The Art of the Deal, by Littera Abactor (PG-13)
Rec Category: Team
Pairing: none
Categories: team, gen, humor, crack!fic, Daniel Jackson, Jack O’Neill, Samantha Carter, Teal’c
Warnings: bit of language, bit of innuendo
Author on LJ: littera_abactor
Author's Website: unknown
Link: The Art of the Deal
Why This Must Be Read: This hilarious fic has a great Jack voice, a clueless Daniel, a horrified Sam, and an utterly unflappable Teal’c, who once again pwns SG-1. It also includes some delightfully alien aliens with a fascination for... cable television.
And great performers.
And SG-1 will perform for them, right...?
Please note that this is gen. Then go read, and laugh.
"Yes," Daniel confirmed. "We are very interested in your Stasis Generator, and Jack and I would gladly perform for you. Although I have to warn you, we won't be like on cable. We're probably not that good. You know, we're explorers and scientists and, uh, tacticians, not - performers."
Carter turned to Jack, her eyes wide, mouth open. Perform? she mouthed at him. Teal'c stayed impassive and focused on the negotiations, but when Jack studied him for a few moments, he caught the twitch of a facial muscle. Dammit, Teal'c was laughing at him.
"We so very unobjectational to this are," seventeen-eyes said sincerely and earnestly. "We have the greatness of understanding this. We would be honorific to visualize whatever performance is most comforting and customer for you, whatever you might typical engage when you are relaxation in your own privacy of home, yes?" The click-click-idjit was almost breathless with excitement.
"Sure. Sure." Daniel didn't sound all that enthused, but that was nothing compared to how he'd be feeling after Jack had a few private minutes with him to share his feelings about this whole situation.
And they'd probably have those few private minutes very soon. Jack winced. Bad choice of words.
"So." Daniel took a breath. "What have you been seeing, Masterpiece Theater?"
Jack turned to stare at him. That's it, he thought. Proof positive. Daniel's an alien. Damn, we should've guessed; not like he did such a hot job of hiding it, really. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Teal'c looking at Daniel with his own version of an 'are you an idiot?' expression. And he was an alien. Hell. Daniel probably wasn't even carbon-based.