35) Who's River Song?
A/N- I found this in my writing folder as another potential set up piece, but decided after a few tweaks that I rather enjoy it the way it stands now. Let me know your thoughts on it~ Enjoy!
It took- well, longer than she cared to admit to rally the courage to call them. Before, it hadn't mattered.
But now… Now everything she was had changed so drastically. Now everything mattered. She'd thought of dropping in on them as she'd done so very many times before, back when she was… She found herself breathing more shallowly than normal as she dialed each number. She didn't know what to say, what could she say that would make them…want her?
Amy answered. Melody- no, River now, kept the conversation as succinct as possible after casually mentioning Hitler, well, as casually as Hitler could be mentioned, then upon gleefully finding out that Amy did seem to have at least have gone to Berlin, she gave her a date and a time and hoped that was enough for the Doctor to bring them to her.
Mel- River had found a new outfit, special for the occasion, one that showed off her new curves. She was surprised to find her hand subconsciously fiddling with the edge of her blouse as she sat in the intergalactic outdoor café and waited. She startled slightly when she heard an awful screeching, whirring sound that she instantly decided she could do without. Then she saw that magnificent blue box as it landed just a short distance away. She didn't realize she was holding her breath, peering anxiously at the box until it opened and… her mother came out, quickly followed by her father. The Doctor caught her eye from inside the TARDIS, and he tilted his head curiously. She gave him a half wave, her smile tentative as she looked briefly away, trying to hide her guilt.
When she looked back up, she saw his eyes filled with compassion, and he gave her a small nod- a look of forgiveness and understanding crossing his face as he stayed in his ship and closed the doors behind Rory, leaving her alone with her best friends.
"So," said Amy as she sat down across from River. Rory pushed both of their chairs in before he too sat across from her. "You seemed sort of vague on the phone. What did you want to discuss?"
She swallowed shallowly and huffed, the nervous habits of this body. She'd brought the blue book with her, and put in on the table in front of them. Maybe she would need it. Maybe it could assure them she came in peace. She opened her mouth slightly, then closed it several times, her half- rehearsed speech being tossed aside now that she was actually here in front of her parents. She studied them as they waited, rather patiently, for her to begin. Were they… angry with her? Scared that she was a monster who changed bodies on a whim? Worried she was still a murderer? Upset she'd lied to them their whole lives? Disappointed that she was their daughter? She gulped, barely, and took an unneeded sip from her drink, before looking up at them, the words she'd almost pushed out getting caught in her throat.
"I… I just wanted to say… hello," she smiled tentatively at them, unused to the uncertainty that coursed through her veins. Amy and Rory stared up at her in shock- confusion, then light smiles gracing their faces.
"Hello, River," said Rory, her father, nodding his head forward as though unsure as to what would prompt her mood- as though that were a greeting he was used to saying already.
Her eyes went skyward, feeling unsteady as she inhaled a shaky breath. Then her lips tilted up on one side, ever so slightly.
"What's wrong- what's this about?" asked Amy, reaching for her hand and lightly, comfortingly rubbing her thumb over the top.
"Nothing," replied M-Riv- well, she wasn't exactly sure who she was at the moment, "It's just- I've never heard you call me that before."
Rory and Amy's eyebrows both shot up at this revelation.
"Ri- Melody- when's the last time you saw us?" asked Amy delicately.
"I just got out of the hospital not too long ago. After- after Berlin," she mentioned, unable to completely hide the unfamiliar shame that coursed through her.
Amy and Rory sucked in a breath, Rory sitting up straighter and Amy squeezing her daughter's hand tighter.
"Oh," Rory finally settled on.
"Why?" asked the woman across from them, confusion marring her face, "when was the last time you saw me?"
Amy looked up at her, giving her hand a more gentle squeeze before looking into her eyes. "The TARDIS travels throughout all of space and time, so we don't always see you in the right order."
She still looked at them with raised eyebrows, knowing her own time line, of course, but unused to anyone else having any sort of similar experiences.
"So, you know me- this me?"
Her father nodded. "We know you very well."
"Do you- do I ever find River Song?"
Amy and Rory exchange glances, debating silently with each other- a technique they'd perfected toward the end of school which Melody/ River always found annoying, as she rarely caught on to their unspoken conversation.
"Have you been looking?" Amy finally settled on answering.
"I- I don't really know where to look. I'm not even completely sure I want to."
"Why not?" Rory asked, not leading, just genuinely curious.
"Because what if she-" she huffed, actually scared to voice the thought, the one that had plagued her constantly, aloud for once, "Do you like me? The me you know? This River Song- is she someone you like?"
Her parents looked surprised by this question, but only for a moment. She stubbornly kept her chin up, challenging them to tell her the truth. She thought they'd chicken out on telling her how they really felt about her, the way Rory had avoided telling Amy his feelings for too many years for her to like. She was surprised, then, when both Amy and Rory responded by moving around the table to sit closer to her.
Amy put her arm around her, and Rory reached out and cupped her face gently, never backing down from her confrontation, his eyes never once leaving hers. The last eyes she'd stared into before death took her. The eyes she now shared. The eyes full of age, wisdom, and love- all directed at her. And suddenly, the look she'd craved her whole life became nearly too much. His strong hand held her steady, while her mother's arms held her together.
"We love our Melody Pond, our River Song in whatever form we get her. We love that beautiful baby girl we were so lucky to be able to hold- even if we didn't get to hold her long. We love that strong little girl who called us from the stars to help her. We love that headstrong, trouble- loving, scene stealing Mels we grew up with. And we love that amazing woman we know as River Song as well. And- we like them all, too."
She was speechless, a strange moisture gathering in her eyes. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard Rory say so much at one time before in her life. She leaned into her mother, finally taking her eyes off Rory to stare into Amy's eyes, only to see her agreement in every one of her features. She didn't know what else to do in the face of such intensity, so she gulped. Her next sentence escaped her more quietly than she'd care to admit.
"And… if I never do find River Song, what then?"
"Then we love our Melody Pond or any other name you decide to go by until our dying day," declared her mother fiercely, decidedly.
She didn't know how to respond to that, so she just looked at them, gauged the truth in their words. She remembered so much- every moment of their lives together, all the joy and fun and loss and pain and jokes shared by best friends who'd grown up together. She remembered the teasing, the scolding, the reassuring that came from the maternal side Amy was unaware she possessed. But, she also remembered the look of fear in her mother's eyes all those years ago, when she pointed a gun at her. Her first meeting with the woman of her dreams, and she was terrified of her. Is that what River Song would be? Or would that always be Melody Pond? The Doctor, in Berlin- her beautiful Doctor who was so good he begged for her parents' lives as his last request and rebuked the people punishing her even as he sat dying by her hand- he had kept calling for this River Song. Had begged for her from the beginning to do what he couldn't. Is that who she would become? The woman who was able fix the damage?
She hadn't missed Amy's slips of the tongue. She'd heard her loud and clear, both now, and in Germany- Ri- Melody. That was exactly how she still felt. Who was she? And, regardless of the name she went by, was she someone of whom they could be proud?
She had no idea. But, looking into the supportive faces of her mother and father (a delicious thrill ran through her as she realized they actually knew now, would probably even answer if she called them by those names!), she was pleased to recognize that same look of devotion they'd always had for Mels, regardless of her inexcusable behaviours. The look that had kept her on a playground with them as children, deeming the search for older parents unnecessary. It was that look that promised one simple thing, yet everything to an orphan: whatever happened to her, she wouldn't have to go through it alone.