(no subject)
Warning: Behind this cut is one of those I'm-teh-emo-and-I-write-209384-word-long-entries-in-my-LJ kind of entry. It's something of an LJ-whinge; don't read it unless you are super-lame and/or overly interested in the goings-on of my life, or unless you're Mike, in which case you're both (hee!).
In trying to put down all the thoughts swarming through my brain right now, I don't even really know where to start... Sometimes I feel like I'msoclose to figuring out who I am & what I want out of life; other times, I'm convinced that the only choice I have is to go to grad school immediately after college just so that I can delay having to go out into the world and be "a real person." (Not that going to grad school is by any means a cop-out in my mind, I just feel like if I immediately go into grad school after undergrad, it won't be because I'm super-psyched about one field of study or another, just that I'm trying to prolong ever having to make decisions about what direction I want to see my life going in.
I'm really thinking that I need to do something big with my life in the next few years or I'm going to end up feeling lost & lacking a general sense of direction and/or purpose in my life. I've really been thinking pretty seriously about the peace corps - I think that with the fairly privileged and protected upbringing I was given, I sort of "owe" society as a whole & that one of the best ways for me to pay back my debt is to go out into the world & do what I can to help others. I always thought it would be so wonderful to go out and clean sea animals ravaged by oil spills or fight to protect rainforests in South America (& I still totally do) but then it occurred to me that I never really stop and think about what I can do to help mankind. There are sooooo many people out there starving and dying that need help, and that there are so many people just like me who go, "Oh, how terrible! Why does no one help them?" and then go back to their everyday routines... That helps no one. I'm definitely a subscriber to the "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" philosophy. And, as selfish as it is, I just don't want to have to wake up one morning and realize that although I lived a happy life, I didn't lead a helpful life. I don't really care about money, fame, or popularity, but the possiblity that people might not immediately think of me as an active participant in an effort towards a common good irks me.
[This next part is especially personal, though I don't mind sharing it, but if you've got any eating-related issues, don't read it if you think it will be triggering]
Speaking of starving people, I'm thinking that as a preventative measure for myself down the road, I should go talk to a counselor sometime in the near future, to help me put my eating issues completely behind me (clearly, they are present to some minute degree, as I still can't really refer to it as an "eating disorder"... Me? I was anorexic? Never...). I'm really proud of how far I've come and how much stronger I've gotten with my food troubles. I'm back at a healthy weight (up from ~95 pounds to somewhere between 115 and 120 pounds, which at 5'6 puts me back into the "normal" BMI range), and I'm getting better & better at allowing myself to enjoy foods that I like - but still, sometimes I can still hear a nagging little voice in my head telling me I'm getting fat, that it's not so bad if I want to skip dinner to make up for eating a little too much at lunch, etc. I'm not listening to those voices, which is good... but I'm so tired of hearing them. I feel like I'll never be able to be totally ok with myself and my body until I can figure out how to fully eliminate/ tune out those negative thoughts.
On the brighter side, I'm really getting interested in animal and ecological rights. I'm going to start working with the Michigan Animal Rights Society, and I'm attending a kick-off meeting this Thursday for the Alaska Coalition (an environmentalist group). Call me a hippie, a tree-hugger, a weirdo vegetarian all you want... to be honest, I think all those titles are actually kinda neat. It's funny that growing up I didn't know many vegetarians because in Ann Arbor at least one in ten people seems to be either lacto/ovo or full blown vegan. For Pete's sake, Nick is a vegetarian! (I just found this out the other day from Sean, somehow I was unaware.) I also loooooove vegan food, and I think that eliminating animal food sources from my diet has really made me feel better, both mentally and physically.
Ahhhh, too much writing. I still have so much more in my brain but my fingers appear to be too lazy to transcribe any more of it right now. So I will leave you, my loving reader, with this piece of wisdom:
No matter how certain you are it will work, mixing crunched up Fiber One cereal, applesauce, maple syrup, & a microwave does NOT equate to a delicious cookie. Damn.
(It does work with oatmeal though, I'm not completely off my rocker!)
♥, Alison
In trying to put down all the thoughts swarming through my brain right now, I don't even really know where to start... Sometimes I feel like I'msoclose to figuring out who I am & what I want out of life; other times, I'm convinced that the only choice I have is to go to grad school immediately after college just so that I can delay having to go out into the world and be "a real person." (Not that going to grad school is by any means a cop-out in my mind, I just feel like if I immediately go into grad school after undergrad, it won't be because I'm super-psyched about one field of study or another, just that I'm trying to prolong ever having to make decisions about what direction I want to see my life going in.
I'm really thinking that I need to do something big with my life in the next few years or I'm going to end up feeling lost & lacking a general sense of direction and/or purpose in my life. I've really been thinking pretty seriously about the peace corps - I think that with the fairly privileged and protected upbringing I was given, I sort of "owe" society as a whole & that one of the best ways for me to pay back my debt is to go out into the world & do what I can to help others. I always thought it would be so wonderful to go out and clean sea animals ravaged by oil spills or fight to protect rainforests in South America (& I still totally do) but then it occurred to me that I never really stop and think about what I can do to help mankind. There are sooooo many people out there starving and dying that need help, and that there are so many people just like me who go, "Oh, how terrible! Why does no one help them?" and then go back to their everyday routines... That helps no one. I'm definitely a subscriber to the "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" philosophy. And, as selfish as it is, I just don't want to have to wake up one morning and realize that although I lived a happy life, I didn't lead a helpful life. I don't really care about money, fame, or popularity, but the possiblity that people might not immediately think of me as an active participant in an effort towards a common good irks me.
[This next part is especially personal, though I don't mind sharing it, but if you've got any eating-related issues, don't read it if you think it will be triggering]
Speaking of starving people, I'm thinking that as a preventative measure for myself down the road, I should go talk to a counselor sometime in the near future, to help me put my eating issues completely behind me (clearly, they are present to some minute degree, as I still can't really refer to it as an "eating disorder"... Me? I was anorexic? Never...). I'm really proud of how far I've come and how much stronger I've gotten with my food troubles. I'm back at a healthy weight (up from ~95 pounds to somewhere between 115 and 120 pounds, which at 5'6 puts me back into the "normal" BMI range), and I'm getting better & better at allowing myself to enjoy foods that I like - but still, sometimes I can still hear a nagging little voice in my head telling me I'm getting fat, that it's not so bad if I want to skip dinner to make up for eating a little too much at lunch, etc. I'm not listening to those voices, which is good... but I'm so tired of hearing them. I feel like I'll never be able to be totally ok with myself and my body until I can figure out how to fully eliminate/ tune out those negative thoughts.
On the brighter side, I'm really getting interested in animal and ecological rights. I'm going to start working with the Michigan Animal Rights Society, and I'm attending a kick-off meeting this Thursday for the Alaska Coalition (an environmentalist group). Call me a hippie, a tree-hugger, a weirdo vegetarian all you want... to be honest, I think all those titles are actually kinda neat. It's funny that growing up I didn't know many vegetarians because in Ann Arbor at least one in ten people seems to be either lacto/ovo or full blown vegan. For Pete's sake, Nick is a vegetarian! (I just found this out the other day from Sean, somehow I was unaware.) I also loooooove vegan food, and I think that eliminating animal food sources from my diet has really made me feel better, both mentally and physically.
Ahhhh, too much writing. I still have so much more in my brain but my fingers appear to be too lazy to transcribe any more of it right now. So I will leave you, my loving reader, with this piece of wisdom:
No matter how certain you are it will work, mixing crunched up Fiber One cereal, applesauce, maple syrup, & a microwave does NOT equate to a delicious cookie. Damn.
(It does work with oatmeal though, I'm not completely off my rocker!)
♥, Alison