There is so much beauty in life. Regardless of everything. There is so much to love. I hope I never forget that.

Have not wanted to write in a while. Things have been tangled. Issues have been so deeply intertwined with one another that they've melted together into one steaming furnace of pain and confusion. But apparently they have yet to harden, and here I am, having been given one last chance to de-tangle my frustrations and address them individually. ( Read more... )

EFF.

I've just returned from my traditional post-Christmas Holljis household visit. One of the most joyous customs of my winter break, by far. First I walk in, usually soggy from the rain and anxious because break is nearly over and I've gained weight from all the god damn holiday parties, and I admire the tree and lights. Then Laurie gives me a hug and ( Read more... )

I hate the holidays. I hate that drinking makes you fat. I hate that Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and Hannukah functions are mostly about eating. Even though nobody ever admits to it. I hate Victoria's Secret commercials. I hate having to look hot all the time. I hate my navy blue dress from American Apparel that I only wear if I haven't eaten all ( Read more... )

Every time I hear someone say something about LA like, "Ugh, I hate it, um, it's so fake, lol, everyone sucks, omg, everyone is hott..." I die just a little bit, because there is still a part of me- that fluctuates in size and influence from day to day- that thinks I will hate it and never survive.

My life is the weirdest place. I've got just enough time for things and people here to be relevant, but not enough to start anything new or commit. I want to leave but I don't. I'm excited but I'm nervous.... Each day though, I become better and better at telling myself that I will love college. And I know it's true ( Read more... )

I don't want to go to UCLA. I don't want to go to college at all ( Read more... )

The last three weeks have changed my life.

word.

As the cliche story goes, I have traveled to a remote location and will return a smarter, better woman. Or something like that. I have six days left here, which feels like nothing at all. In reality, six days is nearly one fourth of this entire trip. It seemed like a long time going into it, but one month has never gone by so fast. I wouldn't say I ( Read more... )