Darkshines
Author: Stargeek101
Beta: tardis-child
Rating: pg13
Summary: Matt struggles to cope under the stress of loving his best friend.
Pairing: BellDom
Feedback: Loved and cherished
Warnings: Suicide
Disclaimers: I do not own Matt Bellamy or Dominic Howard. This is fiction.
Gentle wind blows my hair out of place. I brush brown strands out of my eyes and stare down. Down past my feet. Past the cement on which they stand. Down to the flowing water; freezing rapids storming their way in front of me. The angry fury at which they flow is the only sound my ears pick up, other than the breeze past my head, or my soft sobs of self pity.
He doesn't want me. He won't understand.
I step off the curb, onto grass stained in morning dew. The water is absorbed through my trousers as I seat myself down.
I thought he might, but let's face it, no one wants me. No one even cares.
The sun is rising slowly in the horizon, creating a soft glow of purple-pink on the bottoms of the all too present clouds. People will be waking up soon. My solitude will be disturbed. My peace will be angered.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'm unloved. It's always been this way. It's not going to change.
My fingers curl around a handful of grass, forcing it out of the ground - roots still attached. I chuck the moist plant forward, over the edge of thin rock, to be carried away by the water.
What's the point anyway? The only one I care for has said time and time again, 'we're only friends.' Why should I even try? Why fucking bother?
I slide my feet under my bum and sit on my knees. Cold water soaking in. I lean over the edge to judge the height. Thirty-five, maybe forty feet. Is that enough?
I mean, everything I do is for him. Could he not see that?
It'll do. I tug on the string of my lace, breathing softly as it undoes. I carefully pull my black trainer off, being careful not to step my sock into the mud. I balance on my still concealed foot, grabbing at the soft fabric on my other, and I feel it stretch as I give more force in my removal. My body jerks as the sock finally parts from my toes. I numbly repeat the actions on my other side.
Both feet now bare, I wiggle my toes into the soft mud beneath the grass, staring down to watch it ooze around me. I drop my shoes next to me and place my socks inside them.
I sneak another look down.
This better work. I can't bare with the shame of failing something so simple as this. I already fail at everything else.
The wind picks up its pace again, sending a chill down my body. I sigh as I pull my shirt over my head. Goosebumps form down the lengths of my arms as I fold my t-shirt perfectly, pressing out the wrinkles before dropping it onto my shoes.
Should I take off my trousers?
Another chilling blow from the skies and I decide against it. Instead I step forward, letting my toes hang over the edge.
The water's raging only a dozen meters below. Begging, pleading, for me to jump. Calling my name.
"Matt!"
I lean forward and let myself fall into the breeze.
"Matt!" My name's called again. This time I realize it's not in my head. This time it's him.
My body slices through the water, hitting my head with a force so strong all goes black.
---
"Matt! Matthew, please." My ears pick up the distant sound of my best friend, Dom. I try to shout back, to tell him I'm ok, but my lungs burn as I choke up a large amount of fresh water. Uncontrollable spasms, even after the water's gone, make it next to impossible to breathe.
"Matt! Oh God, Matthew." He throws his arms around my heaving body, and I realize he was never calling from a distance, but directly into my ear. "What were you thinking?"
I open my eyes and catch a blurred image of him. Coughing between words, I manage a short reply. "I was thinking I'd be free."
His grey eyes stare into my blue. "Why? What are you escaping?"
I shake my head and look at the rocks I'm seated on. I move my attention back to the section of grass from which I'd jumped. How did he manage to run down here and drag my sorry arse out of the water in time?
"No Matt, I need an answer." He rubs at his eyes to conceal his tears, but his arms are wet from jumping after me, so it doesn't do much good. "Why would you do this?"
"We're just friends."
"What? We're more than friends. So much more. Matt, I've known you my whole life. Can't you trust me?"
I chuckle darkly. "That's not what I meant."
He cocks his head sideways and looks past me, into his own little world. "What, exactly, do you mean?"
What's the use in holding it in anymore? I slump my shoulders and sigh, letting my heart out in a flurry of almost undistinguishable words. "I know we're just friends - you've said it time and time again - but ever since I was twelve I've concealed the fact that I've liked you more than that. With your perfect blonde hair, your cute arse behind those skinnies, your dazzling smile, your brilliant humour."
"Matt," he cuts me off. I close my mouth and wait for him to continue. For him to tear my heart out. "Wow. That's a lot to take in. Firstly, I had no idea you felt that way about me. Secondly, I look like wank. Woah woah, don't cry. Why are you crying?"
"You hate me. You never want to see me again."
"What? Never. Don't say that. Shocked, yes. Speechless, maybe. Angry or hateful, most definitely not."
I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them. "But you don't like me back."
"Not in the same way, no. I love you, but more like a brother. A really close brother."
"So, what does this mean?"
"Well, I'd say you should cheer up. You don't have me as a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean we can't be together forever."
"But…"
"And I most certainly don't want to be attending your funeral anytime soon. Never do that again. Next time, just tell me what's on your mind."
I nod as he stands me on my feet. "How'd you even find me?"
"You left a note, explaining what you were doing. It didn't take a lot of brains to think of this place. We used to ditch class to come here all the time." He explains while slowly walking over the sharp rocks. "You used to say it was your Heaven on Earth, and made a point of it having nothing to do with religion, but the fact that it brought you peace."
"You listened to that crap?"
"Of course. I listen to every word that comes out of your mouth. Nonsense or not." He turns left when we reach the top; the opposite direction of the road.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't you want your shoes? Or a dry shirt? You look very pale."
"I always look pale. But yes, I suppose I should put them back on."
"Why'd you take them off?"
"It's just a ritual I happened upon once. I believe it's Japanese, though I can't seem to find info on it anymore. You're supposed to leave behind all your valuables carried on you. I only had my clothes."
He huffs while patting my shoulder. "And you're not even Japanese. See this is why I'm not going anywhere. I'd lose my source of cool facts. Who would I be able to steal them from without you?"
For the first time in a long time I'm able to support a smile on my face. A real, genuine smile.
I pull on my shirt and, carrying my shoes, turn away and walk back to mine with my best friend in the whole world. The one I love. The one who's mine forever, just in a different way.
Dominic James Howard.
Beta: tardis-child
Rating: pg13
Summary: Matt struggles to cope under the stress of loving his best friend.
Pairing: BellDom
Feedback: Loved and cherished
Warnings: Suicide
Disclaimers: I do not own Matt Bellamy or Dominic Howard. This is fiction.
Gentle wind blows my hair out of place. I brush brown strands out of my eyes and stare down. Down past my feet. Past the cement on which they stand. Down to the flowing water; freezing rapids storming their way in front of me. The angry fury at which they flow is the only sound my ears pick up, other than the breeze past my head, or my soft sobs of self pity.
He doesn't want me. He won't understand.
I step off the curb, onto grass stained in morning dew. The water is absorbed through my trousers as I seat myself down.
I thought he might, but let's face it, no one wants me. No one even cares.
The sun is rising slowly in the horizon, creating a soft glow of purple-pink on the bottoms of the all too present clouds. People will be waking up soon. My solitude will be disturbed. My peace will be angered.
I've come to terms with the fact that I'm unloved. It's always been this way. It's not going to change.
My fingers curl around a handful of grass, forcing it out of the ground - roots still attached. I chuck the moist plant forward, over the edge of thin rock, to be carried away by the water.
What's the point anyway? The only one I care for has said time and time again, 'we're only friends.' Why should I even try? Why fucking bother?
I slide my feet under my bum and sit on my knees. Cold water soaking in. I lean over the edge to judge the height. Thirty-five, maybe forty feet. Is that enough?
I mean, everything I do is for him. Could he not see that?
It'll do. I tug on the string of my lace, breathing softly as it undoes. I carefully pull my black trainer off, being careful not to step my sock into the mud. I balance on my still concealed foot, grabbing at the soft fabric on my other, and I feel it stretch as I give more force in my removal. My body jerks as the sock finally parts from my toes. I numbly repeat the actions on my other side.
Both feet now bare, I wiggle my toes into the soft mud beneath the grass, staring down to watch it ooze around me. I drop my shoes next to me and place my socks inside them.
I sneak another look down.
This better work. I can't bare with the shame of failing something so simple as this. I already fail at everything else.
The wind picks up its pace again, sending a chill down my body. I sigh as I pull my shirt over my head. Goosebumps form down the lengths of my arms as I fold my t-shirt perfectly, pressing out the wrinkles before dropping it onto my shoes.
Should I take off my trousers?
Another chilling blow from the skies and I decide against it. Instead I step forward, letting my toes hang over the edge.
The water's raging only a dozen meters below. Begging, pleading, for me to jump. Calling my name.
"Matt!"
I lean forward and let myself fall into the breeze.
"Matt!" My name's called again. This time I realize it's not in my head. This time it's him.
My body slices through the water, hitting my head with a force so strong all goes black.
---
"Matt! Matthew, please." My ears pick up the distant sound of my best friend, Dom. I try to shout back, to tell him I'm ok, but my lungs burn as I choke up a large amount of fresh water. Uncontrollable spasms, even after the water's gone, make it next to impossible to breathe.
"Matt! Oh God, Matthew." He throws his arms around my heaving body, and I realize he was never calling from a distance, but directly into my ear. "What were you thinking?"
I open my eyes and catch a blurred image of him. Coughing between words, I manage a short reply. "I was thinking I'd be free."
His grey eyes stare into my blue. "Why? What are you escaping?"
I shake my head and look at the rocks I'm seated on. I move my attention back to the section of grass from which I'd jumped. How did he manage to run down here and drag my sorry arse out of the water in time?
"No Matt, I need an answer." He rubs at his eyes to conceal his tears, but his arms are wet from jumping after me, so it doesn't do much good. "Why would you do this?"
"We're just friends."
"What? We're more than friends. So much more. Matt, I've known you my whole life. Can't you trust me?"
I chuckle darkly. "That's not what I meant."
He cocks his head sideways and looks past me, into his own little world. "What, exactly, do you mean?"
What's the use in holding it in anymore? I slump my shoulders and sigh, letting my heart out in a flurry of almost undistinguishable words. "I know we're just friends - you've said it time and time again - but ever since I was twelve I've concealed the fact that I've liked you more than that. With your perfect blonde hair, your cute arse behind those skinnies, your dazzling smile, your brilliant humour."
"Matt," he cuts me off. I close my mouth and wait for him to continue. For him to tear my heart out. "Wow. That's a lot to take in. Firstly, I had no idea you felt that way about me. Secondly, I look like wank. Woah woah, don't cry. Why are you crying?"
"You hate me. You never want to see me again."
"What? Never. Don't say that. Shocked, yes. Speechless, maybe. Angry or hateful, most definitely not."
I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them. "But you don't like me back."
"Not in the same way, no. I love you, but more like a brother. A really close brother."
"So, what does this mean?"
"Well, I'd say you should cheer up. You don't have me as a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean we can't be together forever."
"But…"
"And I most certainly don't want to be attending your funeral anytime soon. Never do that again. Next time, just tell me what's on your mind."
I nod as he stands me on my feet. "How'd you even find me?"
"You left a note, explaining what you were doing. It didn't take a lot of brains to think of this place. We used to ditch class to come here all the time." He explains while slowly walking over the sharp rocks. "You used to say it was your Heaven on Earth, and made a point of it having nothing to do with religion, but the fact that it brought you peace."
"You listened to that crap?"
"Of course. I listen to every word that comes out of your mouth. Nonsense or not." He turns left when we reach the top; the opposite direction of the road.
"Where are you going?"
"Don't you want your shoes? Or a dry shirt? You look very pale."
"I always look pale. But yes, I suppose I should put them back on."
"Why'd you take them off?"
"It's just a ritual I happened upon once. I believe it's Japanese, though I can't seem to find info on it anymore. You're supposed to leave behind all your valuables carried on you. I only had my clothes."
He huffs while patting my shoulder. "And you're not even Japanese. See this is why I'm not going anywhere. I'd lose my source of cool facts. Who would I be able to steal them from without you?"
For the first time in a long time I'm able to support a smile on my face. A real, genuine smile.
I pull on my shirt and, carrying my shoes, turn away and walk back to mine with my best friend in the whole world. The one I love. The one who's mine forever, just in a different way.
Dominic James Howard.