Fic: Complications (3/4)

[melyanna]

Previously on stargate_ren:

Part I (and meta)
Part II


It was late, but Carolyn knew full well she would not be sleeping any time soon. She wandered aimlessly until she found herself lurking in the empty kitchen of the manor house, hoping against hope that walking would help her calm down.

In their short acquaintance, Lord Mitchell had more than once said or done something rather improper. She'd found it endearing, since she knew he wasn't intending to offend her, and always looked quite thoroughly embarrassed afterwards. There were so few people who were honest with her, Cameron's bluntness had always been a welcome relief.

Kissing her without permission, however, was far beyond "slightly improper." Few men touched her, even on the hand, without an invitation.

She should be ashamed, she knew that. Maiden modesty dictated she be ashamed of herself and offended with Cameron for doing such a thing.

It alarmed her that she could still remember not only the feeling of his kiss, but her hands clinging to the sturdy muscles in his arms, and the warmth of his body pressed against her. While the first kiss had been a shock, the blame for the second kiss was not Cameron's alone.

The warmth of something very unlike shame surged through her again as she remembered.

It was nothing like her one meager kiss with John. It was nothing like she had felt for anyone before. Her cheeks turned pink at the memory and her breath was short as she wondered what would happen when she saw him again.

She began to pace at that thought. What would he do? Would he apologize? He had not apologized to her after the kiss. He hadn't even looked regretful, and Carolyn feared she had not either. What should she do when they came face to face again in the morning?

What if that kiss had not affected him like this? She nearly writhed, humiliation swamping her just at the idea.

This was maddening. Cameron was her friend, one of the few real friends she'd ever had in her life. Was it possible she'd been wrong about his intentions?

She dismissed the idea immediately. She would not allow herself to doubt his honesty. Of course, that made it impossible for her to ignore that Cameron might be harboring feelings towards her she hadn't suspected until tonight. Though in fairness, he had looked nearly as startled at kissing her as she had felt. At first.

Someone moved in the hallway and she whirled, hand at her throat. Part of her was hoping it might be Cameron come to find her, and part was desperate that he not discover her mooning in the kitchen.

The latter wish was granted. It was Paul Davis. "Princess? Are you all right?"

Several years of practice were all that enabled her to compose herself, though she imagined Paul suspected something was wrong. "Yes, thank you." She settled on a half-truth as the best explanation. "I was somewhat restless after supper and not ready to retire for the night."

He nodded. "That is understandable, but it is probably not best for you to be wandering the house alone in the damp and cold." He offered her his arm politely and she stared at it for a heartbeat too long before taking it and allowing him to escort her towards her room.

She kept her aimless pacing within her chamber after that. Even after she had put out the candles and crawled into bed, sleep did not come easily. When morning came she had to be woken by Cassie, who looked rather embarrassed to be rousing the princess out of bed. "I'm sorry, my lady," she said, "but Mother said to wake you."

"Is something amiss?" Carolyn asked. It was still very dark outside.

"The Asgard say it's time to begin harvesting the potatoes," Cassie replied. "Lord Mitchell will be seeing to that, but there's a rider coming from the north."

Carolyn had to take a moment before remembering why she should be woken, and then she realized that Lord Mitchell wanted her to deal with the newcomer. With Cassie's help she dressed and neatly put up her hair. Cassie curtseyed to her when they were done and said she needed to find her mother, and Carolyn dismissed her, heading for the entrance of the keep herself.

Two broad staircases led down to the entry courtyard, and as she hastened down one of them, she looked across and saw that Lord Mitchell was coming down the other. From the look on his face when he spotted her, she knew that this was going to be every bit as awkward as she had imagined.

At least she did not have to fear he had dismissed those kisses as completely forgettable.

"Princess," he said, bowing to her slightly when they met.

"My lord," she replied, a little breathlessly, and she cursed herself for blushing.

If Carolyn did not deceive herself, there was a darkness under his eyes that told her he had not slept well either. He could barely meet her gaze, even as he spoke. "Princess, allow me to apologize for - for -"

"Lord Mitchell, please," she said. "Don't."

Cameron opened his mouth to speak several times but couldn't seem to form words. Carolyn could sympathize. She decided honesty was the best option. "You did not affront my honor, my lord," she told him quietly. "You were dreadfully forward, but I am not offended."

There was relief on his face, but in equal measure was surprise. He had probably expected coldness from her. But no matter the dictates of propriety, she could not treat him so. Unfortunately, her feelings seemed to be showing on her face, for even as people were going to and fro around them, he took her hand and kissed it lingeringly. Carolyn felt her cheeks flushing deeper, and it took every scrap of self-control to keep from leaning towards him and kissing him again. From the tension in his body, she wondered if he was fighting that urge as well.

When the gate to the courtyard opened with a groan, Carolyn was grateful for the distraction. She turned as a horse trotted into the courtyard, and to her surprise Lord John brought the animal to a stop a few feet away.

The last time she'd seen John was mere moments after she'd kissed him. The last time she'd seen Cameron was mere moments after she'd kissed him. Carolyn tried not to squirm, but she'd never been so acutely aware of an uncomfortable irony in the whole course of her life.

"Cousin," Cameron said, letting go of Carolyn's hand. "You are a most welcome sight."

John nodded and embraced his cousin, though he was looking at Carolyn oddly. She did not take offense to that, given the circumstances of their parting, but she would not have had him learn of her presence this way. "I did not know you would be here, Princess," he said warily.

"I came to see to some administrative matters for my father. Lord Davis and I brought as much food as could be spared, as well as timber for construction," she replied, trying to keep her voice even. "Tell me, sir, is Queen Elizabeth well? Father received word that she had fallen terribly ill."

The marquis nodded again. "When I left her court ten days ago, she was well."

"Father will be glad to know that," Carolyn added lowly, not wanting any passerby to hear and wonder why the king would be so particularly interested in the Queen of Atalan's health.

A glance from Cameron confirmed that he was thinking the same thing. "John," he said, "the Asgard advised that the harvest begin today. I've sent the heralds out to gather anyone willing to work."

Lord John looked exhausted, but the news seemed to lift his spirits dramatically. "Indeed?" he replied. "Then there is no time to waste. My lady, forgive us, but we must take our leave."

"Of course," she said quickly. "I would not detain you."

Both gentlemen bowed to her and Carolyn nodded back to them. Once they were gone, she closed her eyes and blew out a long breath. Perhaps it was for the best that she had encountered both men almost at once and gotten it over with, but she hoped that neither of them had perceived why she would feel awkward with the other.

She stood in the courtyard for a moment and wondered if there was anything she could do to help with the harvesting. Knowing that there would be women working in the field, she thought about offering her help there, but she knew that the lords of Sheppard would have enough pride to keep her from such manual labor.

However, before she could decide upon a course of action, Mistress Janet came rushing down the stairs, her daughter close upon her heels. "Mistress Janet," Carolyn said. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no," Janet replied. "Mistress Kela has gone into labor."

"The Sodan woman?" Carolyn said, and Janet nodded.

"Mother, I will fetch more cloths from the laundry," Cassie said before hurrying away herself.

Janet was eyeing Carolyn critically. "Forgive me for being so bold, Princess, but do you have any experience in this?"

"Not personally," Carolyn said, making Janet smile. "I have been present at a few births, but not many."

"Come, then, if you would," Janet replied. "With the call for the harvest, most of the women will be in the fields, and I may need more help."

"Of course," Carolyn said. Then she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone. "Besides, men are not the only ones responsible for diplomacy."

Janet grinned at that. "Indeed."

The potato harvest began as the morning grew bright. Cameron had not been there when they had first planted the potatoes, so it surprised him a little that so many were so eager to participate. Most of the city was there, armed with shovels, hoes, baskets, and sacks.

John looked a little overwhelmed by the numbers as well, but after a few minutes of conferring with the Asgard who remained, he had come up with a plan. He called everyone to gather round as best they could.

"We want as many adults as possible to dig up the plants, roots and all, with shovel or hoe," he said. "The children can follow behind gathering the potatoes themselves." He turned and pointed to the large wagons at the end of the field. "Children, when you've loaded all you can carry, take it to the wagons. Men will be there to help you."

Cameron looked over the fields and wondered how much John really expected to dig up before that happened, but he would not question him now. He knew the Asgard had been consulted every step of the way.

He and John began pulling men aside, asking them to stand with the wagons, and asking others to return to the keep, where they would unload the wagons and move the potatoes into the cellars. Nicholas they placed in charge of the cellars, with some of the royal guard standing watch to ensure the safety of the crop. Before long, though, Cameron and John were both working alongside the rest, digging up the plants.

Ramus followed behind Cameron all the day, along with two other boys his age. They seemed to possess a tireless energy, scooping up the potatoes and running back and forth from the wagons. When the first wagon rolled away from the fields, a cheer went up from the workers. Cameron had to admit that it was a happy sight. The thought that Cheyenne might feed herself before much longer was enough to lift his spirits.

At noon they stopped to eat, and Cameron took the moment to look around. He'd been focused enough on his own small portion of the field that he hadn't seen how much progress had been made. A great deal had been harvested, but he could tell that it would take days before everything was done. If they were lucky, they'd be finished before Nicholas and Cassie were married, but only just.

And there were still another two crops of potatoes that would need to be gathered after this one.

The work continued till there was no light left to work by. Torches had to be brought out to get everyone safely back into the city. Together Cameron and John visited the cellars, where they were still scooping the last of the potatoes in through the windows. Cameron had noticed that the fruits seemed rather small, but John was pleased by how much they had harvested, and for now Cameron was going to accept that judgment.

At the end of the day, he was more exhausted than he'd been in weeks, a dull aching in his limbs and where he'd been injured. The Sodan healers had told him that he would likely feel the effects of those wounds all his life. For his part, he felt lucky that he could look forward to that.

John was sharing a room with him again. He likely could have found room elsewhere, but he probably felt that the privacy was a luxury in which he should not indulge himself yet.

"You are quiet this evening, cousin," John remarked, after explaining how many bushels of potatoes had been taken up this first day and guessing how much was left to do.

"You've hardly drawn breath, John," Cameron replied, as he lay on a pallet on the floor. John had tried to convince him to take the bed, but he'd had the bed for a while now and John had been sleeping out of doors for days.

"You were quiet at supper. Even the princess noted it."

"I am tired."

John paused, looking at him from across the room. "Cameron?"

"What?" he snapped, sitting up. "What do you want?"

John held his hands up. "Never mind."

"No, John, say what you want to say."

"I think you are the one who wants to say something."

John looked like he regretted it, but it was too late to stop the words. Cameron got to his feet and glared. "Can you really be so blind?" he asked. "Do you have any idea what a burden your absence has been these last few weeks?"

"Cameron, you've handled everything well," John protested.

"No, I haven't," Cameron replied. "I was foolish enough to dismiss the Sodan outside of the work they are doing for the city. I've had to tell men from the south that they cannot convey their anger toward you directly because you were not here! You left, John! You knew that Cheyenne, indeed, the whole province was still in dire need and you left!"

There was a long, fragile silence, and John's face was unreadable. Then, very quietly, he asked, "Are you done?"

"I don't know," Cameron said, against his better judgment. "Are you staying?"

It startled him that John did not reply immediately. But the moment's hesitation meant that the actual answer did not surprise Cameron much at all. "No. I'm not."

"Why?" he demanded. "Is your queen still sick?"

The question came out more snidely than Cameron had intended, and John replied in kind. "No, she is well enough. I am glad you asked after her health."

"Don't do this, cousin. You have no right to be affronted," Cameron snapped. "I've stood in your place for most of my life, and I've never begrudged you for it. Not until now. You're casting everything aside now, and for what? What will you do? Will you go back to Atlantis every time the weather's fine, to see if she needs anything from you? What would your father say to that behavior?"

"You would do well to stop, cousin, before I throw you out," John said, his face dark.

"John," Cameron began, but he got no further.

"No, Cameron, I will not be lectured by you!" John all but shouted. "Until this year, you had seen nothing of war! You still know nothing of what it is like to be without a home! You do not know what it means to find a new home. You do not know what you would give for it."

John left the room before Cameron could say anything in reply. He was somewhat surprised at his own outburst, but at the same time, it had been a long time coming.

Even so, he could not believe that John was behaving so recklessly for the sake of a woman who was unattainable. Sheppard needed a leader, someone who would not abandon the country on a whim. The province was still lacking in so much. Steady leadership was perhaps the thing it needed most, and John was evidently not willing to give that to his homeland.

It did no good to stand there dumbly and wait for his cousin to return. Cameron moved about the room, extinguishing all the candles save the one by the bed, and he settled back down on the pallet where he'd been when John entered. John did not come back for some time, and Cameron pretended to be asleep, knowing that John would not want to hear the rest of what he had to say.

Though she was quite exhausted, Carolyn left her room in the evening seeking Janet and her daughter, intent on completing one final task before retiring for the night.

She'd spent the day fetching and carrying for the midwife and her assistant. Most of the Sodan women had gone with the rest of the townspeople to help with the harvest. Only those involved in vital repair work had remained in the city, making Cheyenne positively eerie throughout the day.

Carolyn had been glad to be of use, and over supper Lady Gairwyn had appealed to her for help with some things the two lords of Sheppard didn't have time for right now, so tomorrow would be busy as well. It was strange that here, where she was an interloper and guest, she often felt more productive than in her own home.

Observing the birth of Mistress Kela's son had been both enlightening and terrifying. Carolyn had witnessed some women in labor before but always from a distance. It was not something that was talked of before unmarried girls in the court, so she knew only the basics of the process. Seeing it unfold before her had startled Carolyn.

It was so messy. And loud.

Bearing children had always been a fact of her future. Of course once she married, she would need to produce a son to inherit the throne. She hadn't spent much time thinking about the... mechanics, either of birth, or anything else.

Now, after dining with John and Cameron both and attempting not to look at Cameron while catching him watching her more than once, she could think of little else. Her cheeks flushed and she pushed such thoughts aside.

She approached the room that Janet and Cassie shared and knocked. Janet opened the door and blinked in surprise for a moment. "Highness, I did not expect to see you."

"May I come in?"

"Of course." The room was small and plain. There were two beds made up within, and a pallet on the floor, but Janet was the only one in the room.

"I actually came to see Cassie. I wanted to give her this." Carolyn spread the dress she had been carrying across one of the beds. Janet gasped, her hand over her heart. "Cassie mentioned this afternoon that she did not have a white dress to wear for her wedding," she explained, feeling slightly embarrassed. The young woman had been practically sparkling with excitement over her engagement all day, and Carolyn could not help but be caught up in the news.

"My lady, this is too much," Janet began to protest. Carolyn held up a hand.

"Please, allow me to do this. I am fond of both Cassie and Nicholas, I'm sure you know. It is not much but I would like to contribute to their happiness in some way. I know she would never complain openly, but I can see she would like to have a new gown to wear, and I can make that possible." She glanced at the dress. Giving it away was no great sacrifice. She had many gowns and this one was not especially dear to her. "She deserves to have a perfect wedding, in so much as is possible here and now."

"I think we all deserve that, my lady," Janet said quietly.

Carolyn startled. The older woman was looking at her keenly. Nervously, she asked, "Am I that transparent?"

"You seemed preoccupied all day, even with everything that was going on." Janet offered her a chair, which Carolyn took mostly because the midwife looked so tired, she surely needed to sit.

Once Janet was settled on the end of the bed, Carolyn sighed. "I had not thought much about childbirth until today, except in the abstract. I confess it was unsettling to watch."

"This was an easy birth, my lady, by most standards, though Mistress Kela was rather slender and the babe was large."

Carolyn raised her eyebrows. "A situation which I could find myself in someday?"

"I confess, the thought had crossed my mind," Janet answered with a small smile. "Forgive me for being impertinent, my lady, but I have a feeling Mistress Kela isn't all that was weighing on you today."

Carolyn hesitated for a moment. Then in a rush, the truth came tumbling forth. "Lord Mitchell and I kissed last night."

As soon as the words were out, her face flamed red. She did not know why she was speaking of this, especially to someone she did not know all that well, but at the same time, she felt a rush of relief to finally be able to talk to someone about this. She had no close friend in court in whom she could confide, and her parents were not the most objective people to speak to about these matters. In the last few days, she'd found herself envying Cassandra Fraiser for several reasons, including her happy little romance with her betrothed, but especially for her closeness with Valencia. Carolyn had never had such a friend.

Janet, to her credit, gaped for a moment before composing herself. "I see. May I be so bold as to inquire who started it? Or do I even need to?"

"I suspect the latter." Carolyn looked anywhere but at Janet. "I feel as though the floor has gone out from under me in the last day, between last night and Lord John returning this morning."

Janet chose her words with care. "There was a great deal of speculation the last time you were in Cheyenne, regarding you and the marquis, my lady. Can I infer it was not without cause?"

Carolyn stood and began to pace. "No, though I must ask you never to repeat such a thing." She glanced at the window, which on this side of the house faced the north. "But that is behind us now. I had not thought what to do next, and now... now I am completely confused!"

The other woman was clearly fighting a smile. "I guess Cameron has some skill at kissing, to leave you this flustered."

Carolyn whirled around, half-indignant and half wanting to laugh herself. "I know little of such things, mistress. I only know I had not expected this." She had never suspected the intense desire she'd seen in Cameron's eyes last night, nor had she ever dreamed how she would respond to it.

The maddening part was that she had no idea if it simply was the novelty or if it was Cameron himself who caused such a reaction.

She sighed, folding her arms over herself. "I have known for a long time that I would not be likely to marry for love, but rather for politics." Her eyes fell upon the white dress and she touched the gown absently. "This is why I wish to give Cassie this gift. She is young and in love, and some of us deserve that perfect end to their story. If I can make her wedding a happy memory, I want to help."

Janet reached out and covered Carolyn's hand for a moment. "My lady, may I speak candidly?" Carolyn nodded. "Whether in a palace or not, not everyone in the world lives the great romances the poets talk of. I have seen many couples in my life, and I believe there are worse things than to marry a man who cares for you as a friend. The happiest marriages often are a mix of friendship and honest desire." Janet stood, patting Carolyn's arm in a motherly fashion. "I know you bear a heavy burden with your choice of husband, but you should not deny yourself all happiness out of duty. Whoever your prince may be," she paused, a tiny smile on her face, though she said nothing more specific as to the man's possible identity. "Make sure you marry a man whom you like and respect, and who feels the same way about you."

Until a few minutes ago, John had been having a good day.

Ever since the Asgard had presented him with the potatoes, he'd wished he had paid more attention to the crop in Atalan, for truly he did not know how much good it would do. His recent visit had not afforded him much time for such inquiries, and even the assurances of the Asgard had not fully allayed his concerns. The food would still have to be rationed, probably until next year's harvest, but the terrible fear that his people would starve to death had finally been put to rest. It would not be a bountiful year for the city of Cheyenne, but neither would it be the end. He might leave the city without feeling that he was abandoning it to an awful fate.

Or so he had felt until Cameron's accusations had summoned back all his doubts.

He had no intention of staying. Lord George had sent him away from Atlantis with the strict instruction to make sure he was making the right choice. The truth was that he hadn't really considered how bad things would have to be for him to abandon the hope of returning to Elizabeth. Certainly, he had given it cursory thought, but his focus had been on finding signs that he could leave. That was perhaps not the most objective way of making the decision.

But Cameron was ready, he told himself. Cameron was more ready that he was. His cousin had had the benefit of spending all his adolescence with John's father. He had had more instruction than he knew. Lady Gairwyn had spent much of the day telling John how Cameron had handled the city, and it was quite impressive. John knew that in his cousin's hands, Sheppard would be well cared for.

In taking a walk to calm down, John found himself in the central courtyard of the keep, and he stopped to take a drink from the well. Once he was noticed, it took some time to speak to everyone soliciting his help. By the time he slipped away, he had calmed down considerably, and he returned to the room he was sharing with his cousin.

Cameron was pretending to be asleep. There was too much tension in his shoulders for him to be otherwise. But John decided to leave him be as he undressed for bed. Cameron's last statement was still bothering him a great deal. His father's last words to him had reminded him that with his new status in life, Elizabeth's hand was within his grasp, if he could win her. Before now John had wondered many times how his father would deal with the situation in Cheyenne, but he had never considered whether his father's last advice to him would have changed had it come after the war, and after the attack on the province's capital.

John extinguished the last candle and crawled into bed, his body aching from all the riding he'd done in the last month and from the day's work. As he drifted to sleep, his stubbornness told him that his father would have wanted him to be happy, above all else, but even then he knew that was only partially true. His father would have wanted him to do the right thing first.

He just had to figure out what the right thing was.