Is everything gonna be fine, like before?
Warning! Please don't bother to read this if you don't want to mess up with your already-good day :)
It will be a post full of negativity and self-questioning. I'm doing this for the sake of my self; with hope that I won't end up insane. Thank you~
So it's another normal day to be honest, but probably not for my mind.
I just got back from a trip, specifically an educational trip together with few lecturers and students from my majoring.
We went to a university basically to do benchmarking (comparing our facilities/machines/equipments with the host university) and went to a power plant the next day. Well, I'm not here to exactly telling about my trip because it was not that interesting. But I have something/some thoughts that have been bothering me.
I have been realized this for awhile... It's getting hard to keep concentrating on certain things nowadays.
Some engineers were explaining stuffs and I did take note on what has has been said until at some time, my mind went blank suddenly and I felt like I was sucked into another world for no apparent reason. Usually I will only be like this if I was either tired or sleepy, but I was not at that time.
During the time when I was not mentally in this real world, I have been self-loathing myself. Negative thoughts kept playing and running and basically occupying my mind. And each time after I 'woke up' from that dimension, it always been hard for me to stay on my feet again. Getting on focus back is very hard and I realized that my study has been worse day by day.
My friend kinda pestered with me questions about the talk/seminar. She was expecting that I knew a lot more because I have been doing my internship in that expertise. But I can't help her, as expected because I didn't heard the talk very clearly. I was so occupied with these negative thoughts which somehow disturbing my whole daily life.
I don't want to ask for help (yet) because I don't think this will last long... No, hopefully it will end up soon, just like before.
Yes this isn't the first time I have been feeling like this.
Why suddenly I feel so down? Nothing bad has happened to me these past few days!?
This may be due to my nature of overthinking stuffs too but I really don't know. I wish I can fix this by myself and be a better person than the yesterday-me.
It's hard though.
Can I just live in a jungle? Socialising at this time, with this condition hurts me mentally. Talking to even my close family seems like a bother to me nowadays. I tried to escape from my family by not going back home during this mid-semester break but I'm currenlty, slowly dying inside because I still miss my family. And being with few of my close friends who didn't get back home to complete their assignments and projects were also not helping. But I can't bring myself to be alone because it will make me feel even worst, these thoughts will come and find me, and will keep bothering me even more.
Nowadays doing something that I love like playing keyboards or making a beat/rhythm (not even a complete song) can't make me feel good anymore. Swimming doesn't cure me neither.
I even went for a short walk during the night time, on the nearby beach during my trip but to no avail.
Do I need a medication help to clear up my mind?
I wonder if I'll be fine or is it too much for asking my old me, if I ever actually have one?
I don't even know what is the point of me writing this but I wan't to try because some people claimed that writing will make you feel better. Let's see....
Please proceed with your life happily and don't let this entry disturb your life. :D
It will be a post full of negativity and self-questioning. I'm doing this for the sake of my self; with hope that I won't end up insane. Thank you~
So it's another normal day to be honest, but probably not for my mind.
I just got back from a trip, specifically an educational trip together with few lecturers and students from my majoring.
We went to a university basically to do benchmarking (comparing our facilities/machines/equipments with the host university) and went to a power plant the next day. Well, I'm not here to exactly telling about my trip because it was not that interesting. But I have something/some thoughts that have been bothering me.
I have been realized this for awhile... It's getting hard to keep concentrating on certain things nowadays.
Some engineers were explaining stuffs and I did take note on what has has been said until at some time, my mind went blank suddenly and I felt like I was sucked into another world for no apparent reason. Usually I will only be like this if I was either tired or sleepy, but I was not at that time.
During the time when I was not mentally in this real world, I have been self-loathing myself. Negative thoughts kept playing and running and basically occupying my mind. And each time after I 'woke up' from that dimension, it always been hard for me to stay on my feet again. Getting on focus back is very hard and I realized that my study has been worse day by day.
My friend kinda pestered with me questions about the talk/seminar. She was expecting that I knew a lot more because I have been doing my internship in that expertise. But I can't help her, as expected because I didn't heard the talk very clearly. I was so occupied with these negative thoughts which somehow disturbing my whole daily life.
I don't want to ask for help (yet) because I don't think this will last long... No, hopefully it will end up soon, just like before.
Yes this isn't the first time I have been feeling like this.
Why suddenly I feel so down? Nothing bad has happened to me these past few days!?
This may be due to my nature of overthinking stuffs too but I really don't know. I wish I can fix this by myself and be a better person than the yesterday-me.
It's hard though.
Can I just live in a jungle? Socialising at this time, with this condition hurts me mentally. Talking to even my close family seems like a bother to me nowadays. I tried to escape from my family by not going back home during this mid-semester break but I'm currenlty, slowly dying inside because I still miss my family. And being with few of my close friends who didn't get back home to complete their assignments and projects were also not helping. But I can't bring myself to be alone because it will make me feel even worst, these thoughts will come and find me, and will keep bothering me even more.
Nowadays doing something that I love like playing keyboards or making a beat/rhythm (not even a complete song) can't make me feel good anymore. Swimming doesn't cure me neither.
I even went for a short walk during the night time, on the nearby beach during my trip but to no avail.
Do I need a medication help to clear up my mind?
I wonder if I'll be fine or is it too much for asking my old me, if I ever actually have one?
I don't even know what is the point of me writing this but I wan't to try because some people claimed that writing will make you feel better. Let's see....
Please proceed with your life happily and don't let this entry disturb your life. :D