Afternoon Delight. [Navi] [2/3]
Fandom: VIXX (au)
Pairing: Navi
Word Count: 6,945
Rating: PG.
Summary: The upcoming anniversary of Hakyeon and Wonshik's small bakery isn't as smooth as they would hope.
| Part 1|
Wonshik made it out of the next couple of days feeling pretty good.
Hakyeon’s little ploy to subdue his worries had worked. Their lunch break ended with Hakyeon getting quite a "meal" out of him while Wonshik had to recollect himself in the bathroom for at least five minutes, having experienced first hand the agile ability of Hakyeon's hands and mouth. So while the home life was a happy one, feeling stable and promising, Wonshik had been in constant contact with Sojin. She said she had found just the perfect ring; it was being shipped in from a southern jeweler who made everything by hand, and it would arrive the following day, on Friday. That bit of news left him in such an elevated mood that he was humming and dancing from station to station while in the back. He was also thriving in the moment and wanted to treat Hakyeon to his summer favorite, a large serving of patbingsoo.
"I'll be right back," Wonshik told Hakyeon, using the excuse that they were almost out of toilet paper for the bathroom as a reason to run out of the shop briefly. It was the early evenine, a slower time. Most people wouldn't be coming in for at least another hour after they left work, hoping to buy surprise desserts for the family or significant others to take home, "Don't burn the shop down!" Wonshik yelled as he walked out, grinning the whole way as he slid his sunglasses off--but moments later he was running back in, having forgotten he walked out with his floury apron still on. Quickly slipping it off and throwing it over the counter at Hakyeon with a big goofy grin that Hakyeon couldn't tease him for, he then could skedaddle off, leaving his lover behind.
Though the store wasn’t as busy at this time as it usually would be on a weekend, there was still a lot to be done in preparation for the anniversary celebration on Saturday, just two days away. Needless to say Hakyeon was a bit frustrated when Wonshik decided to suddenly just go get toilet paper, immediately seeing through the lie because they had just restocked it a few days ago. Wonshik was so adorable when he was like this, like a little pup overhearing it was going to the park, that Hakyeon couldn’t even pretend to be mad. So with just himself in the store he set out a sign that said to just yell for service, heading to the back to continue working. Usually just the little door chime would be enough but the bigger electric mixers tended to be quite loud.
It wasn’t more than ten minutes later when the familiar figure from across the street strolled into what had basically become his second job; at least a couple customers mistook Taekwoon for a worker each time he visited. In his defense he had helped package up orders a handful of times when they were really busy. Wonshik made sure to keep to the kitchen during those times Taekwoon lingered which meant Hakyeon was left alone out front to combat the swarms of people
Taekwoon’s eyes glanced over the sign by the register before shifting over to the kitchen door; he wasn’t someone who yelled. Instead he pushed the swinging door open himself to find quite the sight: Hakyeon had his phone blaring at full volume over the noise of one of the mixers, swinging his hips in perfect sync and mimicry to some girl group dance song as he rolled out some dough and his hips.
When Taekwoon managed to hear the song once the mixer had stopped he was able to deduce it was from a group called Kara, remembering a group of teenage boys that had been talking their hormonal selves hoarse about what would become the infamous “butt dance.” Taekwoon sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, trying so hard not to laugh but in the process he let out a rather unattractive snort instead.
Hakyeon stopped as he thought he heard something, using his elbow to hit the pause button on his phone as he turned around, “Oh! Taekwoonie! You scared me!”
He wiped his flour-covered hands on his apron before bouncing over and giving him a hug, friendly smile on his face, “Did you get off early today?” A nod, “Perfect! You can help me then!”
Before Taekwoon even had a chance to even think about making some sort of excuse Hakyeon had darted off and returned with an extra apron for him, one of his spare white ones stitched with “Bakers bring in all the dough” across the breast. Taekwoon felt the garment slipped over his head and himself being spun around then nimble fingers twisting the strings into a perfect bow before he could fully process what was happening.
“Wah! So cute!”
Was Hakyeon really the same age as him?
“I already made the dough so just take the cookie cutters, pick whatever shapes you want we have tons, and cut out the shapes then put them on the tray. Be sure to rub Crisco on it first so they don’t stick to the pan, ok? I have to make the frosting.”
Settling Taekwoon into where he had been previously working, Hakyeon then set to work at a smaller station off to the side, “Oh, my phone is unlocked, feel free to play whatever music you want!”
Taekwoon loved music for various reasons that he didn't bother to list out in his thoughts right now. One of them though definitely entailed how songs expressed his feelings without him having to; and as he glanced at the device sitting atop the counter, he stated more than asked, "Wonshik-ssi is gone."
When Hakyeon gave him a confirming nod and mentioned he was out running an errand, this odd feeling flooded through him. It was warmth possibly in the form of anxiety, Taekwoon's ears shading to a light rose color. Wonshik was rarely gone, always just one room away from Hakyeon, his presence finding a way to hover over them despite the separation of walls. However, now to be alone with Hakyeon who was currently mixing something creamy in a bowl, Taekwoon's butterfly nerves transformed into a boldness. Could it be that Hakyeon was actually planning all of this? To sweep Taekwoon up and be alone with him while swinging his hips to the song? There was only one way to find out. Taekwoon, who normally wouldn't let curiosity get the best of him, felt that if he was ever going to make anything happen, it would have to be now. Quite competitive and ambitious, even for one who settled at a small coffee shop, he rationally understood having the rooster away from the hen would be the only way.
Stepping over to Hakyeon’s phone, it was with a few press of buttons that he was pulling up a song of his choice. This song was by a well-known American artist who specialized in R&B, Trey Songz. The rhythm was different from the upbeat tempo of Kara, bringing the mood to a more bass-heavy slower tune where the sultry voices were enough to betray the message. Even with the language barrier, the words such as "touching" and "loving" stood out clear. Satisfied, Taekwoon stepped over to his spot again and picked out a star shape, starting to press out the image into the flattened dough. Meanwhile, he side-glanced over to Hakyeon, wondering what this song would coerce from his body in dance.
The song was only white noise to Hakyeon right now, his focus entirely on creating just the right frosting to go on the cookies. He always went into a little world of his own when it came to the fillings and spreads that went on the desserts, those requiring more care and precision because they were the taste that brought the whole pastry together, gave it that extra zing to make it more than just delicious, but absolutely delicious. When the seductive words finally pierced Hakyeon’s concentration his brows shot up and he twisted his head to peek at the other over his shoulder, “Taekwoonie! This song is so sexy!”
Hakyeon couldn’t fight the grin tugging at his lips, not expecting a song like this to come from such a reserved individual as Taekwoon, “Do you have this sexy little side to you that I don’t know about? Is that why all those girls are always flirting with you at the coffee shop?”
He brought a hand up to giggle into the back of it as a thought crossed his mind: Taekwoon dancing on the cafe counter, swinging his apron around around his head and shaking his hips to a collection of songs like the one playing.
"Whatever you're thinking, stop." Taekwoon shot him a narrowed look, for he knew that look on Hakyeon's face. He was getting weird ideas, ones that were a far cry from what Taekwoon would normally do. His words were also meant as a very strict 'No', not the type to exhibit sexy material--not like Hakyen who evidently had a natural knack for it.
Hakyeon set the mixing bowl he was working in down and shuffled sideways towards Taekwoon, one step then a pause, another step, another pause, “Taekwoonie…do you ever just let loose and have fun?”
He was side by side with Taekwoon now, only shifting his gaze to glance up from the corner of his eyes, “You’re always sitting or standing so stiff and manner-like...if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re a robot. Are you a robot?”
Hakyeon stepped around behind Taekwoon now, poking along his sides and back as if looking for something, “There has to be a plug somewhere…”
"I'm not and there isn't...!"
Those fingers poking at him made Taekwoon become even more tense, his elbows briefly tightening at his sides as he dropped the cookie cutter, almost regretting putting a song like this on--almost. As much as Taekwoon feigned disliking the attention and touches that Hakyeon showered on him, he honestly loved it; he would bathe and drown in it if he could.
The song ended and shuffled into another of the same style, the smooth tempo causing Hakyeon to automatically begin nodding his head along with the beat; Wonshik always teased him that he was like a living metronome, always on beat with whatever song they listened to and unable to sit still.
“Can you dance?” The question came out of the blue, brought to Hakyeon’s mind as he was taking in the Taekwoon’s body while probing for some indication he wasn’t exactly human: the lithe arms, long legs, and broad shoulders piqued his curiosity.
He had managed to figuratively wrestle out of Taekwoon that he liked to play soccer, which was evident by the toned thighs his jeans were currently hugging. It became even more clear as Hakyeon put his hands on Taekwoon’s waist and began to twist his hips back and forth in time with the music, feeling the muscles beneath his fingertips, “You’ve got such long arms and legs they’d have to be good for some sort of dancing!”
Hakyeon noted that Taekwoon’s build was similar to Wonshik’s in some ways: both had firm muscles, toned upper bodies that shirts fit well on, far too well. But they had their differences: Taekwoon’s muscles seemed to be more lean and willowy like a cat, a black cat, Hakyeon decided given Taekwoon's current hair color and nonchalant personality. Wonshik had a more sturdy, stocky look to him. A bear, fitting considering he sounded like one when he slept.
The way in which Hakyeon forced Taekwoon's hips to move, swishing side to side like a stiff set of gears that needed oil, caused Taekwoon to dip his chin in embarrassment. The top of his head was the only sign of him willing to face the world, his ears now a stark red as the sheepishness constricted him. His hands lifted in a gesture of prayer, or maybe just a clap where his hands glued together, mainly for hiding any other signs of his expression. Taekwoon didn’t last long for he abruptly turned, his quiet voice going trill as he pleaded, “That’s en--”
What he didn’t anticipate was Hakyeon being thrown off by his sudden turn, Hakyeon normally appearing so graceful and light on his feet. Then again, there were times Taekwoon saw Hakyeon’s above-average balance slip up, like how he was leaning on the counter one day and for no reason just leaned too much to one side, flopping over as his arms flung out to grab onto the nearby glass display case. It always caused a smile, such foolish reminders that Hakyeon indeed was human, and not constructed of some ethereal matter. So now, when one of his rare episodes of clumsiness showed, Taekwoon wasn’t expecting it.
Hakyeon had toppled forward, a yelp whooping out, and there was sudden weight on Taekwoon accompanied by a slapping noise of a hand finding the countertop. When Taekwoon dared to open his eyes, terrified of what he would see, it was in that very clear moment that Taekwoon’s boldness burst through his walls of reservation and hesitance, sending debris flying and paving the way for his golden opportunity.
Hakyeon was fully against him, one hand slipped past him, having caught himself on the counter. The other hand was on his lower abdomen, fingers gripping hard into his shirt, while alas, it was the placement of his thighs, puzzling with his own, and Hakyeon’s face, mere inches from his, that had Taekwoon’s heart cooking up its own storm. Erratic in his chest, Taekwoon didn’t think twice about what he was doing. One hand fumbled for the Hakyeon’s apron, while his other cupped the dark-skinned cheek, his palm clammy but surprisingly steady. And Taekwoon leaned in, eyes shutting again for he couldn’t bare to witness the surprise in Hakyeon’s eyes as he closed the distance between their lips.
The sweet chef’s lips were just as sweet as he imagined; Taekwoon imagined the sweetest on the sweet scale. Rich with hints of vanilla, soft like the flakes of cream puffs, overwhelming like the first bite into a ripe, juicy plum--Taekwoon tasted the sweetest treat he ever had in his life.
Taekwoon tasted just how Hakyeon would have imagined he did, if he had ever imagined it, which he hadn’t because he would have never, not even for a split second, considered cheating on Wonshik physically or in thought. But there was no stopping the flavor of the lips that penetrated Hakyeon's taste buds, a bit strong with the bitter taste of coffee but laced with the steamed milk of a latte. It was a stark contrast to the sugary sweet kisses of Wonshik’s lips which were flavored with leftover samplings from that day’s baking.
“Taekwoon, stop!”
Hakyeon’s words were muffled by the pressure of the lips against his own. The kiss was intentional and demanding with no hesitation, like Taekwoon had been building himself up for a moment like this. This wasn’t an accident as a result of some little slip. Hakyeon immediately turned his face away and stumbled back, clasping a hand over his mouth as if his lips were horrifically disfigured now and he couldn’t bare anyone seeing. Only they weren’t disfigured, but they were tainted.
Once the initial shock wore off, his eyes still stretched open, they didn’t portray any fear or disgust. Taekwoon was his friend, there was no reason to feel those things, but he was confused. Sure a small part of him had an idea that maybe Taekwon had lingering feelings for him, Hakyeon wouldn’t deny their connection or finding the other man attractive as well though his personal feelings were platonic, but he had always gone about believing that if he didn’t address them or change how he acted once he realized someone’s feelings, that they would just go away.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Well, it hadn’t worked in Jaehwan’s case but that had just ended with cookies and an appreciative “thanks but no thanks” to a date. Jaehwan had never kissed him. No one had kissed him besides Wonshik in over two years. Wonshik. His boyfriend. What was he going to think?
“Wonshik…” Hakyeon felt tears brimming at his eyes and his stomach twisting into knots. He knew he had to tell Wonshik, and he knew Wonshik was going to be hurt. All he could think about was just how much this was going to hurt him. Kim Wonshik loved him so damn much and this was going to tear him apart especially when he heard who it had been with. This was going to be more crushing than their fight when Wonshik had demanded that Hakyeon stop “flirting” so much with Taekwoon, Hakyeon denying doing any such thing and refusing to give up their friendship. They didn’t speak for hours, a long time given the nature of their relationship, until Wonshik saw that Hakyeon was still acting like his usual self around Taekwoon, no special treatment, just his vivacious personality and Wonshik couldn’t stay mad at Hakyeon for being what he had fallen in love with.
“He’s going to hate me…” Hakyeon’s voice was barely a whisper, his chest rising and falling more rapidly as his emotions began to boil over, “He’s going to dump me…” Hakyeon choked back a sob as he slumped to the ground, shaking legs giving way as his stomach lurched again as well. He felt sick. Wonshik was going to break up with him.
Watching Hakyeon's meltdown after the kiss was heart breaking. Horrendous and horrifying and absolutely unacceptable--that's how Taekwoon felt. The clench in Taekwoon's chest as his heart suddenly plummeted down to his gut made him nauseous. But he couldn’t flee, not when Hakyeon looked so troubled. And although he was the main source of Hakyeon's distraught, he was also the only friend around and he certainly couldn’t leave Hakyeon here to wallow in his wrecked state. Dropping down to his knees by him, Taekwoon immediately started shaking his head, a hand rising, hesitating for a split second before swallowing back his fear. He started rubbing at Hakyeon’s back, a slow, comforting motion despite how fast he could see the Hakyeon’s shallow breaths shuddering out in panic. After getting a grip on himself, he finally spoke, voice holding this strict edge with more volume to it than he’d ever used before, “He’s not going to hate you. And he won’t leave you.”
Taekwoon bit at his lower lip, the same one that was previously pressed to Hakyeon’s, the warmth absent as now only regret flooded through him. “He loves you.” His lip slipped free from his teeth like how he let go of all his hope. Taekwoon had miscalculated to such a high degree that he couldn’t forgive himself. Usually he was astute and careful, always thinking about the consequences before making such decisions--today, he was rash and bold, and now look where it landed them. Hakyeon fighting back the tears as he struggled even more to just breathe. Taekwoon kneeled on the cold floor, trying to soothe back any sort of sense into him, “If anything, he’ll kill me,” Taekwoon tried to assure, voice lowering again, already predicting the expression on Wonshik. He was sure Wonshik’s eyes would turn black and he’d launch his hands straight for his throat. Taekwoon was almost at a point of letting him kill him, for how much pain he suddenly thrust onto the kind-hearted baker before him. But as much as he cared about Hakyeon, he would never actually let himself die by the hands of Wonshik.
“....Hakyeon,” he grimaced, somehow feeling like he was tainting the name by letting it pass over his vocal chords. “It’ll be alright. He’ll understand it was done by me, not you.”
As good intentioned as Taekwoon’s words were they breezed right over Hakyeon’s ears, only hearing muffled gibberish as he tried to fight back the look of utter betrayal he knew would disfigure Wonshik’s handsome face that was tormenting his mind. What should have been a comforting touch only caused him to tense and pull away, immediately feeling a twinge of guilt because he could at least tell by the tone of Taekwoon’s voice, even if he wasn’t hearing the words, that he was genuinely sorry, but sorry wasn’t going to make Wonshik forgive either of them, “You...you need to leave.” His voice cracked, strained from crying, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Taekwoon, knowing whatever bit of courage he had mustered to tell him to leave would completely break and he’d probably end up in Taekwoon’s arms, allowing him to comfort him, which would make an already devastating situation completely unbearable for Wonshik.
Taekwoon’s heart felt like it had been ripped to pieces completely in his chest, wanting so badly to argue, to fight to stay, but he knew it would be better if he left; Hakyeon wouldn’t have been asking if he didn’t absolutely need him to. So with a silent nod his hand fell from Hakyeon’s warm back and he stood, then left. Once Hakyeon was sure Taekwoon had departed, he spent the next while composing himself. He splashed cold water over his face in the bathroom, trying to lessen the swelling of his red, puffy lids. He flinched as his hands skimmed over his lips, his mind flashing back to the warmth that had just been pressed to them only moments ago; it took all his strength not to break down again, shutting his eyes tightly as he gripped the porcelain sink and willed himself to keep it together.
“Hakyeonie-hyung! I’m back!” Wonshik’s deep voice rose over the running water, Hakyeon struggling to turn the faucet off and grab some of the paper towels to dry his face, praying the redness in his eyes had dulled enough, “Ah, Shikie!” There was a break in his voice as he tried to bring it up to its usual cheerful octave but seeing Wonshik waiting for him with such a wide, loving smile spread across his features he felt his stomach lurch.
“Oh, your eyes are red. What happened?” Wonshik inquired, leaning in for a closer look and to try and steal a kiss. Hakyeon instantly recoiled, turning his gaze away and fumbling with drying his hands off in his apron to try and distract himself, “Ah, yeah...I got...flour in my eye. Silly me, huh?”
Hakyeon was a terrible liar, he knew it and Wonshik knew it. Try as he may, he could never keep his facial expressions from disproving whatever false words he chose to expel from his mouth. Wonshik also knew that Hakyeon didn’t lie and if he was lying now then something big had happened. However, this wasn’t the time or place to talk about it. As much as he wanted his proper greeting and to wrap up Hakyeon into his arms and tell him everything was fine, he let him be.
The last few hours in the store dragged on, Hakyeon clearly not himself and growing more and more frustrated as batch after batch of frosting didn’t match up to his standards. The patbingsoo Wonshik had bought for Hakyeon was left uneaten, forgotten by Wonshik's concern. Hakyeon looked so weighted down, Wonshik just trying to cheer him up in any way but it was clear there was something bigger in the picture. After he remembered it was there an hour later, the red bean had already melted with the shaved ice, the mixture a clumpy soup of flavors. All Wonshik could do was stand by and watch helplessly. He had tried to comfort Hakyeon, walking over to rest a hand on his shoulder and press his lips to his cheek but Hakyeon had acted like Wonshik’s touch was a painful jolt. Hakyeon jumped away as the bowl in his hands dropped to the ground with a clatter, partially mixed whipped topping dotting the floor. Never had Hakyeon avoided Wonshik's touch like he had the rest of the evening.
Hakyeon bent down to wipe the spill up with a rag without a word, Wonshik stepping back to his own area of the kitchen to try and finish his work. He wanted to close the bakery but knew there was still too much to prepare for the weekend.Hakyeon was still silent even after the bakery was closed up and they began the short walk home. Wonshik thought he saw Hakyeon tense again as his gaze passed over the coffee shop across the street but he couldn’t be sure. Once inside their apartment Wonshik didn’t even bother with taking his coat and shoes off before asking, “Hakyeonie, what’s-”
“Taekwoon kissed me.”
There was no point in dragging the inevitable out, in trying to figure out a way to dance around it to spare Wonshik’s feelings because it would have been a waste of time. Hakyeon couldn’t keep it inside any longer, couldn’t keep it from Wonshik. Hakyeon just stood in the doorway with his hands at his side, head tilted completely down as he felt shame wash over his entire body, tears already stinging his eyes again. Nothing was more terrifying than the silence between them as he waited for Wonshik’s reaction.
Everything screeched to a stop. The world, the apartment, his heart. The answer blew all of his guesses out the water. He tried to piece together what could be subjecting Hakyeon to be distant. So now as Hakyeon suddenly vomited what had been clogging him up all day--Wonshik's voice cracked, "W-What?"
When Hakyeon heard the crack of Wonshik's voice it felt like his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach; he felt sick again, like he was going to literally vomit now. He had braced himself for the yelling, the screaming, the shouts of despair berating Hakyeon for how he could have done such a horrible thing, to betray their love like that. Each pause felt like an eternity and only worsened the wrenching in his gut, waiting, just waiting for Wonshik to explode. It's wasn't as if Wonshik hadn't heard it and needed it repeated; in fact he'd prefer to never hear those words again, but he was questioning really how that could even happen. What happened in the time span of him going off for just an hour for something that incredulous to happen. How could Hakyeon let Taekwoon come over while he was out--how could that have happened?
"How? How did it happen?"
Wonshik stood there like a statue, too afraid if he moved it'd be for the doorknob, stalking right out of there. It wasn't that he was upset for Hakyeon letting it happen. No, if it was truly forced on him, then he could never blame Hakyeon. But it was the insecure part of Wonshik--the hole in his confidence that was closing up over these past couple of days, just to suddenly be kicked open wider, torn right apart and leaving him gaping, vulnerable and afraid.
Now it was Hakyeon’s turn to be shocked, but not from the question. The question was expected, owing Wonshik nothing less than the truth which Hakyeon fully intended to give him. But it was the calm and even tone of Wonshik’s voice rendering him practically speechless, fumbling over his words, “Taek-he stopped by…I asked for help....he was just helping...”
Wonshik was afraid Hakyeon wanted the kiss to happen, that he was only feeling guilty because Hakyeon still wanted him of course; that whole phrase of having the cake and eating it, too. That he secretly wanted both Wonshik and Taekwoon. That was what it boiled down to, and Wonshik felt the bottled up emotion start to leak out, drop by drop while his features slowly started tensing. His hands began to shake as he reached up, trying to take his coat off but the outerwear felt far too heavy, like a ton of bricks buckling him down. Wonshik was always the more emotionally stable of the two of them, always managing to keep his composure no matter what the situation. It was one of the many things Hakyeon loved about him.
Hakyeon recalled the day of their final evaluation, standing before the panel of judges more nervous than he had been for his first date with Wonshik while awaiting their critique.
“Delicious.”
“Equisite. Very innovative.”
“I’ve never tasted something quite like this before, it’s refreshing.”
Hakyeon would have jumped through the roof if he was physically capable but settled for grabbing Wonshik’s hands and hopping in place instead. Wonshik was a bit embarrassed at his behavior in front of such respected bakers but thankfully they just found it endearing. Wonshik bowed apologies as he dragged his bunny boyfriend out of the room.
“Wonshikie! We graduated! Why aren’t you more excited?!”
“You’re excited enough for the both of us, hyung.” Wonshik answered with a chuckle, caging Hakyeon in his arms once they were alone and silencing him with a kiss, “We’ll have our own celebration tonight.” The sly gleam Hakyeon saw in Wonshik's eyes was enough to make him blush to the tips of his ears.
"Wait, don't say anything else," Wonshik pleaded, his eyebrows raising up in the center, knowing he was trying damn hard to cling onto his last bits of patience and composure. He actually didn't want to hear whatever Hakyeon had to say, not needing the visual images to go along with it.
Relief.
"Just tell me...It meant nothing, right? You didn't feel anything, yeah?"
The hope in Wonshik's gaze was quickly deteriorating, a million thoughts running through his mind how Hakyeon was so broken inside because Hakyeon actually enjoyed it. Hakyeon probably thought he would never feel that spark again, not until Taekwoon kissed him and he had an epiphany that he could feel the same intense and hot attraction for another person. That had to be what Hakyeon was struggling with now.
“Of course it meant nothing!” Hakyeon was so quick to blurt the words, louder than he anticipated, that he was afraid Wonshik wasn’t going to believe them. He had risen his head to look at Wonshik when he unintentionally shouted but the look on his face made him tuck his chin right back into his chest, “It meant nothing, absolutely nothing.” Hakyeon offered again more softly, his throat threatening to seal off whatever air he was trying to get into his lungs.
Hearing those words almost alleviated the tension in Wonshik--almost. A whole other slew of worries started bubbling up, taking the place of the previous ones. Like if it meant nothing, why did Wonshik still feel the knot in his stomach that wrapped around his throat as well. Hakyeon took one step towards Wonshik, then another, slowly lifting his arms to wrap them around Wonshik's large frame; he doubted Wonshik wanted him touching him right now but Hakyeon needed to for his own selfish reasons. He needed to make sure that Wonshik was going to stay right there, that he wasn’t going to run away. His forehead pressed into Wonshik’s chest, unable to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks and sprinkling wet circles onto Wonshik’s shirt, “I love you…” His voice was shaky, trying to keep himself from breaking into loud sobs, “I didn’t kiss him back...please don’t hate me. I love you so much, Kim Wonshik. I can’t lose you...please...I’m so sorry…”
The apologies pouring from Hakyeon wrenched at Wonshik more, pulling him further apart and leaving him defeated. How was he to keep his defenses up when Hakyeon was curling against him so feebly, begging with him in those weak syllables that could break if he even breathed on them. Slowly his arms came up, winding around Hakyeon’s smaller frame carefully. Hakyeon was fragile in this moment, and although Wonshik was deeply hurt, he still couldn’t place the blame on him. He always wished for Hakyeon’s happiness, for him to live a life with someone he deserved for he was majestically wonderful. To further wrench Hakyeon apart while he was clearly down just wouldn’t be right.
“I believe you,” was all he could say. Wonshik’s low voice was soft and gentle, his breathing surprisingly steady. All of his tied emotions were quickly unwinding, his mind still quite a stir as the questions and thoughts and doubts still stormed about. But he could at least inhale oxygen now, and he could hold Hakyeon delicately. Finally lowering his arms, hinting at how he needed the space now, Wonshik’s eyes didn’t lift to meet Hakyeon’s. They couldn’t, too pulled down by gravity and insecurity, “It’s late, we’re both tired. Let’s just sleep, yeah?” That was code for Wonshik tat he couldn’t bear to be awake for much longer. Sleep sounded like the closest to escaping right now, whether or not he would actually be able to.
Reassurance was all Hakyeon needed right now, knowing it wouldn’t be fair to ask for or expect more than that; Wonshik believed him, that’s what was most important. All too soon the safe arms left him, wanting so badly to keep his wrapped tightly around Wonshik but he lowered them as well. Both of them still needed to recover. Sleep sounded promising, Hakyeon not realizing just how drained he was physically and emotionally until it had been mentioned. He nodded in agreement, fingers grazing Wonshik’s hand to grab it but he stopped, letting them fall to his side as he shuffled silently back to their bedroom. Too exhausted to be bothered to shower, Hakyeon's work clothes were stripped and tossed into a pile in the corner before he tugged on his pajamas: a pair of boxers and one of Wonshik’s oversized t-shirts he had “borrowed” but never returned.
Still nothing was spoken between them as Wonshik also readied himself for bed, crawling into his side but not waiting for Hakyeon as he pulled the covers over himself. It stung, but Hakyeon had no right to be mad; he was the one that had screwed up. Wonshik’s back was turned to him as Hakyeon’s light weight pressed into the mattress, taking a moment to look over at him, itching to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. Hakyeon's heart twisted in his chest again, lower lip stuck between his teeth as he fought with himself what to do, “I love you, Wonshikie.”
Hakyeon pulled his half of the blankets over himself and fell into a restless slumber, tossing and turning throughout the night as his mind was plagued with flashbacks of bitter-tasting lips that weren’t Wonshik’s, dark eyes that weren’t Wonshik’s, everything that wasn’t Wonshik. He fell asleep without his goodnight kiss for the first time in almost two years.
-☆--☆--☆-
It felt like only a couple hours later the digital clock on the bedside table was buzzing, Hakyeon reaching a lazy hand over to slap the snooze button for Wonshik, like he usually did, before pulling his disheveled self from the bed to get ready.
“Wonshikie, it’s time to wake up.”
A sudden snore startled him as Wonshik groaned and swatted at him, whining something about “ten more minutes”; this was usually how their mornings went and for a second Hakyeon forgot that thing that had happened yesterday. It took yanking on Wonshik’s arm and stripping him of the blanket’s warmth before Wonshik finally groaned and sat up, hair standing on end from the static of his pillow. Hakyeon left him to go into the kitchen, soon the bubbling sound of the coffee maker was filling the area with the scent of the ground beans. He pulled two yogurts from the fridge for them as well; it was important to have a healthy breakfast to start the day.
Followed by a silent walk to the bakery, the time there wasn’t an improvement.
This was the longest Hakyeon had gone without talking to Wonshik. What was usually him blabbering on about whatever was on his mind and Wonshik chiming in at the appropriate times with a comment, laugh, or joke of his own had turned into only the most brief exchanges of asking for a spatula or where the extra sugar was put. Besides that business operated as normal, Hakyeon spending his time handling the front of the store while Wonshik baked in back. Their customers didn’t suspect a thing. If someone inquired about Wonshik, Hakyeon told them he was finishing up preparations for their big celebration the next day, which wasn’t a lie.
Hakyeon grew nervous as time drew closer to the afternoon hours, terrified that Taekwoon was going to show up and--no, he wasn’t going to think about that. He busied himself with decorating the lobby during slow periods, crossing blue and yellow streamers along the front of the display case, blowing up white balloons to hang as accents, and cutting out gold paper stars he was planning to hang from the ceiling with some string. He was hunched over the counter tracing out the five-pointed shape when the light chime of their doorbell drew his attention, “Hello! Welcome to-”
Taekwoon was standing in the doorway. Hakyeon felt his entire body go numb, certain he was frozen right to the core. Taekwoon appeared calm, albeit his shoulders being hunched more than usual. Walking up to the counter, not even addressing the other with a greeting, he abruptly ordered one of the newly added green tea cream puffs. After the fiasco yesterday, Taekwoon had spent the whole night yearning for something sweet to curb his misery and guilt. He didn’t know how the bakery couple faired out, the lifeless look on Hakyeon’s face giving him some clues already. Unable to meet Hakyeon’s gaze as he handed him money, Taekwoon hoped he wouldn’t mention how today he had visited without a green tea latte in hand. Taekwoon felt like he didn’t deserve to give Hakyeon one.
Hakyeon didn’t know whether he was glad Taekwoon didn’t bring up yesterday or not; in his mind he had a million things he could have said to Taekwoon but he couldn’t bring himself to voice any of them, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself together long enough to. So he took the money silently, eyes looking anywhere but at Taekwoon. As Taekwoon took the cream puff, barely casting Hakyeon a grateful nod, Taekwoon sat down at one of the small two-person tables. Diligently holding it up to his lips, he took the first bite, chewed, and then stopped. For the first time in nearly a year, Taekwoon actually looked repulsed. Silently standing up, he walked over to the entrance door and flipped the sign to ‘Closed’.
“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon finally spoke.Hakyeon felt a sick twisting in his stomach when Taekwoon finally addressed him, stilling from where he was rearranging some tarts and just waiting, not looking towards him.
“Go home early.”
Taekwoon didn’t think he had the authority to order him to, but judging by the lack of sugar and the completely bland taste in the cream puff, Hakyeon really needed to leave. When Hakyeon started to protest, Taekwoon cut him off, “The cream puff was awful.” That earned a surprised look on Hakyeon’s face, hurt mixed in as he shamefully looked away.
“There’s only an hour left. Everyone will understand since tomorrow is your big day,” Taekwoon finished with more gentleness. Those words seemed to work, for Hakyeon exhaled slowly and his whole body deflated like a worn out balloon. What surprised Taekwoon though, was that Hakyeon didn’t even go to the back to let Wonshik know. He must’ve been in a trance or too defeated to think Wonshik would want to see his face right now. The last thing Hakyeon wanted was to leave Taekwoon alone with Wonshik, fearing mostly for Taekwoon’s safety. He had never seen Wonshik get angry and couldn’t imagine it was something another person would live to tell about. But arguing with Taekwoon would only cause a scene and, now that he thought about it, that would be worse for Wonshik to walk into. Leaving his apron folded on the counter, Hakyeon quietly headed to the door with a mumbled, “See you later.” The store bell rang as the door slowly fell shut.
Since Taekwoon knew this was caused by his own selfish desires, he felt responsible to fix it. Clearly Hakyeon and Wonshik did not resolve anything. It was strange to think that not even 24 hours ago, Taekwoon was alone in this place with Hakyeon. He was ready to give his whole self to the luminous pastry chef. Now here he was, about to make amends with Wonshik on behalf of Hakyeon. When Taekwoon pushed the door open, Wonshik didn’t even glance his way. He did ask though, “How are things going up there?” thinking it was Hakyeon coming back to get more pastries. Wonshik was occupied with rolling out a dough. By the looks of it, he had rolled it out too many times, the poor unbaked mix flatter than a pancake.
Taekwoon cleared his throat. The way Wonshik snapped his eyes over at the unfamiliar sound caused Taekwoon to stumble back a step. There was clear hatred in Wonshik's eyes when he saw Taekwoon by the door.
“What are you doing here?” His voice took on a gravelly suspicion.
Taekwoon had to quickly remind himself that the only reason he was doing all of this was for Hakyeon. Wonshik needed to hear him out whether he wanted to or not.
“Listen, what happened yesterday…”
Next
Pairing: Navi
Word Count: 6,945
Rating: PG.
Summary: The upcoming anniversary of Hakyeon and Wonshik's small bakery isn't as smooth as they would hope.
| Part 1|
Wonshik made it out of the next couple of days feeling pretty good.
Hakyeon’s little ploy to subdue his worries had worked. Their lunch break ended with Hakyeon getting quite a "meal" out of him while Wonshik had to recollect himself in the bathroom for at least five minutes, having experienced first hand the agile ability of Hakyeon's hands and mouth. So while the home life was a happy one, feeling stable and promising, Wonshik had been in constant contact with Sojin. She said she had found just the perfect ring; it was being shipped in from a southern jeweler who made everything by hand, and it would arrive the following day, on Friday. That bit of news left him in such an elevated mood that he was humming and dancing from station to station while in the back. He was also thriving in the moment and wanted to treat Hakyeon to his summer favorite, a large serving of patbingsoo.
"I'll be right back," Wonshik told Hakyeon, using the excuse that they were almost out of toilet paper for the bathroom as a reason to run out of the shop briefly. It was the early evenine, a slower time. Most people wouldn't be coming in for at least another hour after they left work, hoping to buy surprise desserts for the family or significant others to take home, "Don't burn the shop down!" Wonshik yelled as he walked out, grinning the whole way as he slid his sunglasses off--but moments later he was running back in, having forgotten he walked out with his floury apron still on. Quickly slipping it off and throwing it over the counter at Hakyeon with a big goofy grin that Hakyeon couldn't tease him for, he then could skedaddle off, leaving his lover behind.
Though the store wasn’t as busy at this time as it usually would be on a weekend, there was still a lot to be done in preparation for the anniversary celebration on Saturday, just two days away. Needless to say Hakyeon was a bit frustrated when Wonshik decided to suddenly just go get toilet paper, immediately seeing through the lie because they had just restocked it a few days ago. Wonshik was so adorable when he was like this, like a little pup overhearing it was going to the park, that Hakyeon couldn’t even pretend to be mad. So with just himself in the store he set out a sign that said to just yell for service, heading to the back to continue working. Usually just the little door chime would be enough but the bigger electric mixers tended to be quite loud.
It wasn’t more than ten minutes later when the familiar figure from across the street strolled into what had basically become his second job; at least a couple customers mistook Taekwoon for a worker each time he visited. In his defense he had helped package up orders a handful of times when they were really busy. Wonshik made sure to keep to the kitchen during those times Taekwoon lingered which meant Hakyeon was left alone out front to combat the swarms of people
Taekwoon’s eyes glanced over the sign by the register before shifting over to the kitchen door; he wasn’t someone who yelled. Instead he pushed the swinging door open himself to find quite the sight: Hakyeon had his phone blaring at full volume over the noise of one of the mixers, swinging his hips in perfect sync and mimicry to some girl group dance song as he rolled out some dough and his hips.
When Taekwoon managed to hear the song once the mixer had stopped he was able to deduce it was from a group called Kara, remembering a group of teenage boys that had been talking their hormonal selves hoarse about what would become the infamous “butt dance.” Taekwoon sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, trying so hard not to laugh but in the process he let out a rather unattractive snort instead.
Hakyeon stopped as he thought he heard something, using his elbow to hit the pause button on his phone as he turned around, “Oh! Taekwoonie! You scared me!”
He wiped his flour-covered hands on his apron before bouncing over and giving him a hug, friendly smile on his face, “Did you get off early today?” A nod, “Perfect! You can help me then!”
Before Taekwoon even had a chance to even think about making some sort of excuse Hakyeon had darted off and returned with an extra apron for him, one of his spare white ones stitched with “Bakers bring in all the dough” across the breast. Taekwoon felt the garment slipped over his head and himself being spun around then nimble fingers twisting the strings into a perfect bow before he could fully process what was happening.
“Wah! So cute!”
Was Hakyeon really the same age as him?
“I already made the dough so just take the cookie cutters, pick whatever shapes you want we have tons, and cut out the shapes then put them on the tray. Be sure to rub Crisco on it first so they don’t stick to the pan, ok? I have to make the frosting.”
Settling Taekwoon into where he had been previously working, Hakyeon then set to work at a smaller station off to the side, “Oh, my phone is unlocked, feel free to play whatever music you want!”
Taekwoon loved music for various reasons that he didn't bother to list out in his thoughts right now. One of them though definitely entailed how songs expressed his feelings without him having to; and as he glanced at the device sitting atop the counter, he stated more than asked, "Wonshik-ssi is gone."
When Hakyeon gave him a confirming nod and mentioned he was out running an errand, this odd feeling flooded through him. It was warmth possibly in the form of anxiety, Taekwoon's ears shading to a light rose color. Wonshik was rarely gone, always just one room away from Hakyeon, his presence finding a way to hover over them despite the separation of walls. However, now to be alone with Hakyeon who was currently mixing something creamy in a bowl, Taekwoon's butterfly nerves transformed into a boldness. Could it be that Hakyeon was actually planning all of this? To sweep Taekwoon up and be alone with him while swinging his hips to the song? There was only one way to find out. Taekwoon, who normally wouldn't let curiosity get the best of him, felt that if he was ever going to make anything happen, it would have to be now. Quite competitive and ambitious, even for one who settled at a small coffee shop, he rationally understood having the rooster away from the hen would be the only way.
Stepping over to Hakyeon’s phone, it was with a few press of buttons that he was pulling up a song of his choice. This song was by a well-known American artist who specialized in R&B, Trey Songz. The rhythm was different from the upbeat tempo of Kara, bringing the mood to a more bass-heavy slower tune where the sultry voices were enough to betray the message. Even with the language barrier, the words such as "touching" and "loving" stood out clear. Satisfied, Taekwoon stepped over to his spot again and picked out a star shape, starting to press out the image into the flattened dough. Meanwhile, he side-glanced over to Hakyeon, wondering what this song would coerce from his body in dance.
The song was only white noise to Hakyeon right now, his focus entirely on creating just the right frosting to go on the cookies. He always went into a little world of his own when it came to the fillings and spreads that went on the desserts, those requiring more care and precision because they were the taste that brought the whole pastry together, gave it that extra zing to make it more than just delicious, but absolutely delicious. When the seductive words finally pierced Hakyeon’s concentration his brows shot up and he twisted his head to peek at the other over his shoulder, “Taekwoonie! This song is so sexy!”
Hakyeon couldn’t fight the grin tugging at his lips, not expecting a song like this to come from such a reserved individual as Taekwoon, “Do you have this sexy little side to you that I don’t know about? Is that why all those girls are always flirting with you at the coffee shop?”
He brought a hand up to giggle into the back of it as a thought crossed his mind: Taekwoon dancing on the cafe counter, swinging his apron around around his head and shaking his hips to a collection of songs like the one playing.
"Whatever you're thinking, stop." Taekwoon shot him a narrowed look, for he knew that look on Hakyeon's face. He was getting weird ideas, ones that were a far cry from what Taekwoon would normally do. His words were also meant as a very strict 'No', not the type to exhibit sexy material--not like Hakyen who evidently had a natural knack for it.
Hakyeon set the mixing bowl he was working in down and shuffled sideways towards Taekwoon, one step then a pause, another step, another pause, “Taekwoonie…do you ever just let loose and have fun?”
He was side by side with Taekwoon now, only shifting his gaze to glance up from the corner of his eyes, “You’re always sitting or standing so stiff and manner-like...if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re a robot. Are you a robot?”
Hakyeon stepped around behind Taekwoon now, poking along his sides and back as if looking for something, “There has to be a plug somewhere…”
"I'm not and there isn't...!"
Those fingers poking at him made Taekwoon become even more tense, his elbows briefly tightening at his sides as he dropped the cookie cutter, almost regretting putting a song like this on--almost. As much as Taekwoon feigned disliking the attention and touches that Hakyeon showered on him, he honestly loved it; he would bathe and drown in it if he could.
The song ended and shuffled into another of the same style, the smooth tempo causing Hakyeon to automatically begin nodding his head along with the beat; Wonshik always teased him that he was like a living metronome, always on beat with whatever song they listened to and unable to sit still.
“Can you dance?” The question came out of the blue, brought to Hakyeon’s mind as he was taking in the Taekwoon’s body while probing for some indication he wasn’t exactly human: the lithe arms, long legs, and broad shoulders piqued his curiosity.
He had managed to figuratively wrestle out of Taekwoon that he liked to play soccer, which was evident by the toned thighs his jeans were currently hugging. It became even more clear as Hakyeon put his hands on Taekwoon’s waist and began to twist his hips back and forth in time with the music, feeling the muscles beneath his fingertips, “You’ve got such long arms and legs they’d have to be good for some sort of dancing!”
Hakyeon noted that Taekwoon’s build was similar to Wonshik’s in some ways: both had firm muscles, toned upper bodies that shirts fit well on, far too well. But they had their differences: Taekwoon’s muscles seemed to be more lean and willowy like a cat, a black cat, Hakyeon decided given Taekwoon's current hair color and nonchalant personality. Wonshik had a more sturdy, stocky look to him. A bear, fitting considering he sounded like one when he slept.
The way in which Hakyeon forced Taekwoon's hips to move, swishing side to side like a stiff set of gears that needed oil, caused Taekwoon to dip his chin in embarrassment. The top of his head was the only sign of him willing to face the world, his ears now a stark red as the sheepishness constricted him. His hands lifted in a gesture of prayer, or maybe just a clap where his hands glued together, mainly for hiding any other signs of his expression. Taekwoon didn’t last long for he abruptly turned, his quiet voice going trill as he pleaded, “That’s en--”
What he didn’t anticipate was Hakyeon being thrown off by his sudden turn, Hakyeon normally appearing so graceful and light on his feet. Then again, there were times Taekwoon saw Hakyeon’s above-average balance slip up, like how he was leaning on the counter one day and for no reason just leaned too much to one side, flopping over as his arms flung out to grab onto the nearby glass display case. It always caused a smile, such foolish reminders that Hakyeon indeed was human, and not constructed of some ethereal matter. So now, when one of his rare episodes of clumsiness showed, Taekwoon wasn’t expecting it.
Hakyeon had toppled forward, a yelp whooping out, and there was sudden weight on Taekwoon accompanied by a slapping noise of a hand finding the countertop. When Taekwoon dared to open his eyes, terrified of what he would see, it was in that very clear moment that Taekwoon’s boldness burst through his walls of reservation and hesitance, sending debris flying and paving the way for his golden opportunity.
Hakyeon was fully against him, one hand slipped past him, having caught himself on the counter. The other hand was on his lower abdomen, fingers gripping hard into his shirt, while alas, it was the placement of his thighs, puzzling with his own, and Hakyeon’s face, mere inches from his, that had Taekwoon’s heart cooking up its own storm. Erratic in his chest, Taekwoon didn’t think twice about what he was doing. One hand fumbled for the Hakyeon’s apron, while his other cupped the dark-skinned cheek, his palm clammy but surprisingly steady. And Taekwoon leaned in, eyes shutting again for he couldn’t bare to witness the surprise in Hakyeon’s eyes as he closed the distance between their lips.
The sweet chef’s lips were just as sweet as he imagined; Taekwoon imagined the sweetest on the sweet scale. Rich with hints of vanilla, soft like the flakes of cream puffs, overwhelming like the first bite into a ripe, juicy plum--Taekwoon tasted the sweetest treat he ever had in his life.
Taekwoon tasted just how Hakyeon would have imagined he did, if he had ever imagined it, which he hadn’t because he would have never, not even for a split second, considered cheating on Wonshik physically or in thought. But there was no stopping the flavor of the lips that penetrated Hakyeon's taste buds, a bit strong with the bitter taste of coffee but laced with the steamed milk of a latte. It was a stark contrast to the sugary sweet kisses of Wonshik’s lips which were flavored with leftover samplings from that day’s baking.
“Taekwoon, stop!”
Hakyeon’s words were muffled by the pressure of the lips against his own. The kiss was intentional and demanding with no hesitation, like Taekwoon had been building himself up for a moment like this. This wasn’t an accident as a result of some little slip. Hakyeon immediately turned his face away and stumbled back, clasping a hand over his mouth as if his lips were horrifically disfigured now and he couldn’t bare anyone seeing. Only they weren’t disfigured, but they were tainted.
Once the initial shock wore off, his eyes still stretched open, they didn’t portray any fear or disgust. Taekwoon was his friend, there was no reason to feel those things, but he was confused. Sure a small part of him had an idea that maybe Taekwon had lingering feelings for him, Hakyeon wouldn’t deny their connection or finding the other man attractive as well though his personal feelings were platonic, but he had always gone about believing that if he didn’t address them or change how he acted once he realized someone’s feelings, that they would just go away.
Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Well, it hadn’t worked in Jaehwan’s case but that had just ended with cookies and an appreciative “thanks but no thanks” to a date. Jaehwan had never kissed him. No one had kissed him besides Wonshik in over two years. Wonshik. His boyfriend. What was he going to think?
“Wonshik…” Hakyeon felt tears brimming at his eyes and his stomach twisting into knots. He knew he had to tell Wonshik, and he knew Wonshik was going to be hurt. All he could think about was just how much this was going to hurt him. Kim Wonshik loved him so damn much and this was going to tear him apart especially when he heard who it had been with. This was going to be more crushing than their fight when Wonshik had demanded that Hakyeon stop “flirting” so much with Taekwoon, Hakyeon denying doing any such thing and refusing to give up their friendship. They didn’t speak for hours, a long time given the nature of their relationship, until Wonshik saw that Hakyeon was still acting like his usual self around Taekwoon, no special treatment, just his vivacious personality and Wonshik couldn’t stay mad at Hakyeon for being what he had fallen in love with.
“He’s going to hate me…” Hakyeon’s voice was barely a whisper, his chest rising and falling more rapidly as his emotions began to boil over, “He’s going to dump me…” Hakyeon choked back a sob as he slumped to the ground, shaking legs giving way as his stomach lurched again as well. He felt sick. Wonshik was going to break up with him.
Watching Hakyeon's meltdown after the kiss was heart breaking. Horrendous and horrifying and absolutely unacceptable--that's how Taekwoon felt. The clench in Taekwoon's chest as his heart suddenly plummeted down to his gut made him nauseous. But he couldn’t flee, not when Hakyeon looked so troubled. And although he was the main source of Hakyeon's distraught, he was also the only friend around and he certainly couldn’t leave Hakyeon here to wallow in his wrecked state. Dropping down to his knees by him, Taekwoon immediately started shaking his head, a hand rising, hesitating for a split second before swallowing back his fear. He started rubbing at Hakyeon’s back, a slow, comforting motion despite how fast he could see the Hakyeon’s shallow breaths shuddering out in panic. After getting a grip on himself, he finally spoke, voice holding this strict edge with more volume to it than he’d ever used before, “He’s not going to hate you. And he won’t leave you.”
Taekwoon bit at his lower lip, the same one that was previously pressed to Hakyeon’s, the warmth absent as now only regret flooded through him. “He loves you.” His lip slipped free from his teeth like how he let go of all his hope. Taekwoon had miscalculated to such a high degree that he couldn’t forgive himself. Usually he was astute and careful, always thinking about the consequences before making such decisions--today, he was rash and bold, and now look where it landed them. Hakyeon fighting back the tears as he struggled even more to just breathe. Taekwoon kneeled on the cold floor, trying to soothe back any sort of sense into him, “If anything, he’ll kill me,” Taekwoon tried to assure, voice lowering again, already predicting the expression on Wonshik. He was sure Wonshik’s eyes would turn black and he’d launch his hands straight for his throat. Taekwoon was almost at a point of letting him kill him, for how much pain he suddenly thrust onto the kind-hearted baker before him. But as much as he cared about Hakyeon, he would never actually let himself die by the hands of Wonshik.
“....Hakyeon,” he grimaced, somehow feeling like he was tainting the name by letting it pass over his vocal chords. “It’ll be alright. He’ll understand it was done by me, not you.”
As good intentioned as Taekwoon’s words were they breezed right over Hakyeon’s ears, only hearing muffled gibberish as he tried to fight back the look of utter betrayal he knew would disfigure Wonshik’s handsome face that was tormenting his mind. What should have been a comforting touch only caused him to tense and pull away, immediately feeling a twinge of guilt because he could at least tell by the tone of Taekwoon’s voice, even if he wasn’t hearing the words, that he was genuinely sorry, but sorry wasn’t going to make Wonshik forgive either of them, “You...you need to leave.” His voice cracked, strained from crying, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Taekwoon, knowing whatever bit of courage he had mustered to tell him to leave would completely break and he’d probably end up in Taekwoon’s arms, allowing him to comfort him, which would make an already devastating situation completely unbearable for Wonshik.
Taekwoon’s heart felt like it had been ripped to pieces completely in his chest, wanting so badly to argue, to fight to stay, but he knew it would be better if he left; Hakyeon wouldn’t have been asking if he didn’t absolutely need him to. So with a silent nod his hand fell from Hakyeon’s warm back and he stood, then left. Once Hakyeon was sure Taekwoon had departed, he spent the next while composing himself. He splashed cold water over his face in the bathroom, trying to lessen the swelling of his red, puffy lids. He flinched as his hands skimmed over his lips, his mind flashing back to the warmth that had just been pressed to them only moments ago; it took all his strength not to break down again, shutting his eyes tightly as he gripped the porcelain sink and willed himself to keep it together.
“Hakyeonie-hyung! I’m back!” Wonshik’s deep voice rose over the running water, Hakyeon struggling to turn the faucet off and grab some of the paper towels to dry his face, praying the redness in his eyes had dulled enough, “Ah, Shikie!” There was a break in his voice as he tried to bring it up to its usual cheerful octave but seeing Wonshik waiting for him with such a wide, loving smile spread across his features he felt his stomach lurch.
“Oh, your eyes are red. What happened?” Wonshik inquired, leaning in for a closer look and to try and steal a kiss. Hakyeon instantly recoiled, turning his gaze away and fumbling with drying his hands off in his apron to try and distract himself, “Ah, yeah...I got...flour in my eye. Silly me, huh?”
Hakyeon was a terrible liar, he knew it and Wonshik knew it. Try as he may, he could never keep his facial expressions from disproving whatever false words he chose to expel from his mouth. Wonshik also knew that Hakyeon didn’t lie and if he was lying now then something big had happened. However, this wasn’t the time or place to talk about it. As much as he wanted his proper greeting and to wrap up Hakyeon into his arms and tell him everything was fine, he let him be.
The last few hours in the store dragged on, Hakyeon clearly not himself and growing more and more frustrated as batch after batch of frosting didn’t match up to his standards. The patbingsoo Wonshik had bought for Hakyeon was left uneaten, forgotten by Wonshik's concern. Hakyeon looked so weighted down, Wonshik just trying to cheer him up in any way but it was clear there was something bigger in the picture. After he remembered it was there an hour later, the red bean had already melted with the shaved ice, the mixture a clumpy soup of flavors. All Wonshik could do was stand by and watch helplessly. He had tried to comfort Hakyeon, walking over to rest a hand on his shoulder and press his lips to his cheek but Hakyeon had acted like Wonshik’s touch was a painful jolt. Hakyeon jumped away as the bowl in his hands dropped to the ground with a clatter, partially mixed whipped topping dotting the floor. Never had Hakyeon avoided Wonshik's touch like he had the rest of the evening.
Hakyeon bent down to wipe the spill up with a rag without a word, Wonshik stepping back to his own area of the kitchen to try and finish his work. He wanted to close the bakery but knew there was still too much to prepare for the weekend.Hakyeon was still silent even after the bakery was closed up and they began the short walk home. Wonshik thought he saw Hakyeon tense again as his gaze passed over the coffee shop across the street but he couldn’t be sure. Once inside their apartment Wonshik didn’t even bother with taking his coat and shoes off before asking, “Hakyeonie, what’s-”
“Taekwoon kissed me.”
There was no point in dragging the inevitable out, in trying to figure out a way to dance around it to spare Wonshik’s feelings because it would have been a waste of time. Hakyeon couldn’t keep it inside any longer, couldn’t keep it from Wonshik. Hakyeon just stood in the doorway with his hands at his side, head tilted completely down as he felt shame wash over his entire body, tears already stinging his eyes again. Nothing was more terrifying than the silence between them as he waited for Wonshik’s reaction.
Everything screeched to a stop. The world, the apartment, his heart. The answer blew all of his guesses out the water. He tried to piece together what could be subjecting Hakyeon to be distant. So now as Hakyeon suddenly vomited what had been clogging him up all day--Wonshik's voice cracked, "W-What?"
When Hakyeon heard the crack of Wonshik's voice it felt like his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach; he felt sick again, like he was going to literally vomit now. He had braced himself for the yelling, the screaming, the shouts of despair berating Hakyeon for how he could have done such a horrible thing, to betray their love like that. Each pause felt like an eternity and only worsened the wrenching in his gut, waiting, just waiting for Wonshik to explode. It's wasn't as if Wonshik hadn't heard it and needed it repeated; in fact he'd prefer to never hear those words again, but he was questioning really how that could even happen. What happened in the time span of him going off for just an hour for something that incredulous to happen. How could Hakyeon let Taekwoon come over while he was out--how could that have happened?
"How? How did it happen?"
Wonshik stood there like a statue, too afraid if he moved it'd be for the doorknob, stalking right out of there. It wasn't that he was upset for Hakyeon letting it happen. No, if it was truly forced on him, then he could never blame Hakyeon. But it was the insecure part of Wonshik--the hole in his confidence that was closing up over these past couple of days, just to suddenly be kicked open wider, torn right apart and leaving him gaping, vulnerable and afraid.
Now it was Hakyeon’s turn to be shocked, but not from the question. The question was expected, owing Wonshik nothing less than the truth which Hakyeon fully intended to give him. But it was the calm and even tone of Wonshik’s voice rendering him practically speechless, fumbling over his words, “Taek-he stopped by…I asked for help....he was just helping...”
Wonshik was afraid Hakyeon wanted the kiss to happen, that he was only feeling guilty because Hakyeon still wanted him of course; that whole phrase of having the cake and eating it, too. That he secretly wanted both Wonshik and Taekwoon. That was what it boiled down to, and Wonshik felt the bottled up emotion start to leak out, drop by drop while his features slowly started tensing. His hands began to shake as he reached up, trying to take his coat off but the outerwear felt far too heavy, like a ton of bricks buckling him down. Wonshik was always the more emotionally stable of the two of them, always managing to keep his composure no matter what the situation. It was one of the many things Hakyeon loved about him.
Hakyeon recalled the day of their final evaluation, standing before the panel of judges more nervous than he had been for his first date with Wonshik while awaiting their critique.
“Delicious.”
“Equisite. Very innovative.”
“I’ve never tasted something quite like this before, it’s refreshing.”
Hakyeon would have jumped through the roof if he was physically capable but settled for grabbing Wonshik’s hands and hopping in place instead. Wonshik was a bit embarrassed at his behavior in front of such respected bakers but thankfully they just found it endearing. Wonshik bowed apologies as he dragged his bunny boyfriend out of the room.
“Wonshikie! We graduated! Why aren’t you more excited?!”
“You’re excited enough for the both of us, hyung.” Wonshik answered with a chuckle, caging Hakyeon in his arms once they were alone and silencing him with a kiss, “We’ll have our own celebration tonight.” The sly gleam Hakyeon saw in Wonshik's eyes was enough to make him blush to the tips of his ears.
"Wait, don't say anything else," Wonshik pleaded, his eyebrows raising up in the center, knowing he was trying damn hard to cling onto his last bits of patience and composure. He actually didn't want to hear whatever Hakyeon had to say, not needing the visual images to go along with it.
Relief.
"Just tell me...It meant nothing, right? You didn't feel anything, yeah?"
The hope in Wonshik's gaze was quickly deteriorating, a million thoughts running through his mind how Hakyeon was so broken inside because Hakyeon actually enjoyed it. Hakyeon probably thought he would never feel that spark again, not until Taekwoon kissed him and he had an epiphany that he could feel the same intense and hot attraction for another person. That had to be what Hakyeon was struggling with now.
“Of course it meant nothing!” Hakyeon was so quick to blurt the words, louder than he anticipated, that he was afraid Wonshik wasn’t going to believe them. He had risen his head to look at Wonshik when he unintentionally shouted but the look on his face made him tuck his chin right back into his chest, “It meant nothing, absolutely nothing.” Hakyeon offered again more softly, his throat threatening to seal off whatever air he was trying to get into his lungs.
Hearing those words almost alleviated the tension in Wonshik--almost. A whole other slew of worries started bubbling up, taking the place of the previous ones. Like if it meant nothing, why did Wonshik still feel the knot in his stomach that wrapped around his throat as well. Hakyeon took one step towards Wonshik, then another, slowly lifting his arms to wrap them around Wonshik's large frame; he doubted Wonshik wanted him touching him right now but Hakyeon needed to for his own selfish reasons. He needed to make sure that Wonshik was going to stay right there, that he wasn’t going to run away. His forehead pressed into Wonshik’s chest, unable to stop the tears from spilling down his cheeks and sprinkling wet circles onto Wonshik’s shirt, “I love you…” His voice was shaky, trying to keep himself from breaking into loud sobs, “I didn’t kiss him back...please don’t hate me. I love you so much, Kim Wonshik. I can’t lose you...please...I’m so sorry…”
The apologies pouring from Hakyeon wrenched at Wonshik more, pulling him further apart and leaving him defeated. How was he to keep his defenses up when Hakyeon was curling against him so feebly, begging with him in those weak syllables that could break if he even breathed on them. Slowly his arms came up, winding around Hakyeon’s smaller frame carefully. Hakyeon was fragile in this moment, and although Wonshik was deeply hurt, he still couldn’t place the blame on him. He always wished for Hakyeon’s happiness, for him to live a life with someone he deserved for he was majestically wonderful. To further wrench Hakyeon apart while he was clearly down just wouldn’t be right.
“I believe you,” was all he could say. Wonshik’s low voice was soft and gentle, his breathing surprisingly steady. All of his tied emotions were quickly unwinding, his mind still quite a stir as the questions and thoughts and doubts still stormed about. But he could at least inhale oxygen now, and he could hold Hakyeon delicately. Finally lowering his arms, hinting at how he needed the space now, Wonshik’s eyes didn’t lift to meet Hakyeon’s. They couldn’t, too pulled down by gravity and insecurity, “It’s late, we’re both tired. Let’s just sleep, yeah?” That was code for Wonshik tat he couldn’t bear to be awake for much longer. Sleep sounded like the closest to escaping right now, whether or not he would actually be able to.
Reassurance was all Hakyeon needed right now, knowing it wouldn’t be fair to ask for or expect more than that; Wonshik believed him, that’s what was most important. All too soon the safe arms left him, wanting so badly to keep his wrapped tightly around Wonshik but he lowered them as well. Both of them still needed to recover. Sleep sounded promising, Hakyeon not realizing just how drained he was physically and emotionally until it had been mentioned. He nodded in agreement, fingers grazing Wonshik’s hand to grab it but he stopped, letting them fall to his side as he shuffled silently back to their bedroom. Too exhausted to be bothered to shower, Hakyeon's work clothes were stripped and tossed into a pile in the corner before he tugged on his pajamas: a pair of boxers and one of Wonshik’s oversized t-shirts he had “borrowed” but never returned.
Still nothing was spoken between them as Wonshik also readied himself for bed, crawling into his side but not waiting for Hakyeon as he pulled the covers over himself. It stung, but Hakyeon had no right to be mad; he was the one that had screwed up. Wonshik’s back was turned to him as Hakyeon’s light weight pressed into the mattress, taking a moment to look over at him, itching to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him. Hakyeon's heart twisted in his chest again, lower lip stuck between his teeth as he fought with himself what to do, “I love you, Wonshikie.”
Hakyeon pulled his half of the blankets over himself and fell into a restless slumber, tossing and turning throughout the night as his mind was plagued with flashbacks of bitter-tasting lips that weren’t Wonshik’s, dark eyes that weren’t Wonshik’s, everything that wasn’t Wonshik. He fell asleep without his goodnight kiss for the first time in almost two years.
-☆--☆--☆-
It felt like only a couple hours later the digital clock on the bedside table was buzzing, Hakyeon reaching a lazy hand over to slap the snooze button for Wonshik, like he usually did, before pulling his disheveled self from the bed to get ready.
“Wonshikie, it’s time to wake up.”
A sudden snore startled him as Wonshik groaned and swatted at him, whining something about “ten more minutes”; this was usually how their mornings went and for a second Hakyeon forgot that thing that had happened yesterday. It took yanking on Wonshik’s arm and stripping him of the blanket’s warmth before Wonshik finally groaned and sat up, hair standing on end from the static of his pillow. Hakyeon left him to go into the kitchen, soon the bubbling sound of the coffee maker was filling the area with the scent of the ground beans. He pulled two yogurts from the fridge for them as well; it was important to have a healthy breakfast to start the day.
Followed by a silent walk to the bakery, the time there wasn’t an improvement.
This was the longest Hakyeon had gone without talking to Wonshik. What was usually him blabbering on about whatever was on his mind and Wonshik chiming in at the appropriate times with a comment, laugh, or joke of his own had turned into only the most brief exchanges of asking for a spatula or where the extra sugar was put. Besides that business operated as normal, Hakyeon spending his time handling the front of the store while Wonshik baked in back. Their customers didn’t suspect a thing. If someone inquired about Wonshik, Hakyeon told them he was finishing up preparations for their big celebration the next day, which wasn’t a lie.
Hakyeon grew nervous as time drew closer to the afternoon hours, terrified that Taekwoon was going to show up and--no, he wasn’t going to think about that. He busied himself with decorating the lobby during slow periods, crossing blue and yellow streamers along the front of the display case, blowing up white balloons to hang as accents, and cutting out gold paper stars he was planning to hang from the ceiling with some string. He was hunched over the counter tracing out the five-pointed shape when the light chime of their doorbell drew his attention, “Hello! Welcome to-”
Taekwoon was standing in the doorway. Hakyeon felt his entire body go numb, certain he was frozen right to the core. Taekwoon appeared calm, albeit his shoulders being hunched more than usual. Walking up to the counter, not even addressing the other with a greeting, he abruptly ordered one of the newly added green tea cream puffs. After the fiasco yesterday, Taekwoon had spent the whole night yearning for something sweet to curb his misery and guilt. He didn’t know how the bakery couple faired out, the lifeless look on Hakyeon’s face giving him some clues already. Unable to meet Hakyeon’s gaze as he handed him money, Taekwoon hoped he wouldn’t mention how today he had visited without a green tea latte in hand. Taekwoon felt like he didn’t deserve to give Hakyeon one.
Hakyeon didn’t know whether he was glad Taekwoon didn’t bring up yesterday or not; in his mind he had a million things he could have said to Taekwoon but he couldn’t bring himself to voice any of them, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself together long enough to. So he took the money silently, eyes looking anywhere but at Taekwoon. As Taekwoon took the cream puff, barely casting Hakyeon a grateful nod, Taekwoon sat down at one of the small two-person tables. Diligently holding it up to his lips, he took the first bite, chewed, and then stopped. For the first time in nearly a year, Taekwoon actually looked repulsed. Silently standing up, he walked over to the entrance door and flipped the sign to ‘Closed’.
“Hakyeon,” Taekwoon finally spoke.Hakyeon felt a sick twisting in his stomach when Taekwoon finally addressed him, stilling from where he was rearranging some tarts and just waiting, not looking towards him.
“Go home early.”
Taekwoon didn’t think he had the authority to order him to, but judging by the lack of sugar and the completely bland taste in the cream puff, Hakyeon really needed to leave. When Hakyeon started to protest, Taekwoon cut him off, “The cream puff was awful.” That earned a surprised look on Hakyeon’s face, hurt mixed in as he shamefully looked away.
“There’s only an hour left. Everyone will understand since tomorrow is your big day,” Taekwoon finished with more gentleness. Those words seemed to work, for Hakyeon exhaled slowly and his whole body deflated like a worn out balloon. What surprised Taekwoon though, was that Hakyeon didn’t even go to the back to let Wonshik know. He must’ve been in a trance or too defeated to think Wonshik would want to see his face right now. The last thing Hakyeon wanted was to leave Taekwoon alone with Wonshik, fearing mostly for Taekwoon’s safety. He had never seen Wonshik get angry and couldn’t imagine it was something another person would live to tell about. But arguing with Taekwoon would only cause a scene and, now that he thought about it, that would be worse for Wonshik to walk into. Leaving his apron folded on the counter, Hakyeon quietly headed to the door with a mumbled, “See you later.” The store bell rang as the door slowly fell shut.
Since Taekwoon knew this was caused by his own selfish desires, he felt responsible to fix it. Clearly Hakyeon and Wonshik did not resolve anything. It was strange to think that not even 24 hours ago, Taekwoon was alone in this place with Hakyeon. He was ready to give his whole self to the luminous pastry chef. Now here he was, about to make amends with Wonshik on behalf of Hakyeon. When Taekwoon pushed the door open, Wonshik didn’t even glance his way. He did ask though, “How are things going up there?” thinking it was Hakyeon coming back to get more pastries. Wonshik was occupied with rolling out a dough. By the looks of it, he had rolled it out too many times, the poor unbaked mix flatter than a pancake.
Taekwoon cleared his throat. The way Wonshik snapped his eyes over at the unfamiliar sound caused Taekwoon to stumble back a step. There was clear hatred in Wonshik's eyes when he saw Taekwoon by the door.
“What are you doing here?” His voice took on a gravelly suspicion.
Taekwoon had to quickly remind himself that the only reason he was doing all of this was for Hakyeon. Wonshik needed to hear him out whether he wanted to or not.
“Listen, what happened yesterday…”
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