These pages keep falling to the floor
Exile
"I'm a distant space-age lonely nomad
who fell on days ambiguously clad
in shortfollowings that led to tiny riches
that I used to braid my heart in stitches.
Don't cry to this wandering soul of mine
it ignores the pleas from the end of the line.
My empty baggage leans against the door
with plans to covet the world and more.
So I'm free, you say, well I don't have any wings
to fly over and past the crowned heads of kings.
And freedom is not freedom until it's absolute;
even though absolute freedom absolutely pollutes.
I'm a confused intelligent lost individual
and I have witnessed the excess of hopeless residual
left caked on the surface of a halo in the trash;
I have wondered why people bathe in oceans of ash."
Nostalgic
"Though the days all tend to look the same
I find that with patience, hope will always remain
lying under dusty goals with no flavour
- I wonder what it'll take to save her.
Force me to figure out our fights
and piece together our shredded lies
to further examine the roots of the failure
and finally understand our disruptive behaviours.
You cost me more than what I kept
and I can't forgive your willing theft
of my dreams, my future, and my responsibilities
that you sold to a hell that I couldn't freeze.
Goodbye dear friend, lover, and confidante
I'll see you fixing the stars that you sought
in a crooked halo dotted around the moon's glow,
but you'll never see me waiting 'cause you'll never know."
Vacancy
Go find what you're looking for
I'll let go of your hand, if you're really sure
as these words retreat to steadily creep
a sudden vacancy opens beside me
but still, I'm questioning the reasons why
there's something different about your smile
and it takes me a while to stop and figure it out
that your lips are weighed down at the corners with doubt
And you know that we're all falling apart
into sections and pieces of over-sized shards
that we use to hurt others to keep them away
from mentioning past lovers and the silly mistakes
that hold us captive to steal our breath
to fan the fires spreading from our beds
as months go by, I lose track of my mind
and no longer remember what I've been trying to find
How hard is it to let a loved one go?
I heard it was like being asked to know
why loss will happen at the worst possible time
right when you can't just say goodbye
'cause what you had was more than you could stand
so I gave you my heart to watch you tear it in half
and still, I can't find any words to contain
the silence I feel when I hear your name.
[wrecked]
"I had planned to have more worth than words
to fill the void where barbs were slung.
But the invective slurs cut even deeper still
to the point where I question the necessity of this.
Hints peek from rocks around the corner
which I stumble onto to bear witness to doubts
about those missing days and their questionable contents
while concepts of trust and understanding waiver on her part.
Pick a game off the shelves stacked tall
and maybe then I'll choose to play with you
instead of fucking up this awkward backwards dance
that leads to something less to cut our losses.
I dreamt of accompanying her to places that would make her smile
though those intentions hardly mattered in her actions
for she was away with some other to live my dream without me,
and her mysteries burned, and burned, and burned.
But I let her play with the shadows of my imagination.
In return, I challenged the love she said she felt
along with her undying devotion that hid blemishes underneath
that mixed the truth in lies that made me simply stop believing.
Well the story goes that she panicked hard
and rushed to my Achilles heel
to suddenly shower me in promises of a thought-through ending
that leads to disgrace for I am a willing victim.
[BREAK ME APART THEN APPLAUD IN LAUGHTER,
GO TAINT MY TRUST UNTIL IT'S GONE TO DUST,
WIPE AWAY THESE TEARS THAT DON'T FAZE YOUR HEART,
AND VOW YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE JUST TO NEVER COME BACK.]
I tried to plug the hole you forgot to mend,
but then fell into spirals that left me sick.
Now I still have that hole but am one illness richer
and I've grown aware of your enduring absence.
If I could see you again, I don't think I would
because that chance had passed when we let it go.
And our words no longer bear us pain
for there's nothing more to fight about."
xx