holds back the lump in his throat.
A promise is always a promise.
3rd Part: I'm Sorry (We're blocked by dusty window glass) (Jared POV)